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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/1/2013 3:46:58 AM

ARIES83

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Oh man, please don't mistake me. Let me try again. I think you'll find great value in making the gesture about her not you. I think you should do that in whatever way most maximizes her "memory potential" and least harms your sensibilities. Kneeling was just what paid off with Carol so I mentioned it. But obviously, you know your girl better than I do :)

I understand what your driving at with doing it in a way to maximise the emotions and memories for 'her'...
If I haven't already mentioned it, I'm a stone cold bastard, so romance is really not something I need... any romantic gestures are all for 'her', and I tend to appreciate the effects through the object of said romance... (does that make sense?)

To say it differently... If someone were to do something romantic for me, I would more than likely find it unnecessary, girly, corny, annoying or even all of the above haha...
But 'I appreciate the sentiment', and one of my least endearing qualities is that I will probably use those exact words.
But I like doing romantic things because of how they make 'her' feel... Err, the more they love me, the more I own them...
I like owning people if you hadn't already guessed... Something I think you may be able to relate to... :P

If it's gestures I want, (as much as this will sound like I'm one of those 'true masters' thats been watching too much porn...) ... If I want gestures, I will just command them... Even if it's something as 'special' as saying 'I love you'... I'll just make them tell me.
Oh gawd this train of thought is bringing up some maniacal laugh inducing memories!!!

but Anyway!.. I'm only pondering the traditions and the kind of symbolism they have, and what people think about them... I'm not trying to decide how to go about proposing to someone... The reason I thought I'd clarify is it seemed like some people had that idea from how they were wording their posts.
You may have noticed that I've been quoting "Her" when I say it. Thats because I'm not referring to anyone specifically, but past and general things. I am single Jeff! And not looking, least of all for a commitment! >_<

For better or worse... asking for relationship advice isn't my style... So this was just a general interest subject...

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/1/2013 3:50:25 AM

ARIES83

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Chatte,
Thanks for sharing, I really like the conservatory setting!

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/1/2013 3:53:57 AM

ARIES83

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Besides, how many other cultures kneel to ask the question anyway, I'm pretty sure it's a mainly western thing... And I find that idea a bit troubling...

That made me laugh out loud. NO. It is NOT just a western thing. In Asia, the whole one knee is the tiniest fraction of what they do. A REAL kneeling is on both knees, hands over the head on the floor, head on the fingers prostrate. There are actually special clothes and food, serving tea to the parents while kneeling, and the couple both participate with the begging of the parents. There is all manner of ritual around it.

I stand corrected! Prostrating myself while her family watch and drink tea would be very unappealing for me.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/1/2013 3:58:28 AM

ARIES83

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Dont worry too much, I think in tangents.

You and me both.
You make it sound like a bad thing...

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/1/2013 7:52:34 AM

littlewonder

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I wonder if your girl knows you do romantic stuff for her and not because you like it. And if you have to tell her to tell you she loves you, what is it of worth? Empty words imo.

If Master did romantic things just for me, I would absolutely find it horrendous. I would start to wonder who the real man is behind the facade.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/1/2013 9:28:50 AM

kiwisub12

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The proposals on this thread that gave me goosebumps are the ones with real feeling behind them. The lisping of the wedding service is awesome because its something that the two of the participants already love and laughed about, and the spooning in bed is absolutely fabulous.
You need to find something that resonates with the two of you and go with it.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/2/2013 4:09:20 AM

ARIES83

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I wonder if your girl knows you do romantic stuff for her and not because you like it.

I do romantic stuff because I like the effect it has on her, like it in a different way than you perhaps but I do like it... Or I wouldn't be doin it... I said I don't need people doing romantic things for me... And when they do I appreciate it but I don't get "goosebumps" like people have been saying... I just don't need to have romance directed at me... But I do appreciate it!... Well maybe I do like some romantic things done for me, I find obedience romantic... (amongst other things). But anyway, I don't need romantic gestures directed at me to fulfill some emotional need or to feel like I'm loved...

quote:

And if you have to tell her to tell you she loves you, what is it of worth? Empty words imo.

Not quite empty...
... I do get something from it. If they aren't ready to say it, I enjoy forcing it, and when they finally utter those words for the first time, (very possibly under duress) to someone still almost a stranger... it's very emotional, even if it's not love, in fact it will probably be many things, least of which is love... and I will respond with laughter and a "Good!".
I'm under no illusions to the legitimacy of a forced confession LW, but it's not the confession I want, what I want is somithing much simpler...

But... I'm sure your a stranger to pain and pleasure being used against you littlewonder, and the kind of persuasion that they afford someone creative in their application...
They can make you steal from yourself...betray yourself... or even... sometimes, put words in your mouth.
But I'm sure you're thankfully naive of such things, safe in the gentle and sensitive protection of Kana.

quote:

If Master did romantic things just for me, I would absolutely find it horrendous. I would start to wonder who the real man is behind the facade.

Maybe it is a facade... I don't know. How do you define it?
How well does anyone know how they work LW... Perhaps theres trade offs that have to happen, unwittingly because you wanted something, you lose something else in the process... Or maybe because you never had something... You develop other things to work double duty...
I wouldn't be so fast to cast judgment.

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 9/2/2013 5:08:55 AM >

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/2/2013 1:12:22 PM

littlewonder

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intimate words are not something I play with. Not something I want forced. They would be empty words for me and would guarantee me to NOT love that person. It would completely turn me off.

Now having him force me to say "thank you, may I have another" even when I don't...those are not intimate words. Those are not emotionally laden words. They are not landmines. They don't really mean anything to me. They're just fun words for the hell of it, for the fun of it and nothing more. Saying "I love you" means the entire world to me. They are not taking as a game. They can't be forced. If someone saw those words in the way you do, I could not trust them. I would think our entire relationship was a game for him.

I would come to find those words to be a lie.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/2/2013 6:04:59 PM

Kana

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quote:

I would think our entire relationship was a game for him.

Wait? What? You mean it's not?

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/2/2013 7:10:22 PM

littlewonder

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Sigh. Fooled again.

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RE: Marriage proposal... Annnddd... D/s - 9/3/2013 1:59:24 AM

ARIES83

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

If someone saw those words in the way you do, I could not trust them. I would think our entire relationship was a game for him.

How do I see those words, in your opinion?
What makes me untrustworthy in your eyes?

**and might I add!...

quote:

Those are not emotionally laden words.

Being coerced through physical an psychological torment, into saying you want your breasts skewered seems like it would be emotionally laden to me! Hardy har har.

But I get where your coming from. It's not like I don't know what saying those things means to people LW, but I'm not the untrustworthy, game playing person that you seem to be picturing me as.

***

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 9/3/2013 2:40:21 AM >

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