RE: very new

RE: very new (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

kalikshama -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 5:26:43 AM)
quote: I am mildly learning disabled and dyslexic I sometimes see and write thing backswards and so what I cant spell I have shunt to take water off my brain but I am still no different then u able to every thing u do iam normal maybe a little slow but I don't put people down bwfore I ask them why it is they do thing they do and even then I don't do it it is not right I was in ld classes and been dealing with bullys my whole life so next time please have a little more kindness to email someone frist before u call them out in a public way I am a kind and care and forgiveing person who try her best to be normal my master understands I am sorry if u don't like the way I am I wont post on here no more if I am going to be called out and backed in to a corner and have to tell people I am disable and be judged I had to deal with has a kid but I should not have to go throw it as adult please understand that I am still human I live life the same way u do I have cp also but I don't let it stop me for being in this life When you ask a question like "How do I remember all these rules?" that fact that you are mildly learning disabled and dyslexic is a crucial bit of information. If you could provide a list of the rules, I am sure you will be able to get much better advice.

lizi -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 5:44:31 AM)
There's a lot going on here, for now I'll stick with the biggest obstacle I see which is you being sensitive to your disabilities. They're there, they aren't going anywhere, it's just part of your makeup. Everyone has things on their plate, we all have our own unique collection of traits, abilities, and things we will never be able to do. This is all pertinent information for how we navigate life. If someone who didn't know me or couldn't see me told me to go be a professional tennis player, I'd have to tell them that I'm too old for that to work, I'm not very fast, I have an old elbow injury that prevents me from using a tennis racket, and I don't even know the rules of the game. I know it's not that simple for you to be accepting with the types of problems that you have, and that you have a lifetime of people judging you unfavorably to overcome, and yet you have to be able to stop being so sensitive about this and put it aside so you can move on. First of all, your own feelings about it are preventing you from communicating clearly with others and telling them about your situation. No one can give you tips or tricks unless they know what might work for you. If people were all the same, then it might work to have one standard set of tips, but they aren't. If someone I couldn't see asked me for tricks on how to open their kitchen cupboards I might suggest a lot of things but I don't know if they can't reach them (get a stool), can't see them (get glasses), finding it hard to open them (oil the hinges), etc. Secondly, your avoidance of accepting your issues is preventing you from going to the one person who might be able to help you for fear looking dumb. This man is your partner, he's in this together with you. You are preventing him from being a Master if you are keeping things from him, he can't lead the two of you effectively unless he knows what is going on. If you truly want this lifestyle as much as you say, then you'll have to do something we call transparency. Which is to tell your man what is going on with you, what you're having trouble with, what you enjoy, how you feel about all of it, and then let him help to solve what is going on with the two of you. It's simply not your burden to carry alone. He's there in the home with you, it seems as though he cares for you. Which means he's accepted you as you are. How about you accepting yourself?

LadyPact -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 5:50:00 AM)
OP, I've got a few suggestions for you. The first one is to create a sig line for your posts. Have it say something like "I have dyslexia and other learning disabilities, so please keep that in mind when I post." You can't expect other people to know why you have trouble communicating on a written forum if you don't tell them. The second one is said, not to discourage you from posting, but I do think it's more realistic. If you aren't talking to the person you're in this relationship with for the fear of "sounding dumb," I think you've got a problem there that is more important than your writing style. You're not giving him the information that he needs so that he can find alternative methods for you to learn the rules or reduce the number of them that you have. When your first idea is to come here, rather than talk to the other person, you're already losing the battle. Third, I don't know if one or both of you need (or if it would even work, considering your personal disabilities) a piece of paper and a pen but if it were Me, I'd probably start writing things down. You're not really telling us what kind of "rules" you are struggling with or what they pertain to. You have a thought that 'comes up' when a friend comes over but don't remember it when the person you're in the relationship comes home. If you've got a "don't speak unless spoken to rule," you need to be prepared for when you are talking together. Fourth, I may have missed it, but I still didn't see what kind of rules you are talking about, so it's very hard to give advice on that. If you're forgetting simple things after living together for a year, it's probably frustrating for both of you.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 9:55:03 AM)
Shorty You say one of the things you have a problem with is 'not speaking unless spoken to'. Can you tell me more about this rule? Is this just at certain times, when he wants some quiet, or all of the time? It seems to me that this would be a very difficult rule for anyone to follow all the time. When you live together, there are lots of things that need to be talked about all the time. 'What do you want for dinner?' 'Did we remember to put the trash out?' 'Mind if I watch my show?' Not to mention that naturally we want to talk to bond with each other. If this is a rule that you can never speak unless spoken to, I can imagine that being very hard to obey all the time and still have a normal relationship. How do you feel about this rule? Does he know how you feel? Your other problem is that sometimes you get distracted when your friends come round. Two questions: What are you supposed to be doing? and How often are your friends coming round? I wonder if you can fix this by doing your tasks at a time when you know you wont have visitors, or telling your friend that she needs to call before she comes round. If you know when she is coming, you can have all your work done before she arrives, then it won't matter if you get distracted. If you have a task that needs to be done late in the day, set an alarm on your phone to beep. It's not rude to say to your friend 'excuse me, I need to start dinner now'. You say that you only ever bring these things up when he is in a bad mood. Is he in a bad mood often? If something is worrying you, he needs to be there to listen to you. Saying 'I'm in a bad mood' isn't very grown up of him. As a one off, I could understand it because we all have bad days, but if he never wants to talk because he's always in the wrong mood, then he isn't doing his share of the work in making the relationship successful. If he says this all the time, perhaps you need to tell him that he needs to set a time aside for you to talk to him - ask him to be specific and tell you a time you can talk, and make sure he sticks to it. You also said you found it hard to talk to him. If you're going to live with this guy, you need to be able to talk. I'm also surprised that he isn't trying to talk to you about it - if you were my sub I'd like to think that I would notice you were struggling and try to help. If you find it hard to get everything out, maybe you could write it down. It seems like written communication is hard for you, but maybe you could write down what you are thinking, put it away and then read it the next day and see if it still makes sense to you. If it does, give it to him and ask him to read it so he knows what is worrying you. If he isn't willing to work with you on fixing these things, that's a big red flag. As I said before, you should be working as a team.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 10:18:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders If he isn't willing to work with you on fixing these things, that's a big red flag. As I said before, you should be working as a team. ^^^^ This. In a nutshell ^^^^ Plus, everything that has been said by all the other posters. It seems to me, even making allowance for your condition, your 'master'(??) is asking things of you that you cannot and are unable to do. The list of rules?? Why are there soo many that you can't remember them? Not speaking unless spoken to? That's ok for a scene, not for reality. Those are just two simple examples of where your dom/master (lower case deliberate) is being totally unrealistic and unreasonable. To me, unless you are being deliberately ubtuse and obstructing the general proceedings, your man is certainly not a dom or a master of any degree beyond a complete asshat. As for 'sounding dumb', the only dumb question is the one not being asked!! And according to OP, they have been living with their SO for a year? Seriously, this relationship needs to be sorted pronto or for OP to get out of it before any real harm is done.

shorty123 -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 6:33:51 PM)
I am sorry chatteparfaitt I must have miss understood u post I am very sorry I don't want to bleam u for something u did not do or some thing I took the worng way the reason I post on here at all is I was thinking maybe there was tips I could get from other subs/ slaves on making it a little easy on me I try to answer everyones questions I have gotten some good tips on here already that have help me get everything going alittle better I have got my master to write them down and give me some kind of look when thing good to far I do a sure every one one that not of my disabletiy stop me from enjoying bdsm and my master take care not to take him punishment too far but now I have one more question my master want another slave too is this a good thing or a bad thing I do not know he has also cut the rules from ten to alittle less he said if I want to talk to him just make sure he eats frist and is well rested

shorty123 -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 6:45:30 PM)
ahenasurrenders my master wants the house clean his cloths washed and no dishes in the sink when he gets home and his dinner ready and on some days he he may ask to other thing n top of that I just started school again to make my computer skills better and my master is in a bad when when he works because da job sucks and they are cutting his hours we have talked last night and he is willingto work with me as much as he can my friends come over almost every day the don't speak unless spoke to was before last night an all time thing be for now it is just when he ha friends over and when he frist gets home from work

shorty123 -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 6:53:41 PM)
kalikshma I don't tell people I am disabled because they want to treat me different and I don't feel different some of the rules are 1. don't speak unless spoken to tis is the hardist one for me has this my frist bdsm relationship and I have always spoke my mind 2. my master pick out my outfits 3.i what the master wants he gets there are more I know it but drawing a blank right now

shorty123 -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 7:02:02 PM)
lizi I am sorry I was forth coming about my disability some times I am not sure so let my take u throw what I am really needing ok the biggest rule I have trouble with is don't speak unless spoke to how to do I stop my self from just saying what on my mind can I ask master to give me a look or is that out of line

shorty123 -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 7:13:07 PM)
ladypact ok frist none of diableity stop me from writeing when I write I can still understand it even if other cant I do not tell people about them for many reasons and I now have the rules written down thing are getting better and I have said before that I am new to bdsm this is my frist relationship like this so I don't know what I can say to the master and what I cant if I can I wanted to come on here to see how other people do something and last night I did brake down and talked to him the rule I have the most trouble with is not speaking un less spoken to I do have that as a rule or have u every can u tell me how u stopped ur self from saying what ever came to mind when u had that rule

shorty123 -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 7:18:03 PM)
freedomdwarfl my master would never hurt me we talked last night and we are going to only use that rule for sometime but not all the times

lizi -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 7:19:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shorty123 lizi I am sorry I was forth coming about my disability some times I am not sure so let my take u throw what I am really needing ok the biggest rule I have trouble with is don't speak unless spoke to how to do I stop my self from just saying what on my mind can I ask master to give me a look or is that out of line Thank you for responding. I wasn't sure i understood you when you explained this rule earlier, he has this rule in place when he has friends over and when he first gets home from work? If that isn't correct, can you please explain what this rule is exactly? Is is in place all the time, you are never supposed to speak to him first? Or just sometimes. I have to say, to me, this is not a rule I would be interested in having in a relationship. Since all relationships are composed of two people, they both have input into how their relationship is run. You do not have to accept everything his way, sometimes there may be things he needs to adapt to suit you better. If not speaking first is a hard rule for you to keep, maybe the two of you should discuss whether or not it's important enough for him to keep it when you aren't being successful. He should want you to succeed. Sometimes that means rules get changed or tossed out.

lizi -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 7:21:28 PM)
Shorty, is your master also disabled?

shorty123 -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 7:22:24 PM)
every one that rule is now only being used some times only speak when spoken to I told him it was un fair to me not to be able to talk and he agreed he thought it was fun for me cause I gess in his past relationsips they liked it but when that rule is in play it is still hard for me to stop myself from saying whats on my mind

lizi -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 7:30:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shorty123 every one that rule is now only being used some times only speak when spoken to I told him it was un fair to me not to be able to talk and he agreed he thought it was fun for me cause I gess in his past relationsips they liked it but when that rule is in play it is still hard for me to stop myself from saying whats on my mind I'm glad he changed this rule to only being sometimes, I'd talk with him again because maybe it's not a good rule for the two of you to have as a couple at all. If you continually struggle with not communicating with him about important things already, and if you have a hard time following this rule, it doesn't seem productive for him to have it in place. It doesn't really matter if women in his past liked it, you don't, any you're with him now, the others are not?. I have never had this rule, I would never want it. I would tell anyone who was interested in me that if he wanted to continue with me, we'd have to not have that rule as part of our bargain with each other. I like communicating with my partner and I want to be able to feel free to do so. To me, communication is too important to stifle.

littlewonder -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 8:38:11 PM)
so basically he's basing his rules on his past partners which to me says he knows nothing about you. He just figures since they liked it you must too. You two really need to have a discussion and not just him talking. You need to tell him what's on your mind. And if he doesn't know you very well after living together for a year, maybe it's time to start from scratch and start dating again and learning about each other.

SweetAnise -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 8:57:06 PM)
shorty123 I think you're doing a great job speaking up for yourself and asking for your needs to be met. Also, I would speak to your master about bringing someone else into your relationship when you are still learning things. Although he is dominant- you are suppose to be in a relationship- you are important too. Finally, he should not be making rules based on his past experiences- how selfish of him. You are a completely different person with a different set of feelings. Keep asking questions and letting your voice be heard.

lizi -> RE: very new (11/2/2013 8:58:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Shorty, is your master also disabled? One more question as well, Shorty, how do you feel about him having another woman?

kalikshama -> RE: very new (11/4/2013 8:06:15 AM)
quote: I have one more question my master want another slave too is this a good thing or a bad thing I do not know I think he should master the slave he has (you) before he considers adding another one, and then take your feelings into you account. Would this be a good or bad thing for YOU?

LadyPact -> RE: very new (11/4/2013 8:48:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shorty123 ladypact the rule I have the most trouble with is not speaking un less spoken to I do have that as a rule or have u every can u tell me how u stopped ur self from saying what ever came to mind when u had that rule I don't have that rule. I'm a Dominant, not a submissive. I do know people who have that structure as a part of their dynamic. Some higher protocol people have it and it's more or less a "wait to be recognized" kind of thing where, if the s-type has something to say, the structure of their household says that they make themselves present (within eye range) of the Dominant, and the Dominant speaks first. Not any different than a high protocol function where a junior leatherman waits until the senior leatherman speaks first. It's not really that hard to do. Just kind of like waiting for your turn to talk, rather than interrupt somebody. quote: ORIGINAL: shorty123 but now I have one more question my master want another slave too is this a good thing or a bad thing I do not know On this part, I'm poly. Anybody coming into My life already knows that up front. If a person wanted monogamy or even expect to be My primary partner, they would be sadly disappointed. They would be more compatible with somebody else.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

4.882813E-02