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Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/4/2013 10:14:30 PM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline 		I have posted this on another site, but was fucked over before I could get an answer.

I currently have no experience in kink or the lifestyle or anything like that.

Is there such thing as a mute kink or something like that? Do dominants and/or submissive have a rule for silence/personal space ect? Is there such thing as some kind of STFU safe word or something and does anyone use it? What do dominants do to get these things? I'm fairly desperate to find out before I start looking.

Have you even ordered a sub to be mute or something? Subs, have you had any expectation of that? How did you do it?

I have some interest in things like 'mute' because I have issues with noise/space/energy wasting. I probably don't have a 'mute fetish' at all but at times I feel I need to force myself to develop one for my own survival. In such situations I myself suddenly become mute (nothing wrong with my throat or vocal chords or anything I just literally have nothing to put through them, let alone use them)

I live alone for a number of reasons and this is one of them. If I have not spent all day at home as soon as a walk through the door I NEED to just SIT, usually bumming around on the computer. At this time I NEED mute and STFU from everyone in the house. I say this because I have had downright abusive experiences with this. I once had a 40-year-old child forced into my house who drove me to the point that every noise nearly made me vomit! I have no problem with noise itself or talking, just sometimes I absolutely fucking NEED NEED NEED complete utter silence from everyone. And people who are completely incapable of talking let alone conversation apart from SHOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUTTTTIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGG ALL. FUCKING. DAY. are a total hard limit for me.

For example things like weekend rehearsals for my singing (literally ALL DAY) can fuck me up for days (after a three day rehearsal I couldn't leave the house for a week). So being denied the basic right to just fucking SIT the minute I get home is out of the question. If I have fuck all energy, why should even more be wasted? I have zero tolerance for energy wasters.

So can and do subs actually do that? Just like...STFU or fuck off when needed? Is there a word for it so that I know exactly what I'm looking for?

I'm one of those apparently rare women that actually want to GET something out of their relationship and to have their on hobbies and interests that don't exist just to serve someone else. So the concept of this magical person that apparently wants to do things I ask them to got me really interested. So I was hoping that included getting stuff like my own personal space.

So is this for real? Is it OK for a dominant to DEMAND something like personal space? Because someone told me that demanding something for your own mental health is apparently 'not dominant'. So what am I then? Is there another name for it that I haven't found on this site?

And if this magical free personal space thing doesn't exist and that subs are supposed to SHOOOOOOOUUUUUUTTTT about what flavor muffin they had for tea three weeks ago when your trying to read or fucking sleep, then I will just demand that any sub I have to be 100% mute, even in their vanilla life. Is that ok? Can that be done? I would rather have a mute sub than one that makes me vomit at every noise. I would rather have a mute sub than one that wastes my energy. I would rather have a mute sub than one who puts my mental health at risk.

So I just want to know before I give up completely and buy a puppy. They're morons compared to humans yet training them to do something that's apparently 'too hard' like STFU is fucking EASY!!!
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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/4/2013 10:22:44 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Seems like you are all worked up over nothing. If I were you, I'd buy the puppy.


ETA: or learn how to use a gag.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 10/4/2013 10:32:42 PM >

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/4/2013 10:38:55 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		It would all depend on the relationship.

I have more than once told a slave to just be quiet for a while.

There is also this thing called a 'gag' which seems popular.

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/4/2013 11:06:37 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I am somewhat similar, maybe just not as much.
There are times when noise, be it loud or soft, and sometimes movement bother me greatly. I can become like a rabid dog if I don't find a quiet place. A bit like Misophonia.

Without this, I'd still believe people are entitled to quiet time if they need it.

As for a puppy, well they come with plenty of annoying sounds. Trust me, my ears pay attention.

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/4/2013 11:39:57 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I'm a slave and I need my own 'me' time to do my own thing or I become miserable. Master is the same. If he wants/needs time to himself he'll say 'slave, I want an hour of peace and quiet'. I'll say 'yes Master' and go somewhere else to do my knitting or sewing or reading or ironing or watch a movie or do some college work or...whatever.

I wouldn't say it was a fetish to need quiet, just a personal thing and we all have it to some degree, whatever side of the kneel we're on. All you need to do is find someone compatible, make sure they fully understand your needs on this subject and then go fill yer boots!

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/4/2013 11:48:40 PM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Seems like you are all worked up over nothing. If I were you, I'd buy the puppy.


ETA: or learn how to use a gag.


Lol. I do love puppies. Not as much as kittens, but they are my second favorite animal. And please bear with. I still don't quite get what a sub is for let alone a 'gag' :(


quote:

I am somewhat similar, maybe just not as much.
There are times when noise, be it loud or soft, and sometimes movement bother me greatly. I can become like a rabid dog if I don't find a quiet place. A bit like Misophonia.

Without this, I'd still believe people are entitled to quiet time if they need it.

As for a puppy, well they come with plenty of annoying sounds. Trust me, my ears pay attention.


I know. I've had a puppy and I still prefer his noises to those who believe they are entitled to my quiet time. And this is a dog who spends all day literally running around and around a tree while screaming. He's never wasted my energy, nor driven me to the exhaustion that leads to mute-ism and vomiting. But I can't even count the humans who have done that on both hands anymore.

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 12:01:06 AM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I'm a slave and I need my own 'me' time to do my own thing or I become miserable. Master is the same. If he wants/needs time to himself he'll say 'slave, I want an hour of peace and quiet'. I'll say 'yes Master' and go somewhere else to do my knitting or sewing or reading or ironing or watch a movie or do some college work or...whatever.

I wouldn't say it was a fetish to need quiet, just a personal thing and we all have it to some degree, whatever side of the kneel we're on. All you need to do is find someone compatible, make sure they fully understand your needs on this subject and then go fill yer boots!


This describes what I'm looking for. I need my space. Anything else literally makes me sick.

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 2:11:22 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You're a Domme. So you set the rules.

I suggest:

1. A set quiet time. Make a rule that, say, from 4 to 8 PM every Saturday be quiet time. No talking.
2. A floating quiet time. When your sub sees a signal, he knows to be quiet in your presence until he sees another signal.

"someone told me that demanding something for your own mental health is apparently 'not dominant'"

Um, no. Being a Dominant means taking care of yourself and your sub. That "someone" isn't worth listening to.

That said, you joined three years ago. Go get some experience!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 2:25:03 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Although we both need our quiet time, I'm far more talkative than him. He holds his hand up and says 'stop.' I know he means stop with the words.

He usually has this hurt look on his face, like it is hurting him to hear me. This only happens when he's tired.

So I'd say what you are looking for it quite common and easily corrected with someone who WANTS to obey you.




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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 3:40:03 AM   
Bstardsbitch1


Posts: 766
Joined: 4/23/2012
Status: offline 		I often forget, that if I've been home all day from work or whatever and Sir has been to work, (His work is full of severely autistic very loud individuals) that when He comes hom,e He wants quiet time.
He will walk through the door and I'll talk talk talk, after all I've been alone all day. He just holds his hand up or sshhhh's me. I'll go away for a while, anywhere just to give him peace or until He can actually stand the "noise" of another person.
I think most people need me time at some point.
I'm sure if you explained this to a sub they would understand
x

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 6:46:01 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackTigerDragon
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Seems like you are all worked up over nothing. If I were you, I'd buy the puppy.

ETA: or learn how to use a gag.


Lol. I do love puppies. Not as much as kittens, but they are my second favorite animal. And please bear with. I still don't quite get what a sub is for let alone a 'gag' :(

Here ya go.





Attachment (1)

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 7:49:33 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I'm one of those apparently rare women that actually want to GET something out of their relationship and to have their on hobbies and interests that don't exist just to serve someone else. So the concept of this magical person that apparently wants to do things I ask them to got me really interested. So I was hoping that included getting stuff like my own personal space.

Your posts are so thought provoking, I had a hard time deciding where to begin. Thanks to ResidentSadist for his ball gag response.

BDSM is not a magic wand for good relationships. As your odds of meeting someone who truly exists only to serve are negligible, you'll still need to be able to communicate effectively, and to be able to set healthy boundaries.

quote:

exhaustion that leads to mute-ism and vomiting

I think you might be better served by creating a thread in Off Topic or Health & Safety about what to do when you are overstimulated/need quiet, including getting what you need from the people around you. This medical issue will not be fixed by BDSM.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 10/5/2013 7:52:09 AM >

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 8:19:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		There's nothing sexual about this, it's about being sensitive to environments. Last night The Man had his bowling league. There's a guy on the other team who screams the whole fucking night. I spent most of it with my hands over my ears while he stood behind me yelling offensive comments to his teammates. One of the other guys on his team brought his wife and baby, the yelling was so loud it woke up the baby and she had to move far away and not watch her husband.

On the way home we turned the radio off. We came home and sat in different rooms for about two hours until we had calmed down.

But if I needed to not interact with someone on a nightly basis, I would have nothing to offer the other person. An hour of peace. Or sitting in the same room reading for a bit is fine. If you rarely want to see the other person, then you can't offer much more than a fuck buddy relationship. One where on the rare occasions you feel like seeing someone, you call and see if he/she is also interested right then.

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 12:17:03 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		Yeah, I feel the same about Doms. If I get home from work and there's some Dom wanting to be all talky and all over me, it flips me into rage mode. I just can't stand the noise and inane chatter.

My understanding of relationships is that they're pretty much voluntary and if you don't find someone who suits you, you don't have to be with them.

However:

quote:

the concept of this magical person that apparently wants to do things I ask them to got me really interested.


suggests you are only interested in being with a sub because they will be quiet. As a submissive, I want to know how the Dom is going to make the relationship good for me with their dominance, otherwise I'm not interested.

Not many subs are going to be interested if all you have to offer is an order to be quiet. They're going to want you to do stuff like, spanking, sex, s&m, control, etc etc.

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 1:20:32 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Plus they're going to want a friendship. Where you sit and watch tv together, tell each other what funny things happened that day. Ask for a hug on a bad one.

Someone who withdraws from social interaction for more than a week after one loud evening is not someone who has anything to offer anyone else.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 2:08:36 PM   
AaNiMaLl


Posts: 78
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		Are you asking, is personal space or to have some quiet an acceptable requirement in a relationship? Yes, definitely. You don't even have to be dominant or kinky to get this. Personally, I don't need this. I remember in the army when we were conducting fire drills. A lot of soldiers would freak out with a Sergeant yelling in their ear and like drop high explosive rounds and stuff. This yelling didn't affect me. I guess that everyone is different. I actually liked it because it is like, 'look mutherfker, you can yell all you want and I am still going to do this'. And it reminds me of UFC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCpTDHpOfVc the different body language here. lol. Knocked the f out. I love Aleksander Emelianenko. Ochen chyortocski zhestkoi. A ufc cage is nothing compared to his five years in prison.

But what I was thinking is why do you want this silence? Sexual or power or emotional or what? It is like you have the behaviour but not the line of logic for why you want it.

Interesting post.

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 5:04:39 PM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFI]

Someone who withdraws from social interaction for more than a week after one loud evening is not someone who has anything to offer anyone else.


No offense but I find this line kind of disgusting. Some people have health issues related to Depression, ME, Autism ect. Not everyone has ADHD. Not everyone is on Meth. Some people need to shut down for a day. Some people pass out after doing the dishes. Some people can't get out of bed for months. These people DO exist.This does NOT make them any less human. This does NOT remove their basic human rights. This does NOT give everyone around them an excuse to disrespect their needs and make their issues worse on purpose. This does NOT mean they don't deserve friends and loved ones.

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 5:05:56 PM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AaNiMaLl]

But what I was thinking is why do you want this silence? Sexual or power or emotional or what? It is like you have the behaviour but not the line of logic for why you want it.

Interesting post.


...did you read my post?

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 5:09:43 PM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline 		I've got another question. What if you need silence and space but you are at a point of mute where you literally can't even tell anyone to STFU, let alone a sub if you have one? Won't people just bulldoze right over your energy? What do you folks do when you can't even create sound in general let alone tell anyone what you need?

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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/5/2013 5:44:13 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackTigerDragon
What do you folks do when you can't even create sound in general let alone tell anyone what you need?

You could always use a pen and paper. Better yet, post it as a facebook status, then the whole world will know to just STFU so you can cope with your life.

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