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RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 2:07:41 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I think the big thing that everyone seems to be saying is that being busy isn't always because you are an asshole, you just have a really busy life. The scenario you used with a demanding job with lots of travel is a good one. But it is also reasonable to expect a person like that to be up front about their life situation right from the beginning.



Not me. I'm saying that being busy isn't always because someone is an asshole, yes. But it doesn't necessarily equate to having a really busy life. They could be lying on the couch watching Road Runner for the day. Maybe he just doesn't feel like calling right then. That doesn't make him an asshole, either. That just makes him someone that's enjoying whatever he's doing at the moment. No big deal.


quote:



Mostly if people were just honest with each other at the onset, things would go much more smoothly.



Eh. I still think that it's not all that big a thing. If someone's busy (in general), it's not that they're being dishonest by not mentioning that up front. There are a million things I could probably mention up front. How do I know which ones are the problem issues? It takes time to figure out where the incompatibilities lie. They simply are who they are and they're looking for a match, just like everyone.


(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 2:14:30 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

Men! Speak up!


No. I'm too busy.

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 2:21:59 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

Men! Speak up!


No. I'm too busy.



Asshole.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 2:23:24 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

Men! Speak up!


No. I'm too busy.


You wouldnt be so busy if you didnt always have your hands down your pants.

_____________________________

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RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 2:25:28 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

lol... ok.. I think I got your posts out of that jumbled mess. Anyways, you do realize thats all from a man's perspective in a book, and not my own, yes?


I didn't.

All is well, though...lots of pussy whipped writers out there.

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 2:26:38 PM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

Men! Speak up!


No. I'm too busy.



Asshole.


True.

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 3:01:42 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I think the big thing that everyone seems to be saying is that being busy isn't always because you are an asshole, you just have a really busy life. The scenario you used with a demanding job with lots of travel is a good one. But it is also reasonable to expect a person like that to be up front about their life situation right from the beginning.

Not getting back to someone quickly and saying it was because you were busy might work once in the beginning, but if it becomes a constant thing, it really is telling someone that they just aren't important enough for them to make the time. Sometimes the two people can discuss it and adjustments made, other times it just isn't going to happen.

Mostly if people were just honest with each other at the onset, things would go much more smoothly.


Totally agree. I never got the I will get back to you and never did, at least I got the courtesy of a response, but it might be I am busy, in fact I got that a lot if I contacted out of the ordinary time! I just never contacted much anyway. I let him do the contacting as time allowed, and I did get an allotted time frequently which I always appreciated. If this had been a primary relationship for me, it never could have worked. I would need a lot more depth. Yep, if they say I will talk to you later, and they forget ya or have an excuse regularly, you have pretty much zero priority in their life.

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 3:12:13 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
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quote:

“We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.”


That, I'm afraid, describes me. And, to add to the mix, I'm usually in a position (because the woman concerned has never said, in so many explicit words, that she's interested in me) where I'd be open to the charge of making arrogant assumptions were I to be blunt and say something like, 'no, I don't want you as a partner'.

I realise that there's a lot of conditioning about women's supposed fragility, about their irascibility when 'scorned' (though that latter not so much - I've never had to deal with a 'bunny boiler') - and, yes, a woman's tears give me the terrors. I feel guilty, and very sad. Also, I'm slightly aware that I may be projecting my own horror of being rejected - of the despair I've felt in the past at getting rejected by a woman - onto her.

None of that, though, is enough to convince me that it's better to be brutally honest in such situations. It could be that, deep down, I'm a coward in that respect, or it could be that I simply cannot bring myself to grasp the nettle when it comes to hurting a woman in that way. Or both. I'm damned if I can work it out, to be honest.



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(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 3:14:12 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

You wouldnt be so busy if you didnt always have your hands down your pants.


Only one hand, Tazzy. And, for the record, I'm perfectly able to scratch my scrotum while writing with the other hand.

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 3:49:08 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Uh huh.... thats a stretch looking at that photo, darling. But lets go with your explanation

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 3:58:25 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Well, to be honest, I could have had a fungal growth (with weeping cheesy sores) extending up my thigh in that photo.

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 4:14:14 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, but I have imagined worse... its that dirty nurse side of me that keeps peeking out in these boards.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/11/2013 11:55:17 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		I'm not a big fan of "dating rules", because everyone is different and their circumstances are different. For example:

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I think, for me... great responses to all them btw... that some things are a bit different, at least in my dynamics. I expect to be kept in the loop. And I need almost daily contact. That doesnt mean a 2 hour long phone call, or push me against the wall kind of sex. But a message, text, note, voice mail, email, something.... silence drives me crazy.


It's really great that you know what you need and communicate that. Personally, I find it off-putting if somebody is contacting me every day, at least in the early stages of dating. It makes me feel like they're clingy and needy. But then, I'm an introvert who needs a lot of "me time" and silence.

quote:

But things like "call when you promised you would". That isnt always possible. And I was curious how others would view that from a submissive, or dominant, perspective. My ex would tell me "I knew you would be waiting. Its good for you to wait."

That kinda thing.


I do feel like I put up with more of that sort of thing then I would in an egalitarian relationship, but either way it's not always possible to call when you planned or be home when you planned or whatever.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/12/2013 8:50:27 AM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		To the OP:
Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle? Actually my response is fairly straightforward. They apply if the people involved want it to. If they do not want it to, the rules do not apply. People can make things so complicated, and more often than not that is so unnecessary. Keep it simple. All that matters is what you and your partner agree on.

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Equal in Worth, just Not in Power.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Do the rules of dating apply to the lifestyle - 6/12/2013 9:40:49 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		[Fast Reply]

This is a good question. My x-dom although working 12 hours shift, 6 days and sometimes 7 days a week, always still call me everyday during his lunch break and chat with me.
So perhaps the same does apply. But then again, his job allows him more luxury to talk on the phone. If someone was constantly in and out of meetings all day, it would be tough, as well as extensive travel schedule.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/12/2013 9:41:22 AM >

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 75
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