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RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 12/5/2013 3:49:55 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


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Some people take 'sir' as a tile of mastery. Some people take it as a literal title (I'm looking at you England) and others take it as a simple notion of respect.

In my "space" I like my girls to call me 'Master.' Other people like to ber called "Sir" rather than "sir." Please note the capitalization.

Don't expect other people to fall into one or the other category until you get to know them. You've got to work your way up to Sir or Master.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 12/7/2013 12:31:18 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

-FR-


Some people take 'sir' as a tile of mastery. Some people take it as a literal title (I'm looking at you England) and others take it as a simple notion of respect.

In my "space" I like my girls to call me 'Master.' Other people like to ber called "Sir" rather than "sir." Please note the capitalization.

Don't expect other people to fall into one or the other category until you get to know them. You've got to work your way up to Sir or Master.


OK!!!!

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/1/2014 9:21:24 PM   
ryushu


Posts: 31
Joined: 2/7/2013
Status: offline 		It is my experience the people who demand respect are in most cases those who neither find nor deserve.

When I first started to read this thread, I thought it a bit inane, but at least the original poster could string together sentences into generally coherent things, something you will see me fail at along with likely wandering so far off topic that continuing my post would be largely an excursion into the hinterlands.

So just a few facts all skewed to make me look both wise and generally fabulous. B: NYC raised in one of those upperclass households where one parent was rich, wild and funny and the other was child of a washerwoman. To clarify, I know the rules, but they do not impress me, anymore than the gold cross with jewels and the claim that is it justified because It is in the Bible.

So I guess I am trying to say, I grew up in generally a high protocol society, most of my sexual partners came from the same background ( oh Jesus total lie. I like Lenny Bruce would have fucked mud. But let's keep a sharpe eye on my self manufactured and delusional 'fabulous' )

So one thing that popped into my head during this is The Most polite societies, tend to be the most insular, unkind and unforgiving. Britain and Japan come first to mind. The more polite words in general sentences, the more uncaring, cruel and possibly evil the person uttering those words is, or has been conditioned to accept this as the status quo.

I lived in SF for a few years and there ran into the gambit (well except for that Spandex, Koffeeklatch, Cracker Barrel munches I seemed to find in the south.), but there is a large very old school high protocol who in many ways remind me of the British upper class and its "certain ways thing are Just Done!"

I find early and excessive use of the sir/master is often either a clueless one, one so young and lacking in experience they are like the Kindergartners to the Third Grade, or a troll fishing. Either way it sets off alarms. But then I find my being here at all an exercise in futility. I think in nearly twenty years on the 'net' back to the days of BBs and LISTserv, the number of women I have met 'into' Bdsm, could be counted on one hand. Now I do tend to be a special case, in that I live in remote places from the general net community. I also tend to harbor 'thoughts' of a most improper nature, well past the both the S & the other S in the SSC. The C tends to just sort of discussed postpartum.

If I had to pick a place, shopping.

So I guess I would have to qualify myself, or better disqualify myself, because while I have gone to any number of munches, when moving to a new area, while I was known at Club O in Oakland and the Hellfire in NYC, I didn't have the outfit, nor decoding ring. And while I have entered into some fairly long term training, I cannot think of a romantic relationship (yes, I do consider this sweet, soft, tender romance) which has developed in any of those places. But then I was so much older than I even older than that now (pardon Bob).

So I find, I tend to not use Sir/Ma'am in most situations.

"How do you do, so nice to meet you."

"How do you do, so nice to meet you, sir"


It is so nice to meet you. How may I be at your cervix.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/2/2014 11:27:52 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Old school etiquette:
Formal address honorifics:

Sir - used to address a mature man.
Ma'am - acceptable contraction of Madame, used to address mature woman.
Master - honorific for unwed young male, originally designated first born male of the house.
Miss - short for Mistress, formal address for unwed young female.

From an 1890s book on etiquette and formal correspondence.

(in reply to ryushu)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/2/2014 11:55:47 AM   
freedomdwarf1


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Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Old school etiquette:
Formal address honorifics:

Sir - used to address a mature man.
Ma'am - acceptable contraction of Madame, used to address mature woman.
Master - honorific for unwed young male, originally designated first born male of the house.
Miss - short for Mistress, formal address for unwed young female.

From an 1890s book on etiquette and formal correspondence.

And for the most part, except for unruly youngsters (and usually uncivil), still in use and thriving in the UK.
Most written correspondence, unless personally addressed, is still Dear Sir/Madam.
It's just polite and acceptable even if a little outdated and a tad pompous.
But hey... it's like we is.... take it or leave it.

The problem comes when applied to BDSM and various protocols that go with it.
The Sir/Madam/Master/Mistress have completely different meanings.

(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/2/2014 12:13:00 PM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Polite behavior and respectful modes of address are like the oil that keeps the machinery of a society running smoothly. Often, the young or misinformed deride such as superficial, hypocritical, or unnecessary. These throw sand in the gears of a smoothly running society.
(paraphrasing R.A.H.)

Cultural differences bringing different interpretations of what is polite behavior often cause some serious conflicts. The most humorous one that I had a personal experience had to do with communication distance.

Scene was a faculty luncheon for a some visiting lecturers. I'd say that, for most in the U.S. about a three foot distance is a good distance for a conversation. It seems that those from Britain like a little more space. And, the lecturer from Nigeria feel that six inches from the face is the proper distance for talking.
I spent three hours working my part time food service job totally amused watching the Nigerian professor chase the British professor around the room. Nigerian professor steps up to make a point and British professor backed off to replay.. repeat and repeat.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/4/2014 7:54:31 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		I like "Ma'am".

It calms me, tremendously.

It makes me relax.

Wish I had one.

(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/4/2014 8:03:46 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Polite behavior and respectful modes of address are like the oil that keeps the machinery of a society running smoothly. Often, the young or misinformed deride such as superficial, hypocritical, or unnecessary. These throw sand in the gears of a smoothly running society.
(paraphrasing R.A.H.)

Cultural differences bringing different interpretations of what is polite behavior often cause some serious conflicts. The most humorous one that I had a personal experience had to do with communication distance.

Scene was a faculty luncheon for a some visiting lecturers. I'd say that, for most in the U.S. about a three foot distance is a good distance for a conversation. It seems that those from Britain like a little more space. And, the lecturer from Nigeria feel that six inches from the face is the proper distance for talking.
I spent three hours working my part time food service job totally amused watching the Nigerian professor chase the British professor around the room. Nigerian professor steps up to make a point and British professor backed off to replay.. repeat and repeat.


Kind of funny that you mention that, I went through my filing cabinet as I needed to copy some old articles and stuff for a client and came across a bunch of articles I wrote about 10 years ago on international business and how there can be misunderstandings, cultural difference (i.e. in Asia a Yes doesn't always mean "I agree" but often it just means "I hear what you are saying") and especially body language and personal space, read through them and concluded a lot has changed in 10 years and have become more uniform, but essentially some things remained - the personal space seems to be pretty essential. Now if you think the Brit reacted funny about the "invasion of space" you really don't want to let your Nigerian professor run into a German professor, though this might have some comedic value...

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(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/5/2014 8:28:30 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Oh yes, in Japan you can pull a person's teeth easier than you can get them to say "no".
Question, "Can you have my television fixed by Friday?"
Reply, "When fortunate circumstances align, all things are possible."

Now how many westerners would be a able to translate that to "Yeah, buddy, if miracles happen."

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/9/2014 1:11:33 AM   
Secretdamsel


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/23/2013
Status: offline 		I never cared about either way.

(in reply to rebeccaandmark)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/9/2014 6:59:06 AM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrictlySussex

I like to be called Sir but only when the occasion calls for it. Certainly after a few emails I wouldn't dream of expecting someone to use that term. I'd never expect a sub to call me Sir the first time we met, unless at an event/party where there is an accepted code of conduct.

The online world has a lot of immature trolls. That think BDSM D/s means calling someone Sir/Ma'am and then f*cking them (pardon my French).
If someone demanded I addressed them as Sir/Ma'am without any other contact, agreement, friendship, social engagement they would simply be ignore for eternity.

If you want to call me Sir, or want to call someone Ma'am then do it on YOUR terms. Don't pander to the bullies online and in the "real" world.

I did not read the whole thread (will after this) but this is close to what I believe. I wouldn't dream of making someone I just met, much less deal with online call Me anything. Respect is earned, and not commanded IMO. If they do on their own, that is OK by Me, but if not I do not lose any sleep over it.

You also will see those who think that because a person is submissive that means to everyone. Yeah right. Sorry if I do not own them and directly tell them what they call others (and I never would for online interactions, I would just want them respectful up to a point where the only thing the "troll" would respond to is bluntness (and this is a NYer saying this) and directness, YOU do not own them. Period. Conversation over. Touch her without My permission we have reached a whole new level now. Just my .

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/9/2014 6:48:03 PM   
MirabellaHue


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/22/2013
Status: offline 		A title itself means nothing unless there is actual power behind it. I think it's silly. It's like those subs that get pissed if you don't capitalize every use of "I" or "Me" or else you're not a "real" domina.

< Message edited by MirabellaHue -- 3/9/2014 6:49:09 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/9/2014 7:06:22 PM   
snappykappy


Posts: 616
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline 		I use those to piss people of authority off and about 99% of time it does

(in reply to MirabellaHue)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/13/2014 4:01:16 AM   
LadybyDay2


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/19/2013
Status: offline 		I've read this entire thread with interest. I'm a late bloomer into this lifestyle. I've been in one D/s relationship but it was an LDR and sadly ended up being just cyber (he was a no-show ugh). I always called him by his first name except when he put on his Dom hat and then it was Sir. Now I'm talking online to a Dom who I've chatted with off and on for a couple of years as a friend - he's from the UK and I'm from Canada. I've always called him Sir - my choice - out of respect - and maybe because he's British? I'm not sure, it just felt right. Now our dialogue is shifting - he's given me a task and I'm tempted. I've told him that I don't want any more LDR's unless there is a firm commitment to meet within a few months and he agreed. Now he's saying that whenever I talk to him I have to call him Sir Stephen. And - well - that just seems weird to me - silly and pompous. My ex's name was Ray and the thought of calling him Sir Raymond makes me want to dissolve into laughter. Thoughts?

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/13/2014 7:04:53 AM   
FriendlyMuppet


Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline 		Yeah, I'd chalk this up to a first time encounter with a total idiot. Nothing more than that.

As for me, the whole "sir" and "ma'am" thing goes back to my time in the service, when I was an officer. Everyone called me "sir", which was the social norm because of rank and station. Where that used to really start to bother me is the realization that I've been a submissive my entire life, so as a lot of junior female officers would call me "sir", I'd get an immediate thought of "that's just so wrong". One of my first play partners in those days was a junior officer (not in my command) who used to take great pleasure of calling me "sir", especially when she had me tied up. It was kind of a weird turn on for her. Anyway, this thread just reminded me of that. Good times.

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RE: Use of the term "Ma'am" or Sir - 3/15/2014 6:41:22 AM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ryushu
I also tend to harbor 'thoughts' of a most improper nature, well past the both the S & the other S in the SSC. The C tends to just sort of discussed postpartum.


bold is mine^^^

Are you saying that consent is an afterthought? Or, am I reading that incorrectly? Please clarify.

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Previously known as:
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(in reply to ryushu)
Profile   Post #: 56
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