Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Has anyone seen a sex therapist?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Has anyone seen a sex therapist? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 3:33:08 PM   
jc26


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/6/2013
Status: offline 		The reason I ask this is because...from my first post, about being married vanilla but with strong intense submissive desires, I realize that I am also sexually masochistic. Which seems like an even harder subject to broach. Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? If so, does it work?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 3:44:04 PM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		A therapist no matter what kind of therapist they are can not rid you of anything. If you feel that your feelings are undesirable you may wish to go to a therapist and figure out why. You also state you are married maybe you also need to see someone who does couples work and work out telling your vanilla partner about these feelings. There are many men and maybe some women on CM and other sites who are unhappy with their marriage because they are not getting what they want and therefore seek other venues for their needs. When really one needs to work with whom they already have a relationship with.

Unless of course your partner is aware of your feelings and approves of an open relationship with you. So contact someone who can help you deal with these feelings and your marriage.

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 3:51:19 PM   
jc26


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/6/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetAnise

A therapist no matter what kind of therapist they are can not rid you of anything. If you feel that your feelings are undesirable you may wish to go to a therapist and figure out why. You also state you are married maybe you also need to see someone who does couples work and work out telling your vanilla partner about these feelings. There are many men and maybe some women on CM and other sites who are unhappy with their marriage because they are not getting what they want and therefore seek other venues for their needs. When really one needs to work with whom they already have a relationship with.

Unless of course your partner is aware of your feelings and approves of an open relationship with you. So contact someone who can help you deal with these feelings and your marriage.


I can't really call myself unhappy. and I cannot blame anyone either because I have a hard time talking about what it is exactly that I need. I hint, and he sort of gets it a little but I haven't talked and really opened up about what it is I want. I thought perhaps talking to a sex therapist could convince me to just bury it and leave it alone? If that makes sense!

(in reply to SweetAnise)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 3:56:23 PM   
OvrThRainbow


Posts: 56
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		Therapists are not at all about "burying it and leaving it alone".

_____________________________

"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love."
~Lao Tzu

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 5:08:52 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Threapy can help but only if you really want it to. If you want someone to tell you its ok you can go outside your marrige to get thes needs mets then, i think threapy will not help you. You have to want to work this out. It would help if you and your husband went to therapy together.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to OvrThRainbow)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 5:09:40 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		You could find a kink-friendly/kink aware therapist and speak to him/her.

That way you can become more comfortable in your own skin and at some point bring your desires up to your partner.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 5:11:54 PM   
jc26


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/6/2013
Status: offline 		This is what I was hoping for. I am curious how to find a "kink friendly" therapist.. And how would one even ask oh hey are you kink friendly by the way?

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

You could find a kink-friendly/kink aware therapist and speak to him/her.

That way you can become more comfortable in your own skin and at some point bring your desires up to your partner.


(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 5:14:28 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jc26

This is what I was hoping for. I am curious how to find a "kink friendly" therapist.. And how would one even ask oh hey are you kink friendly by the way?


Google is your friend. It was a 5 second search.

https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/kap-directory-homepage.html



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 5:16:06 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jc26

The reason I ask this is because...from my first post, about being married vanilla but with strong intense submissive desires, I realize that I am also sexually masochistic. Which seems like an even harder subject to broach. Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? If so, does it work?

"Honey, I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and I think I'd like to try something. How about you beat my ass until I can barely stand it, and then I give you the best blowjob of your life while my hands are tied behind my back. What do you think?"

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 5:36:56 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		I would never go to therapy hoping to rid myself of being a sexual masochist. I enjoy being kinky and deviant. And I have zero problem stating that or any of my other needs.



quote:

ORIGINAL: jc26

The reason I ask this is because...from my first post, about being married vanilla but with strong intense submissive desires, I realize that I am also sexually masochistic. Which seems like an even harder subject to broach. Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? If so, does it work?



< Message edited by LittleGirlHeart -- 9/13/2013 5:44:15 PM >

_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 5:39:15 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		Simple, you open your mouth and you ask. Are you kink friendly or kink aware. And then based on what they say or so not say, you go from there. it's not rocket science.
quote:

ORIGINAL: jc26

This is what I was hoping for. I am curious how to find a "kink friendly" therapist.. And how would one even ask oh hey are you kink friendly by the way?





_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/13/2013 10:50:06 PM   
HeidiAnn


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline 		We went to therapy for a few years and it helped us a lot. We had to go through three therapists before we found one both were comfortable with. And i think that's very important. For us therapy helped us re-define our relationship and to accept that even though we are good friends and great at parenting together, we are no longer compatible sexually/BDSM-wise. Currently we live together and both see other people. We plan ahead and agree on certain conditions. And we have checkpoints at which we can check if both still wish to continue this arrangement. Next is next spring. So for us therapy helped us let go and move forward and to find unorthodoxical solutions to am unfortunate situation.

_____________________________

"The most difficult thing is trying not to forget who you really want to be." - Nong Toom

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/14/2013 12:52:35 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


quote:

ORIGINAL: jc26

The reason I ask this is because...from my first post, about being married vanilla but with strong intense submissive desires, I realize that I am also sexually masochistic. Which seems like an even harder subject to broach. Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? If so, does it work?

"Honey, I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and I think I'd like to try something. How about you beat my ass until I can barely stand it, and then I give you the best blowjob of your life while my hands are tied behind my back. What do you think?"



I love you like mad.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/14/2013 1:32:14 AM   
NiceAnimal


Posts: 35
Joined: 9/6/2013
Status: offline 		I would first try talking about it. Most people who really love each other will eventually come around to dipping their feet in some sexual idea, if you have good communication.

Failing that you could see a relationship counciller. They often guide people through sexual differences.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/14/2013 5:12:23 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

"Honey, I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and I think I'd like to try something. How about you beat my ass until I can barely stand it, and then I give you the best blowjob of your life while my hands are tied behind my back. What do you think?"


Another vote for this.

Once you've introduced "50 Shades," you can bring in non-fiction books like Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism - When my (now ex) husband and I were new to BDSM, I used to show him the pictures and say, "This sounds like fun - let's try it!" Worked like a charm

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/14/2013 5:25:35 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires?


No, but back in the 90's I did speak to a sex therapist because I felt like wanted to be beaten made me a bad feminist. He gave me the casino analogy - some people like slots, some roulette, some black jack. No need to feel shame about this. Realizing how much more I enjoyed kinky sex vs vanilla sex helped me accept my orientation. Kinky sex arouses me - vanilla does not, unless way too much alcohol is involved.

A few years ago I was seeing a therapist who was not especially Kink Aware when we started, but he was kink friendly, and every week I could tell he'd been doing some research about BDSM. So, you don't necessarily need to see someone who is in a kink directory, but you can ask them ahead of time what their position is on BDSM. My mother puts potential therapists for my brother under a rigorous interview process - you are the potential client, don't be afraid of asking questions to make sure they are a good match for you.

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/14/2013 6:45:12 AM   
jc26


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/6/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires?


No, but back in the 90's I did speak to a sex therapist because I felt like wanted to be beaten made me a bad feminist. He gave me the casino analogy - some people like slots, some roulette, some black jack. No need to feel shame about this. Realizing how much more I enjoyed kinky sex vs vanilla sex helped me accept my orientation. Kinky sex arouses me - vanilla does not, unless way too much alcohol is involved.

A few years ago I was seeing a therapist who was not especially Kink Aware when we started, but he was kink friendly, and every week I could tell he'd been doing some research about BDSM. So, you don't necessarily need to see someone who is in a kink directory, but you can ask them ahead of time what their position is on BDSM. My mother puts potential therapists for my brother under a rigorous interview process - you are the potential client, don't be afraid of asking questions to make sure they are a good match for you.

quote:

(


thank you so much, for this. I feel the same in regards to what arouses me. and I agree with others as well that I do need to talk about it.. I guess I have to work through the embarrassment first

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/15/2013 6:32:47 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If they went to a therapist to rid themselves of it and succeeded, they wouldn't be here to respond to you.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/16/2013 5:10:11 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jc26

Has anyone seen a sex therapist?


Why, is one missing?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? - 9/16/2013 7:11:54 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jc26




quote:

Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires?




thank you so much, for this. I feel the same in regards to what arouses me. and I agree with others as well that I do need to talk about it.. I guess I have to work through the embarrassment first


First, find a kink-friendly therapist; that should alleviate some of the embarrassment factor.
Second, you can use 50 Shades as a reference point if you don't know how else to begin.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to jc26)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Has anyone seen a sex therapist? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094