Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Was it too much to ask?!


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Was it too much to ask?! Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:13:27 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		I was supposed to be going on a date tomorrow. But, when he mentioned maybe ending up at his place at some point I asked him for his address so that I could give it to my sister for safety purposes. He refused to do so stating that he doesn't give his address to strangers... I then asked if he would even give me a street close to his place I could get to and give to her if I needed to leave for whatever reason and have her come get me. I told him that I didn't see that happening, but that while I always hope for the best I always plan for the worst. He said it made no sense because he had already told me that he would pick me up and bring me home... I didn't feel comfortable with that answer so I told him that he wouldn't be picking me up then. He didn't answer back and promptly went offline. My question is was it too much to ask for his address or even a street name close to him for safety and peace of mind purposes?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:23:13 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		If you have never met, then it may be. However, it may also be too soon to possibly invite a stranger to your house, but he has nearly done so. A stranger he won't give an address to. Sound strange to you? Oh, I can do you, but until I decide to do you, you cannot have the address or... you get that address before you go... or he gives you a false address before you go. Really, no moral judgment here... had a few one night or quick night stands with strangers, but if he can think of ending up at his place if he likes you enough... maybe he is willing to wait a while until you know one another, continue to meet in public and give his full name and address, etc. so you can check it out before you go there.

If he isn't okay with that... fuck him... and I don't mean in the biblical way. Do not hand your safety to a stranger that won't even consider your need for safety.

Wait a minute... he will pick you up? So he can know where you are from or living and you can't know where he does? I would exit... pronto.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 7/4/2013 6:25:04 PM >

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:26:53 PM   
TallullahHk


Posts: 572
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline 		To each their own but I wouldn't go back to someone's place on the first meeting. Especially with someone who refused to provide information that would make me feel comfortable enough to do so. He won't give his address to a complete stranger but expects that stranger to agree to come to his place? Red Flag City.

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:28:17 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you Rawni. That was my thought too. I mean he kept saying things that showed that he wanted us to end up at his place but I kept saying maybe since we hadn't met in person and we might not have any chemistry beyond online. There would not have been any penetrative sex whether we ended up there or not. I don't do that on a first date.. he claimed he didn't either... But he kept pushing the ending up at his place part of things so I asked him for the address... The rest you already read in my OP...

Sorry I saw where it said you go by Lockit! So thank you Lockit

< Message edited by SweetAngel43211 -- 7/4/2013 6:30:58 PM >

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:29:56 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you for your reply. It sent up a huge red flag for me, but since I am so new to this I wanted some outside advice on it. It has been confirmed that my instincts on it were correct, so again thanks. :-)

(in reply to TallullahHk)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:30:00 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Analyzing just this issue in a vacuum, I side with him. If the two of you haven't even met, let alone decided to go home together, it's too soon to exchange addresses. The questions you were asking him would have been appropriate at the point when he invited you over. If at that time he refused to answer, you'd want to run like hell.

Amended: I missed the part about his picking you up and bringing you home. In that case he should have given you his address if you asked. Otherwise things are unequal. However, it was unwise to agree to that arrangement. Like others have said, you should have gone on your own to a public place and met him there.

< Message edited by Baroana -- 7/4/2013 6:36:45 PM >

(in reply to TallullahHk)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:30:40 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Sometimes it doesn't matter what you are willing to do on a first date. If you are willing to let him pick you up, take you somewhere, god knows where... his place.. he may figure he can convince you to be willing... or not.

GO with your gut, never, ever ignore your gut. Even if you look like a fraidy cat... better to be a safe fraidy cat than otherwise. And pushy men... well... I bet you can guess what I think about them. One guess.

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:32:42 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Your level of comfort should be at least as important as his wish for protecting his privacy.

He would have you go to a strange place but won't provide you with the address?
Yup, red flag.

This is one reason why an initial meeting for coffee is a good idea.
If the chemistry is good, great, then next time you can meet for lunch.
If not, you haven't wasted much time or money.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:35:30 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		The problem is by that time I am already with him.. We were going to a beach near his place so either way I would need to know where I was to get help. I gave him mine and told him before that if we decided that I was going to his place that I would need to give his address to my sister and he said okay, but then he didn't want to give it to me. It didn't have to be today it could have been during, but he didn't want me to have it to give to her at all. He said it didn't make any sense for her to have it since he said he would pick me up and bring me back that I didn't need it at all and I should just deal with it... I know I didn't elaborate enough in my OP. I am sorry that I didn't.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:37:39 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you for your reply. :-) I am trying to see both sides of this. If I had not given him my address and was meeting him somewhere I could see where he would have been more concerned. But I did give it to him and I thought I should get the same in return.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:38:30 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		He has already lied to you. You want to trust that?

There are far better men that will consider your safety before you get a chance to. Find one of them. Be valued.

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:38:45 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		I just saw your edit. I am thinking the same thing now and will definitely be doing that in the future. Thanks.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:39:04 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		For most people, meeting on neutral turf is best... and that includes not being picked up.
But if he is picking her up then that seems to indicate he knows where she lives and if that is the case then reciprocity seems fair.
At least in the form of her seeing his driver's licence and texting the info to your safe call.

Having said that, when I was first meeting people, I did not have a car, so I either borrowed one or was picked up.
No harm came to me.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:39:49 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you Lockit. I will do that. :-)

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:41:23 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		That was my thought as well. That if I gave him mine then why can't I have his? I am unable to drive right now do to some physical issues, but in the future I will see if my sis can drop me off or take a bus.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 6:57:11 PM   
TallullahHk


Posts: 572
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline 		I would caution against giving out your address so readily and assuming he will return in kind. I, personally, prefer to meet on neutral territory. You really never know if you are going to click with someone or not and if you've been picked up and taken to a strange place you could find yourself in a very tough situation. If a man isn't willing to meet at a coffee shop first I move on. If he can't respect that how can I expect him to respect my limits, etc.

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 7:01:37 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		I will keep that in mind. I plan to use a lot more caution in the future. Thanks for the advice.

(in reply to TallullahHk)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 7:10:36 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		If he's not comfortable giving you the address upfront to text to somebody, only meet him in public places until he feel comfortable enough to give it to you.

Don't go to a strange guy's house alone without knowing the address upfront.

If he's not willing to give it to you upfront, be unwilling to have him drive you there (or anywhere for that matter) and only meet him in public places.



_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 7:47:22 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I wont go to anyone's home if I dont have the address. You are better off without this fella.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/4/2013 7:56:22 PM   
SweetAngel43211


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you I will be doing things differently from now on!

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Was it too much to ask?! Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094