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Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 6:33:54 PM

ARIES83

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I've always thought the idea of literally getting down on one knee to not be a very appealing way of proposing...
It's not who I am, It's not a reflection of my values, and it's not an indication of how I would like to have a relationship.

It's tradition, and I understand how important that stuff is for some people, and I think that women tend to have very specific fantasies about their wedding day...

And that I guess is what I would like to know... From women who identify as subs and slaves, what would your ideal method of proposal be?

Being swept up and carried over the threshold is one tradition I do like, what traditions around marriage do you like or think go well with the idea of D/s and which in your mind don't?

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 6:38:26 PM

tsatske

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From: Louisville, KY
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My Dear first husband answered, when I asked him what he wanted for Christmas, 'A Tax deduction'. I thought that was quite romantic, actually.

I have problems with a Dom I'm in service to getting on his knees when I'm around, rather one or two, even for strictly utilitarian reasons. Just bothers me.

It's tricky, but I think I would most like to be told by the guy in question, that we are going to get married. If, and only if, I'm at that place with him. If he tells me and I don't agree with him, I will find him damned presumptuous. Since this seems to require some mind reading on his part, that seems unfair to me. Therefore, although the fantasy is just being told, I would no doubt settle for being asked, for it being brought up for a serious discussion. a serious discussion should be had anyway, there will no doubt be all kinds of practical considerations to bang out. Then we can go bang to celebrate.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 6:48:21 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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i saw a friskies cat food comercial where the husband to be tied a message around the cats collar that said would you marry me and then they kitty runs up to the wife to be and she reads the note . and i thought that was really sweet then later when they get married the cat is in the wedding.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 7:13:57 PM

theshytype

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

i saw a friskies cat food comercial where the husband to be tied a message around the cats collar that said would you marry me and then they kitty runs up to the wife to be and she reads the note . and i thought that was really sweet then later when they get married the cat is in the wedding.

I don't know about the cat being in the wedding, but the proposal idea is extremely sweet.

I don't care for the whole on the knee proposal. I understand the meaning behind the tradition but I view it almost as begging for marriage. The idea does nothing for me.

We were laying in bed one night and he rolled over with a ring in his hand. That was perfect for me.
It doesn't have to be a huge production. The fact that he wants to marry me is enough.
If he wants to get creative, great. If not, great. I just really don't like the knee thing.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 7:21:49 PM

petitespot

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From: Surfside Beach, SC
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My fantasy proposal... spooning in bed after a long fun day together and as I'm falling asleep he whispers in my ear "marry me".

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 7:24:56 PM

deliriuminabox

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My father proposed by sitting next to my mother on a park bench, taking her hands in his and telling her he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life taking care of her. That was over 50 years ago and he did exactly that. No kneeling necessary.

I also found Laurie's proposal to Amy (in Louisa Alcott's "Little Women") to be extremely romantic as well. For anyone who hasn't read the book; they're rowing a boat together and he asks her if she will always row alongside him.

< Message edited by deliriuminabox -- 8/29/2013 7:25:17 PM >

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 7:43:19 PM

Sheela22

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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

My father proposed by sitting next to my mother on a park bench, taking her hands in his and telling her he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life taking care of her. That was over 50 years ago and he did exactly that. No kneeling necessary.

This is so romantic.. personally, I want the guy propose in a private place like his home ( not in front of everyone !!) and hold my hands , or any way that he is comfortable . if kneeling is not your thing don't do it.... she is marrying the real you not a Disney prince..do it they way that represents real you not some phoney chick flick way..

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 7:56:09 PM

sunshinemiss

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You know, I've never been one to think about that kind of thing. I guess I always figured it would be a ... it would just be discussed and figured out. I don't know. I think the whole asking thing has become too much these days. In a hot air balloon, with the good year blimp, underwater, flash mob, etc. Too dramatic. The holding hands on a park bench seems about right in my mind. Simple and clear. Touching and being beside each other. Normal and precious at the same time.

On the other hand, if there is something special to the two people, then that would be cool. So, if you met at a baseball game initially, writing the question on a baseball would be appropriate, or someone who is a chef could bake and ice a cake, a wood worker could carve out a sign, etc. I saw a video of a man who asked his girlfriend through a video game he worked on. It was appropriate to the two of them. There is a part of me though that feels like this kind of written proposal is a bit of a cop out. It takes courage to make the words come out of one's mouth.

But I gotta say this one is one of my favorites - I'm such a romantic!

best,
sunshine

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 11:26:12 PM

eulero83

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FR

better in a private place in case it turns like: this

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 11:38:21 PM

DsBound

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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

My father proposed by sitting next to my mother on a park bench, taking her hands in his and telling her he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life taking care of her. That was over 50 years ago and he did exactly that. No kneeling necessary.

I also found Laurie's proposal to Amy (in Louisa Alcott's "Little Women") to be extremely romantic as well. For anyone who hasn't read the book; they're rowing a boat together and he asks her if she will always row alongside him.

Awww... love your fathers propsal and after 50 years I think its going to stick! Congratulations to them!!

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/29/2013 11:46:42 PM

DsBound

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There are so many amazingly romantic ideas... to me the simplest ones are the best. When my DH proposed I had no clue. He grabbed me and we began dancing at home to no music. After a few moments he whispered in my ear "be mine forever". ♡

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/30/2013 1:50:27 AM

JeffBC

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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
And that I guess is what I would like to know... From women who identify as subs and slaves, what would your ideal method of proposal be?

I got down on one knee in a restaurant in front of the stage and proposed while the band paused. Everyone clapped and cheered. It is one of Carol's fondest memories.

Giving the woman I love life-long memories is very wellaligned with my own values and I'm damned glad I chose to go the theatrics route. That's actually a core value for me so it worked out well all around.

In general, we have no role-based D/s so stuff like kneeling is a non-issue.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/30/2013 2:07:53 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Mine doesn't really count because we were already married when he proposed.

Since getting married was a condition of his visa to stay in the UK, our decision to get married was made through a series of practical and non-romantic conversations.

About a year after we were married I came home and found him on one knee in the living room surrounded by dozens of candles. He had been planning to do it at Christmas but he was so excited to give me the ring he couldn't wait. It was beautiful. I wouldn't have liked the attention of a public proposal so it was right for us. The ring was an antique, he knew perfectly what I would like best. My thoughts were 'I'm so lucky, I love him so much and see how much he loves me?'

I didn't give a thought to him being on his knees, but on reflection I kinda like it. I enjoy a little tradition, and the old fashioned image of a man humbling himself before his lady to beg for her hand in marriage is kinda nice. One gesture doesn't undermine the rest of the dynamic.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/30/2013 2:27:40 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
One gesture doesn't undermine the rest of the dynamic.

... or have anything to do with it at all. Aragon seemed to pull it off quite neatly without losing any of his kingly aura. Matter of fact I'd say he benefited nicely from it. I think that's how it is with Carol and I. I kneel in respect sometimes when she just astounds me with her awesomeness. She sees it as humility and in return respects me even more. My "dominance" over her is only enhanced. The kneeling thing is a tangent though because if it messes with his dynamic then it's not a good idea unless there's substantive value to it. For me though, giving Carol those memories kind of sums up my entire purpose in life so it had "substantive value".

By the way, I'm not sure I can agree with "It doesn't count" strictly on a timing basis. The way you wrote it it seems to have counted very much in any way I'd keep score :)

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/30/2013 3:36:41 AM

kiwisub12

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My sweetie still hasn't asked me to marry him - but we have a ring, and a life plan.
I tease him about it occasionally, and he replies that we are going to spend the best years of our lives together, and I agree.
He's so fabulous,

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/30/2013 3:49:03 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Have her get down on her knees, but of course !!

And getting picked up and carried off recalls the first form of marriage, marriage by capture. A man's best way to get a wife, for sure.

There is special symbolism that can be inscribed in the rings, if you are into that thing.

A tat or branding, if you are into *those* things.

And of course, keeping in mind who the lucky woman is and what would really float her boat and give her a lovely memory.

Himself and I enjoyed a very non-traditional marriage ceremony, which everyone loved. It will always be one of my most favorite memories in the world.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/30/2013 7:38:49 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
In general, we have no role-based D/s so stuff like kneeling is a non-issue.

What do you mean by role based D/s exactly?

It's not like I'm dead against it anyway, I just think the gesture of kneeling looking up and asking the question, does seem a lot like begging... Where as the 'carrying over the threshold' does have a more fitting symbolism in regards to a D/s relationship. But besides that, I just like it better.

Not that I wouldn't go the traditional route if she was that kind of gal... I'm just idly ponderin. Besides, how many other cultures kneel to ask the question anyway, I'm pretty sure it's a mainly western thing... And I find that idea a bit troubling, it reminds me about an interesting discussion I listened to once about the victorian era idealisation of women.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Have her get down on her knees, but of course !!

Ha! Doesn't her getting down on her knees traditionally come after the big shinny diamond?

quote:

Himself and I enjoyed a very non-traditional marriage ceremony, which everyone loved. It will always be one of my most favorite memories in the world.

Would you mind sharing a few details?

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/30/2013 7:51:28 AM

Toysinbabeland

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
One gesture doesn't undermine the rest of the dynamic.

... or have anything to do with it at all. Aragon seemed to pull it off quite neatly without losing any of his kingly aura. Matter of fact I'd say he benefited nicely from it. I think that's how it is with Carol and I. I kneel in respect sometimes when she just astounds me with her awesomeness. She sees it as humility and in return respects me even more. My "dominance" over her is only enhanced. The kneeling thing is a tangent though because if it messes with his dynamic then it's not a good idea unless there's substantive value to it. For me though, giving Carol those memories kind of sums up my entire purpose in life so it had "substantive value".

By the way, I'm not sure I can agree with "It doesn't count" strictly on a timing basis. The way you wrote it it seems to have counted very much in any way I'd keep score :)

Wow.

Just wow.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/30/2013 9:14:27 AM

JeffBC

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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
What do you mean by role based D/s exactly?

Oh dear lord I never should've said that :) My advice is don't derail your own thread with that -- better for separate thread -- one with Aswad in it. The important point is that no BDSM gesture would have any particular impact on our dynamic.

quote:

It's not like I'm dead against it anyway, I just think the gesture of kneeling looking up and asking the question, does seem a lot like begging... Where as the 'carrying over the threshold' does have a more fitting symbolism in regards to a D/s relationship. But besides that, I just like it better.

Oh man, please don't mistake me. Let me try again. I think you'll find great value in making the gesture about her not you. I think you should do that in whatever way most maximizes her "memory potential" and least harms your sensibilities. Kneeling was just what paid off with Carol so I mentioned it. But obviously, you know your girl better than I do :)

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 8/30/2013 10:42:52 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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First, Himself's brother was the officiate; he got himself ordained via an online church that does that for a fee.

We got married in a historical conservatory, so a great natural setting that was still indoors, essential for a spring wedding in the northwest.

There ceremony itself I wrote, we started with cleansing the air with sage (represented the air element), my sub and my niece did that. My niece handed out flowers to everyone (she was the official flower girl) and they placed the flowers in an eternity circle around us (earth element). We lit an eternity candle together, which represented fire, for water element we drank champagne as the celebratory toast. In between these activities, various people did readings. We started out with Himself and I doing a very humorous reading -- in unison-- from the Princess Bride. Readings ran the gamut from my favorite Shakespearean love sonnet which Himself recited to me, to a reading from the Velveteen Rabbit, and ended with my sub doing the Apache Wedding Blessing.

Music to match, but of course.

It was a small, very simple ceremony with great meaning for all involved.

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