RE: Findom Problems (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: Findom Problems (5/30/2013 9:58:32 PM)

Not to sound snarky, but I still think you are in the wrong section. I'd have thought "Scene Related Links" would have been more appropriate. I don't think personal blogs are "General BDSM" discussion, even if they are about a kink topic.

You can get the duplicate thread in Ask A Mistress removed by writing a Mod and requesting the action be taken, rather than have folks reporting the stuff.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Findom Problems (5/30/2013 10:00:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen

I apologize in advance for the double-post - I originally posted this in the wrong section ('Ask a Mistress'), and I can't figure out how to delete it.

I'm not sure if anybody cares about this sort of thing, but I made a new blog on Tumblr called 'Findom Problems' - basically, each photo depicts a problem that FinDommes (and Dommes in general) experience during the course of their normal D/s day. It's meant to be funny and relatable to Dommes everywhere, but it's also meant as a way for us be able to air our grievances, support one another, and offer advice. I would really love it if, for those of you who run Tumblr blogs as well, you would consider making some submissions to the page, so that I can represent a wider range of experiences; at this point, the only point of view being expressed is my own. Here's the link:

http://findomproblems.tumblr.com/

Thank you!


This is a joke, right?

I mean, seriously...

Your profile, your site, your posts... you're a findomme hater trying to parody them to make fun of how stupid you they they are, right?

It must be... all of it's one giant joke.



SeverinVim -> RE: Findom Problems (5/30/2013 10:06:21 PM)


quote:

No one else is jaded? But, I gotta tell you, if a man demanded I tribute him to prove I am serious... I do believe I would be laughing into the next month, or two. And I only see this from findommes. There is a certain amount of exploitation that goes with the territory.



I agree that there is a certain amount of exploitation that goes with the territory. However, who is exploiting whom? Believe it or not, some of these men have a lot of money to burn, and this whole thing is a rather...inconsequential affair to them; a tribute is nothing to them and everything to the FinDom trying to find a way to make ends meet.

What about the men who want to talk dirty about...very inappropriate things? What about the men who show no respect or consideration to the women they are paying? Any FinDom will tell you that MOST prospective FinSubs have their hands on their penises before they even type a single word.

But yes, there are FinDoms that ARE exploiting men, too. Not all, but some. Sometimes it's mutual exploitation. Weird concept, right?

And, yes, sometimes, I truly believe, neither side is exploiting the other. There are a lot of possibilities here.

quote:

Let me ask you this. What should a male sub do if he isnt satisfied with the performance of the domme he tributed too? No one seems to talk about that aspect. I have also seen women say on their profiles about tributing just to see them on cam. Really? That always makes me giggle.

I also hear stories of male subs getting ripped off as well. They tribute, and the domme never shows up again. At least not under the nic the tributing sub knows.


Good point. That is a problem. A Finsub has little recourse when he isn't satisfied, such as when he is lied to. What can he do? I've been in this situation many times.

quote:

Dont you think getting to know someone better would seed out just as many time wasters? if all a man is seeking is sexual relief.. and a findomme wants to talk about life in general to get to know the sub, how long is he gonna stick around?
A Finsub looking to get off for free is CERTAINLY going to stick around as long as he possibly can. You really think he's going to leave because the Findomme is talking about "her life in general"? Look, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with getting off for free, but if a man is claiming to be a "FinSub" that is ready to tribute so that he can get a free wank out of the "idea" of actually spending money (and not the reality of it)? Yeah, there is something dishonest in that, sorry. There is an element of exploitation there, too.

quote:

And this is something I have huge issues with. So a male sub has to pay a female domme to spend time to get to know each other. Which tells me one of two things.... either its all about the sex and the male sub simply wants to get off and doesnt care who its with...or the it IS all about the money for the findomme and she could care less about the "relationship" aspect of domination.
But what you're saying strikes at the heart of financial domination. This is what you consider illegitimate about it. You're suggesting that the money aspect would negate any pretense of intimacy. But not necessarily.

For example, when I used to attend munches, often people would look askance when I told them that I was once a FinSub. "What?!?!?!? that's so fake!!!!"

But...really? Giving someone much of your income for a substantial period of time...I'm not sure how much more "real" domination could get?

To me, it's certainly more "real" than knife play or rope play, for example, but different strokes for different folks. All I know is that the domination I received was real, and often there was intimacy that came with it (and sometimes there wasn't, just like any other form of power exchange).



Itsthetruth -> RE: Findom Problems (5/30/2013 10:20:46 PM)

Welcome to Collarme. Where women want cash and the guys want ass



tazzygirl -> RE: Findom Problems (5/30/2013 10:21:37 PM)

quote:

But what you're saying strikes at the heart of financial domination. This is what you consider illegitimate about it. You're suggesting that the money aspect would negate any pretense of intimacy. But not necessarily.


Not at all. What I am saying is that is how its presented in many cases I have witnessed. I have seen findommes blatantly state.. no money, no time... dont waste my time if you cant afford to give me my tribute.... We are speaking of the on line relationships.

quote:

For example, when I used to attend munches, often people would look askance when I told them that I was once a FinSub. "What?!?!?!? that's so fake!!!!"


And I would be asking you the same questions I am now. I never said it was fake. There are men and women who seek out this sort of arrangement. But there is a trade off for the rest of us. men who get used to this way of life tend to believe every woman should be heavily into it. Women start to expect that they will get paid simply to smile or put on lipstick and get offended when no one wants to pay for the glory of watching.

It IS their kink. But its not my kink. However, when I am pulled into that kink merely by being in the general area of others who expect that to be my kink, or that I must accept all kinks, then I get pissed off. And, frankly, I am not very nice when people try to foce their kinks into my life.

quote:

But...really? Giving someone much of your income for a substantial period of time...I'm not sure how much more "real" domination could get?


Kneeling before someone. Actually serving someone. Being a useful part of someone's life. Sharing their life. Sharing their hopes and dreams. Dont get me wrong, I love a great mind fuck.. and I adore a man who can find a way into my head and leave me panting for more. But Im not going to pay for the privilege of letting him get there.

I have no issue with helping the finances of the dominant I am with. But thats my own personal thing. There are subs/slaves who feel a man/woman dominant should support them completely.

Im not sure what your experience with "real dominantion" is... but on line isnt it for me.

quote:

To me, it's certainly more "real" than knife play or rope play, for example, but different strokes for different folks. All I know is that the domination I received was real, and often there was intimacy that came with it (and sometimes there wasn't, just like any other form of power exchange).


More "real" than knowing your submissive better than they know themselves? Knowing them intimately enough to know that if you tie the rope, then tug a certain way, the sub is left in a writhing mass of pleasure or pain? More real than the understanding that the knife could, at any moment, in the subs mind, slice into the flesh and the only thing stopping that from happening is the dominant actually holding it against the subs flesh?

We definitely have a different definition of what real is. My reality doesnt begin with his need for a new pair of boots.



tazzygirl -> RE: Findom Problems (5/30/2013 10:48:16 PM)

1
archaic : purposeful activity : busyness
2
a : role, function <how the human mind went about its business of learning — H. A. Overstreet>
b : an immediate task or objective : mission <what is your business here>
c : a particular field of endeavor <the best in the business>
3
a : a usually commercial or mercantile activity engaged in as a means of livelihood : trade, line <in the restaurant business>
b : a commercial or sometimes an industrial enterprise; also : such enterprises <the business district>
c : dealings or transactions especially of an economic nature : patronage <took their business elsewhere>
4
: affair, matter <the whole business got out of hand> <business as usual>
5
: creation, concoction
6
: movement or action (as lighting a cigarette) by an actor intended especially to establish atmosphere, reveal character, or explain a situation —called also stage business
7
a : personal concern <none of your business>
b : right <you have no business speaking to me that way>
8
a : serious activity requiring time and effort and usually the avoidance of distractions <got down to business>
b : maximum effort
9
a : a damaging assault
b : rebuke, tongue-lashing
c : double cross
10
: a bowel movement —used especially of pets
See business defined for English-language learners »
See business defined for kids »

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/business


If we are going with definitions......



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Findom Problems (5/30/2013 11:11:10 PM)

~FRing it~

Oh just what the place needs...yet another FinDomme thread [8|]

I personally don't care one way or the other what two people do. To each their own. What I do have a problem with is people pushing their dynamic off on me by posting a link to some picture blog all bearing "FinDom Problems" and then telling me its a place for all of us domme types to share our experiences in our day to day D/s life.

I may have 99 problems just like Jay Z, but pay piggie/human ATM aren't part of that.

I wonder if its too much of a problem to warrant a cutesy picture blog complaining about it, why bother doing that shit if its not pivotal?



Charles6682 -> RE: Findom Problems (5/30/2013 11:54:50 PM)

I do understand what everyone is saying about Fin-Domination. Its not my thing and I use to have similar compaints because there are a lot of girls on here who do abuse the system.

With that all said, I(just saying me personally) need to accept other people's lifestyle and kinks,even if it's not something I am into. As long as nothing illegal is being done and it doesn't affect me personally,then I see nothing wrong with it.If I want other people in society to accept me for who I am, then I need to learn to be more tolerate of other people's kink.

I'm sure a lot of people in here don't like it when "vanilla" people make wrongful assumptions. I don't think I even need to repeat some of the things people out in society would say about this way of life,even though those of us who haved lived it know they aren't true.Charity begins at home.



tazzygirl -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 12:13:00 AM)

quote:

With that all said, I(just saying me personally) need to accept other people's lifestyle and kinks,even if it's not something I am into. As long as nothing illegal is being done and it doesn't affect me personally,then I see nothing wrong with it.If I want other people in society to accept me for who I am, then I need to learn to be more tolerate of other people's kink.


Take a stroll into video chat and see how many women hit you up in private for tributes. Watch the trolls work the room asking girls to "dom" them when the girls are submissive. Then come back here and tell me it doesnt affect them or you.



Charles6682 -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 12:28:55 AM)

I do understand what your saying Tazzy and I am sure that happens more often than not.Me personally its not my kink. I prefer real time. I'm just saying I am sure there does have to be some true genuine Fin-Dommes that don't fit that stereotype. That's all I'm saying.



tazzygirl -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 12:30:13 AM)

I know there are. And they get raked over the coals because of the bad seeds who use it to exploit people.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 2:57:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen

I apologize in advance for the double-post - I originally posted this in the wrong section ('Ask a Mistress'), and I can't figure out how to delete it.

I'm not sure if anybody cares about this sort of thing, but I made a new blog on Tumblr called 'Findom Problems' - basically, each photo depicts a problem that FinDommes (and Dommes in general) experience during the course of their normal D/s day. It's meant to be funny and relatable to Dommes everywhere, but it's also meant as a way for us be able to air our grievances, support one another, and offer advice. I would really love it if, for those of you who run Tumblr blogs as well, you would consider making some submissions to the page, so that I can represent a wider range of experiences; at this point, the only point of view being expressed is my own. Here's the link:

http://findomproblems.tumblr.com/

Thank you!



OK, well since the blog is the topic brought up for discussion, I'm going to discuss that and not the legitimacy of findommes or whether or not this is advertising.

I have to say... I didn't really like it. There just didn't seem to be much to it. The complaints are all the same ones I have heard many times before, and they weren't phrased in a particularly original or witty way. I didn't feel that it provoked any reaction in me - it didn't make me laugh, or think, or sympathise. And the background images you've used are all very generic, and don't add at all to the text.

I think for something like this to work, you have to find a fresh angle to come from. The reason that a lot of comedians are successful is because they take things we are all familiar with and make us look at them in a surprising or novel way. They point out the absurdities of life and human interaction in such a way that makes the audience say 'that's true! I never thought of it that way!' It needs to be more than a list of gripes if you want people to laugh. In this medium you can use pictures as well as words, and the interaction between the image and the text can also say something; for example 'time wasters' is so bland and generic it is fairly meaningless, but could be amusing or thought provoking if paired skilfully with the right image. As a side note, some of your comments are actually two complaints rolled into one, which makes them lose the impact of the list you are going for.

As for support and advice - I haven't much experience with tumblr type blogs but they don't seem to foster much in the way of back-and-forth conversation as would be needed for a supportive atmosphere. I think some type of forum would work better for that but I might be missing some key feature of tumblr here.

I don't mean to sound negative, I am trying to provide you with specific areas which I think could use improvement and I'm going to assume you are open to constructive criticism since you posted it here. I am not against the idea in theory - I've read some really entertaining pro-domme blogs and I'm sure a fin-domme version could be just as good. What made those blogs successful though was that they said something more than just the same complaints which feature in every findomme profile on collar me. Some of them discussed the mechanics of negotiations, set ups and relationships (informative). Some of them had witty insights into the quirks of the business and their customers (amusing). Some of them had little insights into daily frustrations - along the lines of putting a lot of work into a specific scene or acquiring equipment for something that fell through (interesting). And perhaps most importantly, they let their human side show. Rather than just 'people waste my time' they included things about their own worries, concerns, difficulties, and enjoyments. They were relatable as people.

TL;DR -- your blog is just rehashing what we've heard a million times and needs to be more original in phrasing and content.


edit for typos



LafayetteLady -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 6:42:53 AM)

You've already admitted in another thread you haven't got experience in this area. Yet you think you know enough to start a blog about it?

I wouldn't want to be your domme. However, you getting some experience before starting to tell others about the problems/solutions might be wise on your part.

Of course, since you think you have this whole thing figured out, you don't think you need some actual real time experience to tell others how it works.

Honestly, you need to get a grip on reality.

Oh, and I'm not the only one who has an issue with you and your blog being in this thread. I was just the first.




Hollyucinogen -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 1:15:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen

I apologize in advance for the double-post - I originally posted this in the wrong section ('Ask a Mistress'), and I can't figure out how to delete it.

I'm not sure if anybody cares about this sort of thing, but I made a new blog on Tumblr called 'Findom Problems' - basically, each photo depicts a problem that FinDommes (and Dommes in general) experience during the course of their normal D/s day. It's meant to be funny and relatable to Dommes everywhere, but it's also meant as a way for us be able to air our grievances, support one another, and offer advice. I would really love it if, for those of you who run Tumblr blogs as well, you would consider making some submissions to the page, so that I can represent a wider range of experiences; at this point, the only point of view being expressed is my own. Here's the link:

http://findomproblems.tumblr.com/

Thank you!



OK, well since the blog is the topic brought up for discussion, I'm going to discuss that and not the legitimacy of findommes or whether or not this is advertising.

I have to say... I didn't really like it. There just didn't seem to be much to it. The complaints are all the same ones I have heard many times before, and they weren't phrased in a particularly original or witty way. I didn't feel that it provoked any reaction in me - it didn't make me laugh, or think, or sympathise. And the background images you've used are all very generic, and don't add at all to the text.

I think for something like this to work, you have to find a fresh angle to come from. The reason that a lot of comedians are successful is because they take things we are all familiar with and make us look at them in a surprising or novel way. They point out the absurdities of life and human interaction in such a way that makes the audience say 'that's true! I never thought of it that way!' It needs to be more than a list of gripes if you want people to laugh. In this medium you can use pictures as well as words, and the interaction between the image and the text can also say something; for example 'time wasters' is so bland and generic it is fairly meaningless, but could be amusing or thought provoking if paired skilfully with the right image. As a side note, some of your comments are actually two complaints rolled into one, which makes them lose the impact of the list you are going for.

As for support and advice - I haven't much experience with tumblr type blogs but they don't seem to foster much in the way of back-and-forth conversation as would be needed for a supportive atmosphere. I think some type of forum would work better for that but I might be missing some key feature of tumblr here.

I don't mean to sound negative, I am trying to provide you with specific areas which I think could use improvement and I'm going to assume you are open to constructive criticism since you posted it here. I am not against the idea in theory - I've read some really entertaining pro-domme blogs and I'm sure a fin-domme version could be just as good. What made those blogs successful though was that they said something more than just the same complaints which feature in every findomme profile on collar me. Some of them discussed the mechanics of negotiations, set ups and relationships (informative). Some of them had witty insights into the quirks of the business and their customers (amusing). Some of them had little insights into daily frustrations - along the lines of putting a lot of work into a specific scene or acquiring equipment for something that fell through (interesting). And perhaps most importantly, they let their human side show. Rather than just 'people waste my time' they included things about their own worries, concerns, difficulties, and enjoyments. They were relatable as people.

TL;DR -- your blog is just rehashing what we've heard a million times and needs to be more original in phrasing and content.


edit for typos


Thank you for your input, I think you're probably right about most of it. The reason I was posting it on here was because I was hoping to get a more complete picture of what it's like to be a Domme or FinDomme, as opposed to just my own experiences; hopefully what it offers will be richer over time because of other peoples' input.



Hollyucinogen -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 1:17:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

You've already admitted in another thread you haven't got experience in this area. Yet you think you know enough to start a blog about it?

I wouldn't want to be your domme. However, you getting some experience before starting to tell others about the problems/solutions might be wise on your part.

Of course, since you think you have this whole thing figured out, you don't think you need some actual real time experience to tell others how it works.

Honestly, you need to get a grip on reality.

Oh, and I'm not the only one who has an issue with you and your blog being in this thread. I was just the first.




Aaaand there you go again trying to tell me what I am and am not based on your own prejudices and false information. You literally just said, "Stop trying to tell people how to do stuff BECUZ UR NOT EXPERIENCED!!! OH N I BET U DONT EVEN DO REALTIME EITHER!!!11". Please point out where I EVER said or implied that I was trying to direct people how to be the "proper" Domme, or where I said that I look down on realtime.

Start reading what I'm saying and stop reading what you WANT me to be saying to support your own ridiculous and offensive prejudices.



VideoAdminRho -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 1:37:01 PM)

This thread is now in Ask A Mistress



TNDommeK -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 2:14:34 PM)

Charles, there is a difference between a pro and fin. Not sure if you knew but just wanted to clarify.
Severin, I completely agree about the jaded part but, I have had a different experience as far as fin subs go. I've had several who have tributes large amounts to get to know me. But I have also gotten to know beforehand as well. What if we aren't compatible? People fail to realize there is a D/s relationship in there too. I think they (general use) just all scream WITCH!! before they know anything. But I can say I agree half the time. Because its usually the 18 year old fuck yards who swear they are fin dommes but have no clue what a W-2 is or a 401K.

Op, I haven't checked you out yet, I will. A quick welcome anyway.
Ok checked out your link, cute pics, I like.



LafayetteLady -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 4:14:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

You've already admitted in another thread you haven't got experience in this area. Yet you think you know enough to start a blog about it?

I wouldn't want to be your domme. However, you getting some experience before starting to tell others about the problems/solutions might be wise on your part.

Of course, since you think you have this whole thing figured out, you don't think you need some actual real time experience to tell others how it works.

Honestly, you need to get a grip on reality.

Oh, and I'm not the only one who has an issue with you and your blog being in this thread. I was just the first.




Aaaand there you go again trying to tell me what I am and am not based on your own prejudices and false information. You literally just said, "Stop trying to tell people how to do stuff BECUZ UR NOT EXPERIENCED!!! OH N I BET U DONT EVEN DO REALTIME EITHER!!!11". Please point out where I EVER said or implied that I was trying to direct people how to be the "proper" Domme, or where I said that I look down on realtime.

Start reading what I'm saying and stop reading what you WANT me to be saying to support your own ridiculous and offensive prejudices.



Do you understand the meaning of "literal?" YOU are the one, who in the post where you asked what you can do to subs BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, AND WERE NEW TO THIS. That says you are inexperienced. I would love for you to try to find one place where I said anything about online vs. real time to you. I specifically left it out. A very conscious decision.

So please, re-evaluate your reading and comprehension skills. They need as much work as your blog does.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Findom Problems (5/31/2013 4:17:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen
The reason I was posting it on here was because I was hoping to get a more complete picture of what it's like to be a Domme or FinDomme, as opposed to just my own experiences; hopefully what it offers will be richer over time because of other peoples' input.

Read this.

http://www.collarchat.com/searchpro.asp?phrase=&author=HypnoticPrincess&forumid=ALL&topicreply=both&message=body&timeframe=%3E&timefilter=0&language=single&top=300&criteria=AND&minRank=0&sortMethod=d&submitbutton=+OK+



AllisonWilder -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 12:58:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I am alittle curious to that question too Tazzy. What exactly is it that a Fin-Domme gets out of it,besides the money,of course? If Fin-Domme is just another word for "Pro-Domme",then why not just call yourselves that? Just know,I ask these questions in a compassionate way because I am curious what keeps this fetish going,besides the money.


Control keeps it going.


I can't speak for anyone but myself, but money exchanging hands is such a small part of what FD really is. I have a boy who I take so little from that it likely wouldn't cover the check for two people to eat a meal in a casual restaurant twice a month. Somewhere in the beginning, he wrote out a list for me to see everything he earns, what's in his bank account, everything he spends money on (bills, necessities, entertainment, etc.) and I tell him what to do with it. If he wants so much as a pack of gum, he needs my permission first. The rest of our relationship is typical of any other D/s relationship. (I'm reluctant to say 'typical' because no relationship is the same as everyone has different wants/needs, but I can't think of a better word at the moment.)

I can't call myself a pro-domme because I feel that would be disrespectful to the women that do this for a living. I'm no pro, I'm just a kinky chick with (among others) a fetish for financial control.



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