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Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 5:59:48 PM

Havok88

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/10/2013
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OK i have a legitimate question that I'm fairly certain that I already have the answer for but am seeing if my logical validation is sound.

Been talking with a slave who is interested in relocating to where I am. While the possibility has its merits I am hesitant (more like not even willing) to go that route as they are wanting me to "trust" them and send them money for the travel expenses. now I'm for hopefully obvious reasons not wanting to do this and this is where i'm curious if my though is along the correct lines of viewing that If this person is really wanting to relocate to me that they should be able to come up with the logistics and the expenses on their own?

Personally I don't find it odd that my request would be that were the person sincere in their desire they should have the means and the capability of carrying it out under their own power, as there is always the possibility that once the two parties meet in the flesh things wont work out the way either had envisioned it and under the pretense of one sending someone the means for the transportation ( I wont go into all the possibilities that that could go wrong) now they are stuck in a bad situation in an unfamiliar environment with no way of returning to where they were.

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 6:09:26 PM

DarkSteven

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You're way overthinking this.

Whomever is better off should shoulder all or most of the expense.

If she's relocating to you, she pays, and you reimburse her once she arrives.

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 6:15:30 PM

Havok88

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That Is something I had considered, and Do not find to be unacceptable. and did not mention that it was not something i wouldn't do. (I have no problems with reimbursing travel expenses if that confuses anyone.) i do not believe that I said anything to the contrary there. Just stated that I would be and any one else in such a situation would be a fool to send the money off before hand.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 3

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 6:16:11 PM

angelikaJ

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Why would you commit to relocating someone to where you are if you have not even met them.

That would mean making a commitment to someone when you don't know if the 2 of you are compatible.
If you have the means then go visit them.

As for sending a stranger money... yeah, don't do that.

If after meeting, and spending quite a bit of time with them, you decide you want to proceed then either you reimburse after the fact, or you actually go where they are and set up the move, and make it so anything that needs to be refunded goes back to you.

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 6:25:41 PM

Havok88

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Why would you commit to relocating someone to where you are if you have not even met them.

That would mean making a commitment to someone when you don't know if the 2 of you are compatible.
If you have the means then go visit them.

As for sending a stranger money... yeah, don't do that.

If after meeting, and spending quite a bit of time with them, you decide you want to proceed then either you reimburse after the fact, or you actually go where they are and set up the move, and make it so anything that needs to be refunded goes back to you.

Yes I agree with that completely. Which is why I did say I would not send money to some unknown entity. and I do agree with the rest of you post, and I did not make it clear enough before hand that should she choose on her own to come to me as I had felt before she should make the arrangements on hew own for travel and living accommodations. only after that and from developing a relation ship could I see myself possibly reimbursing for such a relocation. not before hand which is where I originally had put my stance which hasn't changed and will not change in that regard.

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 6:27:18 PM

littlewonder

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Dude, you're falling for one of the biggest cons in the world. Go back and read the words at the top of CollarMe "DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE".

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 6:34:22 PM

Havok88

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Dude, you're falling for one of the biggest cons in the world. Go back and read the words at the top of CollarMe "DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE".

Dude, you totally missed the ENTIRE thing of whats been going on here. I've never stated that I would do anything of the sort. my entire stance has been that if she wants to relocate Great but I'm not helping that in any way until after the fact and we've gotten along.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 6:46:35 PM

angelikaJ

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Havok88

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Why would you commit to relocating someone to where you are if you have not even met them.

That would mean making a commitment to someone when you don't know if the 2 of you are compatible.
If you have the means then go visit them.

As for sending a stranger money... yeah, don't do that.

If after meeting, and spending quite a bit of time with them, you decide you want to proceed then either you reimburse after the fact, or you actually go where they are and set up the move, and make it so anything that needs to be refunded goes back to you.

Yes I agree with that completely. Which is why I did say I would not send money to some unknown entity. and I do agree with the rest of you post, and I did not make it clear enough before hand that should she choose on her own to come to me as I had felt before she should make the arrangements on hew own for travel and living accommodations. only after that and from developing a relation ship could I see myself possibly reimbursing for such a relocation. not before hand which is where I originally had put my stance which hasn't changed and will not change in that regard.

I suggest always meeting first...and spending a substantial amount of time together over several occasions before any kind of relocation is planned.
If you can afford it then go where she is.
If she is within a day's drive then have her meet you halfway.
In either case, have a back-up plan: pick places in the area that you want to see and things to do so that if it turns out to be a bust, you can still enjoy your vacation.

In addition, if relocate is in the profile, and especially if it is in the first couple of sentences, then sorry to say, there is a good possibility she is a scammer.
Also Reverse image search on google images can be a very good friend.

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 6:58:56 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Dude, why would you even give such profiles even the time of day let alone a post asking about it? I mean really, it's just laughable. It's like when you get the email about how to get your dick to grow. You delete it without even a second thought.

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 8:44:08 PM

ForgetToRemember

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You're way overthinking this.

Whomever is better off should shoulder all or most of the expense.

If she's relocating to you, she pays, and you reimburse her once she arrives.

This ^. What you have described OP is a very common scam. Basically the Sub tries to convince the Dom that they are perfect for each other and wishes to move in asap. The problem of course is money (of course). Simply put, if she cannot pay for her own travel expenses she is either:

1.) Extremely poor and terrible with her money (probably immature as well).
2.) Trying to scam you (much more likely).

Also, think about this: With the shear number of Doms/Masters in her local area, why is she looking at people outside her state? So in short, this is a scam 99% of the time and really isn't worth your time. Don't try to get sucked into the hope that they are offering and let your emotions take over (or spontaneity)

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 9:10:39 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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I think that DS is right when you are dealing with a well established relationship. The man I am seeing lives 4 hours away and we have been together and back and forth to each other's places enough that I think, if it came down to just money, we would work out based on which of us was in the better financial position...

What you are describing sounds to me like the scams we hear so often "I desperately want to submit to you if only I could afford to move .you send money then they say that the money had to be used for a hospital bill or grandmother's funeral...

Offer to come and pick her up and assist with the move or to pay half when she gets there...Do not send money or airline tickets or anything that can be converted to cash!!!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 11

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 9:33:59 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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FR

You are talking about two different things here. Anyone who talks relocation costs before you've even met should be considered a scammer. You are right, why would you do that?

On the other hand, if you actually establish a relationship with someone, I feel the relocation costs are a shared responsibility. If you still don't trust him/her enough to kick in for plane tickets at this stage, you're not ready to be relocating to each other.

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Post #: 12

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/4/2013 9:44:43 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
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Here's an idea I've never seen on the straight "side" of BDSM, but is almost ALWAYS the case in the gay world (Leather and vanilla.)

One person moves to the other's location, just as if they got a new job or some such.
AFTER the relocater has housing, JOB, CAR, then there's talk of moving in.

If it doesn't work-out the relocator is not at loose ends.

Who pays? re-read "as if they have a new job.." That is, the re-locatOR pays. AND what a GRAND idea, maybe GET a new job before moving!!!!

edited for spelling

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 8/4/2013 9:45:36 PM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 5:04:21 AM

Havok88

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Joined: 6/10/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

Here's an idea I've never seen on the straight "side" of BDSM, but is almost ALWAYS the case in the gay world (Leather and vanilla.)

One person moves to the other's location, just as if they got a new job or some such.
AFTER the relocater has housing, JOB, CAR, then there's talk of moving in.

If it doesn't work-out the relocator is not at loose ends.

Who pays? re-read "as if they have a new job.." That is, the re-locatOR pays. AND what a GRAND idea, maybe GET a new job before moving!!!!

edited for spelling

Indeed I don't see why that wouldn't be a reasonable viewpoint. There are to many inherant risks with sending money before hand for the ample reasons provided previously, but you are correct I supprisingly do not see the save view of "I'll set myself up a job" before the move and I see a lot of "believe me when I say I will get a job" after the move. Well when itcomes to human nature I'm rather cynical and not trusting. (Not to mention suppressed to say the least by the amount of commentators who don't completely read before posting)

I didn't start this topic merely for myself, I had already well grounded myself in that I wasn't going to go along with this individual. I brought up this topic because it truely is a real problem here and anywhere else for that matter. So I phrased my viewpoint as a question to illicit discussion on it because it is a topic that needs constant discussion. I do that I the people so far that have contributed constructively.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 14

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 5:50:45 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

Here's an idea I've never seen on the straight "side" of BDSM, but is almost ALWAYS the case in the gay world (Leather and vanilla.)

One person moves to the other's location, just as if they got a new job or some such.
AFTER the relocater has housing, JOB, CAR, then there's talk of moving in.

If it doesn't work-out the relocator is not at loose ends.

Who pays? re-read "as if they have a new job.." That is, the re-locatOR pays. AND what a GRAND idea, maybe GET a new job before moving!!!!

edited for spelling

That's a good point. Always sensible to build a life for yourself if you're moving far from home. Depending on the relocation though, not always an option. My husband relocated internationally, and couldn't legally work until we were married, or even enter the country unless I had housing for him.

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 6:46:36 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
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Why not go on holidays for two weeks and see how it goes first.

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 7:04:26 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

If this person is really wanting to relocate to me that they should be able to come up with the logistics and the expenses on their own?

I have relocated and paid for 100% of my expenses. I wouldn't be interested in someone who couldn't minimally afford a plane ticket for a visit. However, some guys like to rescue. If she can't afford the trip then you could always 1. go visit her first, 2. establish compatibility, and 3. then talk about her relocating and you helping with expenses.

If you can't visit her cuz she is trapped in a foreign country, then yes, it's a scam.

http://www.collarme.com/personals/scammers.htm

Scam #1 - Help! My plane crashed in Ghana and I need money to get home!

This is a perennial favorite among the scammers and the most common scam we see. The scammer pretends to be a fashion model traveling abroad on a photo shoot. Misfortune of misfortunes, her plane has crashed in Ghana, Nigeria, Sierra Leone, or some other country and she needs you to send her money to get home. In reality, the scammer lives in the country where he or she is trying to get you to send the money and has no intention of ever meeting with you.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 8/5/2013 7:07:11 AM >

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 7:10:53 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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It always surprises me that 'my plane crashed' is a common scam. It just starts out so unbelievable. I'd like to think I could come up with more original and less suspicious plots to scam with. Not that I intend to test that out.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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Post #: 18

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 7:20:08 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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The op also states that he has extreme trust issues.

As such I don't think you're going to ever get a relationship to the level where one or the other might consider moving. This really is a case of the cart before the horse. If you don't trust someone you've dated for a couple of years to actually use the money to move to you, then you are going to kill the relationship anyway. She'll show up half an hour late and you'll assume she was with someone else.

I suggest you concentrate on fixing your issues and then look for a relationship. The advantage of doing this is that the healthier you are, the more healthy people will find you attractive. Someone with severe issues tends to attract others with issues.

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 7:25:22 AM

Havok88

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Worst yet is that so many people would claim otherwise but would cave into their sense of good will and actually send the money. I myself am a generous person by nature and would more than likely give someone my own sort if it was the last one I had because they needed it. But just because I say that, I'm not stupid, I will not give a person standing at a traffic light a penny regardless of the sign they are holding because 9 out of 10 are not in those situations claimed to be in. I'm a generous person by nature but being generous and helpful doesn't equate to the same as letting people walk all over you.

one of my favorite scams I've seen so far was along the same lines as this girl I speak of in the OP but better yet we lived in the same city, wanted me to give them gas expenses to come see me and my response was "hell no" especially when I was going the extra distance to say I would drive to their part of town to meet them at a coffee shop
Another thing that should be pointed out Is don't meet the first time in a private setting, It should be somewhere public regardless of gender on either side, It provides for a quick and easy excuse to leave if things don't go well and safety on top of that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The op also states that he has extreme trust issues.

As such I don't think you're going to ever get a relationship to the level where one or the other might consider moving. This really is a case of the cart before the horse. If you don't trust someone you've dated for a couple of years to actually use the money to move to you, then you are going to kill the relationship anyway. She'll show up half an hour late and you'll assume she was with someone else.

I suggest you concentrate on fixing your issues and then look for a relationship. The advantage of doing this is that the healthier you are, the more healthy people will find you attractive. Someone with severe issues tends to attract others with issues.

I don't think I said I have extreme trust Issues, just that i can be someone difficult to truly trust people, However while it might seem contradictory to what I just said, I do tend to trust people on the merits of being an honorable human really easily on first meetings and then start looking to see If they fit the leniency I give them. I do tend to give the benefit of the doubt more often than not. But I am cynical I should point out to internet related matters for the fact that this medium offers way too much anonymity to act like I would meeting someone in person.

Personally I find this to be a much better way of living regardless of the fact that I can count on one hand how many people i call friend. And half of them I got while in the service, all of them I could put my life on the line fore and know they would do the same.

< Message edited by Havok88 -- 8/5/2013 7:58:16 AM >

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