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FieryOpal -> RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? (10/7/2014 9:01:10 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cloudboy
The best term I've seen to describe the continuum between being a "man" or a "woman" / masculine v. feminine is Middle Space. It is a difficult place for men to go. There is a lack of support, understanding, and a dearth of compatible, willing partners. Women, too, can be and often are hostile, negative, and judgmental. Women often project their distaste for middle space by blaming the man's orientation and kink.
<snip>
I'm glad this topic did not follow a narrow path down "forced" feminization, because I doubt I would have bothered to give this 12-pager a thorough read the other night.
(Then last night's was an 18-page thread on "The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman" which seekingOwnertoo had provided a link for, which helped me put Cross-Dressing into better perspective. http://www.collarchat.com/m_2976113/tm.htm )
cloudboy, you may have run across a couple posts where I have expressed my disapproval of sissyCDs as sub partnership material for me personally. Insofar as unsubmissive bottoms, masochists, and fetishists go, it isn't just sissyCDs which I deemed an unsuitable match for me.
If I wanted to settle for an intimate partner who isn't submissive, I could have stuck with a vanilla dating pool of divorced, middle-aged men, where the luck of the draw prevails in terms of submissive tendencies which are desirable to me. Not that there isn't a certain amount of hostility and rejection from women of all ilks, but I can see that not all cross-dressers share the same headspace.
It isn't just male submissives, bottoms or switches who cross-dress; there are cross-dressing Doms, although I cannot verify whether they view this as a form of sissification or not.
Not to over-complicate things, here is why I was unwilling to consider a cross-dresser for my D/s relationship dynamic:
-- First of all, I don't want a sissy for a submissive. Plain and simple. He has to be masculine and act masculine, not like a simpering or spineless wimp. Furthermore, effeminate mannerisms do not turn me on. A male sub who identifies as a sissyCD is not sexually exciting to me.
-- Hard Limit on Bisexuality or any sort of hetero-flexibility. I realize that the one does not predicate the other, just as not all male switches are bisexual or bicurious; but there is a much, much lower probability of finding a totally straight male among either category of orientations.
(Not definitive by any means, but in my own personal experience, I estimate it at 500% as a ballpark figure.)
-- I had a long-term sexual humiliation dynamic before, and I didn't want to replicate this again. Males who are into "forced" kinks and CNC BDSM play tend to have humiliation fetishes where they also seek degradation, and this is an absolute Hard Limit to me.
-- My doubts are multiplied by tenfold as to whether a cross-dresser will be able to perform sexually to my satisfaction. In fact, the majority of male s-types I have either interviewed or befriended (strictly platonically) fit into one of two basic patterns:
(1) They are no longer aroused by vanilla sexual fantasies and intimate sexual relations that are not BDSM-centric. Many have admitted to partial ED or have become impotent, and most of them can only perform oral worship.
(2) Of this group, there is a subset who have become asexual, including a good friend of mine who is a narcissistic sissyCD. He's a nice and interesting fellow, but he might as well be one of my vanilla girlfriends.
Therefore, I have decided that if my concerns can be assuaged, and my conditions for an intimate LTR can be met on par with what I can find elsewhere without much ado or difficulty, then I am willing to consider a prospective candidate as long as his cross-dressing fetish is minimalized and downplayed, not an ongoing staple of his fixations nor a regular part of his routine.
[Edited for typo]
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