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iFraudius -> RE: Is submission humiliating? (6/28/2006 10:39:28 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TeeGO
There is something inherent in a male submitting to a female that screams the male is humiliating himself in doing so. At least that is the way society view things. Yet, I do feel that myself. I feel that submitting to a female is a humiliating act.
What I'd like to know is if this thinking is solid or am I missing something?
I'd separate these issues.
In the beginning, when first exploring my submissive urges, uncertain as to the reaction I'd get, there was a factor of humiliation that was a part of the risk taking, frequently with women who either were only participating because I had introduced the idea, or, whom I didn't know very well. And in fact, there were times when they did seem to enjoy trying to humiliate me for wanting to be submissive and servile to them.
As I got to know dominant women who had chosen to have me serve them, that aspect of the humiliation diminished or disappeared. They made me feel welcome and comfortable in submitting to them; in fact, they rewarded me for submission that was candid and sincere. And I learned that the nature of the relationship on that basis was both mutually rewarding and not in the least bit humiliating.
quote:
That has troubled me until I thought that submission itself is an act of humiliation, whether it’s male to Female, or female to Male, or otherwise. The humbling of oneself to be controlled by another. I guess that is humiliation.
Here I'd distinguish "humbling" and "humiliating". I believe one can be humble (or humbled) without being humiliated in the least bit. Humiliation implies a lowering which is looked upon as degrading or reducing one's value in their own eyes or others; humbling is defined by Websters as "1 : not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive
2 : reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission <a humble apology>"
Today I still definitely feel humble (and want to) when serving a dominant female. In fact, I want her to feel that spirit on my part, to encourage her to express her dominance and desires as freely as possible. But unless she wants me to also experience humiliation and works at giving me the experience, I won't be humiliated. But that brings us to the third perspective:
quote:
This erotic humiliation is, I believe, the foundation for my submission. For whatever reason I get a thrill from it.
Ah yes! The joy of erotic humiliation! I believe I've read LuckyAlbatross refer to this as "the burning", something she has a love/hate relationship with.
I find my love of it to be the incredible vulnerability it opens me up to, the admission of my intense desire to reveal my need to serve and please, sort of a physical (by the acts that cause it, begging and so forth) and psychological (by the feelings it induces in me) breakdown of barriers and loss of any pretensions about my enjoyment in serving.
It can be dangerous handled the wrong way, but this is one of the most intense and rewarding experiences I can share with someone I truly respect and / or love.
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