RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (Full Version)

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MasterCaneman -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 8:30:51 PM)

I don't know why I stay with her, other than I'm trying to see if it gets better somehow. When she changes from her dark side, she's kittenish, with this demented geisha walk that makes me laugh. She's got three sides I can identify: "darkness", "goofy teen", and "business, serious business". I've had so many short-term relationships in my life that I like the constancy of knowing that I got a place to go to every Saturday night, with alternating Monday and Wednesday 'snack nights' (she's got a schedule for everything).

Maybe it's because I sort of saved her life when we met. She was having a heart attack and didn't want me to call the paramedics because she hadn't shaved her legs. Go figure. I ended up taking care of her dog for a week and it sort of went on from there. It was nice not having to chase tail anymore and I needed the stability, I suppose. I'm formulating a plan here, based on what a lot of you said (sorry Maria, the shock collar thing is unworkable at this moment in time). I've just had this urge to watch out for this woman, God knows why.



Lisfor -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 8:37:19 PM)

You feel you owe it to her because you saved her life.... But unless she declares herself as Belonging to you, you really don't owe her anything.



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 8:38:11 PM)

My dad is a raging homophobe. I used to get in too loud arguments with him all the time. I finally had to leave my parents' house one nnight I was so incensed. He's my dad, I've learned not to bring it up myself. But if he does, I call him on it once & walk away.

I know it's not the same as the relationship you're in. But I also know no matter how much I loved someone, I couldn't stay with them if they were constantly miserable & a PITA. Jmho.



MasterCaneman -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 8:50:21 PM)

She's not in the Scene like I am, therefore any declarations she made to that effect would be meaningless. She may be a bitch, but she's my bitch because I say so, not her. Maybe to some extent she accepts that, but not in the context you suggest.

And no, I don't owe her anything (well, except for the wall I put two chair legs into, but I digress). I just do this...because. I don't know why, I just do. Like I said, I'm putting together a plan here.



xxblushesxx -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 9:02:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes

She does not sound like a very nice person, Yeah I would be saying something. There is nothing wrong that this is your first house.


I wasn't implying there was anything wrong with having a first house. It just seems this lady has made it her own personal little fiefdom, and be damned anyone who doesn't dance to her particular tune.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 9:26:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

I just do this...because. I don't know why, I just do.


I just checked out your profile for the first time, and after hearing about your homophobic girlfriend, dude, I've got to ask:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

I am a primarily dominant male currently in a vanilla relationship with an older white female. At present, I am only interested in exploring in the possibility of engaging with a white female submissive/switch for casual encounters.


Why the specification that your chick is white?

I mean, I get people having preferences on the people they're attracted to, so on some level I get you specifying you're looking for a white chick... but why do you have to specifically mention that your current one is white?



anniezz338 -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 9:48:31 PM)

Does she know you are looking for a play partner on the dark side? Inquiring minds want to know.



tj444 -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 9:54:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
Maybe it's because I sort of saved her life when we met. She was having a heart attack and didn't want me to call the paramedics because she hadn't shaved her legs. Go figure.

so besides taking care of her dog, did you also shave her legs for her so you could call the paramedics? just curious..

When i was younger i had a female friend that was a chronic complainer, always something she was bitchin about, no matter how minor.. i finally decided life was too short to be around the dark cloud that followed her around.. I just found i felt down/crappy after being around her, it was like she sucked the life outta life.. So after that, no more complainers for me..

I know what you mean about getting regular sex tho.. that is definitely hard to give up.. but only you can decide if this is how you want to live or if you would rather take the risk and try to find someone new..

Perhaps you need to divide a piece of paper down the middle & on one side list all the good things about her and your relationship & on the other side list all the bad/negative things and see if doing that & seeing it in written form helps clear your mind on what side is stronger & which direction to go..



MasterCaneman -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 10:21:22 PM)

You know, I really should edit my profile to reflect that. And I make no apologies for seeking out those who look like myself, it's just the way I roll and I believe it's correct to be specific as to who I am and who I hang with. I do believe I selected "Friends Only" at some point, just to clarify where I stand. And when I say casual encounters, I wasn't meaning "casual" encounters, more or less like non-sexual play, to be honest. Yeah, I know, specific in one, ambiguous in the other, but hey. I used to be a safety guy, and I like to just 'play' sometimes. Made me feel important when I was in the background keeping things sane.

And she does know I'm here. I showed her my profile and explained what the terms meant. She actually didn't have an issue, as long as she was the only one, if you know what I mean. She liked "Train Wreck", but the rest of this place didn't appeal to her. And no, tj, I didn't shave her legs. I just tossed her into my truck and headed to the hospital at ludicrous speed. "Acute hyper-tachycardia" caused by an "auxiliary pathway", whatever the hell that means.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 10:47:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

And I make no apologies for seeking out those who look like myself, it's just the way I roll



Sure, like I said, I can to some extend understand people specifically mentioning that they're only attracted to people of X skin color. After all, your sexual attractions pretty much are what they are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

and I believe it's correct to be specific as to who I am and who I hang with.


But I don't quite understand why one would specify the skin color of the people one already is with... other than to imply "I don't hang out with non-whites... ever".

Is that the case?



MasterCaneman -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 11:09:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

And I make no apologies for seeking out those who look like myself, it's just the way I roll



Sure, like I said, I can to some extend understand people specifically mentioning that they're only attracted to people of X skin color. After all, your sexual attractions pretty much are what they are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

and I believe it's correct to be specific as to who I am and who I hang with.


But I don't quite understand why one would specify the skin color of the people one already is with... other than to imply "I don't hang out with non-whites... ever".

Is that the case?


Pretty much. I live in a town where we don't have a sizable population, and those that do live here don't hang out in the places I do. Other than that, I really don't have much of an issue with race. I'm not even sure why I was so specific about it when I wrote it up back in March. Make of it what you will.



Lisfor -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/18/2013 11:16:44 PM)

I didn't miss that she's a muggle, hence the capitalized B.
Those who date vanilla live in 2 worlds. If you can't compartmentalize you'll get swept away by one or the other.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/19/2013 9:20:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

There used to be a very old man in my neighborhood who had a perpetual garage sale going. I bought stuff from him for over a decade. Need another crock pot? A rocking chair? Stop by the Krauss house, he'll have what you need or he'll find it for you. He was always kind and generous to me. One day he stopped by in his truck to pick up a dresser I offered him for free. I don't remember the full conversation, but he said something derogatory about Jews (I'm Jewish, and I'm sure he didn't know). I looked him right in the eyes, took his hand in mine and said softly, 'Mr. Krauss, I'm so disappointed. I would NEVER have taken you for a bigot. It hurts me to know you feel such hatred.'


I know this was way back in the thread, but I wanted to say, that was a very classy way of handling that.



angelikaJ -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/19/2013 9:47:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

There used to be a very old man in my neighborhood who had a perpetual garage sale going. I bought stuff from him for over a decade. Need another crock pot? A rocking chair? Stop by the Krauss house, he'll have what you need or he'll find it for you. He was always kind and generous to me. One day he stopped by in his truck to pick up a dresser I offered him for free. I don't remember the full conversation, but he said something derogatory about Jews (I'm Jewish, and I'm sure he didn't know). I looked him right in the eyes, took his hand in mine and said softly, 'Mr. Krauss, I'm so disappointed. I would NEVER have taken you for a bigot. It hurts me to know you feel such hatred.'


I know this was way back in the thread, but I wanted to say, that was a very classy way of handling that.


It is.

I have a dear friend who would classify herself as being very socially and politically liberal.
(As an example, she hates Obama because he is much too conservative.)
And she has a deep bigotry towards people who are Jewish.
She has friends who are Jewish but every so often a comment will slip out.

edit: clarity



Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/19/2013 2:10:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

There used to be a very old man in my neighborhood who had a perpetual garage sale going. I bought stuff from him for over a decade. Need another crock pot? A rocking chair? Stop by the Krauss house, he'll have what you need or he'll find it for you. He was always kind and generous to me. One day he stopped by in his truck to pick up a dresser I offered him for free. I don't remember the full conversation, but he said something derogatory about Jews (I'm Jewish, and I'm sure he didn't know). I looked him right in the eyes, took his hand in mine and said softly, 'Mr. Krauss, I'm so disappointed. I would NEVER have taken you for a bigot. It hurts me to know you feel such hatred.'


I know this was way back in the thread, but I wanted to say, that was a very classy way of handling that.

Yes that sure was handled very well. My mom can be so hateful sometimes. Not even of just one type of person but people who do not agree with how she thinks things should be done. She has verbally ripped apart friends of mine because she didn't agree with their parenting. I let her in on the secret of my teenage drinking and partying ways one day. I told her how I rode home from a party with a man I didn't know who was far more drunk then I was and driving 70 down the wrong side of Platte Ave in Colorado Springs when I was around 16 or 17. Her face had lost all it's color as I told her about that wild ride home so I could be in bed by the time she got home from work and told her she had better be careful about thinking she would win mom of the year award. I was very far from the good little girl she thought I was, I was only good at hiding the crap I was into back then.



lizi -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/19/2013 4:40:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

She's not in the Scene like I am, therefore any declarations she made to that effect would be meaningless. She may be a bitch, but she's my bitch because I say so, not her. Maybe to some extent she accepts that, but not in the context you suggest.

And no, I don't owe her anything (well, except for the wall I put two chair legs into, but I digress). I just do this...because. I don't know why, I just do. Like I said, I'm putting together a plan here.


You don't owe her anything for the wall, you have a condition. Did she owe you gas for the wild car ride you took her on when you took her to the emergency room? If you'd gotten a ticket from the police on that ride, would you have given it to her and told her to pay it? It's rather unsavory that she throws the wall damage at you every so often, who really gives a shit about a wall when what is important out of that episode is that you didn't hurt yourself…?

I had a boyfriend who I broke things off with and later came back to being his friend - he is very prejudiced. A lot of his prejudiced knee jerk reaction is due to his upbringing, his father was actually KKK, but each and every time he makes a remark that I find unacceptable i say something. Sometimes he backs down right away and apologizes in what I find to be a meaningful way. Other times he's argued with me and we've gone our separate ways to cool off. For the most part he tries to be a better person. I don't know what I"m trying to tell you here, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't say anything to him about how I disagree with what he's said, and yet, he's still a friend. I do see there would be a point in time if he crossed this boundary too many times I'd say goodbye.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/19/2013 7:34:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

I looked him right in the eyes, took his hand in mine and said softly, 'Mr. Krauss, I'm so disappointed. I would NEVER have taken you for a bigot. It hurts me to know you feel such hatred.'


I know this was way back in the thread, but I wanted to say, that was a very classy way of handling that.


Thank you Athena and others who mentioned the quote. Hopefully I gave him pause to think before he opened his mouth again. It was so strange to me since he was kind in action to all around him, and an avid cat rescue-person. How could such a cat lover be a bigot, I wondered.

Then I accidentally found THIS HORRIBLE WEBSITE while searching for a movie review OF 'Taken/96 Hours'. I poked around a little in there and found world's cutest kitten thread of the bigots oooing, aaaahing and radiating sympathy over a tiny kitten that perished while denigrating blacks, jews, muslims, albanians and everybody else that wasn't a 'white nationalist' in every other thread and forum. I've been nauseated about it since last night.

MC, how can you stand to touch her knowing she thinks along these lines about her neighbors?



MasterCaneman -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/19/2013 9:00:11 PM)

After eleven years, I generally chalk it up to her current stress level just letting her true colors show through. I've met her mom, and I know where she gets it from. I generally overlook it because for the most part, she keeps her prejudices tamped down. And I genuinely am fond of her, warts and all. I've slept with worse, believe it or not.

Lisfor, I actually laughed at the 'muggle' term. I've never thought of it that way ever. And you are right, there are times when I forget which pool I'm dipping my toes in occasionally. And lizi, once upon a time, I was a Boy Scout, I occasionally do a good deed now and again. I'd have probably been able to talk my way out of that ticket, 'cause I have cops in my family tree. All I have to do is drop my last name and things have a way of working out. The wall thing is just a symptom of her 'houseitis', that too will be dealt with.

I'm having an in-depth talk with her tomorrow night. This issue and a few others are going to be resolved one way or another. I've got a plan, and it's solid. UllrsIshtar, you raised some valid points, I need to make some profile adjustments to prevent any future misunderstandings. And annie, I like to prowl the dark side, irregardless of whether or not I draw blood.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/19/2013 9:16:29 PM)

Please keep us posted, MC. I hope it turns out with everyone's highest good in mind. Good luck.



SweetAmber32 -> RE: I'm Learning Something About My Partner I Don't Like... (11/20/2013 3:43:04 PM)

I'm sorry your experiencing this. As a Caregiver and a student nurse, I've taken care of folks with all sorts off issues. Her behavior worries me. To be blunt, your GF may be having a psychotic break, or having some sort of mental issue. Does she have family that can be spoken too? You may have to speak with the head nurse at her work. Express your worries. But doing so.....you can say goodbye to the relationship. But at the same time.....I don't think it would be worth it, to not do anything. Making a threat of a booby trap, and seriously meaning it.......not good. I wish you luck.



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