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RE: Opinion needed please - 11/14/2013 5:16:25 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nakhla

OP - I think the answer is "online fantasy games - flush and forget".


I love that! Well done!

OP, for whatever reason, you clearly don't feel good about how things are unfolding. For me, that would be enough to flush the situation, no explanations or analyzing needed. I'd take a brief moment to say 'oh well' to myself, then open that space for a better match with more joy.

Best of luck in your search.

(in reply to Nakhla)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/14/2013 6:07:45 PM   
softpetals66


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		I have already said I am not going to bring it up at the group, I was angry when I said I was thinking about it and I am over it. I am just annoyed that I put the time and effort to get to know him via messaging online, texts etc over a period of time as he lives 1500 kms away from me. Then I find out he has been down here 3 times prior to our meeting and each time he has met with the other sub and played. I have moved on and will wish them both all the best when I see them.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 8:47:34 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So you learned that you don't want to invest time in someone you can't meet quickly. Now look for local guys and meet for coffee in the first couple of weeks. Change what you do and you'll change the results you get.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 10:32:21 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softpetals66

I am just annoyed that I put the time and effort to get to know him via messaging online, texts etc over a period of time as he lives 1500 kms away from me.


Long distance relationships suck. Deal with it. If LD isn't for you, then focus on meeting people in your local community. Why are you making something so simple seem so difficult?

quote:


Then I find out he has been down here 3 times prior to our meeting and each time he has met with the other sub and played.


Was he there 3 times WHILE you were communicating, or 3 times BEFORE he ever started communicating with you. If it was before he even knew that you existed, then what difference does it make?

If he came there 3 times WHILE you were communicating and played with someone else, while not even letting you know that he was in town, then you are what we call "Plan B". So just accept that you were his backup plan, and he's much more interested in the girl that he played with.

You've now learned an important lesson about LDR's and on-line dating. That's why so many of us recommend focusing on your LOCAL community. Meeting someone face-to-face is very different from exchanging text messages and e-mails with someone thousands of miles away.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to softpetals66)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 10:42:35 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

If he came there 3 times WHILE you were communicating and played with someone else, while not even letting you know that he was in town, then you are what we call "Plan B".



And yet, I've seen ladies here bitch about a guy sending a message that goes along the lines of: "I'm going to be in your area on the 20th could we maybe meet up?"

I think they call them "drive-by"? Damned, if we do/Damned, if we don't?




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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 10:50:39 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

If he came there 3 times WHILE you were communicating and played with someone else, while not even letting you know that he was in town, then you are what we call "Plan B".



And yet, I've seen ladies here bitch about a guy sending a message that goes along the lines of: "I'm going to be in your area on the 20th could we maybe meet up?"

I think they call them "drive-by"? Damned, if we do/Damned, if we don't?





That's not the same thing. The drive by's are random strangers hitting you up to get laid. If you're already talking to someone and they say "I'll be in your area", that's completely different.


_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 5:18:50 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

I point out if he is bothering her online she can block him, if it is offline, call the cops. He then thanks me for my advice and ends all contact. Now to me warning bells are going off in my head, he is either very gullible taken in by whatever this sub has said or he is a Dom who needs to be needed or am I missing something. I would like your opinion on this please.


Sure. My considered opinion as a Dom is that he is fine, he does not need your protection and it's his business until you both decide you are ready for a serious non-sharing relationship, if ever, and if you want him you might have some competition. Competition is good. Are you up to it?

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to softpetals66)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 5:28:22 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

as he lives 1500 kms away from me.


How do 1500 kms relationships go? How do you meet for coffee with someone who flies in from 1500 kms away? You know, if I were a Dom flying in somewhere 1500 kms away I would be foolish not to line up more than one meet in the area, wouldn't you? I mean, you spend 5000 denaros on tickets and someplace to stay, show up to starbucks for this one person to meet, and she stand you up. Oh crap, now that would be foolish. Besides, are there shortages of good Doms where you live? Respectfully, why would you look 1500 kms away, is this guy that good and if he is, then scare the other sub off and get in there and fight for him.

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"We master Our world."

(in reply to softpetals66)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 5:39:28 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		FR:

The issue here to me, is not that he was talking and interacting with other subs, and the OP was plan B, but that he changed his online status w/o telling her, and couldn't own up to his own actions. This is not good dominant behavior to me.

As for meeting people from far away, I don't recommend it. But I've done it before. The first time I met lamby he drove down here (3-4 hour drive, he lives on the north side of chgo) and he got a hotel room for the night. All three of us met at my house, and we got to know each other over a meal. The next day we drove up to see the Sand Hill Cranes flock together on their migration to the north -- a wonderful spectacle which we all enjoyed. (Himself and I have been several times.)

I did allow him to worship my feet and to give me a massage. He gives the *best* massages, and I've been done by some real experts. He turned me into a puddle. Though he had great expectations when it was over, I sent him back to his hotel room.

He told me later he knew then that I *could* really control him.

SO what do you do? You plan some vanilla activities and enjoy yourself while you get to know the person. I think it's called, oh I don't know.....dating?



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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 5:40:13 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

I have already said I am not going to bring it up at the group,


U know, when you said 'group', I pictured "best friends" at the local dungeon or a night out discussing what you discuss, but you are talking about impersonal online groups. Like this one. Interesting. Well, I'm glad you brought this up, it is very important to you and so it is important and I do hope you instead find someone close who can drive over for lunch and then pick you up for vanilla dinner and dancing or a movie and then the next night take you in slut uniform to the local dungeon where you meet common friends and have a great time and enjoy, enjoy very much yourself and your Dom, I'm sure he will be good to you if you choose wisely and are not afraid of competition. Now that I said that, many subs are not happy with competition, but some are good with it and rise to the task, it seems to be the nature of some of them, those I have met. I hope you are ok with competition but remember about his business is his business at this point.

< Message edited by Arturas -- 11/15/2013 5:48:29 PM >

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"We master Our world."

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 5:46:14 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

SO what do you do? You plan some vanilla activities and enjoy yourself while you get to know the person. I think it's called, oh I don't know.....dating?


Me too. Star and I lived apart as you might know already, and we lived about two hours apart and while that prevented me from seeing her for lunch it did not prevent me from driving up and taking her to dinner and, as you say, vanilla date for a while on weekends. I'm sure she was about as far as I'd travel and still maintain a relationship. That was for a few years until we established a household together in one place. Thanks for sharing, btw. - Art

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"We master Our world."

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 6:58:55 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		Well, you aren't the first person to have their time wasted, trust Me. After talking with several others and hearing similar stories (many people actually get stood up after chatting for weeks, cementing a time to meet, double checking that morning, and then they wait at the arranged restaurant only to get stood up), I'm actually convinced there's a
"wasting people's time" fetish.


quote:

ORIGINAL: softpetals66

I have already said I am not going to bring it up at the group, I was angry when I said I was thinking about it and I am over it. I am just annoyed that I put the time and effort to get to know him via messaging online, texts etc over a period of time as he lives 1500 kms away from me. Then I find out he has been down here 3 times prior to our meeting and each time he has met with the other sub and played. I have moved on and will wish them both all the best when I see them.


(in reply to softpetals66)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/15/2013 10:39:42 PM   
softpetals66


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		yes he lives 1500 ks away but is relocating here apparently for work, that is why he has been down here 3 times thus far and will be here for 2 years or more. I have already had a Long distance relationship, it lasted 2 1/2 years and was darn hard and really don't wish another. As for meeting others locally, very hard from where I am from, as it is a very small conservative town where people tend to hide in the closet. As for the group. it is just like minded kinksters who gather for a coffee and a chat at my home. We have no local munches, dungeons etc. Closest is about 7 hours away.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/16/2013 4:35:32 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

If he came there 3 times WHILE you were communicating and played with someone else, while not even letting you know that he was in town, then you are what we call "Plan B".



And yet, I've seen ladies here bitch about a guy sending a message that goes along the lines of: "I'm going to be in your area on the 20th could we maybe meet up?"

I think they call them "drive-by"? Damned, if we do/Damned, if we don't?





Nonsense. A guy who just says, what was written above with no previous discussion is not interested in ME... he's interested in a slot-filler. Any gal will do. No thanks.

I have more than once sent or received notes just like the one above and met with people from the forums. But we already had an established relationship of some sort - through the forums. As I'm thinking about it... that's how I've met at least a dozen people from these forums.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/16/2013 6:01:43 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		The man sounds like a flakey dumb dumb to me, not dom dom.

You didn't miss a thing! The fact that he never discussed anything with you prior to changing his status, shows he is insensitive and took meeting you with a grain of salt. No matter whether you had an established relationship or not, if he valued and took meeting you serious, he would have respected and had the sense not to stupidily make you feel like an after thought. Be grateful he shows you before the meeting. Its a blessing. Your post clearly shows, this is not the type of dumb dumb you want placed in your life. Just think of it as a step closer to the right one. Good riddance.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/16/2013 6:32:42 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

yes he lives 1500 ks away but is relocating here apparently for work

Yanno, I've sent dozens of friendly replies to men who claimed to be moving to my area along the lines of, "Great! Let me know when you've moved in." and not one single guy ever wrote back.

quote:

that is why he has been down here 3 times thus far

Or because he had a fuck date with the other chick.

******

Do any of you hear from the guy in the fighter pilot mask? Him I tell, "Show up in a F-14 and I'm yours, Maverick." He never responds

(in reply to softpetals66)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/19/2013 7:27:01 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

I have already said I am not going to bring it up at the group,


U know, when you said 'group', I pictured "best friends" at the local dungeon or a night out discussing what you discuss, but you are talking about impersonal online groups. Like this one. Interesting. Well, I'm glad you brought this up, it is very important to you and so it is important and I do hope you instead find someone close who can drive over for lunch and then pick you up for vanilla dinner and dancing or a movie and then the next night take you in slut uniform to the local dungeon where you meet common friends and have a great time and enjoy, enjoy very much yourself and your Dom, I'm sure he will be good to you if you choose wisely and are not afraid of competition. Now that I said that, many subs are not happy with competition, but some are good with it and rise to the task, it seems to be the nature of some of them, those I have met. I hope you are ok with competition but remember about his business is his business at this point.

You mention competition twice in this thread, which is odd to me.

I don't compete. I didn't compete to be with my Mister. I was simply....myself. If he met someone he liked better, he would have chosen her for his life partner.

Or maybe I'm not understanding. But then I was pretty happy being single before I met him, so the idea of competing with anyone for a man is just really foreign to me. Just so happened he wowed me...and I wowed him...and we meshed.

As for the online talking until meeting, etc. We were both chatting with others when we met online. Heck, I had a "FWB" situation going on when he & I started talking online. As we talked more and got to know each other, those other relationships started to fade. When we met in person we knew right then the other folks who had our attention would no longer have it. But I would be skeptical about the OPs dude not being up front about it, especially the story about protecting the other chick.

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(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/19/2013 10:07:53 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nakhla


I think as soon as "protection" comes into an online relationship it's largely bogus in my eyes. Someone online doesn't, in most cases, have much ability to protect you bar financial support or calling emergency services, and in practice, I've never seen "under said dom's protection" not overlap with "someone said dom wants to play slap and tickle with".

That being said, I wonder what would happen to one of these folks if their online submissive suddenly needed protection e.g. "My ex pimp and his biker buddies are coming to kill me - protect me!" Or if they wouldn't just disappear in a wisp of e-smoke.

OP - I think the answer is "online fantasy games - flush and forget".


I've always wondered about that too. When I used to go on FL, I'd see that, and wonder how they managed to 'protect' someone they may have never met in person before. When I hear the word 'protection', I always fall back to the days I worked in biker and C/W bars, where it was a very real possibility of the scenario you described happening.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to Nakhla)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/22/2013 7:17:19 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
The two of you are not a romantic couple. Things may or may not have gone well with you. So why should he completely take himself off the market simply because he planned to meet you for the first time? That seems a bit unrealistic to me.


Agreed, but... I think he owed it to her to tell her and cancel the date (or talk about poly), instead of having her find out by reading it on a website. She didn't have any claim on him yet, but that's only common courtesy.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Opinion needed please - 11/22/2013 9:46:59 AM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		To the OP it sounds like a normal person who is manipulating. Has nothing to do with being dominant or submissive. People use online to hide behind their shit. Your "Dom" is not gullible and knew exactly what he was doing...he just got caught. BTW what he has done to you...he will likely do to his "protected" submissive.

< Message edited by SweetAnise -- 11/22/2013 9:47:27 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 40
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