RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms

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DesFIP -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 9:48:41 PM)
Hard wiring. Some people are hard wired to be able to fully engage with more than one partner. And some of us aren't. We prefer to be alone if we can't find our One. He's as hard wired monogamous as I am. We are happy to have finally met our soul mates. Neither of us feel that we have sacrificed anything to be in the relationship. Figure out what you need. And don't settle for less than that.

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/27/2013 9:52:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Hard wiring. Some people are hard wired to be able to fully engage with more than one partner. And some of us aren't. We prefer to be alone if we can't find our One. He's as hard wired monogamous as I am. We are happy to have finally met our soul mates. Neither of us feel that we have sacrificed anything to be in the relationship. Figure out what you need. And don't settle for less than that. and don't mislead someone who wants OTHER things into agreeing to anything else, by the same token.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/28/2013 5:13:05 AM)
When people are speaking the truth about the most intimate reasons they chose the way they do, I appreciate it, I am not offended by it. Are some things said I don't understand? Well Of course but that's what makes it interesting. I was thinking back to when I as a cheater, which really hasn't been that long ago. I was thinking as to all the reasons I did it, at first I lied about it, then I told the truth and admitted what I was doing. Lady pact hit it on the head for me, about wanting bits and pieces of missing portions in my relationship. The only problem was in my confusion, I was thinking sex was the missing portion when in fact it was communication and understanding. Who I choose to be with didn't have anymore understanding of me then my husband or the man on the moon. What it ended up being was a distraction and deterrent to actually facing the problems at hand. WHen I should have been addressing my and my spouses problem, I would think of exciting sex or thoughts of the other man. At the height of situation I questioned whether I might be polygamous, because I seemed to have trouble finding satisfaction in one relationship. It had stemmed back years, not just in my marriage. Really the whole thing stemmed to two problems, one which was not dealing with my martial problems head on and two, one that plagued me for much longer, is not knowing myself and having clear direction. I was confused because at heart I am monogamous, without it in a relationship, I just feel like bits and pieces. I do believe there are people who can thrive and grow beyond monogamy and it fulfills their life in a bigger way but considering my wiring, its just not something I could find satisfaction. Again thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts honestly.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/29/2013 1:42:04 AM)
Perhaps hearing from a slave that wants a sister wife would be a good view point. Lets see if we can get my slave samdarella to chime in. (she follows my posts and should read this eventually) I can give you a couple of reasons off the top of my head. She likes girls as much as I do. She has an open heart and room enough to love and lust more than one person. With more people involved, it makes a stronger family unit. More sex, girls bath time is fun. More fun, girls night out is fun. Less domestic chores when you divide them up. That's a good start for now.

littlewonder -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/29/2013 4:29:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 These days I am very interested in openness of mind, truly understanding other persons points of view, reasons behind the choices people make. What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? I can think of a few different reasons but I might be entirely wrong. The same reason most poly couples take another? They love the person?

Kana -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/29/2013 7:28:10 AM)
quote: What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? Sometimes different people are far better at slaking some needs of mine than others

KnightofMists -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/29/2013 8:41:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 When people are speaking the truth about the most intimate reasons they chose the way they do, I appreciate it, I am not offended by it. Are some things said I don't understand? Well Of course but that's what makes it interesting. I was thinking back to when I as a cheater, which really hasn't been that long ago. I was thinking as to all the reasons I did it, at first I lied about it, then I told the truth and admitted what I was doing. Lady pact hit it on the head for me, about wanting bits and pieces of missing portions in my relationship. The only problem was in my confusion, I was thinking sex was the missing portion when in fact it was communication and understanding. Who I choose to be with didn't have anymore understanding of me then my husband or the man on the moon. What it ended up being was a distraction and deterrent to actually facing the problems at hand. WHen I should have been addressing my and my spouses problem, I would think of exciting sex or thoughts of the other man. At the height of situation I questioned whether I might be polygamous, because I seemed to have trouble finding satisfaction in one relationship. It had stemmed back years, not just in my marriage. Really the whole thing stemmed to two problems, one which was not dealing with my martial problems head on and two, one that plagued me for much longer, is not knowing myself and having clear direction. I was confused because at heart I am monogamous, without it in a relationship, I just feel like bits and pieces. I do believe there are people who can thrive and grow beyond monogamy and it fulfills their life in a bigger way but considering my wiring, its just not something I could find satisfaction. Again thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts honestly. If one is unhappy... It's usually best to start with the person one sees in the mirror. Often times ones relationship is but amirror of oneself.

MrRodgers -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/29/2013 9:31:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 These days I am very interested in openness of mind, truly understanding other persons points of view, reasons behind the choices people make. What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? I can think of a few different reasons but I might be entirely wrong. Let's understand that for me this is semi-theoretical. Specifically, I have done the necessary changes in Carol and myself to enable adding a 3rd but I am not exactly racing to find anyone... or even lifting a finger. My reasoning is quite simple. If I found a person who I thought would add in meaningful ways to the tapestry of my marriage I would not want to eschew the choice simply on a knee-jerk reaction. That's it. Thank you Jeff for answering, but that really tells me nothing other then you have taken steps, it doesn't tell me why. What meaningful things? You don't have to answer that, but it eludes what I am asking really. Well not only could one just as easily ask why not and have only one mate and not a variety but one also has to realize that polygamy has been around for millennia. Monogamy didn't gain any gravitas until the allegedly 'faithful' 'tapestried' christian arrived and even then only centuries later. Had to use it. Then what does history show ? Monogamy survives only about 1/2 the time although I believe the monogamists are improving on that count. That's candid honesty.

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/29/2013 10:23:52 PM)
LOL @"Calvin" using the term "slaking".

SerWhiteTiger -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 12:23:18 AM)
What are the reasons for having more than one child? They are the same.

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 12:28:56 AM)
Not touching that one. Nope. Meanwhile... here's another painful reason: many people who poo-poo vanilla people are JUST as dishonest as vanilla people. Many subs (and tops and doms) simply LIE about what they are willing to do, how they'll engage, what play means to relationships outside of play, etc. (and no, no bloggers or journalists have any legal right at all to print anything I have posted here for any reason for any purpose). Some subs/bottoms apart from the "primary" sub/bottom are simply mORE GODDAMN HONEST about what they give, and what they want.

samdarella -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 12:38:42 AM)
I am interested in having a sister(s) for the reasons Master mentioned. We both have a lot of love and are actually quite lovable. Adding the right person to our family would enhance it. I don't think any of our love would be divided, it would be multiplied. Then of course there is the sex. I love women. Being in love makes the sex even better. And honestly I would enjoy a little help pleasing Master. I'm a slut, but not quite as young and limber as I once was. I need someone to lick His balls while I blow Him. Master also has lived a lot and done so many different things in His life. His interests are widespread. As much as I would like to be everything to Him, it's impossible. I want Him to have someone to enjoy those things with that I don't know anything about. I would like to have someone to share girl things with. I would like to have someone to conspire with on ways to please Master. I want someone that Master and I can share our good fortunes with. To enhance her life. To teach things to and learn from. Damn I'm starting to sound like a romance novel. Let's get back to the sex. She doesn't have to be bi she just has to let me lick her. Yes that's a whole bunch of threads already done there. I don't care what label someone gives themselves. I sure hope the girl we fall for is domestically inclined. Because me, it's not my strong suit. I love to serve but hate to clean. Is that enough reasons? While I'm making up my perfect sister in my head lets make her a switch. So when Master would rather watch tv I could get beat. And have sex. Told you I'm a slut.

SerWhiteTiger -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 1:59:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoBimbosAllowed Not touching that one. Nope. The fact that you think there's anything that requires not touching, and makes you think that saying so is a good idea, means you really didn't get it. A good parent wants more than one child because they love guiding and giving love to those who need guidance and love. A bad parent wants more than one child so they can have someone else to abuse. Either way, it's about power, but there are good uses of power and bad.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 2:30:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger quote: ORIGINAL: NoBimbosAllowed Not touching that one. Nope. The fact that you think there's anything that requires not touching, and makes you think that saying so is a good idea, means you really didn't get it. A good parent wants more than one child because they love guiding and giving love to those who need guidance and love. A bad parent wants more than one child so they can have someone else to abuse. Either way, it's about power, but there are good uses of power and bad. I have two children, and I did not have them for power. In my twenties, I had no desire to bring children into a "Cruel World" plus I thought they were snot nosed brats. ha. In my thirties, the inner biological clock kicked in, and that all changed, and I was going to have a baby and no one would stop it! The second, was born so my first would have a sibling. I wanted them to have each other, hopefully keeping each other company and supporting each other later in life in my absence. I almost had a third for more of the same, but decided its a huge job, HUGE, and my nerves could not take the all nighters, another zillion hey moms, or 20 questions. While some parents, may very well have children for power, that was never in my mind when I had mine. Some children, I would say a large majority, aren't even planned. Whoops.[:D]

chatterbox24 -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 2:45:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 When people are speaking the truth about the most intimate reasons they chose the way they do, I appreciate it, I am not offended by it. Are some things said I don't understand? Well Of course but that's what makes it interesting. I was thinking back to when I as a cheater, which really hasn't been that long ago. I was thinking as to all the reasons I did it, at first I lied about it, then I told the truth and admitted what I was doing. Lady pact hit it on the head for me, about wanting bits and pieces of missing portions in my relationship. The only problem was in my confusion, I was thinking sex was the missing portion when in fact it was communication and understanding. Who I choose to be with didn't have anymore understanding of me then my husband or the man on the moon. What it ended up being was a distraction and deterrent to actually facing the problems at hand. WHen I should have been addressing my and my spouses problem, I would think of exciting sex or thoughts of the other man. At the height of situation I questioned whether I might be polygamous, because I seemed to have trouble finding satisfaction in one relationship. It had stemmed back years, not just in my marriage. Really the whole thing stemmed to two problems, one which was not dealing with my martial problems head on and two, one that plagued me for much longer, is not knowing myself and having clear direction. I was confused because at heart I am monogamous, without it in a relationship, I just feel like bits and pieces. I do believe there are people who can thrive and grow beyond monogamy and it fulfills their life in a bigger way but considering my wiring, its just not something I could find satisfaction. Again thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts honestly. If one is unhappy... It's usually best to start with the person one sees in the mirror. Often times ones relationship is but amirror of oneself. This can be very true. Starting with ones self, getting that honest reflection and changing certain undesirable characteristics is absolutely key. Ultimately we can only change ourselves. The blame game is a cop out. Blaming the other person, but it is also a cop out to always blame ones self too. Sometimes it really is the other person. Overall, I am a happy and grateful person. Always the curious one though, interested in peoples thoughts.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 3:18:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 When people are speaking the truth about the most intimate reasons they chose the way they do, I appreciate it, I am not offended by it. Are some things said I don't understand? Well Of course but that's what makes it interesting. I was thinking back to when I as a cheater, which really hasn't been that long ago. I was thinking as to all the reasons I did it, at first I lied about it, then I told the truth and admitted what I was doing. Lady pact hit it on the head for me, about wanting bits and pieces of missing portions in my relationship. The only problem was in my confusion, I was thinking sex was the missing portion when in fact it was communication and understanding. Who I choose to be with didn't have anymore understanding of me then my husband or the man on the moon. What it ended up being was a distraction and deterrent to actually facing the problems at hand. WHen I should have been addressing my and my spouses problem, I would think of exciting sex or thoughts of the other man. At the height of situation I questioned whether I might be polygamous, because I seemed to have trouble finding satisfaction in one relationship. It had stemmed back years, not just in my marriage. Really the whole thing stemmed to two problems, one which was not dealing with my martial problems head on and two, one that plagued me for much longer, is not knowing myself and having clear direction. I was confused because at heart I am monogamous, without it in a relationship, I just feel like bits and pieces. I do believe there are people who can thrive and grow beyond monogamy and it fulfills their life in a bigger way but considering my wiring, its just not something I could find satisfaction. Again thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts honestly. Chatterbox, I respect that you posted this. I remember when you were doing the cheating thing. People were pretty blunt with you, and you had a rough time of it. I'm glad to hear that things are clearing up for you. May you find your peace. Best wishes, sunshine

TigressLily -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 7:28:03 AM)
How true, and I might add that monogamy is both soft-wired and hard-wired into the entirety of my being. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Hard wiring. Some people are hard wired to be able to fully engage with more than one partner. And some of us aren't. We prefer to be alone if we can't find our One. He's as hard wired monogamous as I am. We are happy to have finally met our soul mates. The hard-wiring has to do with the simple fact that I physically concentrate my efforts much like a magnifying glass, and my scope of dispersion doesn't lend itself to a broad range whether it's in my interpersonal relationships or any other aspect of my life. Depth over breadth. As for soft-wiring in terms of personality variables, I've systematically elected Quality over Quantity, Thoroughness over Speed, Excellence over Adequacy. Are these personal preferences? Damn straight. Are others better at multi-tasking, more extroverted and thus needful of a larger circle of people in their lives? Without a doubt. For them (the extroverts), they might feel as though they would wither and die without constant stimulation in the form of external stimuli, external reinforcement. There are those who cannot stand to ever be alone, always have to have the TV turned on, lights on in every room, be talking on the phone to someone. The sublime quiet of stillness is not their friend. Neither characteristic is superior to the other, both need to be balanced in order to maintain equilibrium. I, too, would prefer to not be with anybody if he's not right for me and I'm not right for him. As Arturas duly noted, "There is enough Dom for more than one submissive." While this may be quite true in concept, in the application thereof, I would soberly advise: Do what you will, but don't bite off more than what you can chew. Not without being prepared to accept the consequences of your actions. Some things cannot be easily undone. _____________________________ * * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * * {Edited for typo}

KnightofMists -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 7:53:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 This can be very true. Starting with ones self, getting that honest reflection and changing certain undesirable characteristics is absolutely key. Ultimately we can only change ourselves. The blame game is a cop out. Blaming the other person, but it is also a cop out to always blame ones self too. Sometimes it really is the other person. Overall, I am a happy and grateful person. Always the curious one though, interested in peoples thoughts. its a cop out to start the blame game in the first place. It's not about blame! It's about owning your own shit! You might be perfect.... But staying or doing nothing in a relationship with a partner that you find no happiness with is crack in that perfection! It always starts and ends with oneself. Own your own shit.... No need to take it from others... I pretty sure we all have enough trouble dealing with our own let alone someone else's too. But I do find many like to dwell on others shit as away to avoid looking at their own!

chatterbox24 -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 7:56:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TigressLily How true, and I might add that monogamy is both soft-wired and hard-wired into the entirety of my being. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Hard wiring. Some people are hard wired to be able to fully engage with more than one partner. And some of us aren't. We prefer to be alone if we can't find our One. He's as hard wired monogamous as I am. We are happy to have finally met our soul mates. The hard-wiring has to do with the simple fact that I physically concentrate my efforts much like a magnifying glass, and my scope of dispersion doesn't lend itself to a broad range whether it's in my interpersonal relationships or any other aspect of my life. Depth over breadth. As for soft-wiring in terms of personality variables, I've systematically elected Quality over Quantity, Thoroughness over Speed, Excellence over Adequacy. Are these personal preferences? Damn straight. Are others better at multi-tasking, more extroverted and thus needful of a larger circle of people in their lives? Without a doubt. For them (the extroverts), they might feel as though they would wither and die without constant stimulation in the form of external stimuli, external reinforcement. There are those who cannot stand to ever be alone, always have to have the TV turned on, lights on in every room, be talking on the phone to someone. The sublime quiet of stillness is not their friend. Neither characteristic is superior to the other, both need to be balanced in order to maintain equilibrium. I, too, would prefer to not be with anybody if he's not right for me and I'm not right for him. As Arturas duly noted, "There is enough Dom for more than one submissive." While this may be quite true in concept, in the application thereof, I would soberly advise: Do what you will, but don't bite off more than what you can chew. Not without being prepared to accept the consequences of your actions. Some things cannot be easily undone. _____________________________ * * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * * {Edited for typo} I really enjoy this post. I too enjoy sublime quietness.

KnightofMists -> RE: Candid honesty from Masters/Doms (9/30/2013 7:58:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Hard wiring. Some people are hard wired to be able to fully engage with more than one partner. And some of us aren't. We prefer to be alone if we can't find our One. He's as hard wired monogamous as I am. We are happy to have finally met our soul mates. Neither of us feel that we have sacrificed anything to be in the relationship. Figure out what you need. And don't settle for less than that. Could you please show me the schematics that reflect how a human being is hard wired a certain way? People keep talking about it like its fact, well please show me the facts. Anyone. Just show me the human schematics that reflect a person is hard wired to love singularly or in plural.

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