Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

On Merit


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> On Merit Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
On Merit - 7/2/2006 12:37:42 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Any admirable quality or attribute; "work of great merit"
Deservingness: the quality of being deserving
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There has been a great deal of discussion on the subject of entitlements here of late. I feel that a great deal of what we do,both in bdsm relationship dynamics,and in any other sorts of interactions-are based specifically on the perceived merits of individuals.

I will not be so foolish as to call myself old guard, but I do consider my self to be "old school" in D/s. Which to me, means that things of value we have, must be earned by effort and dedication.

I feel that the right to give,and recieve collars must be earned.

That respect grows from the merits that one shows to others.

And that feeling one is connected to meritorious people, can only make one feel a sense of pride and security.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 1:11:53 PM   
fyrekittyn


Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline 		I agree with that, to some extent. I wouldn't want to be collared by or to collar someone that had not earned my respect and devotion. My respect is not an automatic thing, it must be earned through the integrity of the person.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 1:24:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't see anything in your post that has to do with forming Ds or Ms relationships.  The process you describes happens in just about every type of relationship you can consider.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 2:13:00 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't see anything in your post that has to do with forming Ds or Ms relationships.  The process you describes happens in just about every type of relationship you can consider.


It has everything to do with how a Master or slave make selections of partners.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 2:16:17 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't see anything in your post that has to do with forming Ds or Ms relationships.  The process you describes happens in just about every type of relationship you can consider.


It has everything to do with how a Master or slave make selections of partners.


as well as how slaves and submissives chose Masters and Mistress'--the choice and the decision is a two way street--it must be merit on BOTH sides.



_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 2:18:10 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't see anything in your post that has to do with forming Ds or Ms relationships.  The process you describes happens in just about every type of relationship you can consider.


It has everything to do with how a Master or slave make selections of partners.


as well as how slaves and submissives chose Masters and Mistress'--the choice and the decision is a two way street--it must be merit on BOTH sides.




Smiles,I believe my response already said that.

Or did I fail to mention slaves?

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 2:23:08 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		No, you did, I believe though it cannot be mentioned enough for their are many out there that do not feel the choice is theirs, whether to select, remain, or leave---there is a misperception among new Dom/minas that it is "kneel bitch" and many submissives and slaves that believe they are at the mercy of all Dominants.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 2:39:19 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		It has everything to do with how a Master or slave make selections of partners.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you just trying to start a fight?

If so,why?

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 2:44:01 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
--the choice and the decision is a two way street--it must be merit on BOTH sides.


TY, MH00314, I agree.

I do not see it as oppossed to what the OP said, either.

Yes, it does make one feel pride to be chosen by someone merititious. 

IMHO, I could not even play (which I don't casually do anyway) let alone be submissive to someone I didn't respect, admire, inspired by, be united on and on.

To be able to let go and banish the fear
Knowing who we are emotionally, instinctively. Accepting what sometimes is a hard journey.
I can see how that devotion properly focused could soften a slave's brainwashing that serving (being kind and attentive, putting them first, laying aside the tangle within to be whole)

and allow themselves to bask in that glow in that role with pride and security.

Sure!


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 2:48:09 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fawne

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
--the choice and the decision is a two way street--it must be merit on BOTH sides.


TY, MH00314, I agree.

I do not see it as oppossed to what the OP said, either.

Yes, it does make one feel pride to be chosen by someone merititious. 

IMHO, I could not even play (which I don't casually do anyway) let alone be submissive to someone I didn't respect, admire, inspired by, be united on and on.

To be able to let go and banish the fear
Knowing who we are emotionally, instinctively. Accepting what sometimes is a hard journey.
I can see how that devotion properly focused could soften a slave's brainwashing that serving (being kind and attentive, putting them first, laying aside the tangle within to be whole)

and allow themselves to bask in that glow in that role with pride and security.

Sure!




I agree Fawne.

I was simply perplexed at where MH00314 got the idea that I was singling a role out-I did not. And yet ,stubbornly insisted that I had, when no mention of either side had been made.

(in reply to Fawne)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 2:56:21 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		Well, some of us are too defensive, and it is not a happy, good way to be. I am personally working on it. Staying centered. learning.

Personally, I find the original post very comforting.  Thanks!

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 2:59:59 PM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		It takes a long while to build trust and prove trustworthiness. Also on merit - I don't feel submissive to anyone I don't feel is better than I am so to that extent merit has a relevance too.

(in reply to Fawne)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 3:00:05 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
I always say this, I abhore pride in nearly all forms.
The only pride I do feel is for my children.  And that is where I draw the line.
 
So I wouldn't say I have pride in being connected to people of merit, but I would definately be in awe of them and appriciative.
I believe that if someone has something or some talent or gift of merit, then theres no need for pride really.
 
Em is fab.  She is a fountain of knowledge and easy to talk to.  Now she knows her strengths, and is happy to share it, but I have never seen her flaunt it.
 
John Warren is well written and incredibly knowledgable.  But I have never seen him show off or boast on his accomplishments, yet he has the humility to accept praise.
 
But this is their humility.  Essentially, all these posts come down to the same thing.  Qualities in a person. Elsewhere, it was mentioned about not being a dominant without having arrogance.  Whilst it can be an attractive quality in small doses, the ego often overtakes.  But confidence is different altogether... assurence that what is correct for onself and in the outcome.
 
Someone of/with merit can be so, without pride - for their naturally able to support thier idea without a need to defend it.  Whilst that can be and is everything to do with how a master or slave cna find potential partners, that is also true for anyone outside wiitwd.
 
It isn't the basis of, or the core of a BDSM/SM/Ds relationship - it is an ideal basis of, or core of any healthy and productive relationship.
 
Peace and Rapture
 

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 3:25:29 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		greetings caretaker
acording to your system of philosophy then; i must be an one huge admirable slave, and slavesinger i was, and very much deserving ,but, i have not a dime, nor a left alive mistress ,altho ....this maybe disturbing to you ;let's look at this realistic anology ;just ,for an example
:did'nt you ever see a little kid look at a puppy in the petshop-window?
who gets collared ?
to me is no different in anyones mind set who gets what
;as they told me more than a few times;"better check your criteria ",but,personally : i like your sources ,for saying so, in regards to 'admirable';'deserving';effort and dedication, however, there is no one more dedicated ,nor IS any one in the world , in the mega-hits of the music biz ,and no slave ,in a slave-lifestyle ever  ;was,OR IS  more dedicated THAN ME;nor has anyone ever used ,so much effort as me, but.... too bad ;things ,just dont follow that belief, but, then again ;i'd like, to tell FBI ,when they choose, to tell someone ,that they just don't believe Hollywood- watergate and,snuff  happened ,that you can't change the facts simply ,to fit what you believe.

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 7/2/2006 4:15:45 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 3:47:16 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Having merit does not always mean that fate will favor you.

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 3:56:20 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Which to me, means that things of value we have, must be earned by effort and dedication.

I feel that the right to give,and recieve collars must be earned.

That respect grows from the merits that one shows to others.

And that feeling one is connected to meritorious people, can only make one feel a sense of pride and security.

I'm a great fan of personal merit.  I agree, things should be earned.  But it raises an interesting question.  How is such merit earned?  Who, if anyone, determines whe such merit has been earned?  Who, if anyone, sets the standards for it?  I have my own answers to these questions, but for now I prefer to leave it open for discussion.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 4:31:00 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I cannot imagine developing a relationship with anyone I did not feel merited it, be it D/s, M/s, friendship or any other relationship.



_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 4:44:19 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I think that a subjective feeling of merit is at the heart of most human interactions.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 4:47:14 PM   
cheshireboy


Posts: 217
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline 		someone once tried to collar me within a few minutes of a conversation and it made me want to laugh, you don't own someone by placing something around their next, there is no merit in that, almost everything is always earned, but it is so easy for something to be taken away.  i will give respect, but it can be easily lost if the person can't be respectful.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: On Merit - 7/2/2006 5:56:40 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cheshireboy

someone once tried to collar me within a few minutes of a conversation and it made me want to laugh, you don't own someone by placing something around their next, there is no merit in that, almost everything is always earned, but it is so easy for something to be taken away.  i will give respect, but it can be easily lost if the person can't be respectful.


I never did get the instant collar thing.
I guess that desperation lacks merit.

(in reply to cheshireboy)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> On Merit Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094