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nephandi -> BDSM and Oddness (6/20/2013 10:35:07 AM)
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Greetings
This is a continuation of a off topic discussion in this thread:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_4472878/mpage_1/tm.htm
Where one poster took great offense at his kink being called odd and that another poster said that his unusual kink made him a likely target for paysite recruiters, to avoid the wrath of the mods the conversation will continue here.
So here is a reply to Sissibaby:
quote:
Apparently you have missed the entire point of what I was saying. FYI I am an English speaking person. My response to DS was to point out the importance of us as members of the BDSM community not resorting to accepting labels such as ODD. You apparently have layed down and wish to accept yourself as odd, I choose not to and resent when I am labeled such.
Okey you are English speaking I was just reacting to you seaming to have less of a grasp of what the word target means than I do who are Norwegian. Now odd means simply different, unusual, out of the ordinary and BDSM ARE those things, we can accept it or not it is the truth. Now I have not laid down and accepted myself as odd, I stand tall and proclaim myself as odd, you see unlike you I do not see being unusual as a bad thing. Now you can resent being called odd until the cows come home, but perhaps you should ask yourself why as this is about you, why is this term which is true so hard for you to accept, why do you feel such a need for your kink to be considered normal?
quote:
In fact as I went on to say in my respnse to DS's earlier post, was that as a community we should not tolerate the application of labels to our particular personas. Let me illustrate to you since you seem to misunderstand what I am saying. When you were bullied and you then later responded to the ask for a dance by snapping back, perhaps the individual you snapped back at decided you were either mentally ill or perhaps a sociopath or at the very least distrubed. Do you like the fact that even if your response was perhaps uninteded in hindsight or even at the time the result of a long history of others bullying you, that the person or persons that asked you for a dance, walked away thinking you were a distrubed individual.
What I do not like about the situation with the boy I snapped at was that I hurt his feelings and that I robbed myself of a chance to have a nice dance with a cute boy, I robbed myself of the chance of a fun night at a ship, perhaps I would have even gotten a peck on the cheek and it would have been a memory for life. Yes sure that boy might have walked away thinking I was disturbed and he would be RIGHT the bullying I experienced made me so suspicious of others I snapped at a nice young boy asking for a dance I immediately thought he was there to torment me, that is being disturbed and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Accepting something to be true is not laying down, it is embracing all of one's being and not trying to desperately fit into normalcy.
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Now lets just suppose that years later you walked into a job interview and that individual was sitting behind the desk you were interviewing for and they remembered that you acted mentally disturbed when asked a simple question to dance, and decided not to hire you because of your previous history of acting mentally disturbed in their eyes.
If my potential boss would not hire me for how I acted when I asked him for a dance when I was 11 then I would probably be better off as that would not be a person I would like to work for. If he asked about the situation I would tell him why I acted what I did and that yes I have mental issues and I am in no way shape or form ashamed of them.
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I hope you can see the point here that labels not only can hurt you personally in the way you feel a community you have chosen to join are responding to your persona rather than your thoughts in word, but that they somehow have accepted that labeling is just well and fine and in fact that as a community we should see ourselves as "ODD". We are not ODD, we are not to accept lables of being TARGETS, we need to let those that do such things know that it is as wrong as you not getting that exampled job based on something that happened years earlier and the impression you left.
I normally do not bring age into a conversation, but I will here, not because I think being a middle aged gentleman is wrong, but because you have grown up in a different time. I am sure that when you grew up being called odd was a horrible insult, but it is not anymore, there is far less of a pressure to be like everybody else now. Also I believe in accepting the truth about ourselves, the truth is I have mental issues and I still do, the truth is both you and me are odd and none of the two there are anything wrong with. I am a bisexual, Pagan occultist. I am a Goth and a transhumanist, a BDSMer, geek and Gorean I am odd as fuck and if someone would not give me a job for accepting who I am and not trying to force everything I am into an idea of normal I say to hell with them.
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Im sorry you dont understand the point here and would rather go on defending the notion that as a community we need to accept the labels that others put on our personas but I choose not to and will continue to defend the notion that it is wrong when it happens to me
It is your right to protest anything you want. However believe me, if you are afraid of people looking at you funny, that you continue to act butthurt that someone called you odd and then even corrected themselves to say that what they meant was that since your kink is unusual and that there are more submissives wanting it than Dominants providing you where a more likely target for pay sites are going to draw allot more stares than accepting the term odd.
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and when it happens when a master thinks that its always proper to call someone a SLUT and that subs always have to address individuals as MASTER.
This is something else. A Dominant having the idea that all submissives should obey him or that all submissives are promiscuous that is an error in judgement and assumption, wrongful information. Calling a kink that is shared by three people in an entire state for odd as in unusual and then pointing out that it is not in any way meant to say said kink is wrong is just stating a fact.
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As to my previous points about many that I come across are trolling to feed to commercial sites, perhaps some of the origin of the address issue is that those indivduals that are demanding proper titles are also one in the same in some or perhaps even many cases as those that are trying to funnel folks to commercial sites that involve pay to play as if the notion of a BDSM lifestyle is something that is akin to a playstation or wii game. It is not!
I have never ever experienced this. I have had allot of Doms demand I call them Master, Sir or Lord but I have never been invited to a single pay site. I see no evidence that your theory that the only ones demanding titles form subs they do not know are the ones recruiting for paysites, could it be some recruiters do it as well, sure...but generally the ones who demand such things are either inexperienced or overly entitled, unless like I said they are a part of a lifestyle where such respect is due someone who is free in which case the behavior is quite okey.
Now here is the definition of odd from the Merriam Webster dictionary. I have taken the relevant definition and not things like the odd shoe and such figures of speech.
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4
a : not regular, expected, or planned <worked at odd jobs>
b : encountered or experienced from time to time : occasional
5
: having an out-of-the-way location : remote
6
: differing markedly from the usual or ordinary or accepted :
Do you see much that are negative here? Odd simply means out of the ordinary and BDSM is out of the ordinary and wanting to be an adult baby, while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that desire is even more out of the ordinary, aka it is odd and you can protest it all you want, it is still the truth.
I wish you well
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