Before the Internet Arrived... (Full Version)

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anthrosub -> Before the Internet Arrived... (7/2/2006 10:20:02 PM)

...how did people find others?  I'm not sure if this has ever been asked outright as a topic but I'm curious.  When I was much younger, "whips and chains" was a synonym for perversion and so I kept my interests to myself.  In past vanilla relationships, I would try to introduce some ideas that hinted at it but as I got closer to the core principles, my partners would always express disgust.  The only thing they did like was playful bondage.
 
But I knew there were people out there engaging in BDSM activities.  Even so, I always accepted that whoever they were, they must be privy to some secret society and go to places akin to a speakeasy to mingle.  Places I had no idea how to find out about and nobody I knew anywhere gave any impression they had a similar interest.
 
So how was it done?  Did it rely on a person being lucky enough to say something to a friend or coworker who happened to be a practioner who would in turn take the remark as a sign it was okay to tell the person where they might be able to find others?  Was there meeting places like munches and groups like the Black Rose?
 
I'm sure many people started practicing BDSM spontaneously within relationships that started out as vanilla.  I count them as the lucky ones and that's likely still happening today.  But for those of us on the outside, the Internet has essentially turned out to be a decoy of sorts.  One would think sites like this would be full of those who are seeking others but as we all know, that's probably only about 25% of the membership.  The rest are playing, testing the waters, trying to learn about something they are too afraid to go out and try in person, wanking, etc.
 
I would also like to point out that over the years, I have learned that this lifestyle is not solely about "whips and chains."  That's a part of it but only a small part to be sure.  So consider this post to be about people who are interested in the full spectrum of how this lifestyle can be practiced and not just the stereotypical "Dominatrix" imagery that so many uninitiated suffer from.
 
anthrosub



ElectraGlide -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/2/2006 10:33:32 PM)

I can remember seeing classified ads for people seeking BDSM in local newspapers. I was lucky and started dating a lady that expressed her BDSM desires a few months into our relationship. It found me when I was not really looking it was just a pipedream fantasy. I felt like I hit the jackpot when she opened her submissive desires to me. The BDSM newspaper ads were of no help to me after the relationship ended either they lived too far away or their was a major age difference. The never was many ads they were few and far in between. I know what you mean when you ask your ladies after about their interest in BDSM. You get the what the hell is wrong with you routine out of them lol.



Taylore -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/2/2006 10:40:57 PM)

This slave met Master through a mutual friend. Before meeting him, I had never attended a munch, club, or event. In addition to this, I had not done any looking online for information or with the intent of meeting someone.
After meeting Master, he advised that I find out as much as I could about what I wanted from the relationship; including finding out exactly what such a relationship would entail. Of course, what I found out through my search for information is nothing compared to the reality; I will say though that the search for information helped in determining whether or not I wanted to go through with it.
This slave could not answer whether or not she would ever use the internet for searching for another. I enjoy munches now, clubs, and events, and I truly believe that this is the best way to meet people. However, on the other hand, I have been introduced to many wonderful people online, whom I have since met in RL. Without the internet, I would not have made their acquaintance.
It goes both ways, I believe.



WayWardSoul -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/2/2006 10:43:41 PM)

Eveyone called up Al Gore and told him he needed to invent something to solve the problem.[:D] Now we should all call him up to thank him.



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/2/2006 10:46:39 PM)

I only had two BDSM relationships prior to the Internet.  The first one happened purely by coincidence.  I was set up on a blind date with a dominant male by someone who had no idea of what he was into (if they had, they never would let him near Me, LOL.)  Things progressed, we started experimenting, and the relationship lasted for about a year. 
 
With My small amount of "basic training," I then went on to share what I had learned with a vanilla male that I was dating.  He supposedly was the dominant, but I directed all of the activities and we did only things that were to my liking.  In fact, I didn't even teach him anything I didn't like.  Also, he didn't dare tell Me what to do, nor expect Me to serve him, so I was really more of a bottom, and a bossy one at that.
 
After I got on the Internet, I learned all about the world of Female Dominance and thought I had died and gone to heaven [sm=smile.gif]  Prior to that, the only Female Dominants I knew of were Pro-Dommes. 
 
While I didn't explore this avenue Myself, I know that there were underground newspapers geared to alternative lifestyles prior to the Internet that people with an interest in BDSM could use to connect.  I also heard that they ran vanilla ads, but used code words such as "assertive" or "yielding" to clue potential partners in to their interests.
 
I am sure others who have been in the lifestyle longer than I have can share more ways BDSM folks found each other prior to the Internet.
 
Lady Topaz. 



BitaTruble -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/2/2006 11:52:30 PM)

I put an advertisement in an underground newspaper in The City. (That's San Francisco). When I put the ad in, I had no idea there were groups of people gathering together. It wasn't too long before I discovered Society of Janus which opened up a whole new world. :)

Celeste



SusanofO -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/2/2006 11:53:14 PM)

Maybe in bars that had a particular "reputation" or something like that? Via personal ads in magazines and newspapers that had a specific clientele? Or maybe some just got "vibes" from people they were introduced (or introduced themselves) to or already were acquainted with? Good question.

I imagine it was perhaps harder to connect with a vast pool of people like we find here, but then people didn't know any differently so maybe they didn't mind that.
I'll bet many did mind having to be "in the closet."  

- Susan



enigmabrat -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 12:13:28 AM)

lol Im to young to know a time befor the internet... the internet was here and in every ones house befor I was even of legal age to start looking



pistachio -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 2:22:44 AM)

Same with me enigmabrat lol. i kinda wonder how different it was though...before the net. i've been told there were far less pretenders because it wasn't a fashion or fad back then. What do others think?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 6:30:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pistachio
Same with me enigmabrat lol. i kinda wonder how different it was though...before the net. i've been told there were far less pretenders because it wasn't a fashion or fad back then. What do others think?

It took more work, but they definitely existed.  As well, while there may have been less avenues for people who wanted some fun kinky flings, there were still assholes and bad people.



JohnWarren -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 6:56:26 AM)

The first BDSM organization in the US, The Eulenspiegel Society, started in 1970.  Hellfire, a commercial BDSM nightclub, opened its doors a few years later.  Both were in NYC.  The first munch, The Palo Alto Burger Munch began in the late 80's.  That's general history.  Contact magazines like Latent Image existed well before the internet and there were BDSM type advertisements in local newspapers and swingers magazines

As for myself, I first played in 1964 with a pair of delightful ladies who approached me.  After we graduated and went our separate ways, I'd vanilla date and try to interest the ladies in various BDSM techniques.  When I first married, I married someone who was enthusiastic about playing the submissive role.  In 1979, I discovered CompuServe and the kinky channel on its CB Simulator, a primitive chat room, but as I was in a monogamous marriage nothing went beyond anonymous chat.   This wasn't the internet as it was direct connection via a 300 baud telephone modem to CompuServe's computer in Ohio.

In the mid-80s we visited New York and spent and evening at Hellfire, but had to return to Ohio where I was getting my graduate degree.

After my divorce in the early 80's, I went back to the "kinky seduction" approach. 

In the mid-80's during a visit to the Lifestyles Convention in Las Vegas, I discovered Threshold, a California based BDSM organization, and joined.  For the next year, I took several flights from USM, where I was working, to LA to attend events.  (and people say it's too far to go to a munch in the next down).  After that, I found PEP, which being in Nashville was closer, and joined that.   I also found alt.sex.bondage on what was to become the internet but was at that time a system connecting universities and largely available only to academics.

More and more interested in BDSM, in 1991, I quit my academic position and moved to NYC to work at a market research company and join TES. 

On February 29, 1992, I had been active on Prodigy's message board and received a note from a woman called Libby.  She's my wife now.

That's about when the internet started to become available to ordinary people.



meatcleaver -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 7:17:17 AM)

I met a woman when I worked for the probation service in the late eighties. We shared an office. Looking back she was giving me the come on for sometime but with PC being so prevalent I didn't respond until one day she contrived to get me to pick her up from her appartment along with some files she shouldn't have had out of the office. She had quite a lot of BDSM literature on her bookshelf which I took a nosey at while I was waiting for her. She came  back into the room and said, I couldn't hurt her. I guess I was slow but even an idiot like me eventually realised what she getting at. That lasted for about six months but we have got together many times since.

That was my only experience before I met someone online which ended in a nightmare so I've discarded online as an idea of meeting people and just concentrated meeting people in real life. I've found the best policy is to be upfront about kink. Online is overrated in my book.



truesub4u -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 8:04:43 AM)

I was introduced to bdsm and my submission by my first Master in my teens. Was introduced to him at a party....and he took things from there.  It wasn't till late 90's that I found bdsm on the internet. It's introduced me to some interesting people... it's introduced me to more than I really thought it would. Some I wish I hadn't of been introduced to...some I'm glad I have...LOL



wild1cfl -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 8:12:53 AM)

In the early 70's I would go to a local bookstore that had magazines and newspapers that had pictures and articles on BDSM activities. While perusing some of the magazines an older woman with a distinct european accent approached me and asked if I enjoyed this type of activity. I of course replied that I was very interested in it. Well I went to live iwth her and learned from her as she was a very well trained Dominant female, and that was how I got into the scene before the internet.



anthrosub -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 8:35:32 AM)

All your replies have been quite interesting.  Something came to mind while reading them.  Specifically, how the online community must appear to "ordinary" people (to use John Warren's term).
 
I would wager the "ordinary" people are largely made of people who really don't know much about the lifestyle at all and are to trying to explore it from a distance.  To them, they must think what they see online is what it's all about, while ironically not realizing at first (or maybe for some time afterwards) that they are really looking at themselves (like a big social  mirror).
 
It's also interesting to think about those who arrived post-Internet and what their perception of the community must be like as a result.  For some reason, the phrase "sacrificing quality for convenience" comes to mind although I'm sure they're not aware that's what's happened.
 
anthrosub



ArtimisBlack -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 11:15:40 AM)

Well, I'm one of those who never looked to find someone "before the internet". What I knew about BDSM I knew from books, but I had never spoken to another soul about it. For me the internet is a great was of communicating with others who share your interests. After all, it's not like people walk around wearing t-shirts that advertise their preferences- BDSM or otherwise. That would be interesting though.....I can imagine it now......Hi, my name is Jim and I like to be dressed as a girl and spanked. I also enjoy Adam Sandler movies, The Beatles, and stand up comedy. Want to date? LOL....now that would be something to see![:D]



LadyHugs -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 11:37:32 AM)

Dear anthrosub, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Before the Internet, I visited a OB-GYN in my teens who had romatic art with slavery as a theme throughout the office and exam rooms.  He heard me express interest in my curiousity of what it might feel like.  The rest is history.  This was before nurses accompanied doctors while examining due to complaints, etc.
 
Also, there were newspaper ads, that ran with the cryptic code of ENGLISH for Master into corporal play; english for slave into corporal play; GERMAN for Master into S&M and or discipline and german for a slave into discipline and or S&M.    The local grocery store's fruit and vegetable asle was also a meeting place.  Then a placement of certain items to look like a phallus or other genitals and where located, top or bottom often gave a silent code as to what leanings one had.  Then in the 1980s, swingers booklets featured some folks into kinky and BDSM, S&M and or M/s.  Dominant and submissive as a title or role, really didn't start showing up until the mid-1980s.  Internet wasn't really as big as it is now but, a computer adult bulletin board service were peppered about, which had different rooms that addressed different 'sex' interests, to include swinging, Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, BDSM, etc.  Then--we have the Internet and the rest is history.
 
Overseas, the BDSM, S&M and M/s culture was rather open and accepted, especially in the tolerant countries. 
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs
 



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 12:28:23 PM)

In approaching My first husband with a few ideas, I got the typical ewwww!!.  My second husband was a bit more flexible.  He had some submissive qualities (but not enough!) and mainly, in the heat of passion, he would respond well to a command or demand.  I had a friend in 1989 who (probably) suspected that I was more kinky than I let on and I was taken to a swinger's club, while I was separated.  It was then I found out that so much more was going on, and maybe all this was not a situation of "Am I the only one?".  (I was sure I shouldn't be the only one, since I could not be the only one reading those porno stories that I had to hide from everyone, but I sure didn't know how to meet other people like that!)  After a short while at "the club", I was invited to other parties that had different sorts of play involved, and I was able to observe and embrace the idea of the relationships I was finally seeing.  Now there was no going back.  I honestly tried to get My husband ( we got back together for another try) involved, and he tried, to his credit, but he couldn't really understand it or embrace the idea.  We ended up getting divorced, and after a time, I had "my boy" that I thought was My life partner.  Didn't work out and I have been spending time alone, although I have been active both online and in real time with various activities and groups.  I did not get online Myself until 1998, at which time I began with a small web site and some online interaction.  At that point My little ones were getting older and I had more time to pursue personal interests, and a special relationship.  The internet has opened up a wide expanse of people, but many, I feel, will never really connect with the full idea of D/s or M/s.  Most of them are exploring the kinky side as Tops or bottoms, and that is ok.  It just makes it harder when these Tops and bottoms think they are Dominant and submissive.  To Me there is a difference.  However, I did use the internet to continue to meet others, and talk to them in chat as well as interacting in real time. (Yes, the club closed!)
I do hate the idea that the whole thing is becoming almost "fashionable".  For many males it is a considered an easy way to get laid, and they don't care which side they are on, as long as they get off.  For too many Ladies, they think this is a great way to play around on the weekend, and/or fill up a paypal account by claiming to dominate pay pigs.   
It just takes alot of digging to find one's own niche and a possible partner, and the entire realm has expanded to include cybering and web cams, which, frankly, does nothing for Me.
I am lucky. I think I have finally found My boy...and I do have to thank the internet and this site for that.



sophia37 -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 2:21:07 PM)

Oh. Was there BDSM before the internet?



Brosco -> RE: Before the Internet Arrived... (7/3/2006 11:10:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: pistachio
Same with me enigmabrat lol. i kinda wonder how different it was though...before the net. i've been told there were far less pretenders because it wasn't a fashion or fad back then. What do others think?

It took more work, but they definitely existed.  As well, while there may have been less avenues for people who wanted some fun kinky flings, there were still assholes and bad people.



Wow this is soon damned funny.  A person that claims to be 26 in their profile can speak with authority about what its was like back then!!!! 

LA, in your previous life did you also communicate by writing with charcoal on bark?

Brosco



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