RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need Pych. help

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RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 3:13:57 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

MHAP,

Just tell her you're not into it. What's the problem?

As nephandi said, I'm gonna do this to her one day, except I'll be nailing her breasts, rather than her nipples. Neither of us are insane, as verified by professionals, and my idea of safety research for it is multiple sources, including consultations with plastic surgeons that specialize in breasts.

Incidentally, when she says "nipples", she may mean her areola. Assuming you know what you're doing, and using sterile tools and sterile nails in a sterile environment, she's gonna be fine. Nailing the actual nipple is likely to cause some nerve damage, which may or may not be a problem to her. So long as she's happy with it: it's her body.

IWYW,
— Aswad.

ETA: Check out Rammsund feat. Pain Solution on YouTube. Among other things they do in their stage show, a woman has a skewer through both her breasts, attached to a power tool that a guy uses to "drill" them. Pain Solution tours here occasionally, doing things like fishhook suspensions and so forth, with audience participation.

< Message edited by Aswad -- 6/12/2013 3:25:32 PM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 21

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 3:45:41 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHAP

(Problem) Over the last few months she has wanted more.. more aggression and brutality, I have never been "soft" with her. 4 months ago she brought a modified reciprocating saw with a 9inch monster mounted on it, and ask that i use it on her. (0k a little odd but i am ok with it). 2 weeks later she brings me a bamboo cane to beat her with( a little scary). a month after she told me she wanted me to nail her nipples to a board and whip her ass bloody. (yikes.. not cool. DECLINED).

Why not cool?

If she is of sound mind, and consenting to the situation, then what's the issue?

It's not like her desires are unheard of. They may not be super common, but they're common enough that I personally know various people who've done stuff like you're describing, or are planning on doing stuff like that. I wouldn't for a second consider telling any of them to see a shrink because of the kind of play they enjoy.

The fucking-maching-reciprocating saw I don't even consider extreme, or edgy in any way. I consider fucking machines in general to be borderline vanilla because of their lack of power play. They can certainly be used in a BDSMy way, but of themselves there really is nothing notably kinky about them. They're a glorified version of a vibrator basically.

Personally, I'm not really into the edgy stuff that punctures skin and so on, though I don't see nothing wrong with it either. It's just that my own interests for extreme play lay more into the mentally edgy stuff. As in "mentally edgy to the point of causing potentially permanent psychological damage if it goes wrong" like actual rape scenarios, sensory deprivation for a couple days or more, or enduring pain that goes well beyond your personal limits of being able to cope with it for extended periods of time.

Seriously though, the fact that her fantasies are on the darker side of things gives no indication whatsoever that she's mentally unstable or needs to see a shrink. Though an upgrade in BDSM partner to somebody who doesn't judge her for opening up to him may do her a world of good...

ETA: Thinking about this post and this tread, I've had an epitome in terms of what to label myself. I'm not a masochist at all, in the sense that a masochist enjoys pain. What I am is a stress-masochist. As in: I enjoy to have my stress level pushed to the point where I feel "I can't fucking take this, STOOOOOOOP" and beyond... preferable to for long periods of time, with having my desire to stop whatever is going on completely ignored by the top.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 6/12/2013 3:52:47 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 22

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 4:04:03 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

"epiphany?"

...

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 23

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 4:06:19 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

"epiphany?"...

Yeah that.

Stupid auto-correct and English language being not phonetically written.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 24

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 4:06:44 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ETA: Thinking about this post and this tread, I've had an epitome in terms of what to label myself. I'm not a masochist at all, in the sense that a masochist enjoys pain. What I am is a stress-masochist. As in: I enjoy to have my stress level pushed to the point where I feel "I can't fucking take this, STOOOOOOOP" and beyond... preferable to for long periods of time, with having my desire to stop whatever is going on completely ignored by the top.

Oh, yes, you are a masochist. You are an emotional one.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 25

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 4:15:30 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

ETA: Thinking about this post and this tread, I've had an epitome in terms of what to label myself. I'm not a masochist at all, in the sense that a masochist enjoys pain. What I am is a stress-masochist. As in: I enjoy to have my stress level pushed to the point where I feel "I can't fucking take this, STOOOOOOOP" and beyond... preferable to for long periods of time, with having my desire to stop whatever is going on completely ignored by the top.

Oh, yes, you are a masochist. You are an emotional one.

That's the name I used to use to describe it, but it's not a complete label. I enjoy scenes that have nothing emotional going on whatsoever (as in there is no play specifically on emotions at all) and that are instead more along the lines of "blinding pain from beginning to end with the one singular thought that's resonating through my brain the whole time is "MAKE IT STOP!!!!!"
I don't know if I can call that emotional masochism at all, though I certainly don't object to the label either, and I am definitely also an emotional masochist, because unlike with physical pain, I can actually enjoy emotional pain for the pain's sake.
It's just that that type of play I'm referring to in relation to stress-masochisms doesn't play on emotion per say, and instead, plays on stress levels, and panic and so on. It's basically "pushing stress levels beyond a point where I feel I can cope" and the method of doing that can be either emotional pain, or physical pain.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 6/12/2013 4:17:01 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 26

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 4:16:55 PM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

quote:

things have always been, "tangled" between us. we grew up around each other, we have the same circle of friends( no they do not know). i have tried to walk away.... on several occasions, she know where I live and has no problem finding me..
I realize i am explaining this poorly, but she wants a lot more, not just a little more rough play, some of her requests are extreme at best. and she is fully aware of my limits (I wrote them down for her)years ago..

You can not stop cheating since she know where you live, are you saying she is stalking you? I mean allot of people know where I live, that do not mean I have sex with them or play with them. Also if she is stalking you that is a much greater indication that something is wrong with her mind than her wanting to play more rough than you do.

Now as for limits. I assume she is not forcing you to play more roughly with her, she is bringing it up and asking. Here is the thing, limits change. When I first met Aswad oral was a hard limit for me, now it is a rather common part of our sessions or even regular sexual interactions, my limits changed, there is nothing wrong with asking about something which is a limit as long as a no is respected.

Now yes her tastes is rather extreme but that do not mean she is insane. There are quite a few people doing and enjoying the activities you are describing, that do not make them insane, they are just not for you, so unless there is other things about this woman you have not told us about, other things than some rather hard pain play activities I just do not see that she need mental help for there is nothing wrong with her desires, they are just not compatible with yours.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 27

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 4:21:22 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Let me rephrase this a bit. I am an emotional masochist. I also enjoy the 50's style household. I can be a bit of a brat at times, even a SAM. I dont enjoy pain for pain's sake, but if turned on enough, I can take a lot of pain depending on the area. I also consider myself a service oriented slave in that I enjoy doing things that have nothing what so ever to do with sex for my owner.

I think we all have a jumble of what kind of submissive we are... just like many dominants have a few areas of expertise in what they enjoy as well.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 28

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 4:40:36 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Let me rephrase this a bit. I am an emotional masochist. I also enjoy the 50's style household. I can be a bit of a brat at times, even a SAM. I dont enjoy pain for pain's sake, but if turned on enough, I can take a lot of pain depending on the area. I also consider myself a service oriented slave in that I enjoy doing things that have nothing what so ever to do with sex for my owner.

I think we all have a jumble of what kind of submissive we are... just like many dominants have a few areas of expertise in what they enjoy as well.

Absolutely, especially since I no longer consider myself submissive at all (as in I don't ever submit voluntarily, period).
I can't take pain at all, I'm a total wimp when it comes to any kind of pain play. In a consensual setting with a safeword in place, the range of things I can, and will, and enjoy taking are borderline vanilla, and at least mildly laughable from a kink point of view. That's not really dependent on arousal either, because arousal doesn't make pain more palatable to me at all.
At the same time, I love playing with virtually any type of edge play that's ever been mentioned on this board. Just don't expect to be able to to any of it without serious restraints, and the lack of a safeword (as well as ignoring requests to stop).

It's why I stopped playing casually. The type of play I enjoy is too risky for the top to engage in casually with a person they don't know and trust very well.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 29

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 4:47:35 PM

MstrPBK

Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

If I have known them for sometime I would:

1) set them down (not on the floor; but in a dignified chair), and politely remind them of my role in their life.
2) I would add as a Master/friend my responsibilities is to make sure their safe.
3) I would begin to discuss their issues.
4) I wound then enter into the issue of considering professional help.

I would also brace my self for the rough conversation that would follow.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 30

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 6:20:24 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

why does she need to talk to someone just because she likes it more extreme than you do? If you feel she needs help then I would say about 30% of the boards here need help, including Master who would find the mere mention of bloody ass and bamboo canes and such to be a big, big turn on for him.

So you don't like what she likes. Go back to your wife and leave her alone and hopefully she will return to her husband.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 31

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 6:22:28 PM

MHAP

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline

I would like to thank everyone for you posts. and after reading these and several PM's.

I now think I am the one that needs counseling, and am off to seek help and pills.

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 32

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 6:28:12 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

I would consider someone with a saw... wanting some action... off their rocker just a tiny bit or scary. Either way... I'd be outta there.

It had a dildo on the end. It most likely was a FuckSaw.

There's no saw part actually attached. It's just a very strong vibrator that moves in the same way an electric saw would.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 33

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 6:28:24 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

If I have known them for sometime I would:

1) set them down (not on the floor; but in a dignified chair), and politely remind them of my role in their life.
2) I would add as a Master/friend my responsibilities is to make sure their safe.
3) I would begin to discuss their issues.
4) I wound then enter into the issue of considering professional help.

I would also brace my self for the rough conversation that would follow.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

Sounds about right.

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 34

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 6:34:38 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I would label you an adrenaline junkie. You're getting the same high that extreme sportsters seek when they jump out airplanes or ski down dangerous ravines.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 35

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 6:49:02 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I would label you an adrenaline junkie. You're getting the same high that extreme sportsters seek when they jump out airplanes or ski down dangerous ravines.

Doubtful. More like a crying ball of blood, piss and vomit on the bathroom floor is hot fun for everyone involved.

Beyond a certain point, there's nothing to do but accept the suffering and submit till it's over.

IWYW,
— Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 36

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 6:52:53 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Oh I was responding to UllrsIshtar about what she should label herself since she's not really into pain or anything like that but she gets off on the stress of being pushed to beyond the limit of what she thinks she can take. To me that sounds exactly like most adrenaline junkies I know.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 37

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 7:10:51 PM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHAP

I would like to thank everyone for you posts. and after reading these and several PM's.

I now think I am the one that needs counseling, and am off to seek help and pills.

Now, THAT'S funny, and mighty good natured of you!

< Message edited by Duskypearls -- 6/12/2013 7:11:11 PM >

(in reply to MHAP)

Post #: 38

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 7:53:36 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

Nah, Aswad is right, it's got nothing to do with adrenaline rush. I skydive too (as well as a bunch of other thrill seeking stuff) and the motivation, or feelings isn't even close to comparable.

Thrill seeking gets the blood pumping, your senses heightened, your hearth racing. What I get out of play is nearly opposite, it quiets everything down to a "stillness" in which there is nothing left, but the moment, and absolute surrender to -basically- being out of your mind. There is nothing left but a singular thought, a singular moment, a singular experience. Past, and future seize to exist, there is only the moment.

If I sky dived in that state of mind, I'd splash to the ground, because I wouldn't have the presents of mind to pull the chute open.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 6/12/2013 7:58:18 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 39

RE: How would you tell a "Sub." they may need... - 6/12/2013 8:44:32 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

The OP's comments about what he thinks are disturbing and 'edgy' remind me of a girl who came to one of our play parties. She made the rounds talking about how much of a pain slut she was and how she was the go-to demo girl for other groups. We were doing a demo on 'pain levels' and she volunteered. My Master (at the time) Had her up on the cross, hit her once with a a suede flogger and asked, "ok, 1- 10, with 10 being excruciating, what would you say that was?" She said, " Eight." We just looked at each other, then at the flogger - checking it for barbed wire or something. He reiterated, 'ok, on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being very very painful, what is this?" He tried again, only a little lighter. I'm sure he was a bit afraid of her at this point. She said "OUCH, NINE!" We took her off the cross and retired the flogger to a plaque on the wall.

So, not seeing the submissive's desires in the OP as anywhere near edgy but I know that everyone has their own boundaries. Doesn't make them mentally ill.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 40

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