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Telling Someone - 9/6/2013 10:07:13 PM

teacherspet7

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/9/2012
Status: offline

I'm sure this is asked somewhere out there...
some background history. I'm seeing a guy, kinda an arranged marriage thing (dont judge on that). He likes me I like him.
So i tried shoving my need where this lifestyle comes in away thinking its just a phase...but I'm starting to get really needy missing it all.
So how do I tell him what I need (as a sub)?

Post #: 1

RE: Telling Someone - 9/6/2013 10:16:53 PM

Darkfeather

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teacherspet7

I'm sure this is asked somewhere out there...
some background history. I'm seeing a guy, kinda an arranged marriage thing (dont judge on that). He likes me I like him.
So i tried shoving my need where this lifestyle comes in away thinking its just a phase...but I'm starting to get really needy missing it all.
So how do I tell him what I need (as a sub)?

Not everyone is kinky, or more specifically, your kind of kinky. Some guys just don't have it in them to hurt someone and enjoy it. That said, the only way you are going to find out, is to actually talk to him. It is a part of you, an aspect of your personality. Tell him some of the things you think about or like, see if that sparks dialogue. Who knows, he may be sitting there struggling with the same questions...

(in reply to teacherspet7)

Post #: 2

RE: Telling Someone - 9/6/2013 11:27:47 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, it does get asked a lot. The most recent thread on this subject had it's last post four days ago.

Here is the link to that thread. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4534609/tm.htm

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Darkfeather)

Post #: 3

RE: Telling Someone - 9/7/2013 8:55:11 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

Is this secondlife or real life? I think there are different answers for both.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to teacherspet7)

Post #: 4

RE: Telling Someone - 9/7/2013 5:23:50 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teacherspet7

I'm sure this is asked somewhere out there...
some background history. I'm seeing a guy, kinda an arranged marriage thing (dont judge on that). He likes me I like him.
So i tried shoving my need where this lifestyle comes in away thinking its just a phase...but I'm starting to get really needy missing it all.
So how do I tell him what I need (as a sub)?

I like your avatar....I want to have sex with your avatar.

(in reply to teacherspet7)

Post #: 5

RE: Telling Someone - 9/7/2013 7:20:21 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Find someone who isn't married and has more in common with you.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 6

RE: Telling Someone - 9/8/2013 8:36:21 AM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Find someone who isn't married and has more in common with you.

Figures, her avatar is married.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: Telling Someone - 9/8/2013 9:42:52 AM

teacherspet7

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/9/2012
Status: offline

Real life not second life
Lol my avatar is not married
And don't tell me to find someone else

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 8

RE: Telling Someone - 9/8/2013 10:47:06 AM

KYObserver

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/19/2013
Status: offline

If it's not in your partner, it never will be. It's something that has to come from deep inside of us. The best you can do is be upfront with him about it and then decide if it will work between the two of you.

(in reply to teacherspet7)

Post #: 9

RE: Telling Someone - 9/8/2013 11:17:05 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I can tell you anything I want. It's up to you to decide how you wish to react to it.

But in reality you can't change people. Find someone who has more in common with you and will give you what you want. This guy is married. He's not gonna give you that.

Take it however you wish.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to KYObserver)

Post #: 10

RE: Telling Someone - 9/8/2013 11:19:41 AM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

You and your guy are in what amounts to an arranged marriage? Or he's in an arranged marriage and you're single and having an affair with him?

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to teacherspet7)

Post #: 11

RE: Telling Someone - 9/8/2013 12:02:21 PM

MizzSpitfire

Posts: 70
Joined: 2/16/2012
Status: offline

Just flat-out tell him. I've never had a negative reaction from anyone.

(in reply to evesgrden)

Post #: 12

RE: Telling Someone - 9/8/2013 11:31:21 PM

SerWhiteTiger

Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline

So you're getting put into an arranged marriage with this guy and you need to try to figure out how to make him more compatible with you? You can't. You can tell him your needs and he might choose to change to fit your needs, but you can't change him and you shouldn't expect him to.

Well, unless maybe you're dominant and he's submissive.

(in reply to MizzSpitfire)

Post #: 13

RE: Telling Someone - 9/8/2013 11:56:44 PM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

Isn't the arranged marriage torture enough?

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)

Post #: 14

RE: Telling Someone - 9/9/2013 4:05:04 AM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

Isn't the arranged marriage torture enough?

Isn't marriage torture enough?

(in reply to Toysinbabeland)

Post #: 15

RE: Telling Someone - 9/9/2013 5:01:33 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Marrying someone in the hopes of changing them never works.

Arranged marriage is a thing that should be in the past. You're going to have to grow a set and tell your parents you want to pick your own partner. Yes, they will be upset.

I have a friend from India whose parents wanted to arrange his marriage, and he decided to marry a Caucasian woman. He told his mother: I am changing my religion, changing my name to john, oh and I am marrying a white woman. They were so happy he was kidding about the first two, they eventually got over the last one.

It's my opinion that to be happy, eventually you are going to have to get out from under your family's thumb. You can do that now before you marry this guy, or later once you two have kids and become so unhappy you cause even more heartbreak.

In this day and age, arranged marriages don't work that well, most especially in this country, where you claim to be.

_____________________________

(in reply to teacherspet7)

Post #: 16

RE: Telling Someone - 9/9/2013 6:55:10 AM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline

Your extreme reticence to address basic sex stuff does not bode well for this union. Check out the internet group, I live in a sexless marriage for a sad look at your soul crushing future. Plenty of people over there are in arranged marriages BTW.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 17

RE: Telling Someone - 9/9/2013 12:29:08 PM

Traveler0471

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/25/2012
Status: offline

Deep down, what is it that you fear, He will be repulsed and move on? He will embrace the lifestyle, but not you? He will discuss openly your choices in lifestyle with the real world? What is it that you want?

(in reply to teacherspet7)

Post #: 18

RE: Telling Someone - 9/10/2013 1:47:25 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

My first rule for broaching the subject (with anyone, regardless of their relation to you) is to avoid 'proper' SM terminology. 'Dominant' and 'submissive' should only be used as adjectives, not nouns, for example.

Talking about what you want in bed should be kept to a minimum when you are not in bed. Stick to generalities, like "I want to be ravished" or "I like when a Man doesn't think I am fragile". In the heat of the moment, many things that might be an issue come very easily- "Pull my hair!" "Slap my ass!" "harder!".

I have a friend who had a similar problem, and it worked out well for all concerned.

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Traveler0471)

Post #: 19

RE: Telling Someone - 9/11/2013 1:31:17 AM

ivone57

Posts: 279
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

just sit him down for a cup of coffee as a get to know each other better situation and tell him about your needs and desires... either he accepts them or he doesnt....

_____________________________

ivone

Property of WhipHer

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 20

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