What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave?

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What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? - 10/29/2013 10:57:49 AM

NewAgeAlice

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/26/2013
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I keep seeing people on CM listed as either Submissives or Slaves. I'm not sure if there's a difference, or if I should be concerned about whether I'm technically a slave or technically a submissive? I'm also not sure where to post this question, because anyone can answer it, regardless of Master/Domme/Submissive/Slave/Switch. Any help on figuring this out would be much appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:01:03 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I wouldn't be too concerned about where you fit within the definitions of others. As long you know which side of the kneel you're on.

Everyone has different definitions of what each is. (Personally, I don't believe in consensual slavery) So, really, it will come down to what you and partner decide you're comfortable with.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NewAgeAlice)

Post #: 2

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:02:01 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

You are what your dominant and you consider yourself to be.

I am a slave, based on the mutually agreed definition between Master and myself. Others might consider us to be Dominant/submissives, I'm sure others would think of us as kinky vanillas. We don't care - the only people whose opinion actually matters is ours.

Really, you are what you think you are. I would suggest though that you do some reading around the subject so that you can better form your own opinion as to the meanings of the labels. I'm sure some kind person will be on in a moment to provide a link to some useful reading materials.

Oh, and welcome to cm!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to NewAgeAlice)

Post #: 3

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:05:23 AM

Bstardsbitch1

Posts: 766
Joined: 4/23/2012
Status: offline

/\ /\ /\ What mos said.
This is us too, most people who meet us think I'm the dominant one

.
Don't matter a jot, what matters is what WE decided OUR relationship would look like to US.
That is all

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 4

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:05:58 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

It's not where you start that matters. Your label is just a starting place to open up conversations with another person who is more likely to be compatible with you. You have to start somewhere and you're already half-way by knowing that top, master and dominant aren't in the ballpark anyway.

Just start with submissive and if you want to change it to something else or drop everything later on, that's okay. If it makes you feel better about yourself to use a certain label, go ahead and use it. It's not a worry, nothing is set in stone and, you know, it's your story to write, your history you're living so do it the way you please unless and until you find someone who inspires you to do it the way they would please.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to NewAgeAlice)

Post #: 5

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:07:26 AM

Purrringkittykat

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Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Pigeon holes are for pigeons in my opinion............... everyone is different, each relationship is established on the individuals and not labels

(in reply to Bstardsbitch1)

Post #: 6

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:10:40 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Definitions of what is "submissive" versus what is "slave" vary greatly depending on who you ask. I think it really boils down to what YOU elect to define yourself as. At the end of the day, the only one who's opinion on this matters is yours. So figure you out and define yourself how you choose to. I think of labels as really just a starting point. They by no means make or break a person. But this is just how I personally see it.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 7

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:20:41 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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I've been in a relationship with a wonan for over two years now. She says she's a bottom and I say she's a submissive. The label is the least inportant psrt of the relationship.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 8

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:20:52 AM

Anuser

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/14/2013
Status: offline

Long story short: looks like no one is going to give you a straight answer. LOL (I don't know the difference myself and was curious to see what the consensus was.)

(in reply to NewAgeAlice)

Post #: 9

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:37:31 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

There unfortunately is no straight answer to give. I could call you whatever term du jour I use to define who you are (haven't looked at your profile to know anything about you), but just because I say you are that...does it make you that? I'm good and all that, but not that good

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 10/29/2013 11:38:44 AM >

(in reply to Anuser)

Post #: 10

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 11:43:05 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anuser

Long story short: looks like no one is going to give you a straight answer. LOL (I don't know the difference myself and was curious to see what the consensus was.)

There is no straight answer.

What I believe may not be what anyone else believes...and honestly, if someone tries to give you a definitive answer to apply to people outside of their own relationship, you probably want to question their experience level.

My personal view. There is no such thing as consensual slavery and therefore there is only submissive. But, I don't get to decide what others call themselves and if the label of "slave" makes them happy, then so be it.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Anuser)

Post #: 11

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 12:32:28 PM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline

A hot women I was once with said that the more limits you had, the more you were likely to be a submissive, rather than slave (and vice versa). Oversimplified, but at least medium in the ball park.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 12:34:02 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Here is a discussion of the subject that was on the forum just a few weeks ago. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4548494/tm.htm There are a few more contributions on that thread than you are receiving on this one.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 13

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 12:41:39 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

A hot women I was once with said that the more limits you had, the more you were likely to be a submissive, rather than slave (and vice versa). Oversimplified, but at least medium in the ball park.

Since D/s or M/s doesn't automatically include BDSM and level of kink does not signify the level of submission, I would find that description lacking.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/29/2013 12:43:51 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

Post #: 14

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 1:18:00 PM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline

Oside: Agreed.

But any slave/sub definition is either flat out wrong or runs 100 internet pages -and is still wrong.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 15

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 1:25:54 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

In the vanilla world a slave is a person who is held to service to others without his consent.

In the BDSM community, a slave is a person who gets his jollies by calling himself a slave. A submissive is a person who gets his jollies by calling himself a submissive. Since holding a person to service without his consent is, in fact, illegal, that makes the "difference" between a BDSM slave and submissive entirely subjective, meaning there is no objective difference.

So, call yourself whatever you wish to call yourself. If somebody tells you you're not a "True (whatever)", laugh at him, walk away and go find some people who better understand the difference between fantasy and reality.

(in reply to NewAgeAlice)

Post #: 16

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 1:42:46 PM

Ilyrium

Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewAgeAlice
if I should be concerned about whether I'm technically a slave or technically a submissive?

Technically, a search for "submissive" finds far more people than a similar search for "slave", and, there is no search field for "They are Seeking" a slave, only for "Sub Women".

So, interestingly, that would logically mean that someone could find you (because there is an "Orientation" search field for "Slaves") but, YOU couldn't find THEM because there is no field for "They are Seeking" "Slave Women".

The closest, of course, is "Sub Women".

Why this is so, I don't know.

(in reply to NewAgeAlice)

Post #: 17

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 1:45:25 PM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewAgeAlice

I keep seeing people on CM listed as either Submissives or Slaves. I'm not sure if there's a difference, or if I should be concerned about whether I'm technically a slave or technically a submissive? I'm also not sure where to post this question, because anyone can answer it, regardless of Master/Domme/Submissive/Slave/Switch. Any help on figuring this out would be much appreciated.

In addition to the link for "Difference between sub and slave," you might want to also take a look at this thread: "Dominant/Submissive/Slave Permanent Service Foolishness" http://www.collarchat.com/m_4554874/tm.htm

IMO, a good rule of thumb is 1) If you have been in a Master/slave relationship in the past, you can choose whether to continue calling yourself a slave. Then you & your new Master can decide how best to define your relationship dynamic. For example, he may not like the idea of being called Master (simply Sir, Mister or Himself) as your Dom, in which case you would be his submissive. 2) If you have limited D/s experience, it's better to go by submissive than slave while you are uncollared. Some Doms may have the (mis)perception that slave means No Limits or 24/7 TPE, which you won't be ready for. They may even pressure you into signing one of those lame Master-slave contracts. In other words, don't box yourself in. It doesn't make you more desirable to call yourself a slave than a sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

There is no straight answer.

What I believe may not be what anyone else believes...and honestly, if someone tries to give you a definitive answer to apply to people outside of their own relationship, you probably want to question their experience level.

My personal view. There is no such thing as consensual slavery and therefore there is only submissive. But, I don't get to decide what others call themselves and if the label of "slave" makes them happy, then so be it.

I should perhaps mention that although I don't do slaves, there are males who put themselves forward as slaves when they have zero D/s experience and/or little to no BDSM experience. I find this almost laughable. A D/s relationship does not always include BDSM. There are kinksters who regularly engage in BDSM as Tops/bottoms without ever having had a D/s relationship dynamic. In fact, you may end up identifying more as a bottom like DarkSteven's girl instead of a sub, much less a slave.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to NewAgeAlice)

Post #: 18

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 5:31:37 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Here's the easiest way to know. Ask the person whose profile you are looking at, what they mean. It's the only way you will know.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to NewAgeAlice)

Post #: 19

RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a S... - 10/29/2013 6:12:09 PM

youthinkso121

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/18/2013
Status: offline

FR

Sub seems to be easy lay.
Slave seems to mean blow jobs and sex on demand.

Reality is another story!!!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 20

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