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UllrsIshtar -> RE: Bondage/Confinement Ethics and Preparedness. (7/1/2013 12:31:43 PM)
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It think it's an interesting question, I just wasn't sure if that's what you where asking or not.
Well for me, for starters, I don't identify as submissive or massochistic at, and on top of that I'm very into 'forced' play and feelings of helplessness and surrender.
If a Top wants to spank me without any restraints. Just the "stand still and bend over" type, I'm going to be incredibly picky and restrictive of what exactly he can do, how, and how hard. If he fails to stay precisely within the parameters of what I find enjoyable at that point, don't expect me to actually stay put. Without restraints I for starters don't get into a head space where I want to endure to please him, and secondly I don't have any concept of loyalty through obedience in which I feel I owe him to obey the command to stand still.
With restraints that I can escape if need be for an emergency, but that still hold me in place in a scene quite well, that all changes. At that point by the mere fact of the restraints I become far less combative, and will have far less of an insistence that what happens is enjoyable to me in the moment. It allows for a mindset where a guy can take far more liberties with what he can do with me, up onto the point of beating me into catatonia if he wants. However, as soon as he walks away from the scene, or if it's too easy for me to escape during the scene, the same mindset again kicks in as there was without any restraints at all: I don't feel obligated to obey a command to stay put, if staying put equals physical discomfort to me. If I, in the moment, don't like what's happening, and I can physically prevent it by getting out of the restraints easily, I will.
The thing is, despite all that, I also do like having my limits of endurance pushed beyond the point where I feel I can take it... beyond the point where I would try to get out if I could. It's just that the only way that I can be pushed to that point is by it actually being physically impossible for me to get out.
There are gradations in that which are all tied in to the level of actual discomfort.
Making me sleep with my hands tied behind my back in bed, in such a way that my shoulders will slightly ache after a while will probably result in me waking up around 3am, not in the mood for physical discomfort, untying myself, and disappointment in the morning that I didn't make it through the night in bondage.
Doing the same thing with locked cuffs and a chain, with the key out of reach, won't drive me to the point that I'd get up out of bed to get the bolt cutter from the garage and cut the chain, and instead would have me just deal with the discomfort until morning.
Doing the same thing with me chained naked on a concrete floor, with a bolt cutter in reach, and I will end up being miserable enough that I will cut the chain.
Forced restraints in intently uncomfortable positions is something that I enjoy a lot, but not something I can attain without the restraints actually being forced, because my drive to obey commands is simple not strong enough to fear displeasing a man enough to self-inflict suffering upon myself by staying put in whatever situation he's ordered me to stay put when I can get out.
And I do very much register 'voluntarily staying put in a uncomfortable position, or with uncomfortable things being done to me' as 'self-inflicted suffering' instead of 'suffering he's inflicting on me'. Suffering he's inflicting on me is freaking hot, and it will get me horny out of my mind... self-inflicted suffering not so much...
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