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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 7:58:06 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		Rick, if it's any comfort I didn't know about Fet or CM until '08 or '09 (can't remember exactly when I joined). I don't participate in our local community or any of the state or national kink events. Yet, my boys will tell you: yup, she's definitely a domme.

Have a cup of coffee with the woman. What can it hurt?

(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 8:35:03 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: splatterpunk
i'm openly mocking you because this question is so daft as to make my jaw drop.



Well, as long as your jaw is already open, why not get on your knees ....I have a task for you. Might as well put that open mouth to some use for a change.



< Message edited by CougarRick -- 9/3/2013 9:08:41 PM >

(in reply to splatterpunk)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 8:44:23 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily
ALWAYS be suspicious of anyone you meet, the same as you would on a blind date. By the same token, never take anything at face value. Don't hesitate to ask a lot of questions, and be on the lookout for contradictory statements. Find out how she came about being a Domme, her previous experience with subs, what floats her boat. Volunteer some of your own personal biographical info and watch her reaction. Best of luck.



I will take your advice. Now I don't want to get ahead of myself of course; her flirting may just be playful in nature and she may not actually mean anything by it. Either way, I will casually chat with her and see what she says, while watching for red flags. Thank you for your response.

Regards

(in reply to TigressLily)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 8:49:36 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline 		Deleted due to duplication

< Message edited by CougarRick -- 9/3/2013 9:07:48 PM >

(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 8:50:39 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
Have a cup of coffee with the woman. What can it hurt?



I'll see what happens. I have seen her at work from time to time.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 9:00:32 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

I'll see what happens...



That's the attitude. Goodness knows that just being on here or Fet doesn't mean someone has actual bdsm experience either.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie


(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 9:09:43 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux
That's the attitude. Goodness knows that just being on here or Fet doesn't mean someone has actual bdsm experience either.



OK, cool. Still getting to know the lifestyle and community.

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 5:30:10 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Might I suggest that something else about this person besides the gap in her knowledge about online sites might be making you think twice...? I do find it a bit odd that she hasn't heard of Fet or CM; I think though perhaps that might be simply the part that came to your mind, while other things are perhaps making you pause.

As it is, I'd be cautious. Certainly taking things a bit further couldn't hurt, but I've learned that if anything at all makes me hesitate, I examine everything else a bit closer as well.

(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 7:27:53 AM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
Might I suggest that something else about this person besides the gap in her knowledge about online sites might be making you think twice



Actually I think that might be a big part of it. Something about her in general seems somewhat "not right" but I can't put my finger on it. On the other hand I don't wish to let paranoia guide me away from meeting people.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 7:57:40 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

Actually I think that might be a big part of it. Something about her in general seems somewhat "not right" but I can't put my finger on it. On the other hand I don't wish to let paranoia guide me away from meeting people.


Don't dismiss this feeling of uncertainty by misnaming it paranoia. It's healthy to pay attention when we feel that there isn't something quite right, and then with time, go into more depth analysis of why we're feeling that way.

Either way, more interaction with her seems like a great idea so that you'll pinpoint more of what's throwing you off, or you'll be able to feel more at ease. Since you know you're feeling a bit leery, take your time and see if anything else comes to the surface, but please don't dismiss your gut feelings about someone - that's usually very good information right there.

(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 8:06:45 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I just has the weirdest thought.

Make sure she's not one of those chicks who read "50 Shades of Grey" and is getting all of her information from that.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 10:47:50 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick
I hate being suspicious of people who have not done anything wrong to me, but I have alarm bells going off. Am I being overly suspicious?

Me personally? I'd vote for being suspicious when she actually proposes some bit of ridiculousness. Has she done so? If not, I'd almost consider failing to be aware of internet BDSM as a good thing rather than a bad thing.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 12:14:26 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I just has the weirdest thought.

Make sure she's not one of those chicks who read "50 Shades of Grey" and is getting all of her information from that.



Wouldn't that suck?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 12:24:35 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		How many different sites are there on the Internet? How many people couldn't give a rats ass about owning a computer except for maybe email and some Facebook games?

I don't think that someone who is into BDSM has to include knowing or not knowing about Collarme or other sites on their resume. If you want it to raise a red flag, so be it. Me? Well, get to know the person better, then you will find out if they are pulling your chain or if they are genuine. The best advice ever in BDSM relationships is to take it easy at first, get to know each other and after doing that, then you can decide if you want to get kinky with them.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 8:23:40 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I met a lady recently and she claims she is a dominant, heavily into the lifestyle, yet when I mentioned this site and fet life she looked at me like I had two heads, saying she never heard of them. I hate being suspicious of people who have not done anything wrong to me, but I have alarm bells going off. Am I being overly suspicious?


I say we hunt the bitch down and crop her legs.

(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 8:55:30 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
I say we hunt the bitch down and crop her legs.



Uhm...no, let's not do that. It's a bit excessive and she is a pretty nice lady.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 9:00:47 PM   
DaddyMax4you


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/12/2013
Status: offline 		Some people are very dominant or submissive, but also very monogamous. So there is a possibility that she only did these things with her husband or lover. Many people just don't feel the need to go out if they have a great person at home to play with. If she said that she was polyamorous or really active in the community, it would be different. But the lifestyle and the community are two different things.

(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/4/2013 9:05:59 PM   
DaddyMax4you


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/12/2013
Status: offline 		Oh. And if her background is as a pro-dom there is a possibility that she only travels in those circles. Collarme.com is a personals site. Fetlife is more like facebook. She might have been focusing more on sites that focus more on pro-dom networking and development. So I would say that she is either a pro-dom or she is coming out of a long term monogamous D/s relationship. Ask her if she has ever heard of ALT.com or Bondage.com. Those sites were around from the late 19990s-2005 or so. CM became the big thing in 2005 and fetlife is the most recent.

(in reply to splatterpunk)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/5/2013 4:10:18 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I have to admit, when I first realized I was kinky it was due to some exposure to Extreme Restraints and, through that site, Alt.com(long story I won't go into). But that was a paying site and I decided to google for free bdsm sites. It was only then that I came up with CM. I found out from someone on a CM message board about Fet. So I didn't know about either site in the beginning either. Sometimes people are just involved in their real time local BDSM community and don't frequent a computer period or sites on a computer.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to DaddyMax4you)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/5/2013 5:21:44 AM   
SadisticMs2


Posts: 203
Joined: 8/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I just has the weirdest thought.

Make sure she's not one of those chicks who read "50 Shades of Grey" and is getting all of her information from that.




And that would be my concern. If she hasn't heard of these sites, she's probably not active much online nor is she active in her local community......so where's she been educating herself about safe play and how has she been meeting potential partners? Where did you meet her?

Many of the activities that we engage in have some technical aspects that aren't obvious and require some level of research and education to do safely. You don't necessarily need to find a mentor or get involved in the local scene but you should be reading some books and some decent non-porn websites.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 40
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