Candid honesty from Masters/Doms

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chatterbox24 -> Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 6:05:12 AM)
These days I am very interested in openness of mind, truly understanding other persons points of view, reasons behind the choices people make. What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? I can think of a few different reasons but I might be entirely wrong.

JeffBC -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 6:12:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 These days I am very interested in openness of mind, truly understanding other persons points of view, reasons behind the choices people make. What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? I can think of a few different reasons but I might be entirely wrong. Let's understand that for me this is semi-theoretical. Specifically, I have done the necessary changes in Carol and myself to enable adding a 3rd but I am not exactly racing to find anyone... or even lifting a finger. My reasoning is quite simple. If I found a person who I thought would add in meaningful ways to the tapestry of my marriage I would not want to eschew the choice simply on a knee-jerk reaction. That's it.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 6:19:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 These days I am very interested in openness of mind, truly understanding other persons points of view, reasons behind the choices people make. What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? I can think of a few different reasons but I might be entirely wrong. Let's understand that for me this is semi-theoretical. Specifically, I have done the necessary changes in Carol and myself to enable adding a 3rd but I am not exactly racing to find anyone... or even lifting a finger. My reasoning is quite simple. If I found a person who I thought would add in meaningful ways to the tapestry of my marriage I would not want to eschew the choice simply on a knee-jerk reaction. That's it. Thank you Jeff for answering, but that really tells me nothing other then you have taken steps, it doesn't tell me why. What meaningful things? You don't have to answer that, but it eludes what I am asking really.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 6:35:20 AM)
I've got to echo Jeff to a certain degree. I've known (or understood, if you prefer) that I have the ability to love more than one person for a long time, now. I've been involved in polyamorous relationships. I am in a relationship, right now, that I believe has the ability to "go the distance" (it doesn't hurt that God moved my goal posts for me). IF I find myself attracted to someone else in any kind of truly significant manner, she will be added to the current dynamic. I'm not looking for that to happen. I am just open to the possibility that it could. I don't believe that humans are made to be monogamous. For that reason, I refuse to fight possible attractions just because I already have someone significant in my life. When I get contacted by a lady, if I feel there's any hint of potential, my lady and I review the e-mail and profile together. She is involved in each facet of what may happen. Just an aside for the record: She has no desire to be with a woman. That's not what this is about. She has accepted me for who I am. Also, I have no intention (and never have been into) "forced bisexuality". I think it does more harm than good. I hope this helps (or at least, adds to the discussion).

chatterbox24 -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 6:44:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I've got to echo Jeff to a certain degree. I've known (or understood, if you prefer) that I have the ability to love more than one person for a long time, now. I've been involved in polyamorous relationships. I am in a relationship, right now, that I believe has the ability to "go the distance" (it doesn't hurt that God moved my goal posts for me). IF I find myself attracted to someone else in any kind of truly significant manner, she will be added to the current dynamic. I'm not looking for that to happen. I am just open to the possibility that it could. I don't believe that humans are made to be monogamous. For that reason, I refuse to fight possible attractions just because I already have someone significant in my life. When I get contacted by a lady, if I feel there's any hint of potential, my lady and I review the e-mail and profile together. She is involved in each facet of what may happen. Just an aside for the record: She has no desire to be with a woman. That's not what this is about. She has accepted me for who I am. Also, I have no intention (and never have been into) "forced bisexuality". I think it does more harm than good. I hope this helps (or at least, adds to the discussion). It definitely does, thank you.

JeffBC -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 6:50:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 Thank you Jeff for answering, but that really tells me nothing other then you have taken steps, it doesn't tell me why. What meaningful things? You don't have to answer that, but it eludes what I am asking really. The reason I was unspecific is because I cannot predict what those meaningful things would be until I'm looking at a specific person. I can tell you that they would be centered around the word "love". I have "taken steps" because I don't like being bound by knee-jerk reactions and at some point it occurred to me that a flat out stance of "monogamy only" was really based on nothing other than cultural norms. I also took those steps because it was an area of significant resistance in Carol... or potential resistance anyway. As I said to her, "You are holding on to emotions and viewpoints that are more aligned with 'wife' than 'property'." Accordingly, I had her change them. But the actual chemistry I'd be looking for could only ever become clear in a "I'll know it when I see it sort of way." In the real world I build teams all the time. Humans are amazingly complex puzzle pieces and they fit together (or don't) in a wide variety of ways. This is no different. Right now I have a team of 2. A larger team could "get more done" assuming I was able to mold the individuals involved into an actual team.

MasterCaneman -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 7:55:27 AM)
For me to answer that honestly, I'd have to dial up the 23 year old me as opposed to the now 47 year old me...hold on...Okay, here goes... Because I could. I was young, strong, handsome and confident in my self, sexuality, and overall lifestyle choices. I didn't have a "main" girl, so I didn't consider having multiple partners as a liability. I was also all over the place, literally and figuratively, and didn't have the time to sit and ponder the ramifications of what I was doing and frankly didn't care. My partners were of roughly the same mind, they didn't want to be "tied" down (except in a scene setting), they were out to have fun and I represented "fun". Two of my playmates were in committed relationships, and I was their go-to guy when they got the urge. I take neither pride nor shame in what I did then with them, nor do I care what they did to themselves or their relationships. I was what you'd call a hedonist on steroids, and I was (and am!) content. Fast-forward to now, and the 47 year old me who is into the eleventh year of a vanilla relationship and my answers are the total opposite. Not that I'm fundamentally different inside, it's just that my personal situation has changed. While I still possess the confidence, the rest has kind of fallen by the wayside. Any potential playmates would be looked at very critically now, as I have neither the time, ability, nor inclination to sacrifice what I have now for an evening or two of pleasure. As another post proclaimed, the times have changed. Any potential playmate (sub, bottom, slave, whatever appellation they assign themselves) looking at me would be looking for more of a long-term situation, which simply cannot happen, thus I don't encourage it. I've had a few offers here (well, at least on the other side) as well as a couple of past partners who've offered me repeat performances, all of which I've politely declined. Not that I'm risk-averse, I'm just too busy otherwise to devote the proper time and attention to them.

LadyPact -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 9:04:15 AM)
It's early in My time zone so if what I say here doesn't seem to make sense, I'll try to clarify any questions that you might have. While I very much agree with the posts above that some folks have the ability to love/have relationships with more than one person, I tend to look at it from the other angle as well. That being, I really don't expect one person to be able to satisfy all of the wants that I have. Is it possible to find somebody that matches with 100% compatibility? Yes. However, the reverse is also true. I can have a great dynamic with somebody who is 85% compatible, but what if I also want that additional 15% from somebody else? I could demand that the first person fulfill that other 15%. However, there are certain circumstances where that takes the joy out of it. Also, in My particular circumstances, I know that I can't be another person's everything. I already have a primary partner and that part of My life is squared away. I really only want bits and pieces from other people that are in My life.

SerWhiteTiger -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 9:32:34 AM)
My slave is the best, most funnest toy I've ever had. Why wouldn't I want another?

KnightofMists -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 10:41:02 AM)
For the exact same reasons I became involved with Alandra. A Physical, emotional and intellectual connection. That feeds all of us in the relationship

Arturas -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 11:22:47 AM)
quote: What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? 1) There is enough Dom for more than one submissive. 2) Star is lobbying for another or perhaps even more to help around "House Arturas" and the land, the garden the children and also to share in the joy of living here. 3) I love star and it would help her and I can see her blending several more girls into the household. 4) I enjoy big families. The more I lead the more I am.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 3:03:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 These days I am very interested in openness of mind, truly understanding other persons points of view, reasons behind the choices people make. What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? I can think of a few different reasons but I might be entirely wrong. If I put some more thought into it than I wish to, I could think of dozens of different reasons, all or none of which might apply to the individual people doing this.

kalikshama -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 3:13:37 PM)
quote: What are the reasons behind having more than one submissive? Don't forget that some guys like to chase tail. They may say they are polyamorous, but they are actually referring to polyfuckery.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 3:21:39 PM)
Thank for all the answers so far, all very interesting. I am not searching, I have what I need. I really do just like knowing peoples reasons in certain subjects.

DarkSteven -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 3:39:48 PM)
1. It makes me feel stupid rich to have a second sub. 2. As Arturas said, it makes my household and me bigger. 3. My sub Tasha is actually more les than straight, and I know she hungers for a woman's touch. 4. It just makes the house seem more complete, for her to have a sister, and for greedy me to have another.

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 8:35:30 PM)
whoops! mis-post! edited away, Jose!

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 8:44:31 PM)
candid answers can always be considered "offensive", because many cadid answers regarding anything pertaining to the libido throws Dr. Phil and Oprah into the Meatgrinder Mulchpit where their politically-correct saccharine-sewage belongs. 1:) distance - there's someone local who one can get nazzzzzty with on a regular basis even if you, as another play-person option, have more experience or "talent", yet live over 2 hours drive away and have a crushing schedule meaning you can't engage with the other person more than 3 times a month. Examples: ER nurses, grad students, PhD students, Pharma-researchers working R/D for big Pharma, paralegals looking to soon pass The Bar. more in a moment.

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 8:58:33 PM)
2.) things like ass-play. if you are 20 minutes drive from a guy who needs to eroticize your azzzzzzzzzzzzzz, but you are only going along with that a little bit, unsatisfyingly for the top (or choose your nomenclature), and you are only doing a little of what that top wants in the nether region genre simply to make sure the top doesn't nix the relationship outright, the azzzzzzzzzzzzz fetishist can always tell. It's also a sign that the longer the relationship continues, and the more it grows "committed", the less of the stuff this hypotetical top loves best will be in play in the bedroom, and more of the stuff the top is trading for that azzzzzzzplay will expecdted, pne way or another. As a San Francisco top acquaintance of mine said to a bottom-sub who wanted him to be nearly monog with her, and who only really liked the theatre and a bit of boob-masochism and then receiving oral, "if you want me to lick your little-man-in-the-boat for an hour, I get to plunder your ass as I see fit for an hour beforehand. If you don't like that we can see other people." Later when she began cutting back on the Posterior Plundering and demanding more Mystery ScienceGoth Theatre 3000 channelled by The Sisters of Mercy stuff, he began seeing other people who simply didn't enjoy vaj or mouth or 3 hours of "being on stage" before something physical happened. This kind of thing would also apply to how much silent but intense play is enjoyed. Some people like going "Noh Theatre" with their kink while the primary partner wants to turn things into a kink-tastic version of Sex-In-The-City meets 50 Shades of Vampiric Tripe. The primary partner might have a gazillion virtues beyond a "quiet" secondary partner and even a third or fourth partner, but that does not change the fact that the top may have their enjoyment of play completely eroded by Bronte Sisters in Leather "bah blah blah". (don't think I'm mocking the blah blah, btw. I love wordplay especially as tantalizing spices that season the psychic meat before the rump-roast begins!)

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 9:06:42 PM)
'3. My sub Tasha is actually more les than straight, and I know she hungers for a woman's touch. ' perfect point. which dove-tails with another point: race. some people will do it all in the bedroom with you but not marry you or bring you home to meet the folks. this limits the parameters. at some point, the sub or the dom or top or bottom may want "more" and ethnicity can (and does) become an issue. As well, their are certain cultures where they will simply not be cool with marrying someone of the opposite sex who needs to sexualize, outside of the marriage, with someone of the same sex. This is yet another reason to have more than a single partner.

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 9:20:43 PM)
Then there are the accidental times when one has more than one submissive or people that fall into a similar category. You break up from someone, and before you attain the 'oops, I'm single' smell/vibe, while you still have that relationship 'new car smell', someone who ants some of your dom time fronts up, but they make it clear they hate the pressure of one-on-one agreements, and they make it clear they will be most comfortable if you are seeing someone else. Then, suddenly, you CAN'T have the "suddenly single' vibe, you kind of have something going on with the hypothetical person mentioned above, and that attracts ANOTHER person who also wants to eroticize with someone who is already with someone else and can't 'get heavy' with them. Now there is the vibe of TWO people on the top/dom/whichever-term-you-like. And this brings in a THIRD person who is turned on by the fact some bullcrap form of an accidental "harem" has begun, it's like a groupie who only wants a rockband member who already HAS groupies, and things escalate. Personally, if women would just have multiple tops and give up thi "one and only twue twue Soulmate" stuff and have a bunch of guys, instead of a guy having a bunch of women, this would all be a lot easier and end up with a LOT more people being significantly happier.

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