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Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 4:21:03 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm hoping this isn't going to be considered a duplicate topic. I am aware that there is another thread right now concerning email but I feel this is a different question.

Cutting to the chase, on the other thread, the poster wanted to know why he got a bad response. During the course of the thread, he revealed that he had asked the person to whom he sent the email that he had asked if it was her real name. As of right now, Myself and three other women have unanimously said that was a bad idea and very likely, that is why he got a bad response.

I'm using this only as an example. We've had lots of threads about emails. Why don't women respond? How does a person improve an initial email? What tactics work to improve the chances of getting a response? So on and so on.

My question to you gentlemen is, have you ever changed your email habits based on what you have seen women*** write on threads when the topic is emails? If you would care to share, have you ever seen something that you do, or have done in the past, that a majority of women see as a bad move?

When it comes to the topic of emails, when women talk, do you listen?



***If women are your target demographic.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 4:27:59 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Sadly, the men who *really* need to change their habits aren't introspective enough, and engaging enough to post/read/learn/teach on message boards. (but I know you already are aware of this)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 4:28:08 PM   
VideoAdminRho


Posts: 2055
Joined: 3/24/2010
Status: offline 		I don't consider this a duplicate topic.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 4:36:55 PM   
getoutnow


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
Status: offline 		My general experience is that some women on here come with a specific requirement. They'll filter out most emails on that basis, regardless of the quality of reply.

Sometimes I've written a few lines, got no response. Written a few paragraphs and then was asked if I had spammed this to all the other women on CM. Seems like you can't win.

Unfortunately, I am unable to express how I feel with respect to the Men on here as it will most likely turn into an attack and my post will get flagged again lol.

Suffice to say, I don't message any more. I simply have a profile and if by chance a female likes what she sees great. if not, no big deal. I have far better chances in the real world outside of CM in getting a female and higher still of converting her to the lifestyle.

Going against the grain here, you should also take into account the quality of emails us Men get. I've gotten ones that range from just Hi, hello, how are you and then nothing. To exchanging emails and then poof, they disappear. Again, I'm not too bothered.

One other point. I don't understand why females think they are superior just because they are in the lifestyle. The quality really isn't all that great. I'm talking from a Male Dom perspective and what I have seen from female sub profiles. I know in the circle I am in and what I come across in the day to day. The quality of women as in looks, is far far higher than in CM. I wouldn't date 90% of the women in CM.

Not HWP (like bbw), too many tattoos, many with mental health issues, many with daddy issues, and the list goes on. Not really ones I would take home to meet MOM.

< Message edited by getoutnow -- 9/12/2013 4:37:39 PM >

(in reply to VideoAdminRho)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 4:40:54 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		I just know women have a cluttered, overloaded, highly stuffed, fully filled, hardly ever empty inbox. A woman here is a little bit like the HR department of a fortune 500 company screening (if even looking at) resumes.

I can't say I have followed anyone's particular advice. But my emails involve reading the recipient's profile and then writing either a short question or observation about the profile. My response rate is low, maybe 15-25%. Of that percentage most of the responses don't exactly invite a dialogue or a continuing conversation. I know that I am not available and don't have anything to "offer." I also know that Fs have more than enough chit-chat online opp'ts.

One surprising thing for me is the non response rate from CMMB posters. My response rate here is maybe 50% and that includes writing to M and F.

I think with guys, they have to get lucky both with their timing and what they chose to say. It also probably helps to have really interesting, cool, and well shot photos. If I was looking and truly interested in meeting a F, I'd get some photos uploaded.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 9/12/2013 4:43:06 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 4:43:12 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I started out initially only writing non wanky emails to people I had something in common with and I've always gotten good response rates.

As I look at the threads, I keep saying "For fucks sakes, don't give these younger, better looking guys a clue willya?"

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 4:49:37 PM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		I've not read the other threads on any similar topic, but I find the concept interesting.

Many years ago, it was the subs competing for a Top's attention. Now, it seems the bottom's are drowning is responses with a variety quality. It's hard to know if a lack of response is due to the quality of my writing or another reason (drowning in messages or she read a successful suitor first).

I am often torn about what to write. Many women openly state short messages will not be responded to. (I mean a few sentences to a few paragraphs). On the other hand, I prefer not to use all my powder on one posting response I'm still trying to find that balance.

I only write to someone who wrote something that attracted my interest. I do not shotgun messages. As I read the postings, I perceive a number of people do and that is a shame. It hurts all of us if that is the case.

I never cut and paste. Each of my writings is based on that person's posting. Postings that I have read give me a perception that too many do or appear to do so.

(in reply to VideoAdminRho)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 4:54:05 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		1. I always assume that a woman will not respond to my initial message. If she does, it's a welcome surprise.

2. I never write a message unless there's something in her profile I like. Whatever it is, I mention it in my message.

3. If she replies, I expect a pleasant conversation. More would be a bonus.

4. If she's local to me, I let her know about local munches and clubs, and volunteer to answer any questions she has.



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 4:55:09 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Like HW, I only write non-wanky, friendly sorts of emails.

The one thing I've changed, though, is that I don't treat an initial email as much more than the written equivalent of the sort of nod, smile and joky, interested (and hopefully interesting) comment I'd give to a woman at a bar. Just a couple of lines - that's usually really all.

For one thing, more seems 'heavy' (I'm not applying for a job, I'm looking to make friends - big difference); for another, it's too much of an investment otherwise. I wasn't aware of just how many cmails women get before I started reading women's comments here. I *have* felt bitter about non-replies in the past and I'm too sensitive (or my ego is, whatever) to send a long, heartfelt kind of cmail as an opener, as a result.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 5:01:14 PM   
KYsissy


Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		When i was looking, i would write long emails trying to introduce myself with piss poor results. Now that i am not looking, sometimes I will repond to something they wrote in their journal and almost every single time I get a response. Interstingly, there is one in particular who I was interested in a few years back, wrote the intro letter. REALLY tried to make it good and .....nothing. reading her profile today, I am EXACTLY what she is would like to have as a sub. I respinded to something she wrote in her journal and we a a nice back anf forth for a few dozen messages.

So i guess the lesson learned was just to say hi, what yoy wrote here interested me and here is why. On the other hand, she did not even view my profile so I dont know if I really have any insight. LOL.

But to the topic, yes, i did change my approach. To no avail.

_____________________________

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 5:52:36 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL:
2. I never write a message unless there's something in her profile I like. Whatever it is, I mention it in my message.


This is what happened with the Mister. In a flood of received emails, his was the only one I responded to, and only because it was so polite and personal.

I had no idea at the time he would become the love of my life.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 6:18:02 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
My question to you gentlemen is, have you ever changed your email habits based on what you have seen women*** write on threads when the topic is emails? If you would care to share, have you ever seen something that you do, or have done in the past, that a majority of women see as a bad move?

No. But that may be a confusing answer since I get great response from my emails so it never occurred to me to study such a thread.

When it comes to the topic of emails, when women talk, do you listen?
It wouldn't matter to me if I was actually searching or not. When I write an email I'm hoping the recipient reads it and if I'm somehow failing in that I'd like to improve. I also dislike pissing people off for no reason. I just can't really imagine that situation and honestly, if it was occurring I'd be very confused.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 6:27:38 PM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

When it comes to the topic of emails, when women talk, do you listen?


I actually think some of them do, the ones who don't know any better, the ones who aren't so clueless that you want to throw your hands up in despair or disgust (human ashtrays, toilet slaves, et al).

Recently, instead of just pointing out to certain (which happens to be most) messagers how he obviously did not read my profile because of ab&c, I have started recommending that if he focused on quality over quantity, he may find that his efforts decrease by 99% but that his success rate might increase by 99%. {I borrowed this from somebody else's post, but I can't remember who he is.} Then, if applicable, I mention how leading with his fetish/kink isn't the right approach to take, that he should stick to neutral or non-sexual matters and show Dommes the same respect he would show if he were trying to impress any other woman to take an interest in him.
I don't expect an apology, since my response is not intended as a reprimand (well, maybe a little), but they are usually apologetic and very thankful thus far.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005

Many years ago, it was the subs competing for a Top's attention. Now, it seems the bottom's are drowning is responses with a variety quality.


Didn't know it was like that on your side, given that there are so many more female subs than Dommes. Has the number of male Dominants proliferated lately? Or is it peculiar to this site, I wonder.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I just know women have a cluttered, overloaded, highly stuffed, fully filled, hardly ever empty inbox. A woman here is a little bit like the HR department of a fortune 500 company screening (if even looking at) resumes.

I can't say I have followed anyone's particular advice. But my emails involve reading the recipient's profile and then writing either a short question or observation about the profile. My response rate is low, maybe 15-25%. Of that percentage most of the responses don't exactly invite a dialogue or a continuing conversation. I know that I am not available and don't have anything to "offer." I also know that Fs have more than enough chit-chat online opp'ts.


How true--minus the resume, along with a thoughtfully tailored cover letter. If you're getting a response rate of 15-25%, that's not shabby at all. I can't stress enough how crucial it is to READ PROFILES. Nonetheless, if you're not available and only want to chat, then you shouldn't be expecting to get any responses on a cold call other than to eff off. If it were me, and I didn't know you from Adam, you'd be getting a reprimand.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 6:40:26 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily
Didn't know it was like that on your side, given that there are so many more female subs than Dommes. Has the number of male Dominants proliferated lately? Or is it peculiar to this site, I wonder.

Site? I'm more curious about whether it's like that in the real world.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to TigressLily)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 7:44:46 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005
Many years ago, it was the subs competing for a Top's attention.


I've never had to compete for a Dominant's attention. I've been doing this for 20 some odd years and I've always had multiple guys competing for my attention. Hell, in 1995 I put an ad in the LA Reader and had over 200 responses in 4 weeks....and that was with the guys having to pay for access on a 900 number.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 7:46:17 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		What steven said.

I include what sparked my interest in the email, keep it very polite and non demanding.

I seem to get an answer about 1 in 30 messages sent.

I believe the last first contact email I sent was about a month ago, and it was deleted unread.

Clearly the word that I am the creature from the black lagoon's evil ugly brother has gotten out.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 7:54:29 PM   
getoutnow


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I've been doing this for 20 some odd years and I've always had multiple guys competing for my attention.


Was this the case for print ads and the internet, was this in real life as well?

I've been in the dating scene for 20 years next month funny enough. The trend I have seen, is that through a communication medium Men are more likely to correspond with a woman. However, put the woman in front of the Man and he'll run to hide under his mommy's skirt.

I much prefer real life filtering than internet filtering. Even though a woman can appear to be beautiful, 9.5/10 she'll open her mouth and will either say something annoying or utterly stupud. Thus ceasing any interest I had in her.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 8:05:51 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: getoutnow


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I've been doing this for 20 some odd years and I've always had multiple guys competing for my attention.


Was this the case for print ads and the internet, was this in real life as well?

I've been in the dating scene for 20 years next month funny enough. The trend I have seen, is that through a communication medium Men are more likely to correspond with a woman. However, put the woman in front of the Man and he'll run to hide under his mommy's skirt.

I much prefer real life filtering than internet filtering. Even though a woman can appear to be beautiful, 9.5/10 she'll open her mouth and will either say something annoying or utterly stupud. Thus ceasing any interest I had in her.


Out of 200+ replies, I chose to respond to somewhere around 30. I eventually met 10 of them and out of 10, only 1 rejected me. (He wanted tall and willowy and I'm more average height and Marilyn curves) Out of those 10, I dated 2, and eventaully ended up in a 6 year relationship with 1.

I was also active at socials, Threshold and Conquest where I was also consistently approached. I even had a "social" stalker at one point. The men outnumbered the women enough where I used to joke that I felt like meat thrown into the Lion pit at the zoo.

And honestly, I'm no great beauty and even at my skinniest will never be a size 1. I have never not been pursued since I entered the D/s BDSM community.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 9/12/2013 8:12:20 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to getoutnow)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 8:18:53 PM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		A couple of people have questioned my experience quite some time back. Perhaps we moved in different circles, but that was my experience at one time.
ORIGINAL: DOM68005
quote:

Many years ago, it was the subs competing for a Top's attention. Now, it seems the bottom's are drowning is responses with a variety quality.


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Gentlemen, a question about your emails - 9/12/2013 8:48:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Judging by the op in that other thread, I have to assume most guys don't want advice. Lots of us pointed out things that were offensive, and his response was to say there was no need for anyone to respond and, effectively, that he was right and we were wrong.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DOM68005)
Profile   Post #: 20
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