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RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 5:25:44 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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FR~

I would guess that most people don't like to see a shopping list of kinks (I know I don't).
But also, most people like to see those that might be of interest.
Thats why we have the membership divided into 'groups' (eg; Dom, sub, slave, switch etc).
At least that way we are pointing in the right direction when it comes to searching.

IMHO, if you want to present a shopping list, it should be done in two halves -
1) A short but concise list of absolutes (tall/short etc, local/distant, TPE, online/rl, hard limits).
2) A longer list of 'bonus' points that might get more responses.
To a certain degree, CM has the list of things on the left of a profile which can help.

But, to have a huge kink shopping list in your profile is probably one of the many reasons people don't bother with contacting potential matches.
They take one look at that list and do a runner without even bothering to send a message.
Also, many people are very inflexible.
They have a list of boxes that you must tick in order to get past that first hurdle.

And as Tazzy mentioned, you can't always mold or bend someone to be what you want them to be.
Someone could be happy being a sub but just aren't 'wired' to be a slave and no amount of coersion would ever make them into a suitable and happy slave unless they wanted to be one. Just like in vanilla situations - how many have had a failed relationship because they thought they could change their man/woman and it failed miserably? It's just the same with BDSM and I honestly don't understand why people think it's vastly different just because it's BDSM.

I wonder how many on here in a relationship could provide a list of tick-boxes that fit their lifestyle and would have been able to tick them all when they were searching for their partner??

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 61

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 5:31:42 AM

goodgirlmary

Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline

I think thats true to an extent.people change. I would say Im looking for things I definetely wouldnt have last year.but a small list of what one wants or doesnt, IMO, is kindof necessary

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 62

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 6:05:25 AM

hrxxx

Posts: 294
Joined: 5/13/2013
Status: offline

Do you see it as the same as searching on a BDSM site for a partner?
If you are looking at a BDSM site then your profile is the only thing that others see of you and, you're not going to talk randomly with someone, if they feel rejected just from reading your profile, this seems logical, does it not .

And since the OP is looking for a slave who is in fit gym form, and she can not find one.
Why not try to find a slave who need training to get in fit gym form maybe it would give a better result.

_____________________________

I have to realize that against stupidity even the gods struggle in vain.

I do not care about your comment! Because I think so little of you!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 63

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 7:31:31 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx

But my advice is to look at BDSM criteria first and see what it brings, perhaps it is possible to find a slave who not only into online M / S or casual sex.

Which from a relationship standpoint, is pretty much the worst way to go looking for a partner. Core values come before kinky sex compatibility. And quite frankly, I was never interested in someone that was more fixated on WHAT I was, rather than WHO I was.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx
My guess is that you and your master, did not write precise about your BDSM criteria and that your relationship just developed as it has. But I could be wrong.

You're wrong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

And my guess is that OsideGirl and her Master met offline, no Internet site involved at all, just like she said in her post.

Eaxctly. It's amazing what happens when you get out from behind your computer. (Like having a grasp on reality)

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 64

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 8:52:35 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

my head started spinning, my eyes started doing something weird and I thought... I better diagnose these symptoms. It was kind of funny.

I've seen that before. It usually occurs when a naturally submissive woman tries to be a Domme. Perhaps you could come over here and I'll see what I can do about those symptoms.

There is an easier way to get a domina to top your ass darlin. I've told you over and over again, nothing you say could make me 'take' you by force. I know this fantasy of your's but you will simply have to get over it.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 65

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 8:59:49 AM

hrxxx

Posts: 294
Joined: 5/13/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx

But my advice is to look at BDSM criteria first and see what it brings, perhaps it is possible to find a slave who not only into online M / S or casual sex.

Which from a relationship standpoint, is pretty much the worst way to go looking for a partner. Core values come before kinky sex compatibility. And quite frankly, I was never interested in someone that was more fixated on WHAT I was, rather than WHO I was.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx
My guess is that you and your master, did not write precise about your BDSM criteria and that your relationship just developed as it has. But I could be wrong.

You're wrong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

And my guess is that OsideGirl and her Master met offline, no Internet site involved at all, just like she said in her post.

Eaxctly. It's amazing what happens when you get out from behind your computer. (Like having a grasp on reality)

You can tell the difference between real life and the internet? In real life you do not start by telling your BDSM criteria, do you? In real life, people have time to get to know you, have they not?
But since this is a website and not real life, then you have 25 seconds to tell everything about yourself, and if you can not, then there is a button called NEXT
and there is no second chance, this is how the Internet works.

_____________________________

I have to realize that against stupidity even the gods struggle in vain.

I do not care about your comment! Because I think so little of you!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 66

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 9:28:46 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Wow... so I have twenty five seconds to tell everything there is about myself or someone will hit next?

Is this an attempt to get boob shots?

hrxxx, you may have your opinions and feel free to express them, but the problem is that there isn't one way that every person acts, nor should there be. You can call it real, I can call it fake and you know what... no one really gives a fuck, however they will debate it.

Your one way, how it should be, what a m/s relationship can be or it is fake... is going to get you a lot of debate.

(in reply to hrxxx)

Post #: 67

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 9:48:41 AM

hrxxx

Posts: 294
Joined: 5/13/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Wow... so I have twenty five seconds to tell everything there is about myself or someone will hit next?

Is this an attempt to get boob shots?

hrxxx, you may have your opinions and feel free to express them, but the problem is that there isn't one way that every person acts, nor should there be. You can call it real, I can call it fake and you know what... no one really gives a fuck, however they will debate it. Your one way, how it should be, what a m/s relationship can be or it is fake... is going to get you a lot of debate.

You are free to debate anything I write, if I have time to answer you, then i answer you, but do not expect that i agree with you

_____________________________

I have to realize that against stupidity even the gods struggle in vain.

I do not care about your comment! Because I think so little of you!

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 68

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 9:51:28 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Of course you wouldn't.

That was kind of my point.

Enjoy.

(in reply to hrxxx)

Post #: 69

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 10:15:49 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Men like you... amuse me. I doubt you want to know why.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to hrxxx)

Post #: 70

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 10:23:27 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx
But my advice is to look at BDSM criteria first and see what it brings, perhaps it is possible to find a slave who not only into online M / S or casual sex.

Which from a relationship standpoint, is pretty much the worst way to go looking for a partner. Core values come before kinky sex compatibility. And quite frankly, I was never interested in someone that was more fixated on WHAT I was, rather than WHO I was.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx
My guess is that you and your master, did not write precise about your BDSM criteria and that your relationship just developed as it has. But I could be wrong.

You're wrong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

And my guess is that OsideGirl and her Master met offline, no Internet site involved at all, just like she said in her post.

Eaxctly. It's amazing what happens when you get out from behind your computer. (Like having a grasp on reality)

You can tell the difference between real life and the internet? In real life you do not start by telling your BDSM criteria, do you? In real life, people have time to get to know you, have they not?
But since this is a website and not real life, then you have 25 seconds to tell everything about yourself, and if you can not, then there is a button called NEXT
and there is no second chance, this is how the Internet works.

Why do you ASSUME that you have less time on the internet than you do in real life????
What an absurd notion!
And as Oside said, looking at the BDSM side first is definitely the wrong way to go about finding anyone - not if you want it to last.

People can take minutes, hours, days, even weeks to look at a profile and decide whether they want to make contact or not.
In real life, there are time constraints of living, work schedules, sociable hours, kids etc.
So in many respects, you have a heap loads more time on the internet than in real life.
Once you have made contact, you can continue your stuff online, offline and in real life just like any other way of meeting people - BDSM or vanilla.

So where the fuck do you get this strange notion that internet gives you a mere 25 seconds???

You have a weird sense of ass-backwards logic and it's not the way the internet works for most people.
If that's the way you works then it's your fault.
I'm willing to bet that most people don't work like that.

(in reply to hrxxx)

Post #: 71

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 11:07:23 AM

Just0Us0Two

Posts: 135
Joined: 6/3/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682
Anytime I see a grown Adult Lady say she only weighs about 50 lbs and from Ghana, I can pretty much tell that profile is a fake. I don't even consider "Collarme" as a dating site anymore because it is so overwhelmed with scammers. That's both guys and girls. The Fin-Ducks who like their middle finger so much and well,can't say I am looking for guys except for friendship, so that doesn't even bother me. Still,I just ignore all the fraudsters because there are just too many on the other "side".

We were on here for quite a while with little to no success. Then recently we met two girls at almost exactly the same time, within a day or each other at any rate, one here and one on Fet. One of these didn't workout, but we're still seeing the other girl and it's looking good for turning into something long-term. So while I agree that there's a lot of fakes here, it is possible to find someone real if you're willing to put enough effort into the process.

As far as on-line only goes, we've run across those as well. People that talk a good game, but their entire strategy revolves around keeping thinks online for as long as possible, keeping you talking and wasting time, then they vanish.

(in reply to Charles6682)

Post #: 72

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 11:29:17 AM

hrxxx

Posts: 294
Joined: 5/13/2013
Status: offline

Since I only know the female slave profiles, can i only tell you, that there is no one, who lists moonlight walks and candlelit dinner on their profile as their criteria.

_____________________________

I have to realize that against stupidity even the gods struggle in vain.

I do not care about your comment! Because I think so little of you!

(in reply to Just0Us0Two)

Post #: 73

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 11:32:21 AM

hrxxx

Posts: 294
Joined: 5/13/2013
Status: offline

No what fun would that be

_____________________________

I have to realize that against stupidity even the gods struggle in vain.

I do not care about your comment! Because I think so little of you!

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 74

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 11:39:15 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx
Since I only know the female slave profiles, can i only tell you, that there is no one, who lists moonlight walks and candlelit dinner on their profile as their criteria.

Maybe you haven't skimmed as many profiles as I have but I can assure you there are some out there with vanilla notions on their profiles.

And to be honest, I prefer those type of profiles to those that are nothing but kink related.

(in reply to hrxxx)

Post #: 75

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 11:45:10 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx

Since I only know the female slave profiles, can i only tell you, that there is no one, who lists moonlight walks and candlelit dinner on their profile as their criteria.

When I was searching, there was not one fetish or nude/semi nude picture on my profile. My main profile page was a picture of me in front of Cinderella's Castle at Disney World in FL in jeans and a t-shirt. The only place in my profile where kink was mentioned was in my likes/loves/hard limits section on the left. My profile was about who I was as a person and the personality traits of the person I was seeking. I mentioned my love of travel and my near-future travel plans (I had two more trips planned for over the next 3-4 months).

I'm a person before I'm anyone's slave. He had to be a person before he could be my dominant/Master. We had to mesh on a vanilla level long before he was ever allowed to kiss or spank me.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to hrxxx)

Post #: 76

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 11:46:22 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Just0Us0Two

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682
Anytime I see a grown Adult Lady say she only weighs about 50 lbs and from Ghana, I can pretty much tell that profile is a fake. I don't even consider "Collarme" as a dating site anymore because it is so overwhelmed with scammers. That's both guys and girls. The Fin-Ducks who like their middle finger so much and well,can't say I am looking for guys except for friendship, so that doesn't even bother me. Still,I just ignore all the fraudsters because there are just too many on the other "side".

We were on here for quite a while with little to no success. Then recently we met two girls at almost exactly the same time, within a day or each other at any rate, one here and one on Fet. One of these didn't workout, but we're still seeing the other girl and it's looking good for turning into something long-term. So while I agree that there's a lot of fakes here, it is possible to find someone real if you're willing to put enough effort into the process.

As far as on-line only goes, we've run across those as well. People that talk a good game, but their entire strategy revolves around keeping thinks online for as long as possible, keeping you talking and wasting time, then they vanish.

(underlining mine)

And that's the root of the problem - putting enough effort into it!
Sooo many newbies on here seem to want instant results with no effort.

To Charles: It doesn't mean they are fake, although they could be.
It means they are looking for a meal ticket and a free ride out of their country.

(in reply to Just0Us0Two)

Post #: 77

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 11:49:14 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir
I'm a person before I'm anyone's slave. He had to be a person before he could be my dominant/Master. We had to mesh on a vanilla level long before he was ever allowed to kiss or spank me.

^^^^^ THIS!!! In spades! ^^^^^

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 78

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 12:12:48 PM

hrxxx

Posts: 294
Joined: 5/13/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx

Since I only know the female slave profiles, can i only tell you, that there is no one, who lists moonlight walks and candlelit dinner on their profile as their criteria.

When I was searching, there was not one fetish or nude/semi nude picture on my profile. My main profile page was a picture of me in front of Cinderella's Castle at Disney World in FL in jeans and a t-shirt. The only place in my profile where kink was mentioned was in my likes/loves/hard limits section on the left. My profile was about who I was as a person and the personality traits of the person I was seeking. I mentioned my love of travel and my near-future travel plans (I had two more trips planned for over the next 3-4 months).

I'm a person before I'm anyone's slave. He had to be a person before he could be my dominant/Master. We had to mesh on a vanilla level long before he was ever allowed to kiss or spank me.

I think we are looking for something very different in BDSM, and I think we have a very different view of the trainer / slave relationship

_____________________________

I have to realize that against stupidity even the gods struggle in vain.

I do not care about your comment! Because I think so little of you!

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 79

RE: Online only? - 6/29/2013 12:18:50 PM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx
I think we are looking for something very different in BDSM, and I think we have a very different view of the trainer / slave relationship

Maybe if you are only looking for play scenarios then perhaps you could look at the kink list first.
But even in that setting, you need to get on with people as people first, not the kink!

So to me, you are doing things completely ass-backwards.

Just my

(in reply to hrxxx)

Post #: 80

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