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hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Overweight bdsm women (6/28/2006 8:18:55 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Skier
A dominant should do what's moral for his/her submissive/slave
I'll say here what I've said elsewhere, and believe in as a concept 100% : Morals are a Learned Perversion - Ethics are a Character Flaw that forces us to back words with deeds. Morals are the standards which are set by the society that we live in. They CHANGE according to a variety of factors - time, prevailing social circumstances, prevailing religious views of the group in question, etc. Conversely, ethics are much more static - they do not significantly change based on location or time period. It's like the difference between whether it's acceptable/preferable to marry a particular person, or absolutely forbidden - a condition which has had as many variants as there have been cultures and religions in the world throughout human history - vs whether it's acceptable/preferable to steal outside of certain ritual circumstances, or commit murder outside of specific sanctioned settings. In the second case, the specific ritual circumstances which allow for theft or murder may change to suit variances within culture - but the underlying belief that it's wrong to do so OUTSIDE those ritual/approved circumstances does Not.
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and it's discouraging when I see so many subs who are in relationships continue to remain overweight or continue to smoke.
Ok, my "dumb question" for the day. WHY does it discourage you? Why would you care at all? These are people who are not in a relationship with you. I'm willing to bet at least even odds that you don't, and likely never will, even meet and get to know the vast majority of them - unless you're speaking exclusively of those people in your local area, though you didn't specify that in your post. Obviously, if they do so they aren't a good fit for you. Which is fine, no one can be all things to all people. Yet I have to ask, have you stopped to find out if perhaps they Enjoy smoking and don't agree with your opinion on it? Have you found out whether there are possibly Reasons (beyond simply eatting to much/not exercising enough) that they are heavier than YOU think they should be? Have you enquired into whether the partner they are with LIKES them that way? Perhaps you've checked on whether there are preexisting medical conditions - or even medications to Treat preexisting conditions - which cause or contribute to their weight, whether high or low? (Don't scoff at the idea that being on certain medications can make you overweight - they can. Corticosteriods like prednisone are used to treat conditions like Lupus and Fibromyalgia, and have a Known, Listed side effect of causing weight gain.) Have you paused to find out whether they're healthy DESPITE the smoking/weight issues, or simply assumed that they MUST be Unhealthy regardless of medical evidence to the contrary for them specifically? Are you equally as discouraged by submissives who are vastly UNDER weight for whatever reason (such as bolemia/anorexia/health issues/medications), to feel that their partner isn't doing what he "should" for THEM?
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Most dominants do not take their ethical responsibilities seriously enough.
Broad Generalizations are a bad idea under the best of circumstances.
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If a dominant is overweight or smokes then he/she obviously can't control him/herself and has NO business trying to manage someone else's life.
And this assumption/conclusion on their level of self control is based on.... ? Individual conversations with those in question? Inquiry into their medical history? Knowledge of them, specifically, and how they live their life? Personally witnessing them in their day to day habits over an extended period of time? Since when did a preference for Kink apply only to those who fit within a rigid set of weight classifications?
It is my studied opinion that people should actually take the time to do research into each member of a group they are going to lump together, before potentially stuffing their foot in their mouth by assigning specific unproven characteristics to that group as a whole. I haven't been offended by this thread, nor am I by the responce that I've quoted. I certainly don't take it personally. However, I find the preponderance of some within society to simply take what's been stated by the media as gospel rather than popular opinion to be... puzzling at best. Weight issues, especially, have been prone throughout human history to run the gamut from expecting folks to be anything from lean/thin to decidedly large by current standards. Prior to the industrial revolution, a large woman was looked on as Desirable, and her weight was an indication of a man's ability to provide for her, whether that man be her father or her spouce. It was a sign of Wealth and Health, in times when famine was a constant threat, and one had to be Wealthy in order to have the Leisure to do something other than toil for 16 hours a day in the fields and forest simply to eat at ALL. Currently, the popular opinion espouced by the media (and by fashion mavens, hollywood, the garment industry, etc) is that if you aren't between a size 0 and 9, you're to large - possibly bordering on dangerously obese - and automatically have weight related health issues and/or are lazy/stupid/ugly/poor/etc ad nauseum.
Keep in mind, when you fall for this particular strain of popular opinion, that Marilyn Monroe was/is considered one of the sexiest women of all time and SHE was a size 14! Since it's been less than 50 years since the height of her popularity, her own case gives a fairly good indication of just how quickly popular opinion can shift.
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