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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/26/2013 9:28:54 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Offer to come and pick her up and assist with the move <snip>

Agree. I'd bet dollars to donuts that'll be the end of it right there, especially if "she's" from out of the country.

OP, I just viewed your profile. You're young, inexperienced, and cute; a scammer's dream.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 8/26/2013 9:33:59 PM >

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 9/2/2013 8:06:37 AM

DOM68005

Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

I've never considered sending money. I have considered after finding someone (yet to happen) driving to them and seeing what would happed for a week or so. IF we survived that time frame, then I may discuss moving her to me. I agree, sending money is not wise.
I have read on multiple sites of successful moves by one or the other. ... not always the bottom to the top. I have met such couples and wish them well.

(in reply to Havok88)

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 9/2/2013 9:34:30 AM

slavekate80

Posts: 362
Joined: 7/4/2013
Status: offline

(fr)

I don't think the details of who pays really matters, because ideally, if someone is moving to be with the other, then there should be enough trust on both sides that they know they're not getting played, and reasonable precautions already taken. Including at least a few shorter in-person visits. Video chat isn't enough on its own, though it's better than phone/IM only.

The mentioned method of reimbursing them for travel costs upon arrival is sensible, for an extra layer of safety, just in case they're an exceptionally good scammer. I probably wouldn't bother to ask for reimbursement in the relationship I'm in, but that's mostly because I'd be traveling by car, and two tanks of gas costs a lot less than air fare. An in-between method if they really can't pay for their own fare is to purchase the tickets for them, instead of sending money.

I do take some issue with the idea that a sub (or anyone else) should be able to pay all their own costs or there's something wrong with their financial planning skills or habits. It's classist. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to save hundreds of dollars, and it may not be their fault. Layoffs, injury or illness causing high medical bills, family emergency - things happen. It doesn't mean that the person is scamming or is hopelessly irresponsible. It's possible, and it's good to be a bit cautious, but it's also possible that they just aren't financially privileged.

(in reply to DOM68005)

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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 9/2/2013 12:51:39 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

When I moved here to be with Master I paid everything myself but I was able to because I had sold my home and all my belongings. I only needed a pickup truck to move everything else that I hadn't gotten rid of. Now if I would have needed help, he would have been more than happy I'm sure if he could. But we had been dating long distance and seeing each other every couple of weekends for about 4 or so years. So we had built up that trust. We knew each other in person and knew each other as well as we know ourselves.

If he would have been the one to move, it would have been the same except vice versa. I would have helped him. It had nothing to do with who is the dominant but who is able to help the other if they need it. It has to do with a relationship and nothing to do with bdsm.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to slavekate80)

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