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Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 4:56:47 PM   
suggababy23


Posts: 73
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline 		I was wondering if anyone here has ever heard that they were too outspoken or that their personality was too bold for them to be a submissive.  I recently heard this from a man that I was very interested in serving and it really crushed me.  I am fairly new but I am very dedicated to learning and being trained to be a good submissive.  I admit that I dont have a docile or timid personality but when I dedicate myself to serving someone, I give them my all. I don't want to become a doormat but it's not my wish to try to overpower my dominant. Has anyone else heard this before? How did you handle it?
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 5:03:18 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		Dominance and submission are relative...find yourself a more "secure" and "dominant" Dom.  No worries - lots of us are smart and strong.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to suggababy23)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 5:09:33 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		To add (sorry - afterthought)... My "fiesty" nature is one of my attractions to my Dom ... am I a perfect sub?  Not at all!!!  But that is part of the fun...His teachings and us learning.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to babysburnin)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 5:14:02 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		I guess he was not the right Dom for you if he thinks that. I have a submissive nature but I'm also opinionated and cheeky at the right times. Master and I have a lot of fun together and I'm encouraged to have my own opinions and to express them. He has told me He had a sub once who was a doormat and He quickly lost interest because there was no challenge for Him.

(in reply to suggababy23)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 5:15:39 PM   
Aimtoplease101


Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline 		I think it's easy for people to confuse submissiveness with passivity (social or otherwise).  They are not the same thing.
However, some Dommes want their sub to follow "don't speak unless you're spoken to" type rules.  If that's the case, and if you really want to serve such a person, I suppose you need to change your social interaction pattern.

If you're naturally more assertive/ outspoken, but still submissive, you should look for a Domme who likes more given and take, conversationally or otherwise, with a sub.

Good luck-- ATP

_____________________________

Pleasing you pleases me.

(in reply to suggababy23)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 5:19:13 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		If it werent for my pet being uotspoken, I doubt I would have found him interesting enough to have stayed with.  Whether he always knows when it is appropriate or not, which he is getting better about... being outspoken is not a bad thing. I too have had boys that were nothing but furniture.  They were very dull, and usually didnt make it lnog before they were dismissed for someone who could actually keep me interested. The thing is, if a Master or Mistress doesnt want somene uotspoken, they have to make sure thats is clear early on in the relationship. That is one of those things that coul probably could learn to keep under wraps, if necessary.  But you might also wonder why a Master or Mistress would be threatened bya  sub with their own opinions... well, I would wonder anyway. I know my position and so does my boy.  Whether we aregue a point, or he agrees with my every word... ther is never a question of what our relationship is.

My 2 cents
DV

(in reply to Rayne58)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 5:23:11 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: suggababy23

I was wondering if anyone here has ever heard that they were too outspoken or that their personality was too bold for them to be a submissive.  I recently heard this from a man that I was very interested in serving and it really crushed me.  I am fairly new but I am very dedicated to learning and being trained to be a good submissive.  I admit that I dont have a docile or timid personality but when I dedicate myself to serving someone, I give them my all. I don't want to become a doormat but it's not my wish to try to overpower my dominant. Has anyone else heard this before? How did you handle it?


Not everyone gets it right the first go around...not everyone gets it right the second, third or fourth go around.

Don't worry about this guy.  And don't feel sorry for yourself because you didn't meet his expectations.

Feel sorry for the one who didn't see the real you because of preconcieved notions about what should and shouldn't be...wouldn't invest in what he/she expected, willingly lived through the errors that are natural at any stage...and left before they discovered the jewel inside.

(in reply to suggababy23)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 5:33:04 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I was once told i don't have the personality of a submissive. It didn't crush me, as you say yours did. I know who and what i am, and the opinion of one dominant wasn't going to change my mind.

I started a thread that posed a similar question. Personality does not dictate whether you're submissive or dominant.

I tend to be outspoken and opinionated, but i'm only that way outside of my life with Master. Though sometimes i can be outspoken with him, but i understand that it's a privelage he's giving me to be that way.

Anyway, got a little off topic there.  Don't be discouraged if a dominant says you don't have the personality of a submissive. Just move on. Do you really want a dominant who can't look past your 'vanilla personality'?

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 5:33:48 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		I am very outspoken and no where near politically correct about it either.  This is just one of the things that Thorns loves about me.  I speak how i feel...right or wrong, and i believe in brutal honesty.  Here is where i tend to get into trouble with "others".  I clash alot with other people, that's ok though.  What matters in the end is what Thorns thinks.  He has no problem in telling me if i need to correct how i stated something, how i said something to another person and need to clarify it in better words.
I have had people for years tell me the same thing you are stating......don't worry about it.....be yourself.  There are Dominants out there that will take the time to know who YOU are.

~smilezz~

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(in reply to suggababy23)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 5:40:22 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I learned something a few years back. Intellecually, I require a match. You see, it's a GOOD thing to have someone who can keep up. Who can offer me things I may miss..That's not being better than me-that's called service.

Now there ARE ways to venture opinions nicely-and I appreciate her having the tact to not try to push my buttons needlessly. Endless drama in communication makes me want to avoid it. I'm usually NOT so dense that I need to be bludgeoned to get my attention-only on occasion.

I have had dull, passive girls-and they may have been great for others-but they simply didn't offer me the stimulation I crave in a relationship. A little resistance is fun, as long as it doesn't cross the line into "asshole country".

After all, that's MY job, and I tend to resent having the rug pulled out from under me! But getting back to the op-being outspoken is just fine- just be sure to have something of value TO speak about.

(in reply to suggababy23)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 6:37:01 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

I was once told i don't have the personality of a submissive. It didn't crush me, as you say yours did.


(Hmmmm....I seem to have missed where I said that)

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 7/2/2006 6:38:09 PM >

(in reply to litleone8620)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 6:43:40 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		People will tell you that you aren't a "true sub" based on anything they think they can use as leverage against you, usually to shame you into getting what they want.

Decide what works for you, not what someone is trying to shame you into accepting.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 7/2/2006 6:44:11 PM >

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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 7:00:44 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		 
Don't fall for that bullshit suggababy. Having an opnion and being a independant living thinking adult does not mean you can not do submission. It just means the one who told you so was not the right one for you

(in reply to suggababy23)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 7:02:34 PM   
aellea


Posts: 91
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		oh it will be a sad day for me if the rule becomes law that submissives cannot be opinionated.  guess at that time i'd hafta do something drastic as that is part of me that cannot be eradicated... i've tried and it just won't budge!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 7:06:00 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		fast reply...........
Oh Lord if I've heard that once, I've heard it a million times.  Dont let it get you down, just look at it as they dont have what it takes to be your Dom!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to aellea)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 7:24:59 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		You be you. You don't have to change to fit any certain critiria to be a submissive. I'm a submissive and I can be very outspoken and even sassy and teasing and I am well accepted in my local community by Doms, subs and all. In fact, many of the subs/slaves I know are the same. I am blessed with good friends on both sides of the flogger and all I am is me and I am fully accepted as me. There are Doms and so called Doms who will tell you you aren't submissive enough, etc. You have to find who you fit with, not change to fit them. Ignore those who tell you you aren't submissive enough, aren't a "true" submissive, etc. Either they aren't right for you and you them, or they are trying to manipulate you to be what they want.

< Message edited by SweetSarijane -- 7/2/2006 7:26:06 PM >

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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 7:55:18 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		I am me and i am smart enough to have opinions lol.  I am also smart enough to know not all Doms will like that about me and as a result we will not have a relationship.  I am submissive when i need to be, cheeky and sassy when the time is right and i will say that no one besides myself can determine if i am submissive or not.  They can only decide i am not submissive enough for them.  So there lol i am me and actually seem to have more that like me as me than if i tried to be quiet without opinions.  It is kinda like not getting a kiss or a cigarette after sex if you can't talk what else do you do?


(in reply to SweetSarijane)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 8:04:50 PM   
cheshireboy


Posts: 217
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline 		if submissives were not outspoken and self aware and self assured in who they are, then what would be the fun of voice restrictions?  ~just smiles~

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 8:30:54 PM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

Dominance and submission are relative...find yourself a more "secure" and "dominant" Dom.  No worries - lots of us are smart and strong.

I have to agree 100 percent. I know many subs (including myself) that are witty, outspoken, and strong. It takes alot of strength to surrender and trust another human being the way subs do. My belief is that a good Dom nutures who you already are........and brings out the best in a sub.........Perhaps you need a Dom who wants you to be who you are...and admires you for those qualities.
Warmly
Irish


_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to babysburnin)
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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 8:31:07 PM   
Hercuckslave


Posts: 103
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline 		i have found the the most submissive people also tend to be the strongest people.  slaves and subs tend to be strong, outgoing, people of action.  natural leaders in their day to day lives.  for some the submission they seek is a balance.  i can only speak for myself here, but for me, my slavery is who i am in the deepest part of my soul.  i think my outgoing, assertive, "dominant" day to day personality is the balance.  for lack of a better word, compensating. 

M's m

(in reply to suggababy23)
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