LadyPact
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain
Okay, I didn't really want to write a wall of text in the op because I know many have a dim view of it. But seeing as I seem to have left out enough to have confused some people I will try to explain things better.
The young man in question is part of a TNG group and I often work with. Lecture, demonstrations, etc. I try very hard to not only pay attention to the way the others in the group interact with each other but how they react to me. I have over the years become friends with some of the group members by try to keep any relationship with them impersonal so they don't lead to other things. This young man has been attending my classes for about a year.
He approached me to ask me my opinion about a few things having to do with submission. Over time he made me aware that though he knows it makes his partner happy when he is submissive he personally feels as if he is missing something. He spoke often of feeling alone, depressed, angry, days later. We first talked about sub drop but it seemed to me that it was deeper than that. We spoke about it more and he told me that more than a few times he wished he could just pick her up and toss her, tell her what to do, watch her kneel, etc. I talked to him about the idea of switching ( I already commented about his thoughts on switches)
I then talked to him about if he had a desire to dominant in a none switching way. That brought up his belief that he could not dom because of his size, health issues, etc. I have told him repeatedly to pick his own path. As someone with a disability I have told him that he does not have to limit himself.
To clear up why I came here to ask the opinions of others...... I am willing to admit that I am sometimes not kind when giving my opinion. I often tell people that unless they really want it not to ask for it. I do not want to speak about his young man as if he is frail but I don't want to force my opinion as if it is law. He asked and I was just looking for a polite way to answer. I'm not normally overly polite but he is young and new and I don't want to scare him.
Did I leave anything out? Wait, yeah, I did. At one point I did make an offer to him. That I would allow him to dominant (top actually) me so that he could try some of the lesser things he has seen demoed. He took obvious joy in being able to do it but later said he felt as if I let him do it. He is correct that I did and I tried to tell him wiitwd is not really about force. It is about finding the right person that wants to play the same way you do but he says that if it is just someone letting him do it than he really doesn't feel that he is dominanting.
We had a very long conversation last night and I did, for the most part, give him my opinion. He told me he had a lot of thinking to do. I told him thinking was a good place to start.
This makes way, way, way more sense.
You know, the best you can do for anyone is give them the honest opinion that they asked for. He probably came to you in the first place because he didn't want somebody to bullshit him or sugarcoat their opinion. (I'm the same way as you are, and take My word for it, that's exactly why some people come to Me for an opinion rather than others.)
Sounds like you've really got two different problems. (Well, his problems.) If he is in a relationship where he is submissive but not happy, really, that is something the two of them have to work out. No offense to Jeff there, but not everybody's relationship survives if one of the parties gets up one day and suddenly decides they don't want to be the role that they've taken in the dynamic. That would be like MP coming home one day and saying he could only be happy if I decided to be his submissive or I insisted that he be submissive to Me. If your friend wants to go to the gal he's been submitting to and tell her that he wants to dominate her now, that may not go over real well. Not everybody says "I love you so much that I'll be anything you want me to be."
If he's got fantasies about being able to physically overpower someone while they fight against him tooth and nail (like real serious resistance play) he may be feeling that is something he's not capable of doing due to his illness. Maybe it's a part of the way he sees some of the types of Dominance that he would like to display, but he honestly can't. He might have to come to terms with that. I couldn't say.
What does concern Me is that you are worried about 'scaring him off' because you say that he is so new, but then you mention that he's been attending your classes for about a year. I know you're in something of a remote location and there's not a lot of opportunities there, but you also can't let that sway the way you deal with him as a friend. If hearing your opinion, whatever it is, would be enough to chase him from the community, that's kind of extreme.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: How to tell someone that they aren't what they thin... - 
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