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RemoteUser -> RE: How do you know? (12/7/2013 1:52:51 PM)
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I checked my pocket and found two cents. (Which in Canada nowadays, is a rare thing.)
There is a lot being said in this thread about what people do, or what results they get, and how that defines (or doesn't) their role as a Dominant. I find myself agreeing with some things but disagreeing with others.
I tend to be quiet and calm for the most part, unless pushed, and those who push too far find out I can be a volcano if they don't back off. I wouldn't say this reflects on my sexual proclivities. It may affect them, but certainly not define. There's a time and place for assertiveness. I won't let myself get baited into it, but when the other person creates a situation where I have to respond, I respond the way that seems the most appropriate. The few times in my life where I've simply snapped at someone, I've always regretted the behaviour afterwards, and done my best to learn from it.
Does that make me a better or worse Dominant? Hmm, I dunno. Probably because I don't measure, actively ponder or display dominant traits (at least, not on purpose). That's another thing. I don't try to be something. There isn't an image in my head that I hold up and say ah, yes, this is what a Dominant is, and what I must be. I do have basic, personal opinions about the role of Dominance, of course - be responsible; be safe; set the example; spend more time learning and understanding than commanding, because without the former, the latter tends to fail. I don't have to be "better". Hell, the girl I was recently with was more cerebral than I am, and over a decade younger to boot. I admired her intellect, even if I didn't always agree with her assessments. That's another trend of mine; I don't measure the submissive, either. I evaluate their capabilities; I study their reactions; I strive to learn who they are because that does influence and occasionally dictate crucial things like communication.
I question myself - not a lot, unless it seems important to do so. I work on my faults as a person (I consider smoking one of them; and I have procrastinated on things in the past, which I am now working on overtime to correct). I am generally happy with the answers I get, but when I'm not I push at myself to find how to make things better. I do not ask other people to do this because I believe it ultimately has to be something a person does for themselves. I could offer all the support and advice in the world, but it means nothing to deaf ears.
I don't always get the results I want. Sometimes what I want is not practical. Sometimes it falls outside of the scope of feasibility. Sometimes the only way to get what I want would require manipulation, and even when that manipulation has good intentions and seemingly positive results, I more often than not balk at being manipulative (or at least hesitate and consider first). I don't think this is a measure of my dominance, either. It's just who I am. I can be an idealist, so not everything I might want is possible. I have a streak of ethics that makes some actions unacceptable for me. I can't objectively call myself a better or worse Dominant for these traits; they are who I am, and I try to utilize my traits in what passes as a wise and fair manner for my perceptions.
OP, I would offer this advice: assess yourself as a person. Let the dominance sit on the side table. Look at yourself, decide what you like, decide what you want to improve - as an individual. Do what is right for you. The rest will come along naturally. I wish you all the best of luck in your explorations, and whatever they bring, if you are the person you feel you should be, the rest doesn't matter.
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