RE: submissive safety (Full Version)

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cutiewithabootie -> RE: submissive safety (6/20/2013 2:01:35 PM)

Listen! First of all NO ONE likes to be called dirty. EVER. If you are trying to pass yourself off as submissive, THINK FIRST then talk. (Even if a person IS dirty its impolite to discuss personal heigiene. And socially un acceptable. Your SO would be embaressed at looking like an ass with a person who doesn't consider he words)


Secondly, ask yourself "What is my worth?" Think about what you can offer another person. What makes you good enough for anyone to look twice at you and date you? If you don't know the answer then you are not ready to date!


THIRD submissives are NOT stupid. They can think for themselves and can protect themselves. I knew a sub who was a professional body guard!
A dominants job isn't to make sure you never have to think again. They dominate. They don't allow for some silly girl to get dumb. If anything you have to think TWICE as much as a sub. You care for the dominant and the dominant dominates YOU. He doesn't let you lapse into mental retardation. Some dominant want intelligent conversation with a capable woman.

Don't generalize people. I was accepted into an IVY league school, my parents raised me in private schools until my dad died, my kids BOTH have trust funds, and I run my own buisiness. I am not dirty or stupid.

I also volunteer, my ex husband was a preacher and I ran a youth group, I was a cheerleader in high school and it was highly as a kid MY parents might have thought you were of ill repute.

THINK once in awhile. You might go far



tazzygirl -> RE: submissive safety (6/20/2013 2:11:47 PM)

quote:

Listen! First of all NO ONE likes to be called dirty. EVER.


Oh, I dunno. I sorta like it when he calls me his "dirty lil fuck toy"

But I think we all agree I am strange [8D]



OsideGirl -> RE: submissive safety (6/20/2013 2:19:52 PM)


OP, you may want to check out some of the Christian BDSM groups. They may make you feel more comfortable.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: submissive safety (6/20/2013 2:21:23 PM)

She apologized rather genuinely for it. I think she kinda deserves some slack and maybe a little credit for it. She handled it pretty well IMO.

I don't think you are strange at all, tazzygirl [:)]. Dirty ill fuck toys are fun, fun fun [:)]



stef -> RE: submissive safety (6/20/2013 2:47:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie

Listen! First of all NO ONE likes to be called dirty. EVER.


quote:

Don't generalize people.


quote:

THINK once in awhile. You might go far

Following the advice you so freely give might be a good idea, don't you think?



kalikshama -> RE: submissive safety (6/20/2013 3:15:08 PM)

quote:

She apologized rather genuinely for it. I think she kinda deserves some slack and maybe a little credit for it. She handled it pretty well IMO.


Agreed. And that is why one should read the whole thread before replying.



kiwisub12 -> RE: submissive safety (6/20/2013 4:16:17 PM)

I still don't have a firm grasp on what the OP wants. She doesn't want a relationship, she doesn't want to be anywhere where she might be outed, she thinks what we do is icky - I don't think she really knows what she wants.
I'd suggest she stay home and masterbate (pun intended), but I don't think she is comfortable with that either.



Missokyst -> RE: submissive safety (6/20/2013 4:32:04 PM)

What she wants is info on how to find a playmate that is safe. Not a boyfriend, not a dominant, but a casual and occasional partner, and not in a public dungeon.

*OP*
Basically it is a life skill. If you meet people and can get a good feeling about them, AND be proven right over time, then the chances are likely you can carry that over into meeting playmates. If I were looking for a playmate only I would meet them a few times first and get to know them as people, even for a casual fling. I would let someone know where I was and possibly who I was meeting before meeting in a hotel. I would not bring them into my home. I would not be going to their home on a first play meet. I would not allow them to bind me in anyway for a few playdates at the very least. If you do not have the skills, or believe these things are dirty, then you probably cannot judge someone on words alone. Best to develop a healthy respect for your sexuality prior to passing it around, imo.



RedMagic1 -> RE: submissive safety (6/20/2013 6:16:31 PM)

A female friend of mine had a long distance relationship with a man who had been brought up strict Mormon. So they did a lot of phone sex. He wasn't able to say a lot of words, so he would rasp in a sexy voice, "I reach my hand down to your front entrance." She told me that she found it weird at first, but it became super hot to her, in a Victorian way.

To the OP: maybe use your contradicted sexuality as a tool to your advantage? "Oh no sir, please don't make me do anything dirty. Please don't thrust your throbbing organ into my mouth. Please don't violate my back entrance with your fingers. Oh, sir!"



goodgirlmary -> RE: submissive safety (6/22/2013 4:27:30 AM)

That is a really great idea RedMagic1 if Im ever made to talk. I prefer not to, but it makes sense. I do find that among the Daddy doms especially, my secret excitement when they say certain phrases,ex "dirty things (literally the phrase, they dont even have to say anything specific) ,"good girl","bad girl" works for me.. Im not responding to the majority of my pms, but Im watching what appeals and what doesnt based on them.

I may lose my job, and Ive come to terms with that.Its scary. My last relationship went bafly, and the girl in it hasreally hammered home that play outside of them is dangerous to my career (personal safety,etc). Im starting to dismiss info shes given as a friend, and consider the motives behind the information. Even though it could be damaging...But I met a surgeon on here I work with, and I would have to say he always seemed to have a way about him.It is quite possible I am somehow broadcasting it anyway the way he was,where you knew something was intresting, but didnt know what.as he pointed out though, I have "little girl voice" anyway (not sure what that means), and my office is cleaner than the floor. Some people have things and you just have to own them or put them away. Im not going to broadcast what I like or dont, outside of here,and I am as squeeky clean and biblethumping appearring as people alluded in previous messages.people probably wouldnt believe it anyway.my job does have a hefty severance package though.It is financially imprudent to fire me,hope they remember that.

To clarify for kiwisub,the idea of a fwbtype of loose play relationship seemed emotionally safer. Im not looking for one times or whatever, but I dont have the drive to marry and procreate. So middle ground, hopefully Ill find that.

Again, very sorry for running over you guys.I appreciate the advice given, even when its stern.From day one Ive saidImbasically here to learn.And I have,so thank you.



Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: submissive safety (6/23/2013 9:39:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary

Lol. Look, I sit on church committees, regulation committees for a charity, and do a ton of volunteer projects including trauma counseling. I also have a career I care a ton about. I get Im overly cautious, but that being said, half of it is excuse due to him, and half of it is legit concern. Losing what Ive worked for is not an option.I miss him again. I hate having to think for myself, and protect myself. Sigh.
I cant expect dioceses backing for work with children, and be like "oh yeah I completely want to act out slave fantasies".
So again, now that were clear,do people outside of it understand or know what it is?







hahahahaha well my husband is on the city council. Sounds bigger then it really is but all the same. He is on the Water Dept as well as a manager at a home improvement store. Our kids drag us to church and we take them because they love it. That said I have met far nicer and cleaner people at munches then at church. :)



Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: submissive safety (6/23/2013 9:50:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It all comes down to where you work and what their morality clauses are and who your boss is. Thankfully I have a job where we have lgbt organizations and they hold all kinds of stuff at work that is sponsored by them. Last week we had a party during work hours for Pride Day. So anything I do is not really going to be seen as that big a deal. We have a lot of "out" people at my work of all kinds and believe me, my job is not a small business type place or even close to liberal.



Nice. The head of the water dept here was fired, the mayor was all flustered when she said he made leather clothing for sexual entertainment. I had to hold my breath so I would not laugh at her. We could not say anything since my husband likes his paycheck but when she said the same thing to a friend of mine she perked up and said really I wonder if he would make me an outfit. I nearly busted a rib at the look on that woman's face. :D



littlewonder -> RE: submissive safety (6/23/2013 10:19:44 PM)

I just think you're worried over nothing. Relax. Let go. Really, most people really don't care one way or the other what you do with your life. As long as you're not out in the middle of the streets fucking someone or going around yelling from the rooftop, "HEY LOOK AT ME EVERYONE! I'M INTO BDSM!" then no one cares what you do. They have their own lives that they're too concentrated on.



OsideGirl -> RE: submissive safety (6/24/2013 8:43:21 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary


I may lose my job, and Ive come to terms with that.Its scary.



Yep, you could. The chances are miniscule.

1) If someone saw you at an event, they're there for the same reason you are. Which means that outing you, would out them.

2) You're assuming that someone else actually cares that much about your sex life. The reality is that even if someone figured it out, they most likely wouldn't care.

3) In all my years or doing this and in a community the size of Los Angeles, I know of exactly two people that were fired for WWITWD. One was because she didn't keep her sex life out of the office and the second was a revenge deal from a married woman who got dropped by the Dom when he found she was married.

4) You said the munch was 40 miles away. What are the chances of someone you know seeing you at a random restaurant, 40 miles from where you live AND knowing that the group you're sitting with is kinky?



SimplyMichael -> RE: submissive safety (6/24/2013 9:20:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary


I may lose my job, and Ive come to terms with that.Its scary.




3) In all my years or doing this and in a community the size of Los Angeles, I know of exactly two people that were fired for WWITWD.


Bullshit, you might as well live on Mars. There are vast swaths of this country where when people adk what church you go to they are not asking if you are pagan or christian but WHICH baptist church you attend every Sunday. Even in San Francisco I dated a high powered lawyer who worked for a major corp. who had to be VERY careful.



Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: submissive safety (6/24/2013 9:20:32 AM)

While at one last year the friend I was with recognized one guy and knew he worked at the elementary school in our town that is about an hour from where the munches take place. She seemed worried but I told her that the guy works at an elementary school he has a whole lot more intensive to keep his mouth shut then you do. Besides unless someone is just out to make others life hard I do not know why they would say anything.



Killerangel -> RE: submissive safety (6/24/2013 2:56:36 PM)

FR:

It is a risk for some people, whoever sees them at a kinky gathering could explain their presence there in a number of ways from finding out who the pervs were to whatever else they could come up with. It really depends on the job you have, anyone working with kids are probably the biggest risktakers. Public association with kink is not something I'd completely be at ease with if I had a job that could be compromised.



Kana -> RE: submissive safety (6/24/2013 3:37:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes

While at one last year the friend I was with recognized one guy and knew he worked at the elementary school in our town that is about an hour from where the munches take place. She seemed worried but I told her that the guy works at an elementary school he has a whole lot more intensive to keep his mouth shut then you do. Besides unless someone is just out to make others life hard I do not know why they would say anything.

This.
I've always figured I've got the goods on them as much as they do on me, so fuck em.



littlewonder -> RE: submissive safety (6/24/2013 6:26:51 PM)

My experience has been that those who were fired from their jobs had zilch to do with wiitwd and everything to do with being morons who were socially inept or didn't pay attention to the moral clauses in their contracts or due to company not wanting to have someone working for them that always seems to be followed by drama. Who the hell wants someone working for them where what's important is the person working for them and not the business itself? You're there to hype the biz, not yourself. Keep your private life private and don't be stupid and you won't have a single problem.



goodgirlmary -> RE: submissive safety (6/25/2013 5:19:12 AM)

Well, to be sure, Im not advertising my preferences for anything, especially that.Im also not giving pictures to people I dont knowll




The munch was forty MINUTES away. The person I was going to go with bailed, but eh,somedayl



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