Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Clever submissive?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Clever submissive? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Clever submissive? - 10/25/2013 10:29:13 PM   
kitzune


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/27/2011
Status: offline 		How do you deal with one who is often too smart for their own good? Communication? A tightly fitting gag? Or, the silent treatment? I do not know, I would like to understand.

Added: I was not asking about punishment but communication. Silent treatment was referring to a complete lack of communication.

< Message edited by kitzune -- 10/25/2013 10:35:55 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/25/2013 10:32:36 PM   
logan7252


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/4/2012
Status: offline 		Silent treatment subs hste being ignored

(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/25/2013 10:35:54 PM   
kitzune


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/27/2011
Status: offline 		I was not asking about punishment but communication. Silent treatment was referring to a complete lack of communication.

(in reply to logan7252)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/25/2013 10:43:07 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		I don't think I understand the question. Why would someone's intelligence require a gag?

Do you mean someone who talks back, rather than someone who is clever?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/25/2013 10:52:23 PM   
kitzune


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/27/2011
Status: offline 		Maybe just habitually confusing. And, a little wary about where to take the next step.

The person would otherwise be very respectful, open minded and patient.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/25/2013 11:14:27 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitzune

Maybe just habitually confusing. And, a little wary about where to take the next step.

The person would otherwise be very respectful, open minded and patient.


What the hell does that mean? Perhaps if you were a little less obtuse in your language, you might achieve better results in the communications department.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/25/2013 11:26:50 PM   
kitzune


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/27/2011
Status: offline 		Okay. Thank you, Caneman, that was the kind of response I needed to see. Clearly it is because of my communication skills.

Here is the translation:

Confusing and wary = I am reluctant to speak clearly which results in a confused reader, such as yourself.

I do not think the second part requires an explanation.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/25/2013 11:57:40 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm.

I think the chances are I'd move on and look for a sub with better communication skills.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 12:48:43 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		You are generally respectful, open minded and patient but when issues arise you are reluctant to discuss these with your partner/dominant?

This isn't a D/s thing, it's a relationship thing. If you can't talk about stuff with your partner then the relationship isn't going to last. Have you thought about writing down stuff instead of saying it out loud? Write a letter, email, whatever, tell your other half that you're concerned about something but you get flustered when you try to say it out loud so here it is on paper.




_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 1:54:47 AM   
kitzune


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/27/2011
Status: offline 		I am not in any relationship. I only ever communicate with anyone, about D/s, through message.

My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 2:33:09 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
Honey, you have got more going on with you than "cognitive dissonance." You aren't listening to what the others are trying to tell you, and we can all detect you do have a problem with your communication skills.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitzune

I am not in any relationship. I only ever communicate with anyone, about D/s, through message.

My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance.


You are over 30 years old and yet you come off as being more like a bratty 20. Youthfulness can work to your advantage, but not immaturity. You only message (text, e-mail) those you're interested in which either means you haven't gotten as far as speaking over the phone to a prospective Dom, or you are hiding behind your computer/cell phone.

Having said that, yes there are bratty subs. They can be (inexperienced) masochists who want submission forced out of them. Is that how you lean? Because if it isn't, then you're sending the wrong message and will end up attracting a sadistic Dom. If that's what you want, then so be it. None of us are here on this forum to give you a hard time, just sensible advice if you'll let us. We can't do that if you cannot clearly convey your message. If you have any masochistic tendencies (or even if you don't) and want to be Topped but don't feel you want D/s, then that's perfectly fine. But you have to know what it is that you want first. This is called being a "bottom" rather than a "sub." If you want more of a DaddyDom to coddle you, then that's what you should be seeking. It's up to you to decide.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 2:50:24 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitzune



My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance.


I'm glad you clarified, because this would have been extremely difficult to understand from your previous posts.

My response would be yes/no/it depends. Dominants are people, with all the variations possible in a person. There will be dominants out there who enjoy the challenge of a strong-willed partner. There are dominants who would hate this. There are some who think they wouldn't like it, but there's something about you that makes them rethink. There are some who think they would enjoy it, but there's something about you that makes them rethink.

So the answer really is, depends upon the person behind the dominance.


_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 3:42:10 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		FR:

Why would a dominant bother with a strong willed partner who had a communication problem they couldn't own up to? AND who thought they were clever when they were not.

Anyone is capable of having spells of cognitive dissonance, but if you're having conflicting issues over your desire to submit, that's something I think you have to work on first, before you seek a relationship. You're expecting someone else to do that hard work for you.

I agree, you come across as extremely immature, like a teenager.









_____________________________



(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 4:21:01 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Most of the Dominants I know would deal with someone who was too smart for their own good by not getting involved with such a person in the first place. Not many people relish constant struggle.

Smart is good, clever is good, too smart or clever implies too much of a good thing over and above what is conducive to smooth social relations. Quite honestly the Dominants I have known treasure smoothness and peace over what could very well be bratty behavior. At the very least, being overly smart/clever might be a lot of unnecessary work on the other person's side. For myself, I find those types of people exhausting and I avoid much interaction with them.

I come from a graphics background. If you can't visually tell what is going on with an ad or other piece of graphic information within a second or two, it is a failure. No matter how cute, or intellectual, or artistic the graphic, it's main purpose is to convey information; if it does not do that effectively, it is utterly useless. The parallels between that and written communication are identical. To be quite honest, it's riding the line of too much work just to try to figure out your communication on this thread. I can't even imagine what you would be like in person on a continuing basis. I'm not trying to be mean, please consider delving in to your personal communication skills and consider working on them.

(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 4:39:45 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitzune

I am not in any relationship. I only ever communicate with anyone, about D/s, through message.

My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance.


You cannot simply "submit" - you have to submit TO SOMEONE. If you are with me and cannot submit to me, I won't make you - I'll move on. If you can't submit to me, maybe you'll find someone whose style inspires your submission more than mine will. I don't think that this is an issue of a submissive more than it is relationship incompatibility.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 5:07:30 AM   
kitzune


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/27/2011
Status: offline 		Okay. Thank you, everyone, for your feedback.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 6:12:12 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitzune

I am not in any relationship. I only ever communicate with anyone, about D/s, through message.

My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance.


Then why didn't you actually say that?... because your first question is unrelated to this.

If your question is because the dominants you have exchanged messages with don't think you are submissive enough.... congratulations!
You are in fine company... it only means you aren't submissive enough for them.
And why would you be be submissive with complete strangers... and why wouldn't you be asking tons of questions?

You have a strong will, but want to submit?
Are you actually willing to submit, or are you just craving kinky sex?
You can have the latter without the former.
And to submit, you just need willingness.
A strong will can be an asset if you apply it that way... with the right partner.
There is nothing wrong with being discerning and taking your time in selecting one.

In any case, learn to say what you mean and mean what you say.
Life will be much easier that way.
This may help:
https://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations





_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 8:10:47 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance.


I used to feel dissonance because I wanted to both be a good feminist and a submissive/masochist, but worked through this years ago. I am very strong willed in some situations, like at work and with some family and friends, but sexually submissive and otherwise submissive to my Dom.

We do butt heads about some issues, like footwear - he wants me to be stylish and I want to be comfortable - but we manage to work things out. I'm uncomfortable sometimes and unstylish other times.

We talk all the time, except during sex, when he gags me. (He came into this relationship with a preference for "not a Stepford wife" and gags during sex.)

Years ago when I was looking, a friend told me I'd have better luck landing a man if I "dumbed it down." I am really glad I held out for someone who appreciates my intellect.

Is English your first language? I agree with the other posters who had a hard time understanding you.

(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 8:45:03 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
It didn't occur to me right away, Kitzune, that you just might have a shy side and some mistaken notion that in order to express your submissiveness, you have to hide your true thoughts and feelings. Nothing could be further from the truth. Like kalikshama mentioned, as females we get sent mixed messages. That in order to keep a man interested in us, we have to act as if he's smarter or otherwise not outshine him. The way I look at it, if he can't keep up, that's his problem not yours. Be yourself, be true to yourself. You can't please everybody, so please yourself.

When you find that special man you want to please who can appreciate you for yourself, he'll love you for who you are. Let your submission come naturally and trust your intuition when you see red flags. Don't ignore them. Be confrontational when you need to be. Don't hide behind your intellect, and allow yourself to be vulnerable around people you can trust. It's okay not to settle for second best and to take your time until you feel comfortable with someone as you would in any other romantic relationship. Wishing you great success.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to kitzune)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Clever submissive? - 10/26/2013 10:57:36 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'd just like to riff off of both TL and Kali....D/s is a relationship. That's all it is. Some of the structure and activities are a bit different than your run of the mill date, but at the base of it whatever you like/don't like when you are dating someone is the same here. The same kinds of relationship give and take, the same process of finding someone you are compatible with.

(in reply to TigressLily)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Clever submissive? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109