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Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 3:46:26 AM   
TnCuck4Mistress


Posts: 51
Joined: 8/10/2013
From: USA, Tn
Status: offline 		In your own opinion what does it mean to top from the bottom? Also if I may ask, do you believe that a person who tops from the bottom is a switch or what is your opinion of a persons true role who does this?

Thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 4:16:30 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		To me, topping from the bottom means manipulating the other partner to get what they want.

It doesn't necessarily make them a switch. In my own personal definitions I'd call this person just a kinkster or a fetishist rather than a sub - they are excited by having a specific act or script carried out rather than by the power exchange.

It's also possible that they and/or the dominant partner is very new and that this is something that will go away with time, experience and communication. They might not be being deliberately troublesome, they just might not yet know how to communicate desires or how to relax and give up control - I would guess it's a common thing in the beginning.

I'd also point out that it can only happen when the dominant bottoms from the top.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 4:37:17 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		"Topping from the bottom" is a very subjective call. In a stated Dom/sub relationship, it means that the sub is doing something that someone, possibly including the sub him/herself, considers "unsubly".

If the Dom and sub in question don't have an issue with it, then nobody else should either.

If they do have an issue with it, then it could mean that their relationship needs some work.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 4:45:52 AM   
TnCuck4Mistress


Posts: 51
Joined: 8/10/2013
From: USA, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

To me, topping from the bottom means manipulating the other partner to get what they want.

It doesn't necessarily make them a switch. In my own personal definitions I'd call this person just a kinkster or a fetishist rather than a sub - they are excited by having a specific act or script carried out rather than by the power exchange.

It's also possible that they and/or the dominant partner is very new and that this is something that will go away with time, experience and communication. They might not be being deliberately troublesome, they just might not yet know how to communicate desires or how to relax and give up control - I would guess it's a common thing in the beginning.

I'd also point out that it can only happen when the dominant bottoms from the top.


"I'd also point out that it can only happen when the dominant bottoms from the top."

LOL, yeah that makes sense. I just see this a lot on forums & sites where people bitch about it. I know when I had my own female slave she tend to like to have things her way instead of mine which was a turn off but I didn't give into them so I don't know. For me its not a deal breaker on a Dom level, but as a sub I serious hate it when a Dom acts submissively towards me in a scene. I can understand both sides having had lived both, but I just wanted to know what others considered topping from the bottom.

Thanks for your input!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

"Topping from the bottom" is a very subjective call. In a stated Dom/sub relationship, it means that the sub is doing something that someone, possibly including the sub him/herself, considers "unsubly".

If the Dom and sub in question don't have an issue with it, then nobody else should either.

If they do have an issue with it, then it could mean that their relationship needs some work.


Alright, and I agree with that as well. If no one says anything at the time this happens I too see no issue with it. I have always considered this as a bratty sub or slave & never really had an issue with it myself. I see how some people may find this offensive though, but then again to each their own.

Thanks for your input!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 4:46:16 AM   
lilcracker


Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
Status: offline 		I agree with Athena that it means manipulation....and that someone who is new might top from the bottom. I top from the bottom now, because it is acceptable in our relationship and I am deliberately manipulating the situation to get what I want. He knows this but whether he responds to it or not is totally different. Sometimes he does sometimes he doesn't. For us it's more along the lines of asking straight up if I can have something, but I ask with actions versus words. It in no means makes me a switch because he still holds the control.

I personally believe that there is a lot of negative emphasis placed on topping from the bottom.

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 6:17:04 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TnCuck4Mistress

In your own opinion what does it mean to top from the bottom? Also if I may ask, do you believe that a person who tops from the bottom is a switch or what is your opinion of a persons true role who does this?

Thanks



Topping from the bottom implies a bottom trying to have their way without the top knowing that's what's going on. As others have said, manipulation.

That said, nothing wrong in my book for asking for what you want. Let's go to a movie. Could we have X instead of Y for dinner. I would really love to play tonight. Nothing manipulative there... very forthright in fact, and then I decide. Don't schmooze me. Don't manipulate me. Don't try to handle me. It will get ugly.



_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 10:16:54 AM   
jola37


Posts: 433
Joined: 7/8/2013
Status: offline 		I have read lots of folks views on this subject over the years. I don't see it to be a problem, like many things, it's how it's done I suppose. From my sub point of view, you have to let the person who's Domming you Domme you or there's nothing there in it for them. Every now and then, I do like certain things a specific way but this is always trumped by having to do as you're told so although I might like something, if it's done how my Domme wants, it always feels better anyway in the long run. (something I am coming to understand recently)

I asked if I could be strapped to a bed recently and wanted it done a certain way but I didn't ask for this, just to be strapped to a bed. Although it wasn't done exactly how I'd have liked it, it turned out to be better because she had decided how to do it and could see she was enjoying doing it.






< Message edited by jola37 -- 8/19/2013 10:20:35 AM >

(in reply to evesgrden)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 10:48:19 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		I wouldn't consider that topping from the bottom. You're not trying to push the other person into acting a certain way, you're just asking for something you want.

There's a difference between:
1) 'I'd really like a good hard whipping'
and
2) I want to be whipped so I'm going to aggravate you until you punish me and then suggest you hit like a girl until you do it harder

One is manipulative, the other is just expressing a desire. Topping from the bottom is the second example to me. It's saying 'a real dom would do x' or turning on the tears to get your own way or any way of controlling the dominants actions in a dishonest way.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to jola37)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 10:58:41 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I tend to agree with the manipulation description of topping from the bottom. There's a huge difference between asking for something because a person has an honest request and the bottom trying to get what they want by using other tactics.

To answer your other question, no, I don't think that makes a person a switch. Trying to get things their way during a scene doesn't necessary make somebody Dominant. It just means they are trying to get things their way for the sensations or scenarios they want to receive. Everybody has things that they like. It's how they go about getting them that can be the issue.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 2:39:33 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		I agree with LP here. Just because a sub or bottom asks/wants something does not mean they are not submissive or a bottom.

In many Dom(me) profiles you will see a statement to the effect of its "all about me", you are here to please me and not the other way around". In reality what it should be is about the 2 of you. It should be about what you both want. That is the only way a relationship grows and flourishes. So many people miss this point and it is huge to miss this.

That being said, just because the sub/bottom asks for something does not mean they will get it. I do honestly believe the sub/bottom is entitled to a voice and should always be able to express their wants and desires to their Dom(me) / Top.

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 3:17:37 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I wouldn't consider that topping from the bottom. You're not trying to push the other person into acting a certain way, you're just asking for something you want.

There's a difference between:
1) 'I'd really like a good hard whipping'
and
2) I want to be whipped so I'm going to aggravate you until you punish me and then suggest you hit like a girl until you do it harder

One is manipulative, the other is just expressing a desire. Topping from the bottom is the second example to me. It's saying 'a real dom would do x' or turning on the tears to get your own way or any way of controlling the dominants actions in a dishonest way.




I would just add that neither topping from the bottom, nor making requests of your Dom/Domme makes you a switch. A switch consciously and deliberately changes roles. Topping from the bottom implies saying that you're serving in one role, but actually performing the behaviors of the other role.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 4:36:54 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
To me, topping from the bottom means manipulating the other partner to get what they want.

It doesn't necessarily make them a switch. In my own personal definitions I'd call this person just a kinkster or a fetishist rather than a sub - they are excited by having a specific act or script carried out rather than by the power exchange.

It's also possible that they and/or the dominant partner is very new and that this is something that will go away with time, experience and communication. They might not be being deliberately troublesome, they just might not yet know how to communicate desires or how to relax and give up control - I would guess it's a common thing in the beginning.

I'd also point out that it can only happen when the dominant bottoms from the top.

that... line by line.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/19/2013 6:06:04 PM   
TnCuck4Mistress


Posts: 51
Joined: 8/10/2013
From: USA, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jola37

I have read lots of folks views on this subject over the years. I don't see it to be a problem, like many things, it's how it's done I suppose. From my sub point of view, you have to let the person who's Domming you Domme you or there's nothing there in it for them. Every now and then, I do like certain things a specific way but this is always trumped by having to do as you're told so although I might like something, if it's done how my Domme wants, it always feels better anyway in the long run. (something I am coming to understand recently)

I asked if I could be strapped to a bed recently and wanted it done a certain way but I didn't ask for this, just to be strapped to a bed. Although it wasn't done exactly how I'd have liked it, it turned out to be better because she had decided how to do it and could see she was enjoying doing it.



Well honestly I don't see how a sub or slave can top from the bottom if the top is a true Dom & doesn't give in. I have always viewed this "Topping from the Bottom" as a bratty sub or slave personally. I am not really offended by it per say but at times it can be annoying just like anything.


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I wouldn't consider that topping from the bottom. You're not trying to push the other person into acting a certain way, you're just asking for something you want.

There's a difference between:
1) 'I'd really like a good hard whipping'
and
2) I want to be whipped so I'm going to aggravate you until you punish me and then suggest you hit like a girl until you do it harder

One is manipulative, the other is just expressing a desire. Topping from the bottom is the second example to me. It's saying 'a real dom would do x' or turning on the tears to get your own way or any way of controlling the dominants actions in a dishonest way.


Agreed, and also as a submissive from what I have experienced myself in my serving in the past you have the right to say yes or no unlike a slave where you have given up full power to the other person/s. I have asked for things because I believe that both parties have the right to state what they are interested in or what their hard limits are. I really hate it when someone tries to break or push my hard limits, it really pisses me off! I mean thats why they are called hard limits.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I tend to agree with the manipulation description of topping from the bottom. There's a huge difference between asking for something because a person has an honest request and the bottom trying to get what they want by using other tactics.

To answer your other question, no, I don't think that makes a person a switch. Trying to get things their way during a scene doesn't necessary make somebody Dominant. It just means they are trying to get things their way for the sensations or scenarios they want to receive. Everybody has things that they like. It's how they go about getting them that can be the issue.



"To answer your other question, no, I don't think that makes a person a switch. Trying to get things their way during a scene doesn't necessary make somebody Dominant. It just means they are trying to get things their way for the sensations or scenarios they want to receive. Everybody has things that they like. It's how they go about getting them that can be the issue."

I see, I guess I have been a confused submissive all these years then when I had been listing myself as a switch. I can top but its a job for me & for me when anything becomes a job in a relationship something is wrong. I admit I too can be bratty at times but mine is more of a try to make them laugh brattiness but sometimes that doesn't play out as expected. Like for example one time I was serving a Pro Domme in real life as her live in 24/7 on a short term contract & I said wow Mistress you call that a dildo! I was trying to be funny, but when she came back from vacation she brought something as big as my arm which gave me a whole new perspective about my so called funny comments, when in return got hers. I guess I am lucky my contract ended before I ended up with that up my ass because I am sure she would have not taken no for an answer as that was back in my noober days when I thought I was a no limit slave like the typical noob who doesn't know better. In any case I have learned not to make such comments not even to be funny because some peoples sense of humor in return doesn't match up to what meant to be funny in a haha way.


quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

I agree with LP here. Just because a sub or bottom asks/wants something does not mean they are not submissive or a bottom.

In many Dom(me) profiles you will see a statement to the effect of its "all about me", you are here to please me and not the other way around". In reality what it should be is about the 2 of you. It should be about what you both want. That is the only way a relationship grows and flourishes. So many people miss this point and it is huge to miss this.

That being said, just because the sub/bottom asks for something does not mean they will get it. I do honestly believe the sub/bottom is entitled to a voice and should always be able to express their wants and desires to their Dom(me) / Top.


"In many Dom(me) profiles you will see a statement to the effect of its "all about me", you are here to please me and not the other way around". In reality what it should be is about the 2 of you. It should be about what you both want. That is the only way a relationship grows and flourishes. So many people miss this point and it is huge to miss this."

Yeah I try to avoid the profiles of people who state its all about me, because one cant exist without the other & both have needs that need to be met otherwise whats the point.

---

Thank you to everyone who has given their thoughts & opinion on this topic. I am finding the replies to this interesting & quite useful. Its interesting to see other peoples views on things then having to stick only with my own, plus it helps me to see things from a new perspective as well & gives me an idea how others view perhaps my actions in a role or scene.

Thanks everyone for your input!

< Message edited by TnCuck4Mistress -- 8/19/2013 6:21:27 PM >

(in reply to jola37)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/21/2013 4:57:45 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		~FR~

"Topping from the bottom" is another one of those silly phrases that means whatever the person using it wants it to mean and nothing more.

To some people it refers to a bottom trying to direct a scene in progress. To others it refers to the bottom attempting to provoke the top into "punishing" him. And to a lot of others, mostly "True Masters", a bottom is guilty of topping from the bottom anytime he mentions something he would like to try.

"Topping from the bottom" has long been number two, right behind those using the word "True" to describe a master, mistress, slave, etc, on my top ten list of meaningless annoying phrases used in the BDSM community.

The rest of that list is off topic.


quote:

ORIGINAL: TnCuck4Mistress

In your own opinion what does it mean to top from the bottom? Also if I may ask, do you believe that a person who tops from the bottom is a switch or what is your opinion of a persons true role who does this?

Thanks



< Message edited by HarryVanWinkle -- 8/21/2013 4:58:37 PM >

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/21/2013 6:15:33 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I tend to think that "Topping from the bottom" is being manipulative in order to drive the scene in a certain direction, whether or not the Top wants it to go that way. Even though the sub is attempting to Top from the bottom, the Domme doesn't have to allow it. I don't.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/21/2013 8:46:00 PM   
TnCuck4Mistress


Posts: 51
Joined: 8/10/2013
From: USA, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

~FR~

"Topping from the bottom" is another one of those silly phrases that means whatever the person using it wants it to mean and nothing more.

To some people it refers to a bottom trying to direct a scene in progress. To others it refers to the bottom attempting to provoke the top into "punishing" him. And to a lot of others, mostly "True Masters", a bottom is guilty of topping from the bottom anytime he mentions something he would like to try.

"Topping from the bottom" has long been number two, right behind those using the word "True" to describe a master, mistress, slave, etc, on my top ten list of meaningless annoying phrases used in the BDSM community.

The rest of that list is off topic.


quote:

ORIGINAL: TnCuck4Mistress

In your own opinion what does it mean to top from the bottom? Also if I may ask, do you believe that a person who tops from the bottom is a switch or what is your opinion of a persons true role who does this?

Thanks




I think I tend to agree mostly with your reply here not that the other replies were not valid or true, but I think this one for me is the best response. I personally don't see or have an issue with someone making a suggestion, though when I was listed as a switch if someone did try to change what ever scene was taking place I didn't give in so I don't know to each their own I guess. Why cry over stilt milk I say.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/21/2013 8:54:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's just information.

It doesn't matter if I crawl to him with a hairbrush between my teeth, then beg him to spank me.
Or if I threaten not to cook dinner unless he takes it and gives me a spanking right now.
Or if I try to bribe him by offering a massage and a blowjob.

However he doesn't ever have to agree and he knows that.

Now, since he likes spanking me, and he would find all of this funny, the odds are I'd get what I asked for. But he doesn't have to do any of it and he knows that. I can't coerce him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/24/2013 2:58:57 AM   
CrushME33


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		I'm a top from the bottom. I'll try to make large women sit on my face. I think it annoys them... Being a dom from the bottom is not good. I think. How do I change?

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/24/2013 3:27:48 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrushME33
I'm a top from the bottom. I'll try to make large women sit on my face. I think it annoys them... Being a dom from the bottom is not good. I think. How do I change?

If you've got enough women dumb enough to fall for it, why change? Some people are just plain manipulative to get what they want. If you are getting two or three chicks a week who don't see through your game, have fun with that. Just don't be pissed when some are smart enough to see through the bullshit.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CrushME33)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/24/2013 11:51:29 PM   
TnCuck4Mistress


Posts: 51
Joined: 8/10/2013
From: USA, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrushME33
I'm a top from the bottom. I'll try to make large women sit on my face. I think it annoys them... Being a dom from the bottom is not good. I think. How do I change?

If you've got enough women dumb enough to fall for it, why change? Some people are just plain manipulative to get what they want. If you are getting two or three chicks a week who don't see through your game, have fun with that. Just don't be pissed when some are smart enough to see through the bullshit.



"If you've got enough women dumb enough to fall for it, why change?"

To damn funny... But true if they don't care, why should you?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 20
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