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RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 8:44:20 PM

Seawolf3465

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline

Keep in mind that you have to treat it like a dating relationship or a job. Its not let them pick you and be glad for what you get, take a part in the decision process. If you do not like someone then by all means just walk away. You see alot of Trolls that are looking for a female to use and to be their personal slut doll to do with as they please. He probably knew that you were too much to handle and that he couldn't pull anything over on you.
As for me personally any toys that I play with have to have a mind of their own and input into the relationship. I get bored very fast and if this is all that you have common between you guys it isn't going to work in the long term. I don't like to play with doormats, however I do know other Dommes that only like to play with them since they will roll over and do whatever. That isn't my thing, give me a cheeky boy and the better to keep him in line. It's sort of like ahh fishing..if you can scoop them into the boat what fun is that... A bit of fight in the fish.. gives the rush..

(in reply to cheshireboy)

Post #: 21

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/2/2006 8:53:57 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I hear this all the time because I can be quite outspoken. And then I'll hear someone else say that because I'm a service submissive, they're not interested in me because they don't need another doormat.

It can become really frustrating sometimes.

(in reply to suggababy23)

Post #: 22

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 12:46:10 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I got an e-mail asking me "And what skills do you bring to the table?"

I responded "I am an accomplished smart ass"

I never heard from him again. I guess that's not a skill he was seeking.

There will always be those who seek to change you into the kind of sub they are looking for, or try to make you feel as if you are flawed because you are not right for them.

(in reply to Hercuckslave)

Post #: 23

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 4:29:12 AM

kinkiminx

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/5/2005
From: Brighton, Sussex, UK
Status: offline

What an asshole. Don't worry I get this a lot, what he meant was that he wasn't strong enough to take you on as a sub, not that you're too strong to be one!
There is no such thing as "the right personality for a sub", only as the right sub for each Dom and vice-versa. Docile or timid doesn't mean submissive. Personally, I'm assertive confident and everything but docile and timid, but though single at the moment did have a wonderful D/s relationship where I really did give my all. It just takes a certain type of Dom, and a certain type of person.
Just because one Dom wants a doormat, it doesn't give him the right to decide if you're a sub or not.

(in reply to suggababy23)

Post #: 24

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 6:28:00 AM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i'm outspoken and stubborn but that's only my behavior outside(and sometimes inside)my role as sub ...being an army brat and only child for a very time does that to you only because i love getting my way. however to me - it's more exciting to have someone telling me what to do and how to do for him

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to suggababy23)

Post #: 25

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 7:14:46 AM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

fast reply:

I think we have all heard this at some point. The second you say no to something.. you are no longer a sub.. or a slave. If you were one..you would do it..and all of that crap that I am sure most of us remember from our teenage dating years (if you loved me, you would).

There is no "right" way to be... that I have learned..that is the good thing about it is there is a variety .. so something and someone for each person. I am not a doormat..but I will serve the best I can..because I want to please and make happy. I am not afraid to say what I want though.. I am respectful about it.. as long as I am getting that in return.

When they would start in on that crap.. I would just write back.. "very mature"... or I would totally agree..and say.. "yes, i suppose you are right".. they never had anything to say back..which I liked even better..they expect you to argue.. or to just give in.. but..this is my way of being a smartass..and they know it.. it pisses them off more..and I quite enjoy that... the bit of a sadist that I am.

~Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to mymasterssub69)

Post #: 26

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 10:00:21 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

fast reply....

I have to say i agree with irish it takes strength to totally submit to another. As to being outspoken that is me and i also tease a lot even though Master tells me it i am going to far. This Dom was not a right fit for you it seems he wanted a doormat. My and from reading the other posts Master likes a sub/slave they can talk with. I know it is hard but keep searching there is a perfect fit out there for you. Best of luck in your search.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to HisTicia)

Post #: 27

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 10:11:45 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Each one of us has to have our own litmus test. Personally, if someone tells me I'm not submissive because of A, B, or C, then I pretty well have to chalk them up to the ever growing pile of dead bodies behind the house. What I mean is, that person isn't MY idea of a dominant, because my dominant would never say such a thing to me or anyone else.

You are the only one that can decide if someone is "real" or not, to judge if someone behaves like someone you could obey. The decision of what you are, who you are, is up to you. Not a stranger.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 28

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 10:28:36 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101
I think it's easy for people to confuse submissiveness with passivity (social or otherwise). They are not the same thing.

However, some Dommes [and Doms] want their sub to follow "don't speak unless you're spoken to" type rules. If that's the case, and if you really want to serve such a person, I suppose you need to change your social interaction pattern.

If you're naturally more assertive/ outspoken, but still submissive, you should look for a Domme [or Dom] who likes more given and take, conversationally or otherwise, with a sub.

Good luck-- ATP

brackets & bolding are mine

Well said! ...I thought it bore repeating...

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 29

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 10:33:32 AM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: suggababy23

I was wondering if anyone here has ever heard that they were too outspoken or that their personality was too bold for them to be a submissive. I recently heard this from a man that I was very interested in serving and it really crushed me. I am fairly new but I am very dedicated to learning and being trained to be a good submissive. I admit that I dont have a docile or timid personality but when I dedicate myself to serving someone, I give them my all. I don't want to become a doormat but it's not my wish to try to overpower my dominant. Has anyone else heard this before? How did you handle it?

oh boy... I used to get this all the time...

I handled it by just being Me...'
*waits for the shock to wear off and the effects of the sarcasm to set in*

Ok.... now that I'm done being an ass....

yes, being around the Gorean side of things for quite some time now, I've heard this complaint -towards- girls on damn near a regular basis... sometimes it rings true... some aren't just submissive (at least in My opinion)... however, just because you don't fall at someones feet and kiss their toes... or you have strong feelings and valid opinions and state them (respectfully, I hope).. certainly doesn't mean that your -not- submissive...

It merely means you're not the right submissive for them.
Keep looking... because you never know who's watching you from afar... wishing they had some steel around your neck, girl.

well wishes,
T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to suggababy23)

Post #: 30

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 1:22:38 PM

KarbonCopy

Posts: 779
Status: offline

Naw never heard this before.

Far as the world is concerned I"m the perfect submissive, I'm never outspoken, or resiliant to follow a command.

LOL!

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I am KarbonCopy's signature

(in reply to Hercuckslave)

Post #: 31

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 2:03:00 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
If it werent for my pet being uotspoken, I doubt I would have found him interesting enough to have stayed with.

Well said and an attitude I definatly share. I don't just want a piece of meat, I want a person and I want her to REMAIN being an interesting person whilst in my collar. My girl can be outspoken and sometimes headstrong.... good, but she knows where *I* have set the bounderys, knows what *I* consider appropriate and in the rare cases she misses the mark on where those lines are, a look, a change in tone of voice, a word.... any/all is enough. She has given herself to me, headstrong or not, she wants to serve me, make me happy.

OP, stick with it, there are plenty Dominants like that out there. You will find one who is compatable and who will accept you for who you are.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 32

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 2:53:19 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Docile is something I'm not very good at either. I'm outspoken and very opinionated. My Dom told me the other day that he would like to see me a bit more docile, but that he in no way wants to change who I am. He likes me feisty and even a bit of a SAM from time to time. It's a balance I think many of submissives have to learn. We are strong people who have this need to submit. It's bizarre yet normal.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 33

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 3:07:57 PM

reticence

Posts: 180
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline

I can be as outspoken and as assertive as anyone. But it is not how I self-identify. I have control over how I present. I am amused sometimes that being polite, respectful, and in control of one's tongue is taken for doormatism or timidity.

I have found through the years that one gets much more flies with honey than with vinegar. It is not mine to correct the world, to always have to be right, to argue every point when I perceive another to be wrong. I feel it in no way detracts from my intelligence to be a listener, to let others speak unhampered, and to let many things go unchallenged. I certainly have enough things wrong with me that need my time and attention that I dont find it necessary to indict everyone else for their character flaws.
One can be intelligent, confident, and articulate AND not feel that her toes are stepped all over when s/he defers to another.

There is nothing wrong with being outspoken, stubborn, and all those other things, but just because one does not choose to be that way, does not mean they are any less of a capable, independent person. It is all about how you choose to present yourself to the world.

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 34

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 3:11:39 PM

seekerofwisdom

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/17/2005
Status: offline

I get that ALL the time--one guy said I was "too haughty" to be a real submissive, another said that anyone with my attitude had to be dominant, or at least a switch. I used to let this bother me, but the truth is, nobody else gets to decide whether I'm submissive, just me. If they couldn't handle me, then clearly, they were not the right dominants for me. Talk about easily threatened! LOL Don't let this bother you at all.

(in reply to suggababy23)

Post #: 35

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 3:42:39 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

This has been a good thread for me to read because, while I can be opinionated, I've always instinctively been able to read people pretty well, and if there is someone I like I can end up swallowing my opinion or not saying what I think because I assume they would not like it, and that is probably wrong (and maybe the opposite of what they'd want).

This is probably an old defense mechanism of some sort and maybe I should get over it. They probably could see through it anyway, maybe.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to seekerofwisdom)

Post #: 36

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 3:49:06 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I got an e-mail asking me "And what skills do you bring to the table?"

I responded "I am an accomplished smart ass"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

"YEAH Baby!!!" (said in my best Austin Powers voice)

(joke 'em if they can't take a f**k)

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 37

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 3:52:42 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TolerableCruelty

Keep looking... because you never know who's watching you from afar...

True in sales, true in any business, all the more so in Ds.

Excellent point. (Best comment I've seen on this subject so far).

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 38

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 4:02:10 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

Littlepita, this may come across as unusual in that we're both subs but...I've been staring at the photo of your feet for days now (well, not actually the entire time...a lot of the time though {I didn't sleep more than 2 hours last night thanks to those damn things actually)...anyway...) and I was thinking, I'd very much be interested in marrying your feet.

You have to use them occasionally to kick some ass, and frankly that's dominant enough for me (it's a start at least).

Now, I'm not thinking of anything kinky or socially unnacceptable like having my feet marry your feet (that would be silly), but since you're a sub we'll have to work out something for the rest of you (which by the way {the rest of you} is welcome to join us {me, and your feet}...but it is in fact your feet I'm considering here...let's be clear).

It was just an idea I had.

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 39

RE: Too outspoken to be a submissive? - 7/3/2006 4:19:04 PM

untamedshysub

Posts: 220
Joined: 2/26/2005
Status: offline

only weak people need to make others feel small by belittling who they are. Be true to yourself because in the end that is all you have. You have to look yourself in the mirror every day. Do you want to like what you see, or see the Ghost of who you were?

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 40

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