How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (Full Version)

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Ilyrium -> How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 7:16:19 AM)

My question is hard to pose in words but what has always amazed me is that the moment I see any woman's breasts, I just want to hold them in my hands, fondle them, and suckle on them - yet - I doubt many women feel the same way about cocks.

I can't speak for "all men", but, as "on man", the moment I see a short skirt, I want to lift it up, and to give the woman the pleasure of a good licking. I wonder if women feel the same say about a man, say, in shorts (or a kilt?). Somehow I doubt it - but that's what I'm asking.

For men or women (of any ilk), do you have the same (or similar) feelings of wanting to lick and suck (in my case) a woman's breasts and kitty? When I see a nice set of buns, I just want to stick my tongue and make her writhe in pleasure.

What confuses me is whether I'm just weird, or if a lot of others strongly desire to lick another's body where they show it.

This is getting complicated to explain, but, this desire doesn't happen as much if the woman, for example, is in rollers and a house dress running errands at the grocery store.

It happens, to me, when a woman is "dressed up", and, in particular, that usually means a skirt, lipstick, heels, etc. So, for example, to further explain my dilemma, say I went to meet a hypothetical female friend who, say, (for whatever reason) dressed up for the occasion by wearing a miniskirt and a low slung tight blouse and red pumps. Trust me when I tell you, even if she were my best platonic friend, I'd STILL want to hold those boobs in my hands and pleasure them with my mouth, and even if we were BFF, I would STILL think about lifting that skirt and licking her to pleasure her until she screamed, and doing the same to her behind were she to enjoy that.

Of course, if I thought this hypothetical best female friend didn't want it, I would NEVER do it. ... but ... my dilemma is that there is absolutely no way I could stop myself from THINKING about pleasuring her, just by the sight, sound (of her voice and clicking heels, for example), and smell (various scents) of her.

Sorry for the long winded question, but, to try to summarize, do women (and other men) also feel like ripping the clothes off someone dressed sexily in order to pleasure them with their lingual abilities?



crazyml -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 7:30:19 AM)

No, your "thang" about breasts doesn't make you particularly weird,

I'd say you were borderline creepy, but just the right side of the border; although if you find yourself struggling your urge to actually lick then, ya know... you're crossing a line.

I'm willing to bet that plenty of women have similar urges, but I'm also willing to bet that fewer do as a proportion to men. To over generalize brutally... women tend to be more cerebral, men more visual when it comes to attraction.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 7:44:11 AM)

I don't, and now I'm going to feel extremely skeeved out next time I put on a short skirt.

Don't get me wrong, I see attractive people and think 'I wouldn't kick you out of bed'. But not with the same, um.... intensity that you seem to.



Ilyrium -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 7:48:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
I'd say you were borderline creepy

That's what worries me a bit. I don't know if it's just me, or if everyone can almost not think of anything else when someone of the opposite sex (in my case) is, for example, wearing such a short skirt that I can't keep my eyes off her thighs just in the hopes of catching a glimpse of her crotch and wondering what it would taste like.

The problem extends to people I don't even know. I have to use examples, because to generalize is to put everyone in the mindset that only I may have. But, take a recent case where I was at an evening get together with acquaintances (none of whom I knew all that well as it's a new writer's group), and there was this very sweet woman about my age, wearing such a low slung top that I could swear I would catch a glimpse of areola were I to watch her every move. In the end, I DID see her lovely nipples, more than once, but, I went home thinking to myself "what a waste of my time and energy", because, instead of spending time talking about writing that book I ended up watching her out of the corner of my eye, and trying to catch a glimpse of her nipples with the thought constantly on my mind of sucking on them until she cried out in pleasure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
if you find yourself struggling your urge to actually lick then, ya know... you're crossing a line.

Exactly! The urge to hold and taste breasts that are being "displayed attractively" all over the place is so tremendous, that, well, I THINK constantly about crossing the line ... and, if a woman sits in front of me, even, say, at a library for heaven's sake, and spreads her legs ever so nicely, such that I can see up her skirt to her panties, I can't keep my eyes off of her crotch (nor my mind!, thinking of licking her until she collapses on the ground writhing). Instead of reading the book (or whatever I 'should' be doing at said library), I'd be watching her out of the corner of my eye. She'd get up. I'd watch. She'd bend over. I'd watch, hoping for a glimpse. She' go to the bathroom, I'd turn my body to see when she comes back out. It's creepy, I know. Of course, I'd NEVER (ever!) be inappropriate in my actions, but, my MIND is highly inappropriate. For all I know she probably hasn't even noticed me (nor is that the point) - but - what I mean is she's not TRYING to entice me. She's just wearing a short skirt, with a low-slung blouse perhaps, and, well, even though she doesn't even know I exist, I'm ENTICED! I can't think of anything else, I'm so enticed.

Again, though, I must stress. I try not to let her even know I'm looking, so, I HOPE she's oblivious to the licentious thoughts racing through my mind ... but the question I have is whether others have these same thoughts all day, every day, when someone wears those short skirts and low-slung blouses (or whatever women find sensually attractive in men)?

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
I'm willing to bet that plenty of women have similar urges, but I'm also willing to bet that fewer do as a proportion to men. To over generalize brutally... women tend to be more cerebral, men more visual when it comes to attraction.


I don't know, but I never heard a woman way "I just want to rip those shorts of that guy and suck his cock until he screams in pleasure", while I certainly think that (when I see a woman in a skirt sans panties dancing, say, wonderfully provocatively at a party. Again, I am mostly talking about sexually oriented THOUGHTS,and not actual actions, as I don't even know the name of 99% of the women I see in my daily life who provoke this response.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 7:59:25 AM)

Wow, I'm trying to think of a nice way to say this, but what you've described is creepy.

If you're unable to concentrate because you're too busy trying to catch a glimpse of crotch, this has got to be having an impact on your relationships and your life. I wonder if you ought to talk to someone about it.

I think in all likelihood you're not being as discreet as you think. It's hard to be subtle when trying to look down someone's shirt. In my experience people often think they're hiding it well when it's actually pretty obvious that they're leering.



Ilyrium -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 7:59:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
I don't, and now I'm going to feel extremely skeeved out next time I put on a short skirt.


That's kind of why I'm asking the question. It seems that there's something wrong with me.

Recently I was at a Barnes and Noble, and sitting in a couch and one of the women who worked there was wearing one of those long slit skirts, and walking around and bending over constantly to organize books and I forgot all about why I was there and just watched her. I gave her so much attention, I don't think she left the corner of my eye from the couch that I was in.

Each move showed thigh, and every move had the CHANCE of showing more. So, I paid her mental attention. Everything she did, I noticed, but, mostly I was waiting for a chance to see when the slit of her long skirt lined up all the way to the highest point so that I could see the most thigh, if even only for a split second.

I realize this sounds pathetic, so, I must say that I certainly PRETENDED to be reading my book, putting my head down time and time again, and, I must say I didn't actually get up and follow her around PHYSICALLY at all. I just sat there, and whenever she showed a bit of thigh, I watched.

Of course, had the skirt NOT had that long slit, she would have been wholly uninteresting, just as if a woman is wearing a blouse buttoned up to her neck, I wouldn't give her the time of day (for a stranger of course, as for people I know, what they wear doesn't mean I don't give them attention).

I'm talking about strangers, who, say, wear pants. They don't get my attention (unless they're tight!) But even tight pants have no chance of glimpsing anything (but overall shape), so, she gets far less attention in tight pants than, say, in a short skirt.

I DID ask a good friend WHY she wears short skirts, and she looked at me innocently and said "because they're more fun". But, I did notice she enjoys attention, so, I wondered if subtly she equated "fun" with "attention". I don't know ... and I digress with that thought.

Back to what you said. If I were near you, and if you were giving me the chance of seeing your nipple and/or your kitty (with or without panties), then you SHOULD be creeped out because I'd be thinking just what I said in the OP.

Sorry. But that's why I am asking. (gotta run off to church but will be back in the afternoon).



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 8:02:53 AM)

Heck, after that post I feel the need to go to church myself!



crazyml -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 8:04:16 AM)

Ok, your second post has taken you across the border into creepy town!




DarkSteven -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 8:15:59 AM)

If I see a woman I'm not attracted to, nothing.

If I do see a woman I'm attracted to, what I want from her depends on my mood. Sometimes I want a smile from her. Sometimes I'd love to spank her. But I usually just shelf the thought and go about my day. Because if I fantasized about every women I find attractive...



sunshinemiss -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 8:18:02 AM)

Every now and there there is someone who fascinates me. The guy at Border's Book store a few years ago... My Harriet the Spy routine. He was this wiry little blond bundle of energy. Long hair, tattoos up and down both arms. Moving zoom zoom zoom. He totally fascinated me. I didn't want to meet him or talk to him... I just wanted to stare. And then he cut his hair off. You know what happened to Samson. Same same. Dude lost all his power in sunny world.



RedMagic1 -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 8:27:32 AM)

OP,

Are you a virgin, or going through a long dry spell? If so, what you describe is within the range of normal, as far as I'm concerned. Your precision in description is causing some blowback, but my guess is that you're used to that, as it's probably happened many times before.

On the other hand, if you have an active sex life and still get so distracted, you might have a creep/voyeur fetish, and you might find a welcoming community in someplace like http://creepshots.com/. That's not a fetish within mainstream BDSM, because it pretty much requires lack of consent, but creeping (not just voyeurism) seems to be a real and growing fetish, as far as I can tell. It's an example of how 21st century technology affects sex drive.

I just looked at the wikipedia page on voyeurism, and academic studies seem to show the following: when asked, "hypothetically, would you engage in voyeuristic act X?" men and women both said yes at about the same rate. However, in real life, men perform voyeuristic acts more than women.



kiwisub12 -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 8:33:04 AM)

OP - if the only thing you can do is fixate on the object of your desire when there are other things you need to be doing, then you are out of interest and into obsession. And considering the number of women (myself included) who wear low tops or short skirts, you are in danger of majorly loosing focus.

Perhaps you need to condition yourself out of obsession - try snapping a rubber band on your wrist whenever you start to obsess. The sharp pain may break the thought thread......

or maybe you need to get over yourself and turn your attention to something else. Of course , what you describe sounds something like a gambler talking about their addiction. "the next race," or "the next scratchoff" ... do you have an addictive personality?



singlemaltlady -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 9:18:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium
That's kind of why I'm asking the question. It seems that there's something wrong with me.


You should trust your instincts about yourself.

Most women find leering to be a violation, much like you would feel if someone stepped on your foot on purpose. It's aggressive, hostile and antisocial. So, yeah, it seems clear that you either don't get that, or you just dislike women for the fear they instill in you. (that's why you are hyper-vigilant)

What others have called, "creepy," I will call, "rape-y." You have described a rapist's mindset. This is quite different from a voyeurism kink or an objectification kink - because it violates the rights of others (women are NOT giving you consent to invade their lives with that kind of supremely selfish energy). You have to have a conversation to gain consent. This is not what you are experiencing.

I almost always laugh at the hubris of those who suggest therapy for strangers online but I'm joining that crowd now. I think your suffering is far deeper than you describe. It is delusional to "be" in the world as an energy of violation while telling yourself that you really want to give pleasure to anyone but yourself. It will take a lot of work to heal. I hope that you decide to be a different energy in the world, both for your sake and for the sake of all others.

This is a decision you will have to make.

If you care about how you affect others, then you will have to change and to do that, you have to want to.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 10:02:29 AM)

I never have that reaction to a man's body, unless I fancy him, and then I objectify the hell out of them. It's not that women aren't visual, it's just that sometimes, as in my case, the visual comes after the mental. First I fancy them, then I find them physically attractive. If I don't know a guy, I couldn't tell you whether I found him attractive or not - it's not about flat stomachs or ripped chests, it's about him having a certain sexual, tactile personality that turns me on.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 10:31:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium

What confuses me is whether I'm just weird, or if a lot of others strongly desire to lick another's body where they show it.



Ummmm, yeah, I'd have to say that you're weird.

We all lust a bit when we see attractive people. That's normal. But what you describe crosses way over into Creepyville.

I hope you are able to stop yourself from glaring at the objects of your lust. I'm sure that some of them are aware that you're looking at them, and they may feel like they're being visually raped. That's not cool.



OsideGirl -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 11:43:43 AM)

OP, you should probably think about talking to a counselor. You're fixated and it is impacting things outside your sex life, which means it's an issue.




TigressLily -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 12:29:27 PM)

Quickie Diagnosis: Your horniness is out of control. Get a grip of yourself. (Not that kind of grip.) While you're indulging yourself obsessively & compulsively, you aren't going to attract the type of woman you so fervently desire. Women do sense when they're being leered at and unless the attraction is mutual, we'll dismiss you as the perv you are acting like. [:'(] Huge turn-off. Not only that, no woman wants to be with a man who constantly leers at other women. [sm=angry.gif] I also get the impression that you are not being remotely discreet, and your (passive) conduct is très ungentlemanly, to say the least. Strike three. Actually, you never made it up to bat in the first place; you're still benched.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium

... I doubt many women feel the same way about cocks.
{We don't, with a few exceptions. I know I don't. If I were to fantasize about a man's cock, it wouldn't be with that activity in mind. It would also be person-specific, not some stranger.}

I wonder if women feel the same say about a man, say, in shorts (or a kilt?).
{No. Again, only with a few exceptions in females. If an extremely attractive guy were in swimming trunks (not a speedo, that's a turn-off for me cuz then the guy is trying to show off his junk, which is probably unimpressive to begin with), I might have a fleetingly brief urge to squeeze his cheeks.}

What confuses me is whether I'm just weird, or if a lot of others strongly desire to lick another's body where they show it.
{This would be more a male thing, depending on one's level of mental self-control, which you have permitted in yourself to become unbridled; this is something you should have gotten a handle on soon after you reached puberty. Wanting to lick has to do with an oral fixation. Not bad in and of itself, but your mental impulse control is poor.}

This is getting complicated to explain, but, this desire doesn't happen as much if the woman, for example, is in rollers and a house dress running errands at the grocery store. {You don't say.}

It happens, to me, when a woman is "dressed up", and, in particular, that usually means a skirt, lipstick, heels, etc....
{If you had the kind of sexual imagination, properly controlled or reigned in, that would make you a good lover, you could get turned on no matter how your partner looked in outward appearance. You are overloaded toward external stimuli, without having the ability to invoke internal stimuli. I'll bet you don't want your partner to hold to the same standards, do you? because I'm sure you don't look like a male model yourself. Your objectification is one-sided and self-serving.}

... do women (and other men) also feel like ripping the clothes off someone dressed sexily in order to pleasure them with their lingual abilities?
{No. Speaking for myself. This part I find the creepiest of all. It isn't at all directed toward one woman who is the object of your affection, but to any female crossing your path who catches your eye(s). That other one, too, the one-eyed snake.}


Yeah, what Roch said: "... they may feel like they're being visually raped. That's not cool." No, not cool by any stretch of the imagination.

{Edited for color coding}



DesFIP -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 12:37:54 PM)

Have you ever been in a satisfying relationship. If so, then were you still fixating on other women or not?

If yes, then I'd almost classify this as a form of sex addiction.

If not, then you need to learn to deal with this before you go out into public. Because the more you're like this, the less likely you come across as a good guy someone would like to date. Which will just prolong the problem.



theshytype -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 12:56:08 PM)

While I feel fantasizing about a stranger or checking them out is "normal", you take it to such a degree that not only seems creepy but also unhealthy. The way you've described it sounds as though it interferes with your ability to accomplish daily tasks. That's a problem.

I don't know how many times I've seen an attractive man in public and fantasized about him, but it never interfered with what I was doing.



LadyPact -> RE: How do men and women treat the same situation (diferently)? (10/27/2013 1:20:02 PM)

To answer your original question, OP, no. I really don't have the impulse to leer or fondle somebody just by looks alone. I'm not prone to be that way. If My mind isn't engaged or there isn't an emotional attachment in some way, someone will barely register on My radar.

The responses that you've received on this thread were quite good. Everything from what RedM said about the reason you have this particular issue to kiwi nailing it by using the word obsession. If I recall correctly, on another thread you mentioned the length of the period of time that you haven't been engaging in sex (and have not engaged in kink) and it was rather extensive. In some people, what we don't have that we want so desperately becomes an unhealthy obsession. The very lack of it can make some people focus on it more and more, which contributes to the cycle of making it worse and become an obstacle to obtaining the very thing that they want so much. You probably don't see it, OP, but you could very well be projecting this vibe that women pick up on and it might be contributing to your lack of success with women. Every woman on this board can tell you that they know/have known somebody that they consider "creepy dude" and it's not always because of something they say or do. It's just the energy that they have about them that makes women want to stay away. In other words, you are being your own worst enemy.

As another poster said, I'm not much one for advising folks for therapy based on a single post but I've got a feeling that you could benefit with some help. I don't think you are doing yourself any favors. You do come across as socially awkward (based on various threads, not just this one) and I have to wonder if what you've said on this thread also has a part in that. If you are coming across in real life as creepy the way you've done here, you may want to consider what can be done to alleviate that problem. Unless, of course, you would like to continue exactly the way things are.



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