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just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 9:30:28 AM   
cutiewithabootie


Posts: 88
Joined: 6/16/2013
Status: offline 		So many time I have seen a situation where a submissive seems to just be embaressing. I think a lot of us has been out in public and saw a submissive type guest that was really just too much. I was curious about the Dominant perspective.

Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part?

How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public?

Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it?
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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 9:45:28 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie

So many time I have seen a situation where a submissive seems to just be embaressing. I think a lot of us has been out in public and saw a submissive type guest that was really just too much. I was curious about the Dominant perspective.

Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part?

How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public?
You're assuming that just because you find their behavior displeasing, that the Dominant involved also finds that behavior displeasing. It's not up to you to decide what is proper behavior for that relationship.

quote:

Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it?
Being involved in BDSM D/s doesn't remove our ability to be fallible. Of course, every one of us has at some point been embarrassed by a partner or embarrassed our partner in public. Just like in vanilla life.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/6/2013 10:21:14 AM >

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 10:13:42 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Oside, you're making way too much sense...again.

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 10:47:49 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:



1) Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part?

2) How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public?

3) Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it?



1) The master is responsible.
2) It is not my problem.
3) Yes. I grab her handle.

It is good to be Master.

Arturas

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to cutiewithabootie)
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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 10:50:04 AM   
getoutnow


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

1) The master is responsible.



Of course, he is responsible for everything. Like when its supposed to be sunny, there is a quick shower instead.

Gimme a break.

/sarcasm

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 10:52:14 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: getoutnow

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

1) The master is responsible.



Of course, he is responsible for everything. Like when its supposed to be sunny, there is a quick shower instead.

Gimme a break.

/sarcasm


It's a three part question. There is no partial credit.

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 10:53:17 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I've never been embarrassed by sub/slave behaviour at a kink event. I usually believe that the sub/slave's behaviour is a result of their dominant's instruction. I don't interfere or judge their kink, and I don't expect them to interfere in mine. I couldn't give a rat's ass if they judge my kink, as long as they keep their opinions to themselves.

The only time I was ever irritated by a slave at an event was when the female slave in question was very drunk, very loud, foul-mouthed and crude. Basically, the kind of yobbish behaviour you find outside a shitty bar at 2am on a friday night in any city. I then saw her dominant, who was similarly "indisposed". The slave's behaviour had nothing to do with BDSM and everything to do with two drunken assholes enabling each other and encouraging each other to behave badly.

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 11:23:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I was once. First date. She made a vocal pass at a random woman and grabbed my crotch when nobody was looking.

I simply dumped her.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 11:44:26 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		FR

I would only blame the dom for their poor taste in partners.

In reality, people come with personalities. It's very, very hard to change someone's core personality short of crushing them totally and I'd question whether it was morally right to do so. If someone behaves like a dick, the blame is on their own shoulders. If someone consistently behaves like a dick, I suppose I do judge their partner - not for failing to control it as such, but more that by staying with them there's an implied acceptance of the bad behaviour.

I think if a person is basically rude, selfish or arrogant at the core, it's bound to slip out occasionally even if their partner is the very model of a domly dom.


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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 12:49:31 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Seems to be a sneaky way of saying "look what a perfect slave I am instead of X".

Unless he's upset with her, she isn't embarrassing him. The fact that you run your relationship differently doesn't matter.

You may not be allowed to say anything except Yes Sir and No Sir. Doesn't mean the rest of us have to go in for bimbo-ification and pretending we had a lobotomy. Some of us are with guys who really like having a smart partner.

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 1:16:22 PM   
getoutnow


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Some of us are with guys who really like having a smart partner.


Exactly! Could not agree more. (in my case gals) :)

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 1:23:36 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		*FR*
Spot on.

As far as submissive behavior goes, does this imply that we lose our humanity when we are submissive? Do we suddenly change ~ala Stepford wives to become exactly the same as the next submissive? Do we all kneel the same way if at all? Come on, it is not a submissive behaving badly and supposedly tainting her dominant as a result. It is a HUMAN, with a personality which may or may not be crass. Unless you are into preening because you view yourself as perfection and everyone else is coming up lower than dirt unless they do "A or B" the way you do, then the only thing that matters is if they find themselves compatible.
Personally, bad spelling embarrasses me.


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Seems to be a sneaky way of saying "look what a perfect slave I am instead of X".

Unless he's upset with her, she isn't embarrassing him. The fact that you run your relationship differently doesn't matter.

You may not be allowed to say anything except Yes Sir and No Sir. Doesn't mean the rest of us have to go in for bimbo-ification and pretending we had a lobotomy. Some of us are with guys who really like having a smart partner.



< Message edited by Missokyst -- 8/6/2013 1:25:30 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 1:50:59 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline 		FR

Being embarrassing is not a sign of intelligence or a sign you lack it and it is not state unique to a BDSM submissive. However, the communication and correction method used by a BDSM Dom can be unique just as is his method of making love.

Arturas

< Message edited by Arturas -- 8/6/2013 1:57:29 PM >

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 5:30:53 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part?
Well, if the Dominant instructs the submissive on how s/he is expected to act, there should be no lack of knowledge on the submissive's part. Unless it was something so unexpected that it wasn't even addressed in the previous instructions.

How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public?
I'm so damn glad s/he's not mine!! Seriously, though, it's not my business if someone else's submissive acts in a way I don't approve of. Now, if s/he acts that way towards me, it is my business. Then I will talk to her/his Dominant about the behavior.

Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it?
I have been once. It was something I hadn't previously addressed because it was a behavior I never imagined in my wildest nightmares would ever take place. I pulled him aside and talked to him about it privately and it never happened again.

NBMG



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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 5:48:02 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

Seriously, though, it's not my business if someone else's submissive acts in a way I don't approve of. Now, if s/he acts that way towards me, it is my business. Then I will talk to her/his Dominant about the behavior.


Part of the problem is what some people "don't approve of".

Master has received numerous complaints from "Dominant men" about me. They range from telling him that I shouldn't be wearing panties to idiots that thought I didn't behave submissively towards them.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 8:42:36 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		1) I don't know if it's bad training or not since I don't know the D's goals. What i do know is I wouldn't allow either of them in my social circle.
2) I am thankful that Carol is my wife
3) No. Carol has never embarrassed me in public or private to the best of my recollection. If this occurred more than just random and very, very rare "bad hair days" she'd be divorced.

I don't necessarily think the master is responsible. I'd need to know what sort of relationship they had before I could make that judgement. In an IE relationship then yes, the buck stops at his desk.. period.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 8:43:21 PM   
WarMachine904


Posts: 123
Joined: 8/2/2013
From: Jacksonville, FL area
Status: offline 		As most have already pointed out, the only real question is if the Dominant was embarrassed by the subs behavior. Maybe the sub was acting exactly the way that the Dominant has trained him/her.

That being said, if the Dominant was embarrassed, then IMHO it is the Dominant's responsibility.

There are no bad followers, only bad leaders. If you cannot inspire someone to follow you, then you are not an effective leader.

I believe that being a good Dominant involves being an effective leader.

_____________________________

WarMachine904
"I am not a Dominant by choice, I am Dominant by nature's design!"

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 8:50:09 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part?

It completely depends. I don't really feel that I should have to train basic manners. I may have to teach protocols and such, but I shouldn't have to teach them areas of common courtesy that they should have learned from their mother. I also shouldn't have to educate on ethics. If somebody doesn't already know that lying and stealing aren't the decent way to conduct themselves, they missed some life lessons before hitting eighteen.


How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public?

I accept that some people conduct their dynamics in different ways than I do.


Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it?

Yes. It was handled by speaking very quietly to the submissive to the tune of "I am completely embarrassed by what you just did and it's something that I would have been ashamed if My children had tried to pull that. If we were not in public, I'd punish you on the spot. Since we are, you can absolutely expect to receive a punishment when we get home."




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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 9:39:06 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie

So many time I have seen a situation where a submissive seems to just be embaressing. I think a lot of us has been out in public and saw a submissive type guest that was really just too much. I was curious about the Dominant perspective.

Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part?

How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public?

Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it?

People are who they are. I'm not embarrassed by other people's actions. If the Dominant was OK with the sub's behavior, then it's not for me to bother thinking about. Then again, if the Dominant was NOT ok with the sub's behavior, it's not for me to bother thinking about.

In my relationship, he didn't have to train me on how to conduct myself - I already had that part down. If he didn't like how I conducted myself, I imagine he'd have gotten into a relationship with someone else.

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RE: just blame the Dom/me - 8/6/2013 10:00:57 PM   
BamaD


Posts: 20687
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

Seriously, though, it's not my business if someone else's submissive acts in a way I don't approve of. Now, if s/he acts that way towards me, it is my business. Then I will talk to her/his Dominant about the behavior.


Part of the problem is what some people "don't approve of".

Master has received numerous complaints from "Dominant men" about me. They range from telling him that I shouldn't be wearing panties to idiots that thought I didn't behave submissively towards them.



If they aren't my sub, they have no reason to act submissive toward me. (exception the Dom/Domme told them to for some reason, and that is between them, not my problem)

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Government ranges from a necessary evil to an intolerable one. Thomas Paine

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