LadyPact
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ORIGINAL: metamorfosis
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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
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ORIGINAL: metamorfosis
I like "what ifs" and feel that, now that it's clear he wanted to cheat, the original question posed in the OP has been thoroughly discussed and the "what ifs" are all there is left to talk about.
I guess I don't understand your thought process on this.
The OP cleared up just about every "what if" that you've thrown and I don't see how any of them have applied. I might have missed it, but I didn't even see any comments from the OP about improving his sex life at home.
That's absolutely true, he did not make any such comments. And yet, taking the absence of such comments to mean that he made no such effort is still an assumption. I will grant you, it's probably a pretty safe assumption. But it's an assumption nonetheless. It was never a fact. A number of assumptions have been made on this thread. That's all descrite was saying.
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He just wanted to know how he could get his wife to agree to him having sex with a woman who maintains her own residence who could give him blow jobs and sex on the side.
I think it's slightly unfair to keep insisting that's true without conceding you never knew it for a fact, that it wasn't absolutely clear until now. He wanted to know how to get his wife to agree to something, that's all. He said she didn't know of his interest in BDSM and his desire to take a sex slave into their relationship. He didn't say she never agreed to let him fuck other women. So for all anyone knew, she had agreed to the open relationship part and all he was asking about was how to introduce BDSM into their relationship. I will grant you: that was unlikely, but not impossible. Because it was not impossible, deciding that he really was trying to cheat required an assumption on the part of any poster who thought so. I thought so. I made the very same assumption. I think it was a perfectly reasonable assumption to make. And yet, it was still an assumption, until now, nobody knew that for a fact. That is all I'm trying to get you to recognize.
In passing, I would also like to point out that it's not unreasonable for someone who's not getting enough sex from their spouse to seek it elsewhere. Of course, it's completely reasonable that that they get their spouse's consent first, and that they provide some value in exchange for what they are getting.
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So, what is the point of the "maybe they had an open marriage in 2004" when it's pretty obvious that they didn't...
"Maybe" and "pretty obvious" are the operative words here. If you don't like to consider maybes, if you prefer to act on the idea that what it "pretty obvious" is the same as fact, you are free to do so. When I first responded to this thread I made the same assumptions you did, and I still think they were warranted. And now, at the end of the thread, I would offer the OP the same advice I did at the very beginning. If you ask me why I'm now speculating about obscure possibilities and posters' psychological motivations for postings, the answer is: because we've pretty much covered the principal angle here, and I happen to think such speculation is interesting. If you don't, you are free not to respond to my posts, or even read them.
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or throwing a bunch of junk out there about how people came down on him for being new when he's been here for a decade?
I believe what I actually said was more like, it is interesting to consider how many posters were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt versus those who weren't, and whether that says anything about the posters themselves, whether it affects forum dynamics, or whether the responses would have been any different if this hadn't been a new poster. I think those are all interesting, valid questions, but if you think they are "junk" you are free not to consider them. Despite what you may think, I was not trying to suggest anything by the asking, merely raise a debate. Because, like I said, I think these are interesting topics to consider. I also think it would be interesting to consider whether posters would have responded differently if the OP had been female, but I didn't say so before now. And the fundamental topic has been exhausted. Anyone who had any opinion on him cheating on his spouse, or converting her to BDSM, or adding a sex slave to their household, must have already given their opinion on those issues. So, we can start discussing other topics related to the OP, or we can call it quits. I want to discuss the tangents.
So, basically you are saying that people assumed things before the OP did come back and verify them. They didn't become facts to you until the OP did so, even though the assumption that were made were confirmed? If that's it, I'm still missing the significance. I don't see why it matters to the OP's situation.
OK. I assumed it for a fact before it was confirmed. The odds were with Me on that. Since that turned out to be right, again, it's inconsequential.
I think the topic of cheating tends go to along with what individual posters believe in their own lives. Folks who tend to believe cheating goes against their personal opinion of right and wrong are going to speak against it. Those who don't believe it's the worst option a person can take aren't going to be as harsh. Not a real in-depth concept.
While I do agree that there is gender bias on certain subjects, one also has to look at why that bias exists. My personal opinion on this is because of the gender imbalance on the site and the higher percentage of men who bring cheating discussions on the boards than women. Because it comes up more frequently with men, it's more often going to be men that get the reaction that comes with posts regarding cheating.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 
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Well this seems inequitable. In the future I will do my part to denigrate the women who cheat. Oh.. with one exception. I don't regard singles who are messing with marrieds as cheaters. I view them as enablers. 
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