RE: subliminal subconscious programming

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: subliminal subconscious programming

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: subliminal subconscious programming

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/19/2013 2:56:57 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

And I remember all my counsellors say to me that everything is confidential until they believe I am doing self-harm. Then families have to be contacted and informed. Like WTF seriously? What if they interpreted my BDSM lifestyle to be self-harm?

This is an excellent question to use to screen therapists, "Do you believe that someone who practices BDSM consensually is engaging in self-harm?"

A few years ago, I was feeling stuck professionally and romantically. I saw a therapist for a while which did help me make better choices. My therapist was like Chatte's:

quote:

You don't need a kink friendly therapist. ANY god therapist will be kink friendly. Mine was very new to BDSM and had many misconceptions and allowed me to educate her. This is the type of therapist you need, one that is open minded and non-judgmental, which should be a prerequisite for ANY therapist of worth.

(in reply to Greta75)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/19/2013 3:00:40 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

After I broke up with my ex, I met a lot of really nice guys, who were very guarded and, to my mind, players. I wondered if that's just how guys were now and what was wrong with me. And then I met my current Dom, who welcomed me into his life, was completely open and transparent, and made me feel safe and trusting. And I realised that it wasn't me all along, it was just that I was meeting the wrong guys.

It also sounds like you enjoyed a lot of his mental control and that you are not really over him. You're not going to meet someone new if you're still half in love with your ex. What's more, no-one is going to want to date you if you're still following your ex's orders and doing things the way he likes them. If I were you, I would make a complete break with all of the habits he gave you. It might feel strange at first, but you will quickly get used to it again.

That is, if you want to get used to it again. The feeling I'm getting from your post is that you're not over him and you don't really want to break with his habits, or see someone new. It sounds like you just want to go back to being his submissive. If that's the case, you need to face up to that and make some hard decisions. Either get with him, or get over him. There is no halfway measure.

Well said!

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/20/2013 8:21:50 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Your attitude is causing you to meet only the guys you don't want to meet.

This would be my assessment.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/20/2013 4:39:44 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Your attitude is causing you to meet only the guys you don't want to meet.

This would be my assessment.

Mine too.

My ex owner dude did much the same thing (as did my ex husband before him, go figure). So by the time I came out of that relationship, I had all these messages in my head, planted by somebody else, which I believed.

Here's the thing - if those ideas were put in my head by a source outside of me, why would I trust they were a self truth? They may be someone else's truth, or someone else's lie. But until I figured things out for myself, I was really just living a life someone else had laid out for me.

So that's where therapy helped me. And I never mentioned BDSM. I mentioned needing to get to know myself and trust myself and not knowing how to start doing that.

And some of this stuff, well you just have to push yourself through it - fight through that wall that someone else created for you. I remember when I started going to weight watchers, I used to literally grip the sides of my chair during the meetings, as if forcing myself in it, forcing myself to stay there. All the while I'd hear my ex telling me weight watchers was just a bunch of fat, loser women whining about being fat loser women, and why would I want to be a part of that? I would actually fight back tears, forcing myself to stay, and trying to push out those tapes he put in my head.

So I stayed, and eventually lost 95 pounds. It's perseverance. It's inviting yourself to get to know yourself. It's figuring out what YOU like to do, and experimenting by doing things you couldn't do when you were with him. When I was married, everything we ate was always what he liked. I couldn't buy the things I liked, unless he liked them, too, and he'd often say he didn't like something just so I couldn't have it. The night after I moved out I went grocery shopping and realized I had no idea what I liked to eat. I went home with a box of oreos and a carton of milk, lol. Figured I'd try again later.

Since then, I started experimenting with food, playing with recipes, etc...getting to know what *I* liked, absent of anyone else. I recommend it. It's scary, and fun, and educational. And when those old tapes play in your head, remind yourself those are someone ELSE'S ideas, and not yours.

I heard all about how no man would ever love me, how I had nothing to offer, how any man out there was just out to use me, etc. I remember telling my mother I can't trust men, because men just lie. She said "It's not that you don't trust men, honey, it's that you don't trust yourself." She was right. And the only way I could figure out how to trust myself was to get to know myself. Once that happened, everything changed. Doesn't mean I'll never be duped in my life, but because I am confident in myself and my instincts, it rarely happens.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/20/2013 5:08:28 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Your attitude is causing you to meet only the guys you don't want to meet.

This would be my assessment.

Yup. You won't stop choosing the wrong person until you figure out why you keep choosing the wrong person...and then change that behavior.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/20/2013 8:16:49 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I don't agree that it's as simple as figuring out why you chose the wrong person.

God knows I chose my ex and I know why I stayed too long.

The knowing does not help to meet the right person, unless you somehow run across the right person.

I would never again be with anyone as wrong as my ex, I am self aware of what I did and my part in the dysfunction, and yet I have not met anyone of quality in years.

So, all the advice on therapy and working on your behavior and choices is fine, but not everyone gets to find the right one, despite all the changes.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/20/2013 8:42:23 PM

NiceAnimal

Posts: 35
Joined: 9/6/2013
Status: offline

Ignoring all the relationship elements, just a quick word on hypnosis. One only accepts a suggestion by choice. A subliminal is less of a hard programming, and more of a "lead". So if indeed you have accepted any of those things as truths, its not because of some magical way he did it, but because you allowed yourself to believe in them.

And actually if you have trouble letting these things go, there could be psychological reasons to explore, but a hypnotherapist may actually be able to help a lot recondition you. Just make sure that if you accept their suggestions, that they are also ones you want to accept.

Ultimately somewhere this comes down to confidence and self-belief. Hypnosis or therapy may help there too. Or just focusing a bit on yourself, and worrying less about finding a new dom. Esteem is often a little shattered in break ups, and I guess is a little more complex in d/s, because of the extra invested trust.

Definately sounds like your last relationship was screwed, like he undermined you. I'd be looking to fix that before moving on.

< Message edited by NiceAnimal -- 9/20/2013 8:48:31 PM >

(in reply to sexyred1)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/20/2013 9:05:20 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceAnimal
One only accepts a suggestion by choice. A subliminal is less of a hard programming, and more of a "lead". So if indeed you have accepted any of those things as truths, its not because of some magical way he did it, but because you allowed yourself to believe in them.

I completely agree with this. It was definitely the case with me, on many levels.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to NiceAnimal)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/22/2013 6:19:16 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

http://www.goodtherapy.org/martha-lee-therapist.php

http://www.center4psy.com/services_details.asp?id=3

http://www.psychologymatters.asia/find_therapist/Singapore/

http://www.pas.org.sg/Index.htm

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/22/2013 10:05:28 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

Thanks little Wonder.
They all don't look very kink friendly.
Especially the one that specialises in converting gay people into non-gay people and wanna treat people for watching pornography!! Typical Singapore!
But I do have to build up the courage to call em and ask them their stances towards bdsm.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/22/2013 10:07:26 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/23/2013 5:45:20 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I have a feeling that no matter what therapist choices you are given you will find a reason why they are not good enough for you to bother checking out.

I think you are afraid to confront the real issues you are having. It could be that many of the things the therapists spoke to you about were correct but you were not in a place yet to accept what was said.

Until you're ready to accept and WANT to help yourself, nothing anyone says or does for you will make a difference.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Greta75)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: subliminal subconscious programming - 9/23/2013 6:08:47 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

You have multiple options-
To repeat my earlier post:

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

My suggestion would be to research groups where you are that list themselves as LBGT Organisations.
Then ask them for a referral to counselors that are LGBT friendly.

My guess is that if they are LGBT friendly, they will not have moral qualms about other "alternative" sexualities.

Not all of Singapore is LGBT hostile; gender reassignment surgery is a big business.

And then there is the option Gauge gave you in post 20.
He re-framed the whole thing into vanilla-speak.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Greta75)

Profile

Post #: 32