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RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/7/2013 8:06:58 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackTigerDragon

"If I have not spent all day at home as soon as a walk through the door I NEED to just SIT, usually bumming around on the computer. At this time I NEED mute and STFU from everyone in the house." So I've re-read this twice. I need quiet time when I come home to recover. Usually just for the rest of the day, a whole day or on occasion (RARE RARE RARE RARE) only a week depending on how tired or sick I am. If you can find where in this sentence that I say I need it any other time or for any longer please let me know because I can't find it ^.^ Because some of you seem to believe that no-one gets sick or tired ever and are always on and manic 24/7 (when a large amount of the population literally need illegal substances to do this). We all have to sleep sometimes. And others seem to believe that I just pass out for two years after making a sandwich. If you still believe this and continue to tell me that this is what happens to me you are either telling massive porkies or you can't read at all.



per your words above, if you haven't been at home all day, then when you get home you need to recover in total silence usually in front of the computer- usually the rest of the day, sometimes a whole day, and on a rare occasion, an entire week.

there are billions of men on this planet, so i am sure there are many who would be more than happy with this arrangement. you just need to understand that this is not the norm, and therefore it is going to be more difficult for you to find what you are looking for. quite frankly, i wouldn't be looking for a submissive if i were in your shoes. i would find an aloof scientist or engineer who prefers books and computers to people, because he's going to be much less likely to be hurt by being ignored on the nights after you have left the house during the day. my cousin's husband is a surgeon who makes about 400k per year and when he gets home at night, he wants his dinner and then he wants to be left alone while he works on patient charts and reads publications until bedtime. she just loves cooking and spending his money so she's totally fine with it. find one of these men.

but do understand that all relationships are full of compromises, even bdsm relationships, and if it is all about you and your needs and issues, and never about the other person and his needs and issues, he's eventually going to bail.



(in reply to BlackTigerDragon)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/7/2013 8:30:52 PM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackTigerDragon

Are you people gaslighting or something? So you blatantly ignore everything I write, then make up BS and lie to me about myself and get pissy when I apparently get 'upset' when you troll and spam irreverent crap in this thread and use a thread that was only created to ask a simple question to make personal attacks on the poster? If it's too hard to just answer a question, don't give me anything I didn't ask for. I have the right to refuse something I didn't ask for. I am NOT your sub! From now on if you're not going to stay on topic, please post it somewhere else because I'm not interested. A basic social rule: If someone says they're not interested in something they didn't ask for its fucking rude to force it down their throat anyway. Even I know this.

"Ok, sounds like you tried being submissive to someone with whom you were clearly not compatible"

Please let me know when I said this because I don't even remember posting anything about this even on my profile! How do you know if I have even TRIED subbing? Where did you get that from? Can you please copy-paste it into a reply because I'm having a hard time finding it?

I do agree with you guys on some things here. There is good advice here and it does answer my question but there seems to be a LOT of assumptions and bullshit from no where (some that make me wonder if there is drug and alcohol going around?) and what looks exactly like abelism and unrealistic expectations and the exact same lines that I have heard from the very people that inspired this post!

As I said I have no experience so I'm not exactly 100% BDSM or anything and I have no problem looking for a vanilla partner anyway.

And for future reference, some of my OP again:

"I currently have no experience in kink or the lifestyle or anything like that." No experience. None. At all. Just kink sites nothing else. And be fore you ask. No. Not that or that or even that. Not at that stage yet. Going at my own pace. I think some people suggested that anyway. Though why do some of you suggest 'giving up on BDSM/kink completely'? Don't you like BDSM/kink anymore? What's wrong with trying it even once? Wait, aren't I the vanilla and you the kinky ones? Shouldn't this convo be the other way around? What is logic?

"I probably don't have a 'mute fetish' at all" Nope, mute doesn't turn me on at the moment. But then I don't have any kinky rules or protocols or very many fetishes because I've never TRIED them. Because I'm a beginner?

"If I have not spent all day at home as soon as a walk through the door I NEED to just SIT, usually bumming around on the computer. At this time I NEED mute and STFU from everyone in the house." So I've re-read this twice. I need quiet time when I come home to recover. Usually just for the rest of the day, a whole day or on occasion (RARE RARE RARE RARE) only a week depending on how tired or sick I am. If you can find where in this sentence that I say I need it any other time or for any longer please let me know because I can't find it ^.^ Because some of you seem to believe that no-one gets sick or tired ever and are always on and manic 24/7 (when a large amount of the population literally need illegal substances to do this). We all have to sleep sometimes. And others seem to believe that I just pass out for two years after making a sandwich. If you still believe this and continue to tell me that this is what happens to me you are either telling massive porkies or you can't read at all.

Some of you suggest noise cancelling equipment or ways to completely avoid noise in general....why? Do I need this? Huh? How is that relevant? Oh wait...
"I have no problem with noise itself or talking, just sometimes SOMETIMES I absolutely fucking NEED NEED NEED complete utter silence from everyone."

"For example things like weekend rehearsals for my singing (literally ALL DAY) can fuck me up for days (after a three day rehearsal I couldn't leave the house for a week)"

All the people who for some reason had a problem with this are an absolute insult to my entire singing group who are also absolutely wiped from a rehearsal. Have you been to a rehearsal? Have you been to an all day or three day rehearsal? Do you even sing/act/dance ect at all? Do you know what it is? People who do these activities aren't magic. EVERYONE who does it gets tired! OMG!

"Is it OK for a dominant to DEMAND something like personal space?"

So some said yes. But the majority said no. Look I know I'm completely new to this kink thing but...doesn't the dominant dominate and the submissive submit in some way? How can I learn anything if I don't know WTF is going on??
...the dom is dominant right? and the sub is submissive right? Ok. So I've got that far. So if the dom needs something, even a completely vanilla thing, and then they don't get that from the sub at all...then what? What if the dom isn't happy in life? Because they're fucked up all the time because they never see their own personal space? Is that kink? Is that what D/s is? Or is it something else?

"Because someone told me that demanding something for your own mental health is apparently 'not dominant'."

And then someone told me again in this thread so now I'm even more confused so...

"So what am I then? Is there another name for it that I haven't found on this site?"

No really. Is there a label for what I am or what I'm looking for if I'm not this?

"then I will just demand that any sub I have to be 100% mute"

For all those who had a problem with this I say: Yes. Really. Chances are if they're doing it to me, they do it to everyone else. I've known people who's noise level made me physically ill. I found out quickly from everyone that met them that they did exactly the same to everyone else. I mean you never know if you tell not just a shouter but a SHOOOOUUUUUTTTTEEERRR to be 100% mute some vanilla people might thank you for it. Because some vanillas fucking hate far to much noise too.
But really, why should a vanilla put up with it from a partner and why should a dominant with a sub like this not do anything about it?
What if nothing else works? (And believe me in some situations for me, nothing worked, for real)

Yes I know I should take time and be careful choosing the right person for me. But that's just words. And I've heard it before. And it was very similar words that forced the 40-year-old child in my life that inspired this post! It is the same words that are told to domestic violence and rape victims every day! So can you please give me a little more than that? Just dumping someone isn't a magic wand that will instantly end all noise. There are probably lots of situations where people continues to be in ones life and even house long after they've been dumped.

P.S

I'm a lazy bugger so if you find it helpful try googleing 'sometimes' and 'some' ect.
I also don't tolerate lies about me to my face anymore because I got enough of those from SHOUTERS, energy wasters and personal space deniers.



I can unequivocally say that I now truly understand the need to tell someone to STFU on a regular basis just to turn off the noise. I couldn't really relate to it before.

Now I can.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to BlackTigerDragon)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/7/2013 9:26:35 PM   
Youmahh


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/7/2013
Status: offline 		As an Aspie, i also need quiet time, and noisy people/environments stress me to no end (to the point of staying indoors for days).
So from this point of view, i will just answer shortly:

Don't get upset when people share what they are thinking. They are not thinking in the same ways as you do. They mean well.
The amount of space you are asking for, is not the norm. It is the norm for you, but others experience the world differently. What you experience as SCREAMING, others might see as normal, cheerful talking.

So, would a submissive or a slave be the solution, of having a partner that must be silent when told to? No, because it is still a relationship. You have to give exactly as much as you take, even if it's called "slave" and "dominance" etc. When you require someone to be silent for you for -to them- a long time, you will have to make up for it later with things that they enjoy. So you will be giving "energy" to them still. There is no way around it.

I would suggest that you instead look for someone with similar traits to yours, someone that also dislikes noise, and doesn't want contact all the time. That way you can have a good relationship, without getting exhausted.

I know this is very armchair shrink of me, but it really jumped out at me.

(in reply to evesgrden)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/8/2013 12:22:27 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		First, I'm going to tell you why I understand your post. Then I'm going to answer your original question and some other points that came up during the thread.

Some time back, I was prescribed a certain medication. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of that particular med was ringing in My ears and sensitivity to noise. When I say noise, I mean all noise. That was everything from people talking, to the wind blowing through the trees, to hearing the electricity in the house. Normally, I'm hard of hearing, so that meant, to Me, everything was exceptionally loud. The reality of it was that it really wasn't.

This side effect was supposed to be temporary and it was hoped that My ears would balance out once I had the proper dosage of the medication in My blood stream. Let's just say that it didn't turn out that way. I had to deal with it for several months. Some days were better than others and some days absolutely sucked.

I'm telling you this because I have first hand experience in needing quiet periods because if I didn't get them, I would be in pain. Depending on the noise level the first couple of hours, that could determine whether it was going to be an easier or a tougher day. Pretty much, I woke up with extremely sensitivity to sound and My ears would have different levels of ringing.

With that said, there are some things that I agree with you on. Yes, there are some people who honestly can't grab the concept of DON'T TALK. I get where you are coming from when coping with noise is difficult and they will leave the morning news run for hours on end or will sit two feet away from you on the floor and babble to the cat. It used to drive Me insane that the person couldn't occupy themselves with a quiet hobby. I wanted to smack somebody with a carpet cleaner more than once because it was running before noon and was quite tempted to rip the tongue out for every word that honestly wasn't important in any way. What I'm trying to tell you is that just because somebody has an s label on them doesn't mean they are conscientious.

Would I have started a dynamic while I was dealing with those side effects? No. Not one where somebody was going to be in My house during those morning hours at any rate. I also know that the condition was making Me less than the best person that I could be, so I wasn't good *new* relationship material. There's more to this D/s thing than one person giving orders and another person carrying them out. You have to build those things. People want to feel connected and some of that is verbal. I would feel that it would be too much to expect of a brand new relationship.

Everybody does need space, but that or silence to accommodate your disability (which I assume you have since you accused a number of people of being an ableist, even though none of them were) isn't a fetish. A fetish, by definition, is an object or activity that creates sexual excitement. Speech restrictions for fun, power, and other reasons it turns people on is what makes it a fetish. The same activity to accommodate your special needs isn't the same thing, in My opinion. Is finding such a person who is willing to be mute, and you have periods of needing to be mute and need your space to the level that you've expressed in this thread completely impossible? No. Do I find it highly improbable? Yes. From the thread, it seems like your desire to be a Dominant in a dynamic is based on your health issues, rather than something inside of you that is fulfilling. That generally doesn't work well.

Many of the terms that have been used in this thread lead Me to think that your opinions are colored and tend to run in extremes. It doesn't come across that you are much in control of yourself, your living situation, (i.e., the 40 year old man child who effected you so badly after a month that you are still getting over it) and how to deal with reasonable expectations of others. Hey, I've been there and it would have been great if the whole world could have been quiet for My sake, but it doesn't really work that way. There's a difference between ableism and expecting people to go out of their way to adjust for you when what you are dealing with can be rather rare. People with normal energy levels aren't manic or using stimulants just for day to day. I think there are more things to work on than just your desire for quiet and space. Again, not a great position to come from when wanting to be the Dominant in the relationship.

If you have reasons to want to engage in BDSM that have nothing to do with your health issues, then you may want to start reading some non fiction BDSM books, attending functions in your local kink community as you can, and start learning some things. If the reason you want to be involved in BDSM is based on "people do stuff, don't talk, and give space," I don't think those are entirely honorable intentions. Somebody isn't going to be very happy in the end. Could be you. Could be the person who gets involved with you. I'd be more likely to say both.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Youmahh)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/8/2013 2:21:56 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

No, it's not that simple. I've been reading Kana and littlewonder's posts for years and it's clear they have a deep, loving relationship with lots of reciprocation. (Which of course is not unique to BDSM.)

Actually it really was. Sorry. Not trying to be contradictory or anything. Course,that's mostly mouse. She's amazing and that makes things really simple for me.

quote:

I'm with Kana on this one. You can tell a slave to do what you like. I have had slaves that I have put speech restrictions on. I enjoy it.

Agreed. Speech and eye contact restrictions can be awesomely erotic.
Frankly,I think damn near anything is acceptable,as long as it's been discussed first and both parties walk into it with eyes wide open and having made an informed conscious decision.
I've had gals before who've been on speech and eye restrictions since day one. Really kinda enjoyed it too. It does a whole helluva lot to turn a slut into an it, reinforces that to me she's just an object to be used as I see fit, what her role is in my life, be seen and not heard and don't disturb, and can easily be tied into a deep level full TPE.
Fuck, I'd like to keep a gal gagged and hooded for weeks,kinda a female version of the Gimp. That would be simply an incredible thing to do. Needless to say,grins,applications are currently being accepted.

Edited because my space bar sticks.I really need to watch less porn

< Message edited by Kana -- 10/8/2013 2:24:20 AM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/8/2013 5:02:19 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Oh you poor thing. Maybe you should take a nap. You sound cranky.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to BlackTigerDragon)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/8/2013 6:53:52 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You know, I have mental health issues and some chronic physical issues. It isn't anyone else's job to accommodate me by turning their life around. It was my job to be treated and develop coping skills so I could give to another person as much as they give to me.

My daughter, who is a couple of years older than the op, has more severe issues. She's always worked as hard as possible to manage her issues, to develop an awareness of triggers, to learn coping skills so she can be able to engage with other people. And she wisely did not get involved in a relationship when she wasn't able to deal with other people.

As far as anyone who does any performing art needs to veg for days on end after, that's far from true. My daughter is presently in a relationship with a musician. He teaches music during the day, rehearses weekday evening and performs on weekends. Does he spend a couple of hours a day on XBox while she's doing other things? Sure, but lots of people spend a couple of hours gaming.

And if she's having a bad day, she expects him to put down the controller and interact with her; giving her a shoulder to cry on. So what happens if the op demands her partner become mute and he needs interaction? Her response is that she's incapable of giving a partner a hug and helpful conversation when her partner has something major happening in his/her life. And this will happen. You will need quiet when they will need to vent. You will be exhausted when their mother is ill and they need to cry about it. How are you going to be there for them?

Now the self centeredness and selfishness shown by the op is pretty common in adolescence but you're a couple of years past that and need to learn to see things from the other person's pov. That's what everyone does when they become healthy adults.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/8/2013 7:05:06 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

From my experience, not everyone understands the need for quiet time or what that exactly means.
And not everyone who needs quiet time have the same requirements as the next person.


That's a good point. Different people have different interpretations of what "quiet time", "personal space", etc entails, and how much of it they want or at least can put up with. That may be part of the trouble she's running into.

I'm an introvert and need what I consider a good bit of "me time", especially before/after I do something like go to a loud, busy bar (which I can enjoy, but also find stressful). But for me, quiet time doesn't need to be totally silent, and "me time" can usually include sitting on the couch with my D while I do a solo activity like playing a computer game and he does something different.

It may be helpful for the OP, if she's not doing this already, to be very specific and clear upfront with guys she meets about 1) what degree of silent time and personal space she needs, 2) how frequently she typically needs it, and 3) for how long. Some guys are still going to go "yeah, sure, I can do that" in the hope of getting laid (ETA: when they're not actually compatible with her needs), but hopefully that will weed out most extroverts who want a lot of stimulation and conversation all the time.

< Message edited by graceadieu -- 10/8/2013 7:13:43 AM >

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/8/2013 8:04:26 PM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline 		I'm still having a hard time following this thread! All my questions haven't quite been answered yet. I mean questions like this: Where are you people getting all this random info from? For example: Did I say that I assumed everyone was the same? If so please show me where because I STILL can't find it! Are my posts being read? Are you reading this?

I do thank you folks for the good advice though. I know it pays to make sure someone is the right person before getting into a relationship and have boundaries as you have said. Although according to some in this thread, choosing a partner who can meet my needs and has similar interests and values and having boundaries (including needs relating to energy and personal space ect) would be 'selfish' and 'immature'. So I'm not sure if I quite understand all that yet? Which is it? What would be right for me? Can someone make up their mind on that? Don't quite understand that.

Though technically I think I got what I needed to know in the OP. Done that now.

"which I assume you have since you accused a number of people of being an ableist, even though none of them were"

quote:

Someone who withdraws from social interaction for more than a week after one loud evening is not someone who has anything to offer anyone else


Implying that people with different needs should be separated from humans.

quote:

Expecting silence from everyone around you because you have coping issues is unrealistic and selfish. If you need that then go live in a cave


Same as above.

quote:

BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THE PEOPLE THAT NEED TO SHOUT AND TALk AND MAKE ALL KINDS OF NOISE BECAUSE FOR THEM, IT'S STRESS RELIEVING. WHY ARE YOUR NEEDS MORE IMPORTANT?


Using something that is triggering for someone on them on purpose.

quote:


But it has nothing to do with being totally uninterested in sitting there and talking to your partner.

Regardless, you don't appear to be willing to give anything to the other person. And no, submissive does not mean someone who looks forward to being ignored and unfulfilled.


Making up random lies about someone elses needs/issues when they've never even meet the person. (For me its a bit of a red flag)

quote:

You don't seem to be a good candidate for much more than a fuck buddy. See them when it's convenient for both of you, otherwise not.


Dictating what someones relationship should be. This was of course in response to me talking about my needs regarding resting and personal space. Yes, this was the answer to someone with personal space issues.

These were just a few (yes I tend to read all posts in a thread started by me). If some of these would not be considered 'abelism' I don't know what else it would be called. I guess there could be many names to choose from. Some ring a bell for me like: Strawman? Ad Hominem? Gaslighting? Something to do with Germany during WW11? Can you come up with anything?

Anyway

But the OP was a few questions. What I mentioned about my disability was minimal because these questions were not just about my disability!!! I don't spend all day taking and thinking about my disability! Why do other people apparently spend all day thinking about my disability? Do you spend all day with your disabled friends and family talking about nothing but their disability? Do you have any idea how patronizing and boring it is?
"I like to go to the beach!"
"OMG you have two legs!!!!"
"I would like to apply for a job"
"No. We're going to find a cure for your blue eyes instead."
"What is your favorite movie?"
"You can't watch movies because that's a symptom of your Long Hair Disease!"
"It isn't a symptom of LHD and I don't even have long hair."
Are you bored yet? I am.
Are able-bodied people even capable of talking about anything else? I'm actually really bored now! Do you know what that says to a disabled person? That says we're a disability, not a human. That says there is absolutely nothing else about us besides a disability, not even BDSM! And just to be clear are you people saying that just I should quit BDSM completely because of reasons in this thread or are you saying so because I'm disabled? Can the two even be separated?
Abelism has similarities to racism and sexism (and I assume other isms.) Of a Black person says you are raceist, you possibly are. If a woman say's you're sexist, you possibly are. If a disabled person says you are abelist and you can see the pattern you can probably fill the blanks.

And maybe there is someone out there who isn't disabled and have the exact same needs. Would the same quotes be insulting to them? (See what I'm doing here, folks? This line here isn't an absolute fact and I never pretend it is because I've never met someone who is like what I mention in this paragraph. So I wouldn't know for certain anyway. And if I said it as FACT I would probably be telling huge porkies anyway. What would a real person like one I described in this paragraph say if they read what I said about them?)

In conclusion, question answered. You can still post if you want but I'm bored of going in circles and beating this dead horse. So if anyone didn't read this post I'm just going to troll ^.^

(in reply to graceadieu)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/8/2013 8:26:49 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
My daughter is presently in a relationship with a musician. He teaches music during the day, rehearses weekday evening and performs on weekends. Does he spend a couple of hours a day on XBox while she's doing other things? Sure, but lots of people spend a couple of hours gaming.




I know what you mean! Sometimes when I'm writing and writing and writing... I just need to be ALONE, and I'll pick up my math games! Takes me out of "emotion" and into "logic".

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 6:15:26 AM   
KatSub12


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/1/2010
Status: offline 		BTD,

I recommend you look for the silent type on another website.
Anyone who is on here can click the "view forum posts" link on
your profile and see how immature you're acting.

Get some earplugs and move to Antarctica.
Nevermind, the penguins squawking would drive you more batty than you're acting already.


(in reply to BlackTigerDragon)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 6:56:50 AM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

Where are you people getting all this random info from?


Based on the information you provided.  Any gaps will be filled in with one's own assumptions based on their personal life experiences and knowledge. 

Personally, I feel you had included too much information in your original post.  Extra info can either reduce the number of assumptions or increase them. 

quote:

Did I say that I assumed everyone was the same?


Where does it SAY someone assumed that you did?  
Just because it's written, doesn't necessarily mean it is assumed. 
It could be a reminder or, perhaps, we really don't know if you do know it or not.  So instead of playing 20 questions, it is easier just to mention something.  It's also more helpful if we don't automatically assume you have that knowledge.  

Would you find it condescending if I were to ask "Do you know that everyone does not think the same?"
I have a feeling it would spark the same, if not worse, of a response from you.  

quote:

Are my posts being read? Are you reading this?


Yes.  If you feel as though your being misread, either:
1). You're not communicating clearly. 
2). It's difficult to keep someone's attention span due to the lengthy replies and occasional ranting
3). Others are interpreting your posts based on their knowledge
4). Just to piss you off


quote:

Although according to some in this thread, choosing a partner who can meet my needs and has similar interests and values and having boundaries (including needs relating to energy and personal space ect) would be 'selfish' and 'immature'. So I'm not sure if I quite understand all that yet? Which is it? What would be right for me? Can someone make up their mind on that? Don't quite understand that.


Are you joking here?  This statement seems to imply you believe the only right answer is one that's agreed upon collectively.  Again, I said "seems to imply", which means I'm not pulling assumptions out of my ass based on the air around me.  This is how I'm interpreting your statement.  
There is no right or wrong answer here and are based on opinions.  Therefore, you are going to get a mix of responses. 
I'm not assuming you don't already know this.    


You do understand the purpose of this message board, no?  Most people aren't here to provide quick answers.  
I personally love how discussions deviate away from the question, yet still stay on topic.  That's how most discussions develop.  And while I do care about other people and hope they get the help they seek, I'm really here for selfish reasons: for the betterment of MY knowledge and personal entertainment.  I'm sure others are the same. 

You have come here seeking help and have ranted a few times.  IMO, it is equivalent to someone screaming at you when you need quiet.

I'm not going to assume you don't know this, just reminding you, people think, write, speak, discuss, and understand differently. 
I will agree that a few comments may have been snarky or unfounded, but quite honestly your handling of it speaks louder volumes than their assumptions.  To me at least. 

(in reply to BlackTigerDragon)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 8:20:46 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Are you quite sure you weren't trolling in the first place? Seems to Me there was some need to lash out at random folks on a message board.

If you hadn't mentioned your disability, nobody else would have either. Unfortunately, I don't think you get the idea that you have the same rights as everyone else (i.e., the ability to post and receive responses) but you are not entitled to be treated with kid gloves just because you are different. If you think you are, I'm going to advise you that BDSM might not be for you. Nobody here is obligated to give you the answers that you think you deserve because you want to stamp your foot and throw a temper tantrum.

Do you really think that with your requirements that you can satisfy another person in a relationship? If so, do that. If not, don't waste the other person's time. It's really that simple.

Enjoy your day and have fun trolling.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 8:59:00 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Oh my God! I love this thread! It's awesome; perfect for sick in bed reading material. Especially the "we are a generous sort" and then "I can unequivocally say that I now truly understand the need to tell someone to STFU on a regular basis just to turn off the noise. I couldn't really relate to it before. "



_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 9:02:20 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Oh my God! I love this thread! It's awesome; perfect for sick in bed reading material.



This is a kink site, we have already assumed without prodding that you are sick in bed. Much like we assume most men have penises so pictures of such equippage are an unnecessary proof.

So, it would seem to me that you need go to no great lengths to make that point, I warrant we all concede it.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 9:09:25 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

Yes.  If you feel as though your being misread, either:
1). You're not communicating clearly. 
2). It's difficult to keep someone's attention span due to the lengthy replies and occasional ranting
3). Others are interpreting your posts based on their knowledge
4). Just to piss you off


You're kinder than I am because I just decided that she was demonstrating the "asshole rule".



quote:

quite honestly your handling of it speaks louder volumes than their assumptions.  To me at least. 


To me as well.

The things that stood out to me:

* If you wish to be respected by your partner, you need to give respect to your partner. Telling someone to STFU or to fuck off, isn't respect. In fact, if Himself said either of those things in anything other than complete playfulness....we'd be having a serious discussion about whether he wished to continue a relationship with me.

* Angry and demanding don't equal dominant.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 9:41:16 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		OP,

You have issues that go way beyond being fixed by "trying out"D/s.

You sound very angry, bitter and paranoid.

You seem unable to listen quietly. You just get defensive.

I suggest you do not attempt to try being dominant, as your issues are so overwhelming, from your own words, that you would not be a good reciprocal partner and someone else can never fix something in you.

You cannot demand things from people you are not involved with.

There is nothing wrong with needing quiet and space, but there is a much more serious issue from your description.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 10/9/2013 9:42:22 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 12:45:34 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		Do you think she should find someone who only communicates with a *tap-tap-tap*??? That's the only thing missing from this thread. Oh, and mute lesbian slaves.

Every thread needs mute lesbian slaves.

_____________________________

Cat Quotes

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(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 4:56:39 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BurntKitty

Do you think she should find someone who only communicates with a *tap-tap-tap*??? That's the only thing missing from this thread. Oh, and mute lesbian slaves.

Every thread needs mute lesbian slaves.



_____________________________

yep

(in reply to BurntKitty)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Do you have rules/fatish/whatever for mute/space? - 10/9/2013 5:19:15 PM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Any gaps will be filled in with one's own assumptions based


Yes. ASSUMPTIONS that is exactly what they were. And you know what they say about assumptions right? Something along the lines of 'ass' 'you' and 'me'?
And most of the assumptions turned out to be huge porkies as well. There also seems to be a big porkie going around that there is apparently something wrong with me simply because I have a problem with lies being told about me to my face. Is it illegal to be offended by personal attacks on this site or something?

quote:


Where does it SAY someone assumed that you did?


I'm bored of this thread and copy-pasting quotes so just scroll up and read if you want to find it.

quote:

If you hadn't mentioned your disability, nobody else would have either.


You may have noticed I never mentioned my actual diagnosis anywhere in this thread because yet again it would just be used for cyber bullying. Turns out it was used for just that anyway. And will you leave that dead horse alone? Was I right in my previous post?

quote:

You just get defensive.


I think I've heard that before. Non-whites, feminists and disabled people, does this line sound familiar? Have you heard it from someone before? Could have sworn I've heard it.

I do believe I said this part of the convo was over at least once or twice. I'm not the one ignoring that request in the first place. Are we capable of talking about anything else? This thread is now about elephants.



(in reply to BurntKitty)
Profile   Post #: 100
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