RE: Findom Problems

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Charles6682 -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 1:27:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 I am alittle curious to that question too Tazzy. What exactly is it that a Fin-Domme gets out of it,besides the money,of course? If Fin-Domme is just another word for "Pro-Domme",then why not just call yourselves that? Just know,I ask these questions in a compassionate way because I am curious what keeps this fetish going,besides the money. Control keeps it going. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but money exchanging hands is such a small part of what FD really is. I have a boy who I take so little from that it likely wouldn't cover the check for two people to eat a meal in a casual restaurant twice a month. Somewhere in the beginning, he wrote out a list for me to see everything he earns, what's in his bank account, everything he spends money on (bills, necessities, entertainment, etc.) and I tell him what to do with it. If he wants so much as a pack of gum, he needs my permission first. The rest of our relationship is typical of any other D/s relationship. (I'm reluctant to say 'typical' because no relationship is the same as everyone has different wants/needs, but I can't think of a better word at the moment.) I can't call myself a pro-domme because I feel that would be disrespectful to the women that do this for a living. I'm no pro, I'm just a kinky chick with (among others) a fetish for financial control. I can certainly understand the "control" factor. I wonder if some male subs seek a certain type of "Fin-Domme" to help them "manage" their money? Shoot,I could see where even I could benefit from something like that if that was the arrangement that was made. Having ADD,I do tend to misplace or lose things. Like my Drivers License earlier yesterday. I really needed it and I misplaced it,so I had to go down to the local DMV to get a copy. I would lose my head sometimes if it wasn't attached to my body.

AllisonWilder -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 1:54:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 quote: ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 I am alittle curious to that question too Tazzy. What exactly is it that a Fin-Domme gets out of it,besides the money,of course? If Fin-Domme is just another word for "Pro-Domme",then why not just call yourselves that? Just know,I ask these questions in a compassionate way because I am curious what keeps this fetish going,besides the money. Control keeps it going. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but money exchanging hands is such a small part of what FD really is. I have a boy who I take so little from that it likely wouldn't cover the check for two people to eat a meal in a casual restaurant twice a month. Somewhere in the beginning, he wrote out a list for me to see everything he earns, what's in his bank account, everything he spends money on (bills, necessities, entertainment, etc.) and I tell him what to do with it. If he wants so much as a pack of gum, he needs my permission first. The rest of our relationship is typical of any other D/s relationship. (I'm reluctant to say 'typical' because no relationship is the same as everyone has different wants/needs, but I can't think of a better word at the moment.) I can't call myself a pro-domme because I feel that would be disrespectful to the women that do this for a living. I'm no pro, I'm just a kinky chick with (among others) a fetish for financial control. I can certainly understand the "control" factor. I wonder if some male subs seek a certain type of "Fin-Domme" to help them "manage" their money? Shoot,I could see where even I could benefit from something like that if that was the arrangement that was made. Having ADD,I do tend to misplace or lose things. Like my Drivers License earlier yesterday. I really needed it and I misplaced it,so I had to go down to the local DMV to get a copy. I would lose my head sometimes if it wasn't attached to my body. Lots of people could benefit from it, lots of people have financial managers, etc., which is sort of how I see myself. I don't want to go into the finance industry for a living, but I very much enjoy my version of financial domination.

Charles6682 -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 2:08:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 quote: ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 I am alittle curious to that question too Tazzy. What exactly is it that a Fin-Domme gets out of it,besides the money,of course? If Fin-Domme is just another word for "Pro-Domme",then why not just call yourselves that? Just know,I ask these questions in a compassionate way because I am curious what keeps this fetish going,besides the money. Control keeps it going. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but money exchanging hands is such a small part of what FD really is. I have a boy who I take so little from that it likely wouldn't cover the check for two people to eat a meal in a casual restaurant twice a month. Somewhere in the beginning, he wrote out a list for me to see everything he earns, what's in his bank account, everything he spends money on (bills, necessities, entertainment, etc.) and I tell him what to do with it. If he wants so much as a pack of gum, he needs my permission first. The rest of our relationship is typical of any other D/s relationship. (I'm reluctant to say 'typical' because no relationship is the same as everyone has different wants/needs, but I can't think of a better word at the moment.) I can't call myself a pro-domme because I feel that would be disrespectful to the women that do this for a living. I'm no pro, I'm just a kinky chick with (among others) a fetish for financial control. I can certainly understand the "control" factor. I wonder if some male subs seek a certain type of "Fin-Domme" to help them "manage" their money? Shoot,I could see where even I could benefit from something like that if that was the arrangement that was made. Having ADD,I do tend to misplace or lose things. Like my Drivers License earlier yesterday. I really needed it and I misplaced it,so I had to go down to the local DMV to get a copy. I would lose my head sometimes if it wasn't attached to my body. Lots of people could benefit from it, lots of people have financial managers, etc., which is sort of how I see myself. I don't want to go into the finance industry for a living, but I very much enjoy my version of financial domination. I can certainly respect that.Your right,alot of people do have financial managers. Some people just can't handle having too much money. I've known drug addicts in recovery who intentionally give their money to someone they trust,because they are afraid they may start getting urges and want to get high.If they don't have the money,they can't get their fix. I'm just using that as one example.

evesgrden -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 5:03:03 AM)
If you (generic) are holding yourself out as a financial advisor or manager, you had best have credentials, and more importantly insurance. You can give advice about anything in a generic fashion like a newletter or blog, but once you personalize consult for someone and receive any form compensation you are most certainly opening yourself up to litigation if the advice doesn't work out (or your customer gets pissed off). In some states it's a protected profession so practicing without a license can result in criminal charges too if I'm not mistaken.

AllisonWilder -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 5:04:07 AM)
It's not that the boys that I've taken on at any point couldn't handle their finances, because they have no issues regarding spending, they make good money, have great jobs, etc., it's just that their kink is to have someone dominate them, finances included, same as mine. There's way more going on than just money-control. :) Now, I'm not saying that people that have impulse issues are stupid, but I appreciate intelligence in my subs and quite honestly, if I didn't think that my boys couldn't manage money on their own, it's unlikely that I'd take them on at all. Nobody wants to be with someone that can't handle themselves properly.

AllisonWilder -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 5:12:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: evesgrden If you (generic) are holding yourself out as a financial advisor or manager, you had best have credentials, and more importantly insurance. You can give advice about anything in a generic fashion like a newletter or blog, but once you personalize consult for someone and receive any form compensation you are most certainly opening yourself up to litigation if the advice doesn't work out (or your customer gets pissed off). In some states it's a protected profession so practicing without a license can result in criminal charges too if I'm not mistaken. I know this wasn't directed (entirely) at me, but I'm absolutely not holding myself out as a financial manager. I don't have 'customers' to advise and this is not my profession. I don't do consultations, I tell my boy what to do with his money and make him ask permission for all things beyond bills, basic necessities and (obviously) emergencies. I build long-term relationships (real-time) with a select few boys (2, at the moment).

OsideGirl -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 9:06:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen basically, each photo depicts a problem that FinDommes (and Dommes in general) experience during the course of their normal D/s day. It's meant to be funny and relatable to Dommes everywhere, but it's also meant as a way for us be able to air our grievances, support one another, and offer advice. Unfortunately, the effect it has is not what you desire. It paints you as negative and whiney. You somehow think that the "problems" you're experiencing are "more than" what everyone else here experiences. Honestly, you only do online stuff, so if anything your problems are less. Female subs get guys that think being an asshole means they're dominant. That think submissive women should just submit to everybody who claims to be dominant. That think it's okay to call us sluts and whores. That it's okay to say comepletely inappropriate things. That think submissive women are stupid and easy. Hell, there was one profile on the other side that said he believed that all women should be raped to death. And that's just the stuff we deal with online.... If we posted all the bad crap in our profiles, it would become the image of who we are. In that vein, I firmly believe that if you're posting demands, complaints and hoops to be jumped through in your profile, you're doing yourself a disservice. Even more so if you're labeling yourself as Dominant. As a Dominant, I expect you to have more control and not lash out at an entire group including innocents to vent your frustrations.

tazzygirl -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 9:31:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 I am alittle curious to that question too Tazzy. What exactly is it that a Fin-Domme gets out of it,besides the money,of course? If Fin-Domme is just another word for "Pro-Domme",then why not just call yourselves that? Just know,I ask these questions in a compassionate way because I am curious what keeps this fetish going,besides the money. Control keeps it going. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but money exchanging hands is such a small part of what FD really is. I have a boy who I take so little from that it likely wouldn't cover the check for two people to eat a meal in a casual restaurant twice a month. Somewhere in the beginning, he wrote out a list for me to see everything he earns, what's in his bank account, everything he spends money on (bills, necessities, entertainment, etc.) and I tell him what to do with it. If he wants so much as a pack of gum, he needs my permission first. The rest of our relationship is typical of any other D/s relationship. (I'm reluctant to say 'typical' because no relationship is the same as everyone has different wants/needs, but I can't think of a better word at the moment.) I can't call myself a pro-domme because I feel that would be disrespectful to the women that do this for a living. I'm no pro, I'm just a kinky chick with (among others) a fetish for financial control. Thank you! This has always been my understanding of what a Financial Dominant is about, more or less. However, to me, its not that much different than my other relationships. The dominant has always controlled the money.

garyFLR -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 9:47:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682\ I've been on Collarme for years and I just now figured out how to put other peoples "quotes" in that little box.Just hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner of the post.The "Quote" button should be between the "Fwd" button and the "Reply" button. AHHH, WHY DIDN'T I FIGURE THIS OUT BEFORE?! THE BUTTON IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm terrible with technology as well. Me too [:)].

TNDommeK -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 3:29:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl quote: ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 I am alittle curious to that question too Tazzy. What exactly is it that a Fin-Domme gets out of it,besides the money,of course? If Fin-Domme is just another word for "Pro-Domme",then why not just call yourselves that? Just know,I ask these questions in a compassionate way because I am curious what keeps this fetish going,besides the money. Control keeps it going. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but money exchanging hands is such a small part of what FD really is. I have a boy who I take so little from that it likely wouldn't cover the check for two people to eat a meal in a casual restaurant twice a month. Somewhere in the beginning, he wrote out a list for me to see everything he earns, what's in his bank account, everything he spends money on (bills, necessities, entertainment, etc.) and I tell him what to do with it. If he wants so much as a pack of gum, he needs my permission first. The rest of our relationship is typical of any other D/s relationship. (I'm reluctant to say 'typical' because no relationship is the same as everyone has different wants/needs, but I can't think of a better word at the moment.) I can't call myself a pro-domme because I feel that would be disrespectful to the women that do this for a living. I'm no pro, I'm just a kinky chick with (among others) a fetish for financial control. Thank you! This has always been my understanding of what a Financial Dominant is about, more or less. However, to me, its not that much different than my other relationships. The dominant has always controlled the money. That is the argument we try to explain when attempting to show the difference between us and the duck mouthed gals.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 8:37:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNDommeK That is the argument we try to explain when attempting to show the difference between us and the duck mouthed gals. I think the problem though, is that usually the dommes that are complaining typically ARE the duck mouthed gals (even if they managed to not post that kind of picture). Do you deny that the duck mouthed (using your term) "findommes" far outnumber the findommes like yourself?

AllisonWilder -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 9:10:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: TNDommeK That is the argument we try to explain when attempting to show the difference between us and the duck mouthed gals. I think the problem though, is that usually the dommes that are complaining typically ARE the duck mouthed gals (even if they managed to not post that kind of picture). Do you deny that the duck mouthed (using your term) "findommes" far outnumber the findommes like yourself? They certainly do. We all have a place here, though. If there wasn't a demand for the bratty domme, there wouldn't be so many.

Charles6682 -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 9:38:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 quote: ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 quote: ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 I am alittle curious to that question too Tazzy. What exactly is it that a Fin-Domme gets out of it,besides the money,of course? If Fin-Domme is just another word for "Pro-Domme",then why not just call yourselves that? Just know,I ask these questions in a compassionate way because I am curious what keeps this fetish going,besides the money. Control keeps it going. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but money exchanging hands is such a small part of what FD really is. I have a boy who I take so little from that it likely wouldn't cover the check for two people to eat a meal in a casual restaurant twice a month. Somewhere in the beginning, he wrote out a list for me to see everything he earns, what's in his bank account, everything he spends money on (bills, necessities, entertainment, etc.) and I tell him what to do with it. If he wants so much as a pack of gum, he needs my permission first. The rest of our relationship is typical of any other D/s relationship. (I'm reluctant to say 'typical' because no relationship is the same as everyone has different wants/needs, but I can't think of a better word at the moment.) I can't call myself a pro-domme because I feel that would be disrespectful to the women that do this for a living. I'm no pro, I'm just a kinky chick with (among others) a fetish for financial control. Thank you for your input. I think this probably is the best definition I've seen of Fin-Domination. See, I certainly see nothing wrong with this version of "Fin Domination".

tazzygirl -> RE: Findom Problems (6/1/2013 10:48:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: TNDommeK That is the argument we try to explain when attempting to show the difference between us and the duck mouthed gals. I think the problem though, is that usually the dommes that are complaining typically ARE the duck mouthed gals (even if they managed to not post that kind of picture). Do you deny that the duck mouthed (using your term) "findommes" far outnumber the findommes like yourself? They certainly do. We all have a place here, though. If there wasn't a demand for the bratty domme, there wouldn't be so many. Between the middle finger, the fanned wad of cash, the duck mouth, the "I am goddess, pay me" attitude..... Sorry but FinDomme's get a bad rep as a result. I read your journal. The entry from 11/26 is so what I have seen. I feel sorry for some of the guys who never get a chance to really shine before some "woman" is demanding money... opps... tribute... from them.

TNDommeK -> RE: Findom Problems (6/2/2013 4:29:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: TNDommeK That is the argument we try to explain when attempting to show the difference between us and the duck mouthed gals. I think the problem though, is that usually the dommes that are complaining typically ARE the duck mouthed gals (even if they managed to not post that kind of picture). Do you deny that the duck mouthed (using your term) "findommes" far outnumber the findommes like yourself? Oh of course. That's why in a different thread I said gals like us (myself, Allison, and a few others)should have a different name of what we are. Especially since we are different. But I can't remember if we came up with anything. There are far more of them than us, no doubt. Also I wanted to address what Tazzy said about "demanding tribute". I never email any sub first. They contact me, they offer me their money. So it's not a demand thing. If a fin domme knows what's she is doing, a demand never has to be made.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Findom Problems (6/2/2013 5:47:22 AM)
fr These threads still make me want to vomit but anyway..... I am, again, going to quote something I have in other fin threads. "First you get the money. Then you get the power. Then you get the women" I have had a couple of people jump me before because they say that quote is not how the real world works....but...just because today is that kind of day I'm going to explain something in very clear terms. A lot of men believe every word in that quote is true (period) They have money. They believe it is power. So when they have to give it to woman just so she will speak to them they are stepping into the deepest form of humiliation (in their mind anyway) I have no issues with admitting I have findomed different men for different reasons but the biggest "kink" I see most of them get out of it is how bad they feel that they are so not worth a woman unless they pay her. You all can have a conversation about humiliation again now if you want to (have fun) If anyone wants to know why I do it....well....because money is power and being able to tell someone they can't buy you is a hell of a kick to the ego. If you would like an example of this... I know a gentelman who has more money than Bill Gates and the Roman Catholic Church combined. I have known him for around twenty years. He would very much like to buy me. Yes those are his words, he actually said "buy me" For as long as I have known him I have told him he will never be able to do that. It is fun, real fun, to tell him he can take me out to dinner or shopping or just hand me cash and yeah I'll give him a little of my time. But thats all he gets a little and then I go back to doing whatever I wanted to do anyway. And trust me for all those people that shout "gold digger" , "money hungry", "man hater". Well if those names were true I would live a great deal better than I do now. I am a sadist. I have seen said grown, CEO, and control freak, cry because I have told him I would rather go play with my biker boys than him. If you don't think thats kinky, powerful, domination, than you might want to rethink what those words mean to you. As for the blog thing.... I only saw a couple of things that had to do with findomming and not just life in general. So quick comment about them. 1. I don't know what you are doing but I am not "hated" by the rest of bdsm community. I am intelligent enough to explain what I do and why. I have only ever been "hated" by one person enough for them to call me names for it and that person was a collarme poster, someone I will never meet, not something that bothers me. 2. When you violate a websites TOS you should have your account shut down. Stop bitchin' about paypal and do it the right way and you won't have that issue. 3. People refusing to believe findomming is real fetish, kink, blah, blah, blah. Why are you so worried about what everyone else thinks? I mean personally I have issues believing that sticking jars of jelly up your butt is a "real" kink but there are people out there that do it so I move on and don't think it. As far as I can tell the rest are issues most people into bdsm have all the time not just findomme. side note I am sorry this post is so long but if you poke me enough times I tend to rant...these threads make me want to rant. Have a nice day.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Findom Problems (6/2/2013 7:26:00 AM)
I don't consider them to be "bratty." Those I do consider lazy little girls who think the world owes them a living and see findomme as easy money, i.e. guys give them money for doing nothing.

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Findom Problems (6/2/2013 7:54:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain If anyone wants to know why I do it....well....because money is power and being able to tell someone they can't buy you is a hell of a kick to the ego. If you would like an example of this... I know a gentelman who has more money than Bill Gates and the Roman Catholic Church combined. I have known him for around twenty years. He would very much like to buy me. Yes those are his words, he actually said "buy me" For as long as I have known him I have told him he will never be able to do that. It is fun, real fun, to tell him he can take me out to dinner or shopping or just hand me cash and yeah I'll give him a little of my time. But thats all he gets a little and then I go back to doing whatever I wanted to do anyway. And trust me for all those people that shout "gold digger" , "money hungry", "man hater". Well if those names were true I would live a great deal better than I do now. I am a sadist. I have seen said grown, CEO, and control freak, cry because I have told him I would rather go play with my biker boys than him. If you don't think thats kinky, powerful, domination, than you might want to rethink what those words mean to you. I had the biggest Sadistic grin on My face reading that...rendering a man who can have "anything" into a blubbering beggar. I love it. --MM

AllisonWilder -> RE: Findom Problems (6/4/2013 2:57:27 PM)
I just got around to looking at the tumblr from the OP and I have to say that I absolutely hate it. The pictures are cute, but everything else is terrible. It paints findommes as whiners because of all these things you seem to think are 'problems'. There isn't one post there that I, as a findomme, find problematic. A domme stealing your sub? If he can be "stolen", he wasn't yours to begin with. PayPal shutting down your account? Perhaps you should have either a) moved your money out of the account since you were violating the TOS or b) used a more reliable means of money transfer. Getting hate mail? Delete it, move on. Subs making demands or trying to trick you? Block them, move on. AthenaSurrenders had some good advice. If you really want to make a tumblr based around financial domination, then you have to make the blog something that people really want to look at.

PeonForHer -> RE: Findom Problems (6/4/2013 3:09:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Sorry but FinDomme's get a bad rep as a result. I read your journal. The entry from 11/26 is so what I have seen. I feel sorry for some of the guys who never get a chance to really shine before some "woman" is demanding money... opps... tribute... from them. The only real solution, I've found, is to learn to sort the wheat from the chaff efficiently. This can take a little while, though. But bogus 'findommes', bait-and-switchers . . . they're so easy for me to see, nowadays. Most often, I don't even have to look more closely than at their screen nicks. They're nearly always, well, just not very bright.

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