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It's been a minute. Time for another "true" ... - 6/12/2013 2:24:10 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I was curious (that happens A LOT with me) as whether or not others here felt there were "true" BDSMers and how one would define such. The reason I ask is I have seen a few comments over the course of my stay here that have somewhat implied such a belief in some - not all or the majority - but it has still raised my curiosity.  Such terms like horny married guy or desperate housewife come to mind.  

I'll use myself as an example.  I have always had the thoughts and desires I have had since as far back as I can remember.  It wasn't until after I was extremely comfortable with someone that I would express the very mildest of thoughts, and it wasn't until after I was married that I expressed most of my thoughts.  There are still thoughts I keep inside that I have not been comfortable sharing, probably never will (and I've been married for 12 years).   Would that put me under the desperate housewife category?

I, personally, do not have any guidelines to make any distinctions (except for maybe practicing in RL) and feel that if someone wants to associate themselves with BDSM, then great.  If not, that's great too. 
I just like knowing how others think...plus there's always room for another "fake" or "true" thread, right?


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 2:32:06 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I was curious (that happens A LOT with me) as whether or not others here felt there were "true" BDSMers and how one would define such.


I dont think there are true or fake anythings. BDSM is a very huge umbrella that doesnt have to have anything to do with sadism or pain. It can include a variety of kinks and fetishes. It can be part time, it can be only in the bedroom, or it can encompass someone's life.

Thats the beauty, and the drawback, of this lifestyle. There is something for everyone. From the hair pulling and ass slapping, to the bull whipping and ball stapling, to the subservient 50's style housewife who wants nothing more than to make her man happy.

There is no "true" anything as a general definition. There is only what is "right" for you.

quote:

Would that put me under the desperate housewife category?


~grins~ Only if you want it too.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 2:34:19 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I think people need to define these things within themselves and their relationships. I don't think anyone can define my role in a relationship but those involved in the relationship.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 3:12:40 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

In my honest opinion, everyone is a "true BDSMer" in their own way. Far be it from anyone to judge someone else's "trueness"

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 3:19:48 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype
I'll use myself as an example.  I have always had the thoughts and desires I have had since as far back as I can remember.  It wasn't until after I was extremely comfortable with someone that I would express the very mildest of thoughts, and it wasn't until after I was married that I expressed most of my thoughts.  There are still thoughts I keep inside that I have not been comfortable sharing, probably never will (and I've been married for 12 years).   Would that put me under the desperate housewife category?

Roughly speaking, there are two groups of kinksters: those who were "born with" kinky thoughts; and those who discovered them later, either during puberty or after exposure by a kinky partner. I'm in the first category. I had my first spanking fantasies at the age of five. A friend of mine, a lady who founded a munch, tied up her Barbie at the age of 8, and surrounded Barbie with all the stuffed animals looking at her, so it was public embarrassment bondage play, well before her first period.

I've seen, for years, a tendency by some "born with it" people to say that their kink is more real than that if the "later discoverers." I don't believe that myself, but I've heard and read it often. Also, with the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey, this split is suddenly a bigger deal, because there are a lot more John and Jane come lateleys. And yes, some of those people are going to think S&M means "stand and model" while they admire how great the red corset makes their figure. But some percentage are going to be kinky long-term, with newly awakened "forbidden" desires.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 3:22:21 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		In BDSM I think there are many different types of envolvment and of course, many different kinks... Which makes it easier to say "to each their own" rather than "your not doing it right"... I mean it's probably right for Them, whether it's not hard enough, or even to hard for you, is just an example of the fact that everyones different.
With the exception of things that need to be done a certain way, or that require special knowledge... Safety etc...
Though I think theres a bit of elitism in regards to experience level sometimes.
(Not an expert on the BDSM scene, just an observation.)

D/s is a slightly different kettle of fish.


< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 6/12/2013 3:38:24 PM >

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 4:43:12 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		Registered name tags. Or maybe something like a drivers license, but for sexual orientation. That way you have to take an aptitude test to be put into a certain classification. At least then, when ya say yer a True Master, you have a license to prove it

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 4:49:11 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I read the OP twice and I'm still not really sure of what you are asking.

Do I make the distinction between practitioners and fantasists? Yes. I think there's a distinction between the two. I pretty much tie that up in any conjugation of the verb "to do".

Do I care if you and your husband are just getting up to what you get up to in your bedroom? Nope. Not at all. Do I see that differently than any other form of practitioner out there? No. I don't care if you're doing BDSM lite or you are hard core extremists.

If I missed the target on that, I'll be happy to give it another shot if the OP can be clarified.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:02:23 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

Registered name tags. Or maybe something like a drivers license, but for sexual orientation. That way you have to take an aptitude test to be put into a certain classification. At least then, when ya say yer a True Master, you have a license to prove it


The I want one for the subs, the slaves and all the different forms of Dommes... grins

Im an equal opportunity card holder


_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Darkfeather)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:06:38 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

Would that put me under the desperate housewife category?


~grins~ Only if you want it too.


Hmmm...I'll have to put more thought into that. Could be fun.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:09:49 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I find the labels unimportant in pretty much all cases. If someone says they are into "BDSM" that tells me that they are alternative in some way and it probably has something to do with sex or relationships. I don't know that any of that is true but it's a good guess. So just as when someone tells me they are a slave, when someone tells me they are into BDSM I wait patiently for the next few sentences to clarify it.

edited to add:
LadyPact convinced me that I am not a true BDSM'er. I'm a BDSM groupie (insufficient whips & chains) So I'm one of those folks that finds overlap with this community but isn't really a part of it.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 6/12/2013 5:12:02 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:12:02 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I read the OP twice and I'm still not really sure of what you are asking.

Do I make the distinction between practitioners and fantasists? Yes. I think there's a distinction between the two. I pretty much tie that up in any conjugation of the verb "to do".

Do I care if you and your husband are just getting up to what you get up to in your bedroom? Nope. Not at all. Do I see that differently than any other form of practitioner out there? No. I don't care if you're doing BDSM lite or you are hard core extremists.

If I missed the target on that, I'll be happy to give it another shot if the OP can be clarified.



RedMagic touched on it nicely in his second paragraph.
It was something I had noticed from a few people.

My curiosity really has nothing to do with what I do with my husband or fantasists.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:13:48 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

LadyPact convinced me that I am not a true BDSM'er. I'm a BDSM groupie (insufficient whips & chains) So I'm one of those folks that finds overlap with this community but isn't really a part of it.


And I dont consider whips and chains a necessary part of BDSM.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:18:33 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
edited to add:
LadyPact convinced me that I am not a true BDSM'er. I'm a BDSM groupie (insufficient whips & chains) So I'm one of those folks that finds overlap with this community but isn't really a part of it.
Would that be due to you not getting up to various kinky acts or are you just trying to throw Me under the bus?



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:20:27 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		This busthrowing conversation reminds me of when I posted on these boards that I was nowhere near Leather, because I was a vegetarian for so long, and Master Fire responded, "Leather is on the inside. You might be Leather and not even know it."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:21:15 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype
RedMagic touched on it nicely in his second paragraph.
It was something I had noticed from a few people.

My curiosity really has nothing to do with what I do with my husband or fantasists.
Meaning because you are a "later in life" kinkster, rather than someone who always had kink fantasies?

I'd have to admit, I've never noticed that angle being a problem.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:22:03 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
edited to add:
LadyPact convinced me that I am not a true BDSM'er. I'm a BDSM groupie (insufficient whips & chains) So I'm one of those folks that finds overlap with this community but isn't really a part of it.
Would that be due to you not getting up to various kinky acts or are you just trying to throw Me under the bus?




LOL

I didnt think that sounded like you

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:55:30 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I never noticed a difference between people who discovered their desires early in life or later to be an issue.

I discovered my interests by the age of 5 or 6 but did not understand that they were tied to my sexuality until puberty of course.

I don't judge anyone on how long they are into something; if you read my profile, I say I don't care how long you have been into this, only that you have a desire and the self awareness to be.

Hell, the hottest men I have ever been with were vanillas that I turned on to BDSM.

So, if your question is do I think someone is not real or fake because they are new to this, hell no.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 5:56:34 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Would that be due to you not getting up to various kinky acts or are you just trying to throw Me under the bus?

Hey, I was being serious in a humorous sort of way. But it really was you who convinced me that D/s doesn't belong in BDSM and that particular hair splitting happens to match my personal experience. In the absence of kink you don't go to the parties and if you don't go to the parties & events then you're not really in the community because you don't GO to where the community is.

Heh... I still have lots of friends that are kinky and I still enjoy the hell out of visiting them.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: It's been a minute. Time for another "true&qu... - 6/12/2013 6:01:58 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		One person's nightmare is another person's dream.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 20
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