Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Punishing Master?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Punishing Master? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Punishing Master? - 9/17/2013 4:26:25 PM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Often it is corporal in nature (although it doesn't have to be. I know there are those on here who don't believe in physical pain for punishment).

The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all?

The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable.

I would be interested in thoughts from both sides of the whip.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/17/2013 4:27:59 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment.



Not every D/s or M/s relationship is a punishment dynamic. When either of us fucks up, we discuss it like adults.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/17/2013 4:32:15 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship?

...The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable.


I wasn't able to find satisfactory middle ground. I ended our financial and D/s dynamic and lived with him platonically until the time was right for me to move out.

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/17/2013 6:31:39 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Master takes ownership of himself and fixes what he did wrong. His "punishment" is knowing he did something wrong and now has to figure out a way to correct it. If it's against me then he apologizes to me and goes about finding a way to right the wrong. He has ownership over himself. The worst punishment that anyone has over themselves is guilt and shame.

But Master owns me as well so he takes ownership of my discipline just as he has ownership over himself.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/17/2013 8:25:42 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Not everyone does punishment. Many of us just deal with the consequences of our actions.

The consequence for acting in such a way that your partner loses trust in you is that they no longer trust you. And if that isn't enough, then you need some therapy to learn how to have successful relationships.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/17/2013 8:29:23 PM   
SerWhiteTiger


Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Master takes ownership of himself and fixes what he did wrong. His "punishment" is knowing he did something wrong and now has to figure out a way to correct it. If it's against me then he apologizes to me and goes about finding a way to right the wrong. He has ownership over himself. The worst punishment that anyone has over themselves is guilt and shame.

But Master owns me as well so he takes ownership of my discipline just as he has ownership over himself.





This times 10000000.

It's the responsibility that a Dom signs up for in being a Dom. If they aren't responsible enough to bear that burden, you need to leave that relationship. The sub leaving isn't even an extreme answer. They might be an awesome, wonderful, loving person who loves having a submissive, but if they can't do this, they aren't fit to be a Dom.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/17/2013 10:18:08 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all?


He's fucked up before. He's human - we all do at times.

Usually he realizes it, and like lw said, takes ownership of it, apologizes, and fixes it.

There have been times he hasn't realized it, so I bring it up and tell him.

We don't expect perfection out of each other, but we do expect honesty. And that means putting my feelings out there on the table when he's messed up. It also means he's accountable for mess ups and doesn't sweep them under an "I'm the Master and always right" umbrella.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/18/2013 5:12:53 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Often it is corporal in nature (although it doesn't have to be. I know there are those on here who don't believe in physical pain for punishment).

The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all?

The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable.

I would be interested in thoughts from both sides of the whip.


You're half right - when I screw up, the girl doesn't get to punish me.

But I'm a Dom who's burdened by personal pride, morals, principles and a strong sense of justice etc. So when I get it wrong, I get hell from *him* in the mirror.

And what the girl gets is open communication channels to freely voice any concerns or issues she may have. Time and place for everything, of course, but she doesn't just get brushed aside like she doesn't matter. If she did, I wouldn't blame her for just up and leaving me....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/18/2013 8:43:47 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment.



Not every D/s or M/s relationship is a punishment dynamic. When either of us fucks up, we discuss it like adults.


^^^This. Or sometimes, we just fight like a married couple.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/18/2013 10:01:13 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		More recently, my tears were punishment enough.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/18/2013 8:59:28 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Often it is corporal in nature (although it doesn't have to be. I know there are those on here who don't believe in physical pain for punishment).

The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all?

The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable.

I would be interested in thoughts from both sides of the whip.


What I would hope is going on even if punishment is involved in a relationship: they talk about the problem. The dom considers what has happened and if they really did mess up in some way they take responsibility for it, take actions to fix it if they can, and whether they can or not go forward trying to reliably not do whatever it was again.

Which, whether punishment is involved physically or not, is basically what it comes down to for the sub/slave, too. Not really any different between the two.


_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/19/2013 5:19:57 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Communication maybe? Doubt there is much that anyone can do to me that equates to the berating I give myself when I fuck up. My fuck ups effect the entire household so it is taken pretty seriously by myself.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Often it is corporal in nature (although it doesn't have to be. I know there are those on here who don't believe in physical pain for punishment).

The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all?

The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable.

I would be interested in thoughts from both sides of the whip.



_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/20/2013 7:56:03 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
More recently, my tears were punishment enough.

*nods emphatically*

For me, a tiny loss of respect in her eyes cut worse than any knife I can imagine. It's not exactly "punishment" but it surely is "negative incentive" LOL.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/21/2013 9:26:38 PM   
lilBlackbird44


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/16/2013
Status: offline 		As a sub, I can say that I lose interest quickly if they aren't holding up their end of the bargain. I try talking to them about it, but if they don't listen, they don't get my enthusiasm. And without my enthusiasm, its just going through the motions. They learn real quick!

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/22/2013 6:53:01 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a grown man.I engage in regular self analysis.In addition, I have mentors, people who know me and call my shit. Some of these are professional,others personal, a few spiritual.
Then there's the mouse, who finds wonderful ways of letting me know exactly how I've gone awry while somehow maintaining humility and a keen sense of servility.
(Well that and the occasional smirk and sassy set of her shoulders she thinks I don't see. But I do. I let her keep her illusions though. For now.)
Tough balancing act there.
She seems to take great joy in spinning my own words against me, simultaneously looking blankly and vaguely angelically innocent as she calls me out. I really do need to beat her more often.

So yeah, when I fuck up I own my shit. I do what I can to set things right, own up to my errors, take whatever lumps I have coming and move on.
Life is to short to be held back by excess baggage.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to lilBlackbird44)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/22/2013 7:01:54 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		It is nice to read about Doms who take ownership over their fuck ups.

After being with someone for so long that never once admitted anything and always tried to blame me or anything that would let him avoid any self analysis, this has risen to the top of things desired in a man.


(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/22/2013 7:51:58 AM   
petitespot


Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline 		My way of thinking is like this...
Certain aspects of a relationship shouldn't fall into the realm of tpe.
If either side fucks up, they own up to it and it gets handled like two mature adults.
One doesn't get a "pass" because he's the dominant in the relationship and one doesn't get a pass as the submissive.
My requirements for a relationship are that both sides own up to their faults and keep an open flow of communication going between the two.
It's never one sided.


_____________________________


(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/22/2013 9:45:18 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		I was in my late 20's and decided to try a full TPE relationship. I found that it was not much different than how I looked at and handled my relationships anyway. I thought that if the female involved knew what the relationship was going to be that it would make things so much better. That relationship failed, I made many of the same mistakes that I had in previous relationships. The new one I made was that I did something that emotionally damaged the girl whom I was supposed to be the master of. It was downright sobering, and I went into a lengthy period of introspection and realized I had been doing circles because I had been refusing to accept responsibility. I made a determination then that part of my personal ethics would always be to accept responsibility, and be accountability for what I am supposed to do. Only then can we learn from our mistakes and grow.

I also did a lot of reading into it at that time and learned many people do not accept responsibility because denial is used so they dodge it and their ego is not damaged. Most have a fragile ego or issues with their self esteem that will not allow them to.

Not sure if it is for the same reason with your former, but thought I would add my anecdote from a man that used to blame others and other things, rather than accept responsibility.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

It is nice to read about Doms who take ownership over their fuck ups.

After being with someone for so long that never once admitted anything and always tried to blame me or anything that would let him avoid any self analysis, this has risen to the top of things desired in a man.





_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/22/2013 10:42:23 AM   
petitespot


Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline 		Sometimes even when one takes full responsibility for their mistake and goes through incredible lengths to change themselves to ensure it never happens again, the damage is done, the other can't forgive or forget and the relationship dies. All due to an unintentional mistake.
That is the real world.

_____________________________


(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Punishing Master? - 9/22/2013 11:57:34 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		Taking ownership over your mistakes is essential. Anyone can play the blame game, but it takes guts to admit that you are wrong. This is why I carry "My Fault" insurance.

I have no problem whatsoever admitting a mistake, error, disaster, or place where I have gone astray. I feel no shame for making mistakes, but that is not to say that I am not humbled, or embarrassed when I make them. During my life I have had to take good, hard looks at myself and admit devastating truths about my own character defects and places where I have made some seriously bad decisions. I have worked damn hard on correcting my mistakes and to learn how not to make the same one again.

When I was younger, I had this tendency to speak my mind before filtering it through the question, "Is this the right thing to say, in this manner?" I got tired of the taste of my foot in my mouth so I changed this. I still speak my mind, but I have a process that I go through mentally to temper what I say for clarity and tact. This sometimes frustrated people that I talk with because I sometimes pause for long periods of time before I say something, but when it finally comes out of my mouth, it usually is something that I want to say and not something that I will instantly regret. This is just one example of what I have learned from previous mistakes.

So, I make mistakes. I know this shocks people, but there it is.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to petitespot)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Punishing Master? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094