quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMs2
Many of the activities that we engage in have some technical aspects that aren't obvious and require some level of research and education to do safely. You don't necessarily need to find a mentor or get involved in the local scene but you should be reading some books and some decent non-porn websites.

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ORIGINAL: CougarRick
I'm embarrassed to admit I hadn't even thought of the safety aspect, but thank you; you bring up a good point for consideration.

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ORIGINAL: ExplorativeOne
it could just be this person was someone who disliked technology

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ORIGINAL: splatterpunk

pro tip: life ain't a computer game, bro

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ORIGINAL: CougarRick

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ORIGINAL: splatterpunk
oh no someone who has never heard of some computer bullshit! for shame! it's hard to believe the Local Lifestyle Community (tm) would even issue her a card!
dealbreaker, bro. deal. fucking. breaker.

I don't know .................. I'm just learning................... and that's why I am asking

splatterpunk, not everyone who comes to these sites treats it like a game. We're here for friends, learning, passing on some knowledge, and finding partners of all sorts (got mine here at CM).

At MAsT meetings, CM has come up in passing, so has Fet. Our munch groups organize themselves through Fet, members RSVP for events through Fet. Out of hundreds of kinky people I've known...none of them had never heard of at least one of these two sites. If someone in my area had never heard of either site I would have to assume they haven't had any involvement in their local kink communities.

Some will bring up CM or Fet...even if it's only to complain about how they're run or the people they talk to. Guests of kinksters might be caught "in the wild", very new to kink and without internet, but by the first meetup they are introduced around to the rest of us and told, "This is CynthiaWVirginia from CollarMe and Fetlife, and this is so-and-so, he's over at Fetlife, ..." If we're in a place with a bunch of kiddies and grandmas, they will use the terms CM and Fet instead of outing us to the vanillas. In the parking lot, if not phone numbers being exchanged, papers with someone's username at CM or at Fet are exchanged.

I just cannot see how anyone in my own country could be part of the BDSM community and NOT hear of Fet or CM. (Even if they don't have access to the internet.)

Even school teachers in my area...who are afraid of being outed and losing their job, because of some morals thing in their contract, and won't go to munches, MAsT, or play parties...use CM and Fet.

If someone comes here for games, whether cybering or for Space Invaders (I haven't looked at the available games in a while, but I used to come here for part of my day for Space Invaders, lol.), then yeah, this site can be used just for the games. But...there's too many real timers using both of these sites...to insinuate or claim that CM and Fet have nothing to do with real time BDSMers, dungeons, play parties, etc.

To the OP. Yes, it would raise a red flag with me, but I would also talk with her to find out why. If a past mate woke her up to BDSM and they were together for years, avoiding BDSM clubs, etc., and not using the internet...yeah, it's possible. How did you meet her and how did you learn that she was Domme?

It's funny that some people think that munch groups might have looser lips than the many people they meet one on one. IMHO, if you're out there, you're out there; somebody KNOWS and might be talking.

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ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia



I just cannot see how anyone in my own country could be part of the BDSM community and NOT hear of Fet or CM. (Even if they don't have access to the internet.)

[/color]

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
He also didn't say how old she was. It could just be a generational thing. I'm serious, I often forget to take my cell phone with me. My younger friends are horrified by that thought. They just can't even grasp it.
I started in D/s BDSM before every household had the internet. Trust me when I say that it is absolutely possible to be involved in your local BDSM D/s community and not have an online presence.

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ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
To the OP. Yes, it would raise a red flag with me, but I would also talk with her to find out why. If a past mate woke her up to BDSM and they were together for years, avoiding BDSM clubs, etc., and not using the internet...yeah, it's possible.

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ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
How did you meet her and how did you learn that she was Domme?

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ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
It's funny that some people think that munch groups might have looser lips than the many people they meet one on one. IMHO, if you're out there, you're out there; somebody KNOWS and might be talking. [/color]

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ORIGINAL: CougarRick

Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I met a lady recently and she claims she is a dominant, heavily into the lifestyle, yet when I mentioned this site and fet life she looked at me like I had two heads, saying she never heard of them. I hate being suspicious of people who have not done anything wrong to me, but I have alarm bells going off. Am I being overly suspicious?

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It's hard to question like this seriously. Most of the ppl I know do NOT live their lives via a web sites like this, FB whatever.

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Quite the contrary, I'd be very concerned by someone such as yourself that spends way to much time online asking questions.It's the difference between online sex and real flesh pounding ass swatting nipple gripping sex. You are the former and I'm the latter.
BadOne

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ORIGINAL: Gauge
Well, get to know the person better, then you will find out if they are pulling your chain or if they are genuine. The best advice ever in BDSM relationships is to take it easy at first, get to know each other and after doing that, then you can decide if you want to get kinky with them.

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum
ah you are 18, had I realized that my response would have been quite a bit different. I'd have been like. I know you're a virgin so I'll be gentle kinda. My new reply.
What in the hell are you thinking basing a decision on whether or not there other person has heard of a website? Forget about how they can speak in complete sentences. Or that they dress in a presentable fashion. Ohhh and they make you smile. None of that matters.
Because they have not heard of fetlife or CM. They can't be "real"! Are you fucking kidding me. You my friend need to work on your "internal" decision making process.
Oh and BTW I've been here for 6 years, that might be why I have some many posts
BadOne

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ORIGINAL: CougarRick

Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I met a lady recently and she claims she is a dominant, heavily into the lifestyle, yet when I mentioned this site and fet life she looked at me like I had two heads, saying she never heard of them. I hate being suspicious of people who have not done anything wrong to me, but I have alarm bells going off. Am I being overly suspicious?

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ORIGINAL: CougarRick

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ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
Have a cup of coffee with the woman. What can it hurt?

I'll see what happens. I have seen her at work from time to time.

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ORIGINAL: CougarRick

Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I met a lady recently and she claims she is a dominant, heavily into the lifestyle, yet when I mentioned this site and fet life she looked at me like I had two heads, saying she never heard of them. I hate being suspicious of people who have not done anything wrong to me, but I have alarm bells going off. Am I being overly suspicious?

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Not sure this is that big a deal, post 50 Shades. Gives us legitimacy, or at least plausible deniability. Now BDSM is an experiment, not a perversion.