RE: What do *YOU* think about cheaters? And why?

RE: What do *YOU* think about cheaters? And why? (Full Version)

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Zonie63 -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 7:54:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland If they had no kids, splitting up makes sense. This is a good point, since the kids tend to fall in the middle. It was like that with my parents, who ended up divorcing because of my mother's cheating on my father (although I didn't learn of it until many years after the fact). It kind of puts the kids in a tough spot, but oftentimes kids are left in the dark as to the reasons why their parents broke up. They say things like "When you're older you'll understand," but now that I'm older, I understand all too well. My parents were fucked up, even though it's taken me most of my lifetime to realize it. I only regret that I didn't realize it sooner, but the point should be made that cheaters hurt more than just their spouses. They lie to others, too. They may even lie to themselves. I'm not unsympathetic to those in loveless marriages and are unhappy, but to go out and cheat is putting the cart before the horse. It's very simple: Get divorced first.

Rule -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 7:56:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact If something actually happened to MP to put him in such a state, no, I wouldn't leave him or lie to him out of some sort thinking it's kinder to him to be unfaithful. Even if he lost his faculties for some reason, I've known his opinion on the matter for darn near all of the twelve years that I've known him. One that, if we didn't share the same way of thinking about it, we'd have never been married in the first place. That would be a different scenario, not so? To wit: no inherited diseases.

chatterbox24 -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 7:56:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 There are some who learn through mistakes. There are some who have great compassion for others whether they are right or wrong. When someone is on the wrong path, they need love the most, when they are hardest to love. Some can not fathom they "did anything wrong" In my opinion, beating someone down to a point of exhaustion, denying affections, not trying to understand your partner, hateful attitudes is every bit as nasty as the person who goes out to cheat. And then there are some, who are very narrow minded, and must be right. They will argue a point with absence of considering the state of another due to their own road blocks. They simply are stubborn and set in their ways and wouldn't admit they could be wrong for anything. If one can not accept responsibility for their own actions, they simple can not find compassion, bottom line. ( FORGIVENESS) I think it is a terrible thing when people try to make others feel they have no hope of change. I think its a terrible thing when people share their experiences, sharing with others what they did wrong and how they overcame, and comments are made, as if they haven't changed at all. A cheater in your eyes, may be a cheater a cheater forever but I find people who are very narrow minded ignorant, and people who take the time to criticize successes or to purposely take peoples hope away, the ones with true lasting problems. Oh Ye of little faith. May your eyes be opened. Amen. there is so much hypocrisy, and passive aggressiveness in that it's unreal. I think it's far more open minded to admit that when you cheated you were just plain wrong. I accepted the responsibility for what I did, but I won't ever forgive myself for it because it was selfish and wrong to take my little bit of happy at the expense of someone else's lot of happy. there are many people in really shitty positions that still don't see cheating as a way to go. some of us who are set against cheating have had shit lives too ya know. if you don't want to have negative things said against you, or what you say when you post your about your life then don't post about it. people don't have to coat you in syrup and call you sweetie just because you would rather they did. we can all have sympathy for the situation you were in, but it doesn't mean we have to agree that that made you a better person than someone else cheating just because they can. needles Now that is what deserves an AMEN. I saw this post earlier, but disregarded it. What I have written in my postings here have nothing to do with negative things said against me. I would have stopped posting here long ago. If my reasoning appears to you that I post for people to agree or condone my actions, I am sorry but you are wrong. My motivation is not for self. It is also free of past bitterness. My reasoning is to help others who may read and learn from the mistakes I made. Also for them to understand they can be forgiven and feel much differently in life, as they are a new creature. The postings on these kind of topics usually end up in a mess. I will make this one post to defend my position as to why I posted as I did, and that's it. You may attack and state anything you want, but it will not make any difference.

ARIES83 -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 7:58:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 And I have to say, I'd do neither... Well, then it is the monastery for you, as you clearly are not fit to be a husband and father. About as clear as mud, why is it that I'm unfit to be a father now? I thought I was suppose to be imagining I was a woman... Don't you mean I'm unfit to be a wife and mother? Or are you saying that my opinion on your hypothetical scenario has shown you "clearly" that I'm unfit to ever get married or father children? What if I were to say that I'm an Irish Adonis?[8D]

Rule -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:07:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 About as clear as mud, why is it that I'm unfit to be a father now? I thought I was suppose to be imagining I was a woman... Heh. You are right. I realized it myself almost as soon as I had posted that, but I prefered to let my mistake stand rather than to sneakily edit it. quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 What if I were to say that I'm an Irish Adonis?[8D] If you were, and if my future wife - in the unlikely case that I ever will have a wife - agrees, I would consider myself blessed if she decided to make love to you and to bear ME your child. And thanks for all the fish.

Rule -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:10:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 Ok, so from your post, it seems you want me to put myself into this woman's shoes and say whether I in that position would breed with the bad DNA husband and risk having a bad DNA baby with him, or go behind his back and breed with a good DNA man... And I have to say, I'd do neither... So you will stay married to your husband and have no children at all. That makes you eligible for a Darwin Award. Congratulations!

LadyPact -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:15:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule That would be a different scenario, not so? To wit: no inherited diseases. Yes, but entirely more realistic. Your scenario doesn't have enough plausibility for Me to identify with it. However, someone becoming ill or disabled during their lifetime is a possibility that most people can imagine themselves being in.

pissdoll -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:15:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule FR Say that you are a female and that you married someone who was born deaf, blind, mentally retarded and a cripple with scoliosis; all of which are inherited diseases. Are going to be a good faithful wife and give birth to his children, or are you going to use your god-given brains and be circumspectfully adulterous with a Greek Adonis and make your husband proud that he begot such beautiful, perfect children without any of his inherited diseases? your entire proposal is faulty. why does she marry someone she considers inferior when she has the ability to land "Greek Adonis???" why doesn't she just marry Adonis? how did she even come into contact with a man who has the mental capacity of a child, is confined to a wheelchair, and is blind and deaf? aren't there moral (if not legal) ramifications to forcing sexual contact onto a person who has no ability to consent?

Toysinbabeland -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:18:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland what would be the reason for the marriage? Only to be in love is a valid reason to get married. quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland what would be the reason for the marriage? That would be the root of explaining why you would not betray the trust of the less than perfect partner. Especially after committing. The trust of the - by definition less than perfect male partner - ought to be that his wife is circumspect when adulterous and that she will only be adulterous with males that are superior to himself. quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland The real question then becomes, what happens when that perfect for your needs partner changes in a way that you wouldn't have agreed to commit to and you are stuck with the results? Can you always leave? For the female: be more adulterous and have all your children by other, more superior men. For the male: Get religious and join a monastery. quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland She left him for another woman. He did nothing wrong, except to tell her he didn't agree to share her. (She had agreed originally to be exclusive) Now he can't kiss his kids goodnight.Her ideal was that she could have another girl but he couldn't, yet the court chose her because she was the maternal parent! Should he have just kept quiet and had no relationship for himself? Or should he have kept quiet and found someone for company while the kids grew up under his roof? If they had no kids, splitting up makes sense. By the logic on the board to tell the truth, He lost his kids to distance because he told the truth. I I wish for him that he had just cheated on her. She was at fault for not being circumspect about her adultery. He was at fault for discussing her adultery with her. If she denied him intercourse, he had a legitimate reason to be adulterous himself - but it would have been better for him to join a monastery in that case. If he joins a monastery, he still gets denied his kids. Just because she was wrong? And you are saying he's at fault for discussing this with her? (Looking for clarity here)

Toysinbabeland -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:24:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 About as clear as mud, why is it that I'm unfit to be a father now? I thought I was suppose to be imagining I was a woman... Heh. You are right. I realized it myself almost as soon as I had posted that, but I prefered to let my mistake stand rather than to sneakily edit it. quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 What if I were to say that I'm an Irish Adonis?[8D] If you were, and if my future wife - in the unlikely case that I ever will have a wife - agrees, I would consider myself blessed if she decided to make love to you and to bear ME your child. And thanks for all the fish. Ok, now we are talking.... Announcement: I'm going to marry Rule, but I choose to Fuck Aries. Rule, please pack for the monastery, your kids are not your own, and you are unfit to be the father, even though you are fit. Aries, I'll be heading right over after the ceremony. [;)]

Rule -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:26:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland If he joins a monastery, he still gets denied his kids. So he will be no worse off, will he? quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland And you are saying he's at fault for discussing this with her? (Looking for clarity here) A gentleman does not tell. A well known saying that is complemented by this unknown saying: A gentleman does not ask. It is all about nobility of soul. The male who has none, is not fit to father a child.

Rule -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:34:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pissdoll your entire proposal is faulty. why does she marry someone she considers inferior when she has the ability to land "Greek Adonis???" why doesn't she just marry Adonis? Keep a god all for yourself? How selfish you are. Do not you have any nobility of soul? quote: ORIGINAL: pissdoll why does she marry someone she considers inferior For love and because he was the most eligible marryable man? quote: ORIGINAL: pissdoll how did she even come into contact with a man who has the mental capacity of a child, is confined to a wheelchair, and is blind and deaf? By divine intervention? Please read the quote about Reductio ad absurdum in my post 140. quote: ORIGINAL: pissdoll aren't there moral (if not legal) ramifications to forcing sexual contact onto a person who has no ability to consent? That would depend on the local laws.

ARIES83 -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:38:01 AM)
quote: If you were, and if my future wife - in the unlikely case that I ever will have a wife - agrees, I would consider myself blessed if she decided to make love to you and to bear ME your child. Well that's not going to happen, I'd never trust anyone to raise my children but me... quote: Rule: quote: ARIES83: Ok, so from your post, it seems you want me to put myself into this woman's shoes and say whether I in that position would breed with the bad DNA husband and risk having a bad DNA baby with him, or go behind his back and breed with a good DNA man... And I have to say, I'd do neither... So you will stay married to your husband and have no children at all. That makes you eligible for a Darwin Award. Congratulations! As if I'd stay married to him, he's not my type anyway... I prefer the Adonis types rule... So I might have to dump this guy's blind, deaf, retarded, crippled ass... And find me a good baby daddy. Maybe the woman who married someone with every genetic problem under the sun, should get that award.

DesFIP -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:40:54 AM)
Rule's assumption that Adonis is automatically superior to Vulcan is his first mistake. Some of us find the crippled smith to be far more attractive. As far as bearing children when there's a risk of an inherited genetic illness, we all do it. Every time you go to a new doctor you get asked about what diseases run in your family. Breast cancer, hypertension, diabetes, depression and so on. By his reasoning, no one should have children. And you also can't tell by looking at someone if there's a genetic cardiac malfunction which tends to manifest at an age ten years older to what he now is. Hell, if adopted, he himself may not know.

Rule -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:45:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 Well that's not going to happen, I'd never trust anyone to raise my children but me... It would not be your child. It would be the Divine's gift to ME. You would be inconsequential, being a mere instrument of the Divine.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:48:49 AM)
There is a woman I do not know very well but we chat off and on that confessed a while back that she had been having an affair, but the guy she was cheating with told her he loved his wife and they stopped. She was crushed and then told me her husband did not love her, he was caught up in his own world and she was so unhappy she did not see how she could go on. She had found a councilor and when urged to tell her husband she said she couldn't, he would leave and she had their 4 children to think about. In the mean time she was miserable, unable to eat or sleep. Her husband was oblivious to it all. I had to admit I could not imagine being in that kind of emotional pain and my husband not even notice, hell mine sees if I had a bad day by how my posture is when he gets home. I just can't imagine being so emotionally crushed like that and he does not even notice. But she did say she would never cheat again and would pour herself into doing something just for her and looked into college. She did finally get to the point she could not keep it quiet anymore and did tell him as well as the reasons and how unloved she felt. He didn't leave her and they started couples counseling. It made her feel even worse when he was the one who was sorry for ignoring her. She told me she now is so sick with herself, how could she risk everything for something that meant nothing. It was just sex, no commitment or love yet she could have easily lost her family and home over sex. They have worked it out and they have a much stronger bond now, which I am happy for. Perhaps it is because she chose to tell him or maybe he loved her more then she realized but sometimes we take those we love for granted, we assume they know we love them and do not have to do much to show it. So while mostly I do not look at cheaters with any sort of compassion, but with distaste at least this one time I felt bad for her. She felt trapped in a loveless marriage. I am not glad her and her husband made everything right and they are once again happy.

Toysinbabeland -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:53:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland If he joins a monastery, he still gets denied his kids. So he will be no worse off, will he? quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland And you are saying he's at fault for discussing this with her? (Looking for clarity here) A gentleman does not tell. A well known saying that is complemented by this unknown saying: A gentleman does not ask. It is all about nobility of soul. The male who has none, is not fit to father a child. Yes, perhaps.( why should he continue to give up more of his freedom just because someone did something wrong to him? should he then continue to punish himself for her continued indiscretions? why can he not stay, and be able to be a part of his children's lives? is it less responsible on his part to not be there for his children ? we are not talking fully grown children that have the ability to visit him. my questions surrounded this scenario only, as there are black white and gray areas of any, and my point was that there are extenuating circumstances. I wish that I lived in Camelot too. Sighs.

Rule -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:53:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Rule's assumption that Adonis is automatically superior to Vulcan is his first mistake. Some of us find the crippled smith to be far more attractive. It is not an assumption: it is a fact by definition. In any case Aphrodite knew better: she was adulterous with Ares while being married with Hephaestus. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP As far as bearing children when there's a risk of an inherited genetic illness, we all do it. Every time you go to a new doctor you get asked about what diseases run in your family. Breast cancer, hypertension, diabetes, depression and so on. By his reasoning, no one should have children. Nearly all of which are not inherited. Physicians are competent to apply a band-aid - and that is about it. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP And you also can't tell by looking at someone if there's a genetic cardiac malfunction which tends to manifest at an age ten years older to what he now is. Hell, if adopted, he himself may not know. Trust me: a woman can tell.

Rule -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 8:58:44 AM)
What is done is done. But in all adversity there also is an opportunity.

Toysinbabeland -> RE: What do YOU* think about cheaters? And why?* (8/21/2013 9:02:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule What is done is done. But in all adversity there also is an opportunity. You are a good man.

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