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Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 5:09:30 AM

MasterStoney442

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

I find myself asking the Questions on here to get feed back .

I have a slave that is very jealous. She also has a smart ass attitude.
We have a contract that we both spent time on . She is not living the life of that contract . She is a very nosy slave and does not respect the fact that I am her Master . We are In a M/S relationship. This differs from a D/S relation. The involvement of a M/S relation is way deeper in so many ways . But to me she can not get past her little girl ways .
She wants me to be more strict with her . But when I do that , she does not like that .
I do not feel that I should have to that with her as we do have a contract , that she must fulfill.
I as Her Master do not have to tell her anything . To me that is the way it should be .
One of her biggest things is this computer. If I talk and ask Questions of any slave/sub that is my business.As a slave it is her duty to please me .
I do look at who she is talking with on here as I should . That is my job in this . She is my property. I own her in every way . ( Hum I guess I do not if I am asking on here ) I am sure she will read this and there will be consequences on this , But oh well maybe that is for the best .
Note I have made her life so much better in all ways . I have taken control of her kids , I have taken control of the bills , In all she has to do is please me . I have gotten her a new car ,I give her what she wants in most cases,.
But still she acts like a kid .
Yes I am to easy with her , that is a fault of mine . Any questions you want to ask me is OK . I am not here to get bashed or bash .

Now what to do is my question .

_____________________________

when you look at life it looks back at you

Post #: 1

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 5:19:06 AM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Wow. Stoney I think the problem is you have over indulged her and lost the M/s perspective. I would advise you to deal with this quickly even if that means you have to get wickedly strict and firm or resign yourself to a non-M/s relationship. I am sure you are happy to have a slave and being happy to have her you may have lost sight of what is important and valuable to your relationship. What it looks like to me is you don’t want to take her in hand for fear of loosing her. You have to decide what is important now because it is clear that the tenants of your contract as well as all negotiations are off. So once again... Take her to hand, take the relationship as it is, or send her on.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 2

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 5:20:16 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Way I see it the contract is breached on several levels so I'd be a waving her farewell and go searching for a slave who is what you want and need.. I should add that i doubt if either of you will be happy together so this way you both have a chance to get some happiness.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/30/2006 5:21:29 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 3

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 5:39:36 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

You have a piece of paper with words on. You have not got a M/s relationship according to what you wrote here. She doesn't respect you as her Master and you acknowledge you do not have control else these are questions you would not be having to ask.

My girl is quite 'indipendent' and in some ways headstorng. I allow her to be, it is part of her I enjoy. I have a person in my collar, not a piece of meat, she isn't going to agree with me 100% of the time. I allow her to voice her disagreement, we talk about points that she finds hard to accept, hard to submit too. But whilst she may disagree she can not ARGUE. She will put her point of view in the knowledge I will take it into account, however she knows once a decision is made it is set in stone, will not change, she accepts that regardless of how hard it is for her to do so... because she respects ME and respects the relationship and the choise she made in submitting, in giving herself totaly to me.

You have lost that respect, lost the M/s dynamic. You BOTH need to look at what you have, what you want and either start again, from the begining and rebuild, else walk away.

Good luck

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 4

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 5:47:16 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

I guess my question would be: What are YOU getting out of this relationship? It sounds like she is getting what SHE wants, and none of it has to do with a M/s relationship. If she has withdrawn her submission to you.....on what level can you function as her Dominant.

Just a thought...

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 5

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 6:16:00 AM

MasterStoney442

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

I will say this . Yes she is my slave , I LOVE her ,maybe that is the problem . I love her to much . I have been by her side in her health issues , I have been bashed bad by her family.
I have told her that she does not live her life like a slave . I have seen her do this (live like a slave ) for 2 weeks . It was very pleasing to me as well as her . She has told me " she wants a strong Master" . I do not feel that I have to beat her all the time or get down on her all the time . She is an adult and asked to be in this . I have moved from my life on the other end of the states to be here . I have given . I can see by what you all of you tell me , I must get hard with her or this will not work . But to me she knows what this is about and should be the slave I want . She does know what I want in a slave .
I thank you all for your in site in this post .

_____________________________

when you look at life it looks back at you

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 6

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 6:26:03 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

My guess is that she's just really insecure.

She's needy for attention, she's especially jealous of your time online, she then feels guilty when you do give her attention...classic signs of insecurity.

So what you need to do is work on that insecurity- figure out why it's there and what she can do to break it down and become secure. You give her a new car, but when's the last time you actually listened and responded to her emotionally, rather than just got upset at her acting out?

Until you deal with these insecurities, nothing else will make a dent.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 7

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 6:29:49 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

My guess is you have zero idea of what you are doing if you think a piece of paper can make a relationship easy and I truly pitty this poor girl and hopes she acts on this since it is clear that unlike you, she gets the fact that you don't know what you are doing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 6:51:08 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: smilezz

I guess my question would be: What are YOU getting out of this relationship? It sounds like she is getting what SHE wants, and none of it has to do with a M/s relationship. If she has withdrawn her submission to you.....on what level can you function as her Dominant.

Just a thought...

~smilezz~

Actually from her posts on CM, she is also not getting what she wants out of the relationship. She has posted more than once about not "feeling" like a slave, about feeling that there was something missing from the relationship.

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 9

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 7:00:16 AM

MasterStoney442

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

Oh CrappyDom , I really do know that a Peice of paper does not make a relation. But it is the ground rules for what is to be . My job is to take care of her as I am doing . Her job is to take care of me .

I do thank you for your reply. As I said I am not here to bash or get bashed . I am not saying you are doing this . Please know this .

_____________________________

when you look at life it looks back at you

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 10

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 7:22:42 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

She comes on here and talks about the problems and everyone blames you....you come on and talk about the problems and everyone blames her. Your relationship from this perspective reads like a soap opera with far too much drama. You have a vast age difference that you are trying to bridge. The two of you don't appear to communicate well with each other. Instead of asking for advice on a message board, I would suggest that the two of you need to sit down face to face and have a serious "come to Jesus" meeting and define your expectations of each other clearly...because from this angle it appears that neither of you have a clue. You may need to go all the way back to square one...or you may need to realize that what you have is not a match that is going to work for either one of you. It's very hard to undo all of the bad water that has been flowing for some time now under the bridge that the two of you can't seem to meet upon.....or for that matter, even get upon. The two of you both seem to be flailing helplessly in the flood waters. It's time to reassess the situation in a very frank and honest manner.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 11

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 7:23:19 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

Rules are only as good as the punishment behind them and the acceptance of that punishment by the one breaking them. Neither of you two sound like you want to live up to them. No offense Stoney, but Mastering a slave takes work, on both sides. If she doesn't acquiesce to your authority, then she isn't the slave she says she is or you want her to be.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 12

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 7:30:27 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

To the op.

Mastery is an ongoing process,one does not simply sign a paper and think they will forever have it thier way. You have lost the control by not enforcing your own structure.

So long as you fear the loss of this "slave' more than you fear losing your own manhood,you will never be able to keep a slave successfully. The time has now arrived for you to make that choice.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 6/30/2006 7:32:21 AM >

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 13

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 7:38:45 AM

FootQueen

Posts: 241
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline

Sigh... there were so many things I started to say and I back tracked and deleted it all (several times). But I knew from the first few posts that you LOVE her. ( not to say that you can't LOVE your slave)Maybe I will just keep thinking of how to say what I wanted to say. Sometimes people find it hard to dom people once they realize they love them, once they are no longer 'detached'.

(my two cents)

< Message edited by FootQueen -- 6/30/2006 7:40:27 AM >

_____________________________

Don`t engage in a relationship if there is no trust, for without trust there really is no relationship!

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 14

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 7:44:09 AM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

I have a hard time even referring to what I've heard described as a "slave".... however... I'm right in line with most on here and the opinion about your relationship.

It really sounds to Me like this is your first time out of the chutes, when it comes to "owning" a girl.... and she's clearly running the show, and you're letting her.

I'm in total agreement with Loki's three options....
1) beat her ass... repeat until you have desired effect
2) be her bitch from here on out... and eventually she'll leave you because she already perceives you as weak willed.
3) cut your losses... and send her ass packing (something I'd have already done, honestly)

good luck... sounds like you need it

T.R.
edited to add:
I realize everyone does things differently... but in My home... slaves get a collar... not a contract. Negotiations are for subbie brats.

< Message edited by TolerableCruelty -- 6/30/2006 7:46:24 AM >

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 15

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 7:45:15 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FootQueen

Sigh... there were so many things I started to say and I back tracked and deleted it all (several times). But I knew from the first few posts that you LOVE her. ( not to say that you can't LOVE your slave)Maybe I will just keep thinking of how to say what I wanted to say. Sometimes people find it hard to dom people once they realize they love them, once they are no longer 'detached'.
(my two cents)

This was a hard lesson for me to learn when I was new.......M/s is much different from boyfriend/ girlfriend.

One can appreciate and have affection for good property-but when love starts to remove your power to give the very thing a slave needs to be a slave-you really need to look at your priorites about wanting one to begin with.

(in reply to FootQueen)

Post #: 16

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 7:51:18 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

It seems to me that the 2 of you need to sit down as equals and openly, freely talk about the issues you are having. Find out the whys, the emotions, etc. and after that is hashed out....not in one session as I think it's going to take more than once......then if you both agree, renegotiate a contract, but only if both fully agree. Less room for disatisfaction there. Both should have input in the contract and both should be pleased with it, then restart or resume the full agreed on dynamic.

Just my thoughts. Wish you all the best...both of you.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to FootQueen)

Post #: 17

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 8:09:03 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Rules are only as good as the punishment behind them and the acceptance of that punishment by the one breaking them. Neither of you two sound like you want to live up to them. No offense Stoney, but Mastering a slave takes work, on both sides. If she doesn't acquiesce to your authority, then she isn't the slave she says she is or you want her to be.

I have to agree here, from a submissive's perspective, if there is no follow through on the rules, why not break them? Each slave/ sub has to find her own reasons for abiding to the rules,( my personal reasons is I desire to please my Master), but if a slave were to break a rule and the Master didn't punish her however he saw fit, then she may think, 'Oh he doesn't care if I don't follow that rule" then the struggle of wills can step into play, her constantly stretching the boundaries to see how far she can push you.

I am sure from the sound of things that there are quite a few issues that need to be addressed in your relationship, but since we're talking about not following through with pleasing you, I would suggest sitting her down, telling her AGAIN what you expect from her each and every day, every hour every minute, then I would tell her will happen to her if she doesn't follow through with your desires, then as Loki said, beat her ass for every time she breaks a rule. Owning a slave is hard work, it's a never ending job, and I can understand that in loving someone you may not want to be harsh or punish them, but if she isn't respecting you like she should, then maybe you need to be more of an enforcer. If it's not in your personality to be an enforcer and she just wont behave then maybe it's time to consider moving on to find a slave that will respect you for you.

~dancer

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 18

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 8:22:04 AM

MsVoyeringmama

Posts: 33
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

"We have a contract that we both spent time on . She is not living the life of that contract . "

as stated somewhere in my profile: "I believe a Dominant should be respectful, creative, quick witted & imaginative. Able to communicate on many levels, not just sexual or bdsm.

A submissive/slave should never be demanding or complaining to me that I don't make them happy within their expectations. Because a true submissive/slave should already know that this lifestyle is about the Mistress (or dominant), not about the submissive. I am caring and compassionate, along with being firm and in control.

The sub/slaves needs are important to me and if one of us is not being satisfied then we can make an informed decision on what to do. <<< HENCE,your own contract MasterStoney442, everything can be gone over- rewritten,recalulated.
just my opinion :)

_____________________________

Smile at a stranger,it might make their day, remember the smile you see, could be meant for you. :)
-- And A stranger isn’t a stranger, it’s only a good friend you haven’t met yet!”

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 19

RE: Master Vs slave - 6/30/2006 9:01:36 AM

jadedshadow

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/14/2006
From: MS
Status: offline

I don't even know if I should be posting this or not, so this is just my opinion. The slave you could have been describing here could have very well been me. When I first read it, you were describing me almost perfectly. I have tried so many ways to be the slave Master wants, and will continue to try unless He decides otherwise. So, I'm thinking maybe I could give insight to some of this. I've asked Master to be stricter with Me..and then balked at Him for doing so, even threatened to leave. Now keep in mind, O/our relationship is very new, so W/we still have many things to work out..including implementing a contract into the relationship. He says He wants a mature women not a child..and honestly when He told me that, it liked to have knocked me out. I had no idea He thought I was acting childish..to me I just had issues I needed His guidance on. In retrospect tho, yes, I can see where I was VERY childish about things. Master did get stricter with me, and punished me when I did not live up to my end, but it didn't change me much. I continued to be the brat I am. I've just thankful He's as patient as He is with me. What made me figure it all out was when He got tired of it and spoke up, and told me to start meeting His needs or else. I finally realized I had issues prior to the relationship that didn't concern this relationship, and I was looking for Master to fill in all the blanks, give me all the answers. I was focused more on me and not on serving Him. I didn't feel like my needs were getting met. I thought I knew what I wanted from this relationship, but actually I had no clue. I wanted a "Daddy Dom" not a Master. I now try to strive to be the mature women He wants me to be. He's agreed to a contract, and had me draw it up, and is currently making changes to it to what He will also accept. Yes, to U/us the contract is a valid tool and IS needed. It gives me an outline to know what is acceptable and what isn't without Him needing to reiterate every single detail constantly for me (some people aren't born slaves and don't always know exactly what's expected of them, contrary what many here think). Although I'm not perfect, and the brat does come out to play quite a bit, I'm only human after all. If I may make a suggestion, perhaps you should tell her everything you've said here. Let her know how you feel and what you expect. I would've never known Master felt that I was being too bratty. The contract is a guideline, which sets out what is expected, she may need you to go over that with her. And as for the love part, I could not serve a Master that I did not love, but that is just me, I don't see why that would effect things here. Also, does she need you to be strict or is just a desire because she wants punishment to help her deal with her issues because she feels guilty about something? What's her reasoning. Is it an actual need? If so, yes she needs to meet your needs, but still, as a slave, she's human and has needs that should be met as well.

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 20

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