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RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 7:44:46 AM

MasterCaneman

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Joined: 3/21/2013
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On the flip side, there are actually some people that use the relocate me scam in a slightly different manner. In the local tavern I frequent and occasionally tend, there's a woman who comes and goes, usually for a month or two at a time. She's one of those perpetually lost souls you come across who've never seemed to find their center. I used to think when she disappeared it was because she got sent to jail or rehab, but I was told by someone in the know she plays this little game.

She's a regular on OKC, AFF, & PoF, and whenever she finds someone to send her a plane or bus ticket, she doesn't cash it in, she actually uses to it to meet them and live off of them for a few weeks before coming back to town. As a result, she's been all over the US and a good number of Canadian provinces. Her friends constantly warn her that someday she'll do this and end up in a shallow grave somewhere, but her head's not all there. I'm just throwing that out as a (remote) possibility that's what you might be dealing with. She's one of those people who can't hold a job for more than a couple days, mooches money, drinks, and smokes, and in general is a freeloader who's figured out how to parlay her gender and appearance in order to become a tourist of sorts.

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Post #: 21

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 12:25:38 PM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
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quote:

OK i have a legitimate question

Sending money to someone you've never met so that they can come live with you. hmmmm ponder ponder what to do what to do

If that's a question you really need to ask, then you really need to learn a lesson.

Send a blank check. That should do it.

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Post #: 22

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/5/2013 1:21:03 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Havok88
I had felt before she should make the arrangements on hew own for travel and living accommodations. only after that and from developing a relation ship could I see myself possibly reimbursing for such a relocation.

So, basically, "I don't really like you, so even though you moved to be with me, you're out of luck".

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Post #: 23

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/11/2013 1:02:18 PM

harddaddy48

Posts: 21
Joined: 8/8/2009
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No insult intended, but only a fool sends money to someone they do not know. When I say "Know" I mean someone you have known for a long time.

(in reply to Havok88)

Post #: 24

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/11/2013 2:36:54 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Havok88

But I am cynical I should point out to internet related matters for the fact that this medium offers way too much anonymity to act like I would meeting someone in person.

I don't know how many people have said you shouldn't be talking about relocation with people you haven't met in person. You seem to have missed that.

Join your local community. Meet people who live within driving distance. Up to three hours. Meet half way for coffee. Or decide to go there for a weekend, tour the local landmarks, have a mini vacation. Meet for coffee or brunch. No alcohol.

If you click, great. Then keep seeing each other for a couple of years until you are both sure this is the real deal.

At that point it shouldn't matter to you if she needs you to help rent the U Haul and drive it.

As far as not being willing to trust anyone you weren't in the service with? Then there goes any chance of a relationship. Your lover must be one of your closest friends, the person you first go to when you are sad or when you have joy to share.

If you can't do that, then you won't be able to make a relationship work. Emotionally intimacy is required if it's more than just fuck buddies. And nobody should move to become your fuck buddy.

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Post #: 25

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/12/2013 2:18:53 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
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It's the old "relocate me" scam. Anybody who acts like she's interested in you, but wants money from you before she's even met you is not interested in you. She's interested in money. Period.

Complete this sentence, "A ---- and his ----- are soon ------."

Let me add, ANYBODY who claims to be willing relocate to be with a person she has NEVER actually met is one of two things. A scammer or a fool.

< Message edited by HarryVanWinkle -- 8/12/2013 2:25:23 PM >

(in reply to Havok88)

Post #: 26

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/12/2013 4:53:52 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

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Post #: 27

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/12/2013 8:00:33 PM

Endivius

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Joined: 8/22/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

Yah this is going in my sig.

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Post #: 28

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/14/2013 5:00:40 AM

MasterofSteel

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/5/2013
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I have sometimes paid travel costs for girls to play, but I use a travel agent who I know and trust, and they make a no refund ticket in the girl's name, it also helps to build up the trust because the ticket is bought with my credit card but in her name with passport number.
So if you pay, then buy a no refund ticket for her

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Post #: 29

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/14/2013 5:56:29 AM

TNDommeK

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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I skipped right to answer and didn't bother reading the posts.

OP, buy the ticket for her to be there. If she's driving, reimburse her.

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Post #: 30

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/14/2013 2:08:35 PM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I skipped right to answer and didn't bother reading the posts.

OP, buy the ticket for her to be there. If she's driving, reimburse her.

Nope.
She pays.
When she arrives (HAH!), after things have gone by for a while and are doing fine, then talk reimbursement

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Post #: 31

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/14/2013 7:24:17 PM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
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It's a high risk venture with a huge blow up rate.

But as another data point, I met a woman for sex in a hotel room and then 2 weeks later, paid a largish bill for her when she was strapped unexpectedly.

Red flag? Sure.

We're married today.

As Clint Eastwood said, "If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster".

(edited to be more readable).

< Message edited by Domnotlooking -- 8/14/2013 7:25:45 PM >

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 32

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/14/2013 7:59:49 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

Yah this is going in my sig.

Woo! I made it into a sig. Awesome.

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Post #: 33

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/17/2013 1:10:15 PM

DarkWolf6606

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/5/2013
Status: offline

I'll pitch in here and relate my own personal experience. I, as Athena stated handled a relocation internationally as well, which does throw in a few variable that don't apply when both parties are living within the same continent. Immigration factors that frown on anything other than basic scholarly or tourist visas initially come into play. Our immigration laws regarding working and/or an extended stay in this country are more severe than one would garner watching the evening news. At least for countries tht would require flight to get here.

At the time due to work related commitments, I couldn't afford to take the time to travel internationally for a personal meet and greet and she couldn't afford to get herself here based upon economic factors. Since she was from a country who's economy was much worse off than our own and I had know her for 5 years i decided to shoulder the expense. I will mention that we did not meet on any kind of a dating site so the possibility of an insidious scam wasn't something I considered. Our meeting was by happenstance and there wasn't a romantic interest on my part initially and our relationship was something that developed over a long period of time. I'm not so sure I would have been so trusting had it been otherwise and of shorter duration.

Regardless, after requesting that she save up as much as she could and I was satisfied that she had made the attempt, I sent her money to help with her travels as there were too many variables to but tickets for all of them. In so doing I did make the mistake of just sending her money instead of purchasing airline tickets but neither of us was entirely positive on an actual date she could leave. There are always complications such as terminating one's housing arrangements, localized travel (trains, taxis, multiple flights, etc.) and costs involved with hotels, meals and such when traveling such a great distance (from Eastern Europe) to get here.

Unfortunately, due to her ultra-submissive nature, when a male friend of hers discovered she suddenly had what amounted to a small fortune in her country, he asked to borrow a large amount for a few days to complete some wonderful deal within his company, she complied and gave it to him. Needless to say, the money was gone and she only received excuses as interest. I was sorely disappointed.

To make a long story short and to also make my point, I didn't write her off as a scam artist and over some time I accumulated another amount of extra cash and purchased airline tickets and sent her traveling money with instructions not to tell any of her friends of her plans. She made the trip quite easily and we proceeded onward with our relationship. We've been together now for close to 4 years and our lives together have been enriched and rewarding.

I just would say that sometimes one has to take a chance and even if things go wrong, people aren't always being deceitful about circumstances. Better to trust your own instincts. Money, though it can be hard to accumulate, is just that. Relationships sometimes require risk and chance to come together. It's the Nature of Life.

(in reply to Havok88)

Post #: 34

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/22/2013 7:01:21 PM

Renoir

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Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline

There have already been people scammed by strangers on this site, operative word: "Stranger". In my opinion, the only time covering expenses is acceptable is after a long courtship when both parties have been traveling to get to know each other.

The only exception is if you've been the only one that has been able to afford the traveling and you know this person sufficiently enough inside and out (by visiting enough times). Even then I'd consider a background check when things are serious for one to relocate to the other if financial dependency is an issue.

(in reply to Havok88)

Post #: 35

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/22/2013 7:24:53 PM

TeaseAndSpankMe

Posts: 25
Joined: 4/14/2013
From: St. Pete/Tampa Bay Florida
Status: offline

I say, if in that much doubt...then it is far too soon for anyone to be moving anywhere. Period. My past does include relocating out of state & he insisted I move even though I would not have a job secured. It was me that said I will not move without securing a job. I went to visit for a few days & landed a job. Long story short... he was also seeing someone else and I had no idea. I was in a new state with no friends and nowhere to go *quickly*. I finally saved up enough to move to a neighboring city. So, I do realize there are scams on both sides, but to put all the burden of financial responsibility on the partner to move...and then do a "test run" to decide if you want to reimburse means they are rolling the dice. There needs to be a *shared* risk. Although what I experienced was several years ago, I honestly would not do it again. I won't date out of my local area. If one was persistent with strong common interests, patient, etc & willing to travel to see me...I *might* be open to it. But, I am very upfront as it's just not that realistic. I have a dog, for me to travel means dropping an extra $20/day just to board him. Before I would even consider moving or vice versa would mean *several* face to face quality time together. There really should be no doubt.

(in reply to Renoir)

Post #: 36

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/22/2013 8:16:18 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

It took me 5 years before I moved to Master and that was with every other weekend visits to each other.

Never even met before? Not a chance in hell.

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Post #: 37

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/22/2013 8:22:35 PM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Havok88

That Is something I had considered, and Do not find to be unacceptable. and did not mention that it was not something i wouldn't do. (I have no problems with reimbursing travel expenses if that confuses anyone.) i do not believe that I said anything to the contrary there. Just stated that I would be and any one else in such a situation would be a fool to send the money off before hand.

Yes

(in reply to Havok88)

Post #: 38

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/26/2013 1:23:18 AM

SunTzuSwe

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/25/2013
Status: offline

It would appear there are plenty of scammers on CM but there are also truly wonderful people as well. Anything with "send me money to..." should send up a red flag but there are always exceptions to the rule. Once you get to know each other there are usually ways to solve liquidity issues. The key phrase here would be "know each other". Such things take time, why not give it the time? I'm definitely with the OP on this one, never send money to someone you don't know.

(in reply to MrRodgers)

Post #: 39

RE: Question on having someone relocate - 8/26/2013 1:31:48 AM

splatterpunk

Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
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quote:

OK i have a legitimate question

no you don't

lol

*zing*

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Post #: 40

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