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How would you tell a "Sub." they may need Pyc... - 6/12/2013 12:46:15 PM

MHAP

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline

Hello all. I need a little help, I find myself in an odd situation,
(History) I have been in a long time 15+ years (on-off) Dom/Maso. relationship. The Sub. and I both have jobs that requires a lot of discretion (cop/ Peds nurse). we get together now and again always when she can, she is totally sexually submissive and really enjoys Domination and being flogged or spanked and other... we are both married to Vanilla's that help to insulate are "real life" from are kink. This is not a situation I wanted, but its hard to say no to a woman with a gun on her hip.
(Problem) Over the last few months she has wanted more.. more aggression and brutality, I have never been "soft" with her. 4 months ago she brought a modified reciprocating saw with a 9inch monster mounted on it, and ask that i use it on her. (0k a little odd but i am ok with it). 2 weeks later she brings me a bamboo cane to beat her with( a little scary). a month after she told me she wanted me to nail her nipples to a board and whip her ass bloody. (yikes.. not cool. DECLINED). so how do I tell her, i think she needs to talk to someone, she she is one of my oldest and best friends. we have never been a couple but we have been together awhile. i dont want to push her away if she might go to someone that really will hurt her.

Post #: 1

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 12:53:01 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Besides wanting to know how to tell this dear friend of yours she may need some assistance, you might want to explain to your wife that you involved a possible threat to your lives because she is unstable. Then if she is the one with the gun on her hip... you got yourself into a messy situation or two.

I think I would be running for my life.

In both your career's you are taught things that should prepare you... if not for that attachment thing. You played... you may now get to pay.

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 2

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 12:56:14 PM

Rasciallymisty

Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline

My thought is some of the Ladys and few of the guys here will most likely have a good answers for you....as for me I would be running like hell and not looking back. Best of luck to you.

~ouchhhhhhhhhh misty~

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 3

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 1:24:24 PM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

You know I want to do the things you mention in your post with Aswad one day. I want to have my boobs nailed to a board and be whipped bloody, that in itself is not a sign of mental illness. Now that you are not comfortable doing it, that is fine, however for some of us we do want some rather extreme things to push us over our boundaries. Now here is the difference of someone just being very edgy in their play and someone who is in need of help, do she read up on the risks with such an activity, have she considered, do she just act with her libido or do she research these things and talk them over with you, are she responsible about them? That one want some rather extreme things kink wise do not mean that one is self destructive or in need of psychiatric help.

I have always liked the idea of RACK better and SSC, yes some of these things do carry with them risk, but think that as long as a person are aware of those risks and accept them fully then that is okey. I mean vanilla people look at all of us as crazy for wanting to be tied down and whipped, or for wanting to do that to someone, why should we the turn around and look at another person as insane for wanting harder play than we ourselves are comfortable with.

When that is said I do not think you should engage in play that is harder than you are comfortable with, but to go from that to assuming this woman is insane and need help, that is a little arrogant. I would recommend that you sit down and talk with her, ask her why she suddenly have this interest in the more extreme things and also tell her your limits and boundaries. Tell her that it is to extreme for you, but do not judge her for wanting to go further than you, remember you have to keep your kink a secret as most people would freak if they found out, do not turn around and do the same to another for having other interests than you.

I wish you well.

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 4

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 1:32:21 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

I would consider someone with a saw... wanting some action... off their rocker just a tiny bit or scary. Either way... I'd be outta there.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 5

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 1:36:52 PM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHAP

Hello all. I need a little help, I find myself in an odd situation,
(History) I have been in a long time 15+ years (on-off) Dom/Maso. relationship. The Sub. and I both have jobs that requires a lot of discretion (cop/ Peds nurse). we get together now and again always when she can, she is totally sexually submissive and really enjoys Domination and being flogged or spanked and other... we are both married to Vanilla's that help to insulate are "real life" from are kink. This is not a situation I wanted, but its hard to say no to a woman with a gun on her hip.
(Problem) Over the last few months she has wanted more.. more aggression and brutality, I have never been "soft" with her. 4 months ago she brought a modified reciprocating saw with a 9inch monster mounted on it, and ask that i use it on her. (0k a little odd but i am ok with it). 2 weeks later she brings me a bamboo cane to beat her with( a little scary). a month after she told me she wanted me to nail her nipples to a board and whip her ass bloody. (yikes.. not cool. DECLINED). so how do I tell her, i think she needs to talk to someone, she she is one of my oldest and best friends. we have never been a couple but we have been together awhile. i dont want to push her away if she might go to someone that really will hurt her.

First off, she's a cop, so the chances of her meeting a real psycho are probably very small. She goes to you because of your shared history, so take that off the table now. Second, masochism isn't gender-specific. One of my past playmates enjoyed being whipped with an electrical cord, which isn't a pleasant experience for a bedroom sub. The nipple-nailing may be a tip-off to that there may be more going on upstairs, but again, she's a big girl now and knows what she wants.

Let me ask you, have you talked with her about it when she brings this shit up? I mean really talk about why. What does she want? And don't let the gun on her hip dissuade you. As a LEO, she knows what can happen if she uses it beyond her warranted limitations. Is the weapon an issue when she's restrained? Does she bring it with her to your scenes? If not, it's not an issue. Best of luck.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 6

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 1:36:58 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I recently did some training as a dungeon monitor - and my main question was "how do you tell behavior that is dangerous from that behavior that makes you uncomfortable".

The answer was if it puts life or limb at risk, then stop it.

I would apply this precept to your dilemma - if she is putting life or limb at risk then stop it. As it is, you are past your comfort zone, but it sounds as if she isn't at risk for losing a leg or arm. I'd tell her that you can't and won't play that hard, that it is something you aren't comfortable with.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 7

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 1:38:25 PM

MHAP

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline

I realize this is a mess, and yes i am old enough to know better. (an am fully aware of the scummy cheating thing), but

things have always been, "tangled" between us. we grew up around each other, we have the same circle of friends( no they do not know). i have tried to walk away.... on several occasions, she know where I live and has no problem finding me..
I realize i am explaining this poorly, but she wants a lot more, not just a little more rough play, some of her requests are extreme at best. and she is fully aware of my limits (I wrote them down for her)years ago..

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 8

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 1:42:22 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

OK - you are the dominant in the relationship - right? You can set the terms of your play sessions. You also have the responsibility to yourself and her to set limits that you are comfortable.

Just because she carries the gun doesn't mean that she can dictate to you. Just tell her "NO".

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 9

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 1:46:32 PM

MHAP

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline

Ok maybe i am over thinking this one.. i will talk to her again, maybe at work. and see if a change of venue will create better communication situation.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 10

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 1:57:10 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Its RARELY the act, its almost always the MOTIVATION....

So, is she opening up her inner desires because she trusts you?

OR

Is she trying to het caught by her partner? Punishing herself because of something she feels guilty about?

Huge difference....

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 11

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 2:07:06 PM

Iknowyoursecrets

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/13/2012
Status: offline

Have some fun with her request. The best thing about being a Dom is finding twisty ways to feed both desires-- dom and submissive's.

I was training a very good boy (also a cop, funny huh )

He enjoyed being a cuckhold. After securing a sawhorse to the ground I "nailed" his cock to the table. With soaker staples --> http://www.burpee.com/Gardening-supplies/garden-growers/garden-staples-prod001221.html?cid=CSEGoogle&CAWELAID=820602093&catargetid=1823377810&cadevice=c&cagpspn=pla&gclid=COrF9Lyy37cCFRHhQgodh2IAVw

You can use similar to "give" that extreme feeling without permanent damage. The look on his face as I nailed his cock to the sawhorse is one of my all time favorites. Find similar sized staples... see -->
http://www.delcity.net/store/Insulated-Bell-Wire-Staple/p_802494.r_IF1003?gclid=CL-Kv6-x37cCFcN_QgodviAAZA
https://www.arthrex.com/knee/staples

I would make sure she is comfortable, Rope her breasts to the board, (put lube on a q-tip and secretly lightly coat the inside of the staples.) Grab her by the hair and nail that bitches titties to the table/sawhorse/whatever. Remember grab her mind it will always be the largest erogenous zone on her body.

I would love to know how she responds.

Oh use an auto body hammer -->http://www.amazon.com/Eastwood-Hammer-Autobody-Fender-Repair/dp/B0035XPIYC/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1371070890&sr=8-12&keywords=metal+hammer

Remember its the MIND you are abusing.

Brooke.

Ps. larger staples with a small strip of foam/weather stripping/etc allow for tight control and some "room to grow".

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 12

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 2:15:43 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

I so love Home Depot and Lowe's for the ideas I get when walking around there.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Iknowyoursecrets)

Post #: 13

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 2:16:11 PM

Iknowyoursecrets

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/13/2012
Status: offline

Some safety issues, use a 1/2" or smaller top board that you tack to the surface you are going to nail her to. (this lets you pry the board off in case of sudden emergencies).

Tape a small crow bar to the bottom of the play area where she can reach it if you slip and knock yourself out for some reason. ( I am assuming you are playing alone)

Have some ice on hand, practice with a garden hose, large slurpy straw etc a few times first. Metal on metal will make a wonderful sound so blind fold her. Let her see the hammer first.

Have wire cutters that can snip the staples if you need to as well as a few flat head screw drivers. Remember to use some type of "washer" to allow you to extract your toy when you are done using her. I would consider using a larger staple to affix her breasts to the board close to her chest (I am assuming you know how to tie up a gals tits.. same concept just with a large u shaped staple.)

Also have a mirror so she can see what you did to her.

Happy hammering,

Brooke

< Message edited by Iknowyoursecrets -- 6/12/2013 2:19:22 PM >

(in reply to Iknowyoursecrets)

Post #: 14

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 2:18:16 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHAP

Hello all. I need a little help, I find myself in an odd situation,
(History) I have been in a long time 15+ years (on-off) Dom/Maso. relationship. The Sub. and I both have jobs that requires a lot of discretion (cop/ Peds nurse). we get together now and again always when she can, she is totally sexually submissive and really enjoys Domination and being flogged or spanked and other... we are both married to Vanilla's that help to insulate are "real life" from are kink. This is not a situation I wanted, but its hard to say no to a woman with a gun on her hip.
(Problem) Over the last few months she has wanted more.. more aggression and brutality, I have never been "soft" with her. 4 months ago she brought a modified reciprocating saw with a 9inch monster mounted on it, and ask that i use it on her. (0k a little odd but i am ok with it). 2 weeks later she brings me a bamboo cane to beat her with( a little scary). a month after she told me she wanted me to nail her nipples to a board and whip her ass bloody. (yikes.. not cool. DECLINED). so how do I tell her, i think she needs to talk to someone, she she is one of my oldest and best friends. we have never been a couple but we have been together awhile. i dont want to push her away if she might go to someone that really will hurt her.

"Dude, you're freaking me out. I did some research and found the name of a kink-friendly therapist. Could we go see him/her together next week? I'd feel a lot better, and I think we could both get something out of it."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 15

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 2:25:28 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

And, for pete's sake, have the required first aid items needed afterwards. At the minimum tripple antibiotic cream and non stick bandages. Dont wait to assemble these items afterwards, have them at the "scene of the crime".

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Iknowyoursecrets)

Post #: 16

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 2:38:51 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

It is pretty odd, from what I hear, for a married person to want to engage in acts that leave marks . Nails through the breasts, being whipped bloody - are acts lacking in discretion.

Weird.

When she starts showing up with suspension hooks and wants you to hang her from the ceiling with hooks through her flesh things should start to get interesting. Please keep us informed.

WinD

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 17

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 2:50:02 PM

MHAP

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline

RedMagic1
Horny Net Geek,

Alright I'm with you you make the appointment and i will see how many of these guys i can rope into straight jackets, we will have one hell of a session. :)

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 18

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 3:00:02 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHAP

I realize this is a mess, and yes i am old enough to know better. (an am fully aware of the scummy cheating thing), but

things have always been, "tangled" between us. we grew up around each other, we have the same circle of friends( no they do not know). i have tried to walk away.... on several occasions, she know where I live and has no problem finding me..
I realize i am explaining this poorly, but she wants a lot more, not just a little more rough play, some of her requests are extreme at best. and she is fully aware of my limits (I wrote them down for her)years ago..

(I'm going to stay away from the cheating issue. This is me, biting my tongue here, m'kay?)

Okay, so her masochism has cranked it up several notches and has left you behind in the dust. It's okay that these things seem to extreme for you, I'm not into the nails hammered through flesh either...BUT...just realize that a lot of people are into this and are doing it relatively safely. I should give you a link from over at Fet where people are using medical staple guns during scenes... Needle play and staples sound lovely to me but my submissive would be terrified...so I don't go there. (Maybe in 5 to 10 years, mwahahaha.)

She's married. Leaving marks is a good way to get caught. Does she WANT to get caught? Provoke a divorce? Unless her hubby is blind and handless, I don't see how in the world he would never find a lot of fresh wounds, scabbing, or scars all over her butt, back, and breasts.

If she simply needs more pain/stimulation, there are ways to do this without leaving marks. I can get you links on figging, painting genitals with Icy Hot or jalapeno juice, and nipple tortures. Some electrical stimulation toys will be very ouchie...but some people get marks from this. She's yours...make her study different tortures that won't leave marks and then give you a list with links.

I have a good link on caning so that you don't do it the "wrong" way. Maybe aiming for one small area and leaving a bruise there would be easier to explain (like, she fell on her butt) than a nicely done pattern of bruises.

As for nailing the boobs...how about acupuncture needles first? Something thin and scary looking but that can look like a mosquito bite after they are removed. Speaking of bugs, if she wants some incredible nipple/breast pain...and if she's not allergic, I'd have no problem putting a wasp or yellow jacket into a jar and duct taping it to her breast. (Easy to explain, a wasp flew up under her shirt and it kept stinging when she smacked at it.)

If you don't want to do this higher intensity stuff she's asking you to provide, have you two considered going to munches and play parties, and finding a sadistic top who will enjoy doing this as a public or private scene? In my area, I can think of several, if they had permission from her husband to consensually torture her.

If she is suddenly craving this "edge play" after all of these years, I'd wonder if she is playing with someone else or if she has been watching a lot of BDSM porn...or if her life has a lot more stress now and she needs a higher intensity of play to chill herself out. My slave's blood pressure goes up enough to need medication if he doesn't get his regular beatings, lol.

Good luck.

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 6/12/2013 3:06:50 PM >

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 19

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 3:00:21 PM

SwitchNSpanky

Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline

Everyone has supplied awesome answers. I'm not the OP. but. I gotta say... You folks rock! Was reading each post and saying "this is the best answer... No... THIS is the best one. (rinse. Repeat.). Too cool y'all.

All I can say is the request would have scared me. But now I have lots of informed ammo if I wind up in a similar situation somehow. So. For myself. I gotta say THANKS GUYS N GALS!! Y'all are too cooooool.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 20

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