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inchargeinca -> RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex (5/28/2013 8:55:32 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Greta75
Seriously..., I had the most awesome sexual marathon over the weekend with a vanilla man, it was non-stop vanilla sex for 3 days, only taking breaks when we fall asleep or need to eat. We couldn't get enough of each other, and by the end of it, I was in tears and overwhelmed with all the emotions I felt, because he treated me so preciously. Instead of being called "slut", "whore", I was praised to high heaven about how perfect every part of my body was, and how beautiful and precious I was.
And it was an emotional and moving experience, I felt we somehow spiritually connected as well.
But.... despite how wonderful it was...., and I admit I had to imagine he was raping me and using me as slut to get even more off on the whole experience. His totally vanilla, he refuse to use any derogatory words, cause any pain, even though I told him he should and could and I enjoy it. He said he doesn't believe in treating women that way.
I know this board always have experience timers saying vanilla sex and bdsm sex is exactly the same thing. One isn't necessarily deeper. But I don't understand how could it not be?
Despite how wonderful this was, it still is not near the earth shattering moments, soul wrecking moments of a full D/S scene, where I was degraded, treated like slut.
And the vulnerability involved in a D/S scene just adds so much depth to the whole experience and sensations, it's like soul deep.
I do feel a D/S experience is just so much more intimate, so much more baring of souls and giving everything, it just feels alot more intimate than a vanilla session.
What works for you works for you. But don't think your experience is everyone's experience.
I've been in relationships where the sex was pure kink, and relationships where it was pure vanilla. I've been in relationships where it was sometimes kink and sometimes vanilla.
All parts of the spectrum have pros and cons.
I find your overall attitude too black and white. I don't necessarily think there is a clean line between vanilla and BDSM. I think a BDSM session can be deep or superficial. So can a vanilla session. But, no, I don't think BDSM is inherently more soul-bearing than vanilla sex.
The sexual activitiy (whether kink or vanilla or inbetween) is less important in creating a sense of deepness for me than the relationship and energy I have with someone.
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