njlauren
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quote:
ORIGINAL: theRose4U
quote:
ORIGINAL: hrxxx
quote:
ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Well it has happened again...potential sub comes across my path. We talk by email, we talk by phone, we meet in person then poof "this lifestyle isn't for them" (usually during or soon after discussion of checklist). To explain, I make note of but do not respond to particular kinks or fetishes they list in the first 10 emails, do not participate in phone sex & show up at the coffee house in clothes designed to blend.
First question is, are male subs the only ones flakier than a buttermilk biscuit? Is it a volume thing, so many of them so few of us that men obsessing over the idea of kink makes them insane when they may achieve their goal of having a dominant?
Or is it that meeting a potential sub as a human being instead of the porn fictionalized version of a dominant: leather dress, stiletto heels & a whip for the local starbucks the problem? Is it ok for us to be humans first & kinky second?
--color me confused--
If he was a slave and not submissive, then would all kink come first, and he would not want to see a Mistress as a human being, but only as a Mistress.
There is a huge difference between being a slave and submissive.
A slave is living his fantasy out into real life, about being a real slave!
A submissive is living in a fantasy in real life, about being a slave!
So if you find a slave and you are Domina, then you will not fit together.
Unfortunately there are not many who can tell the difference between slave and submissive, and then occurs all these misunderstandings, and it happens because they do not understand BDSM, and never tried to study a little bit about BDSM, but if I should try to make it easy for you then you can read about how I have described sadism / masochism here sadomasochisme
And when you read about sadism and masochism, then you should try to understand that slave is a form of masochism, they both have fantasies that replace normal sexual fantasies, the difference is wher the masochist fantasize about pain and torture, the slave fantasizing about being real slave.
But they suffer both from a psychological sexual disorder
and the diagnosis is the same for slaves and for master´s as it is for sadists and masochists
A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving acts (real, not simulated) in which the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim is sexually exciting to the person.
B. The person has acted on these urges with a nonconsenting person, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.
The official DSM-IV criteria for sexual masochism are:
A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving the act (real, not simulated) of being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer.
B. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
In common has sadists / masochists / slave / master / mistress that they all want to live their fantasies out in real life, and that they want to get as close to their imagination as possible.
So when they enter an M / S. relationship, then the limits are set before, they enter the relationship, and within the limits is the relationship limitless, so there is no chance to say no or stop the relationship, everything that happens after the relationship is entered into, will be considered as part of the fantasy as they live out in real life
It is not far from a master with a BDSM profile to a Master with a house in Cleveland
And as it seems to me, the you and him has agreed limits! and you have destroyed his fantasy by showing your vanilla side.
And I think it was very lucky, that it was not a submissive, who was meeting with a master, and did not know about the difference between D / S and M / S, it might have ended up very wrong.
My experience is that the slave knows what they want! They want to live out the fantasy in real life, and if they see a Domina and not a Mistress they will just leave you.
Master / slave relationship is the most extreme relationship that are in BDSM! Like sadomasochism is the most extreme in BDSM, it's only people who have a psychological sexual disorder which is in those categories and who want to live their fantasies completely out into real life.
But as I said there are not many who understand it, and there are many who believe they are sadists / masochists / master / slave but they are not.
Words can be dangerous if you do not understand the right meaning, and it is my experience here from collarme that people invent their own description of words they do not understand, then they fit into their world view.
A Domina can never have a slave in a D / S. relationship
But a Mistress can get a submissive into an M / S relationship. and punish the submissive to become a slave.
So the next time pay more attention to whether it is a slave or submissive you talk to, because there is a very big difference
Thanks for the pinch, this kind of advice is still mis-informed, heavy handed crap!!! Been in kink longer than he's been alive. No limits or anything else negotiated & no slave I'm acquainted with fell for "me dom you slave" from the very beginning they proceeded there over a long period of time. But hey thank for confirming internal compass is in working order on this topic.
Bingo, ya hit the nail on the head with that post, here is an example of another thread (about how you know someone is an expert), when what they right comes off as a piece written by some third rate psych professor at a mediocre college, they aren't:). This post reminds me of the old saying, if you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bs.
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RE: Ruining the illusion? - 
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hear that boys?!?
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